Bambi's Fish Pond

"Yeonjae…! The hair suits you so well."

"Thanks."

After answering Seong Ijun, I looked at the mirror in the salon. My hair had been dyed brown and given a slight perm for filming as Do Yooyoung.

Isn't this hairstyle way too free for a student character?

The doubt crossed my mind, but the writer had insisted it was fine as long as the character was described as having naturally wavy, naturally brown hair. Apparently, matching the golden-furred Shin as closely as possible worked better visually, she said. It wasn't an unreasonable argument, so I didn't push back.

It's not like they changed it drastically in the first place.

It was actually a fairly natural brown perm, but because my original hair was black and dead straight, it looked hopelessly awkward on me. Seong Ijun's hair, on the other hand, was much shorter than before. He'd even gotten a tan to match his country-bred character, and I was surprised by how well the deeper skin tone suited him.

"This is the first time I've seen your hair this short, hyung."

"Mine too, since I debuted…!"

"It looks good."

Seong Ijun smiled bashfully. It never ceased to amaze me how he blushed at the most trivial compliments, every single time.

"Just to be safe, I have to ask… You two haven't forgotten about me, have you?"

That was when Seo Jio, standing beside me, cut in. I answered flatly.

"I didn't forget. I just ignored you."

"Wow, that's harsh. I'm hurt."

Seo Jio clutched at his chest in mock agony. With other people around, his voice was pitched noticeably higher than when it was just the two of us.

Then he grinned and teased Seong Ijun. "Did you forget about him too, hyung?"

"Nope. I ignored him, just like Yeonjae…!"

"…Okay, now that's genuinely too much."

Nice one, Seong Ijun. Thanks to his innocent-looking face landing the first blow, Seo Jio froze in earnest. I quietly laughed at the sight of him stiffening, unable to even keep his composure.

That was when the hair designer, still running her fingers through my hair, chimed in. "You three are closer than I thought. I was surprised when I heard you were all in the same movie."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Should I call it an unexpected combination? I knew about Ijun, but I had no idea Jio had swum into your pond too."

"My what?"

What pond?

When I stared at her in bewilderment, the hair designer snickered. "Oh come on, you're famous for reeling people in. People are saying Bambi's pond is open for business."

"Are you serious right now?"

When I asked, exasperated, she just looked surprised that I didn't know. "There was even a whole compilation post of Bambi's pond members. You didn't see it? Did your manager not show you?"

"What on earth are you—"

I whipped around, and there was Jinbae, smiling awkwardly.

"I was going to tell you, but… my name was on the list too."

So his reasoning was that he'd wanted to bury the whole thing out of embarrassment. I was speechless. Too flabbergasted to speak, honestly.

"Show me. Right now."

"It's really better if you don't—"

"Now, please."

Under my pressure, Jinbae hesitantly handed over his phone. From the title alone, the offending post was migraine-inducing.

"…Take this back."

Completely deflated, I handed the phone back to Jinbae.

"That's exactly why I didn't want to show you."

Yeah. Fair.

Note to self: stop trying to know things.

I squeezed my eyes shut against the throbbing headache. "Do you think I'll make it onto that list when this movie comes out?" Seo Jio muttered, sneaking a glance at Jinbae's phone.

This kid is really something else.

Consistent, if nothing else. A sudden swell of affection hit me, and I pinched his side.

"Spend that energy on practicing instead."

"Ow! That hurts!"

"It's supposed to."

Grumbling, Seo Jio sank into the salon chair. Unlike me and Seong Ijun, his styling hadn't changed much. He and Seong Ijun both played Do Yooyoung's close friends in the film, but Seo Jio's part was nowhere near as substantial. I'd worried he might read the script and be disappointed, but the kid was just happy to have a supporting role rather than a bit part. He'd thrown his fist up declaring that things were finally getting serious, and honestly, the sight wasn't bad at all.

It's already June. June.

I could hardly ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠believe half the year had slipped past. In six months, I'll be a high schooler. Was that right? Was that really how fast it went?

Time rushing by terrified me a little, and left me strangely restless. It felt like yesterday that Park Haeun, Noh Bihyeok, and I had gone out for tteokbokki after our elementary school graduation — and now the three of us were scattered in different directions. Park Haeun was already researching which high schools would best prepare her for medical school. Noh Bihyeok, true to his rookie-idol status, had made a comeback a mere three months after debuting. And I would be heading to Goseong, Gangwon Province next week, staying there for the better part of three months.

For a moment, a conversation with Park Haeun from a few months ago floated back to me.

'Everything's going to change from now on, isn't it?'

'…'

'We used to see each other at school every single day, just a few years ago. I'm already upset thinking about us drifting apart.'

What had I said back then? I'd told her that even if everything changed, even if we did end up far apart, we'd try our best not to let it happen.

Am I putting in that effort now?

Hard to say. Maybe, maybe not. And what if we both got so busy there wasn't even room to ask each other that anymore?

There I go again. Look at me, worrying over things I can't answer anyway.

I knew it was pointless, and yet the anxiety still crept in — rising quietly, then washing away with a light sigh, receding like seawater stealing up on you in the dark. Silent, unhurried.

'When you're anxious, focus on this exact moment.'

Recalling the doctor's words, I drew in a breath. It's fine. Just focus on the moment in front of you. Even if the path veers off course, there are plenty of people who'll help me set it right. Not absurd phrases like "Bambi's pond" — real, precious people, many of them, all around me.

And above all, I have An-gae, don't I? My most precious friend, incomparable to anything else. My family.

I miss An-gae.

My everything — irreplaceable by anyone. The thought of An-gae made my eyelids drift down, soft and heavy.

"Huh? Yeonjae's falling asleep."

"Just let him. We still have one more round of perming."

Voices scattered hazily toward the edges of my hearing. The familiar sensation of sinking into a drowsy sleep — and perhaps because I already knew what scene would greet me on the other side—

"…Oh my, would you look at him?"

"He's adorable! Is he smiling in his sleep right now? Manager, this moment, a photo— oh, you're already taking one. Hm."

Feeling the corners of my mouth climb up without my permission, I slowly let my body go slack. And with the sensation of the connection severing, the familiar black space came into view.

If I had to describe my relationship with An-gae these days in a single word, what would it be? Closeness? Stability? Comfort? It sometimes felt like we shared one body, and other times like we were sharing a single consciousness.

It's been about four years since I first met An-gae, hasn't it?

In that time, just as I had grown, An-gae had matured far beyond what it was when we first met.

"Yeonjae!"

"Oof."

Though the way it came barreling at me like a child hadn't changed one bit.

You're not a little kid anymore. A full-grown adult body piling onto me is a bit much, don't you think?

I caught it out of pure habit, but the weight was enough to make my hands tremble.

"Who are you today? Someone I've never seen before."

"I don't know either! I just picked some random human off the street."

An-gae beamed. The face was a total stranger's, but its distinctive way of speaking and the upward curve of its lips gave it away instantly. Those clear eyes, lovely no matter when I looked at them.

But I knew. I knew just how heartbreakingly those eyes could crumple.

'I want… a body too…'

'…'

'So that I could be beside you, too…. I know it's selfish. I know it's impossible…. But still….'

The day An-gae had buried itself against me, weeping. The day it had whispered, so quietly, that it wanted a body of its own.

Because I still hadn't found any answer to that problem, I'd been avoiding mentioning that day altogether. An-gae, for its part, seemed utterly bright and carefree now, as if none of it had ever happened. I worried it was grieving alone somewhere inside, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. Not while I still had no solution to offer.

"What, should I change into something else? Is there a human you'd prefer?"

I shook my head lightly at the grinning face. "Nope. Wear whatever you want. Don't mind me. If there's anything you feel like doing, do all of it."

"Really? Even if I'm mean to you? Like, really ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠mean?"

"If that's what you want, go for it."

"Hmm…"

An-gae deliberated for the briefest of moments, then shouted playfully.

"No! What if Yeonjae ends up hating me!"

I snorted. "Doubt it. I'd still like you anyway."