The Name That Scared Me

I once asked the Fog something out of nowhere.

Why did we meet when we did?

The Fog rolled its big eyes this way and that, then asked what on earth I meant by ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠that.

'The first time we met was when I was in fifth grade. When I got hit by that hit-and-run driver.'

'Was it…?'

'Why then, of all times? Why couldn't we meet any earlier?'

The Fog looked like it couldn't make heads or tails of what I was getting at. You can't press a question on someone who understands nothing, so I brushed it off and changed the subject.

But I really had wanted to know.

Why that traffic accident at twelve, of all moments?

If I assumed it took a shock as big as getting hit by a car to summon the Fog, then—

'That doesn't hold up.'

I'd been through plenty of accidents before that one.

The hit-and-run at twelve had certainly been one of the worst, sure. But long before it, there had been an accident far more severe.

The accident that happened when I was seven—when Jiheon was struck by a car in my place.

To be honest, my memory of that time was patchy at best.

When I tried to think back on those days, only fragments surfaced. My adoptive mother's pale complexion, the perfume that clung to her, the damp, musty air of that house, the people who spoke less and less with each passing day.

And the look of sheer disgust in Lee Euntaek's eyes whenever they landed on me.

I think I'd wanted to escape that memory entirely. So I lived as if I remembered nothing, and only much later—long after—did I once go digging for my dissolution-of-adoption records.

It was back when I was so obsessively buried in books that the teachers whispered about it. I wanted to understand why these things kept happening to me. But no matter how many books I devoured, none of them held an answer.

So, one day, while the Director was away from her office, I slipped inside and went through her things.

The record I finally managed to unearth in the Director's office was far less dramatic than I'd expected. My adoption—barely two years long—was condensed into a handful of lines.

The name written in those few short lines.

'Lee Jiheon.'

The moment I saw those three syllables, I froze in terror.

It was also the moment the memory I'd buried came crashing back over me like a wave.

Jiheon had been kind to me from the very first moment of the adoption. And precisely because of that, Euntaek—who'd disliked me from the start—hated me all the more.

Euntaek truly, truly hated me.

The adoptive father's name was Lee Jonghyeok. The eldest son's name was Lee Jiheon. And the new name I'd been given was Lee Jaehee.

There was even a time Euntaek bawled his eyes out, wailing about how come his name was the only one that got shortened into the new kid's. Looking back now, I understand perfectly why he hated me.

'This is a world where people agonize over whether to adopt a ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠pet.'

If someone drops a total stranger in front of you and says, "There—this is your little brother now," of course you'd bristle. And on top of that, the good older brother doted on the newcomer. Of course a kid's heart would sour toward me.

But Euntaek never once bullied me outright.

'Even if he had, I'd have understood.'

In my memory, Euntaek was actually pretty decent. Back then, following Jiheon's advice, I tried very hard to win him over, and Euntaek never flatly shut me out.

Once, after we'd all eaten lunch together, Euntaek secretly pressed a piece of candy into my hand. I was so startled and so happy that I slept clutching that candy for days afterward.

With a tiny sweet whose flavor I can't recall anymore, I felt like I owned the whole world.

The accident happened not long after that.

It was about a year into my adoption. I was standing in the road, and a car was coming straight at me.

And Jiheon shoved me out of the way.

That's where my memory ends.

To be honest, I didn't want to remember any further.

"…Where am I?"

When I came to, I was standing stock-still in a corridor I didn't recognize. I had no idea how I'd even gotten here.

'I've lost it.'

Wandering around someone else's agency building with my soul leaking out of my body—if I'd gone crazy, I'd gone completely.

At least nobody caught it on camera, right?

'Pull yourself together.'

The unexpected reunion with Euntaek had rattled me, but that was all. There was no reason for me to waver.

'Bihyeok… I can just talk to him later.'

Besides, even if we'd left together, I'd only have stumbled through my words anyway. Euntaek cutting things short might actually have been for the best.

'Right. Let's go home first.'

Go home, let my head cool down, and sort out what I was going to say to Noh Bihyeok. No—before that, it'd be even better if I could see the Fog.

'Would I be able to sleep if I lay down right now?'

My head felt somewhat foggy. 'Hmm, with this kind of state it's a coin toss.'

Sometimes no amount of lying in bed brought sleep. 'Maybe I should stop by the hospital and get some sleeping pills.'

That wouldn't be a bad idea. Which meant I'd have to ask Jinbae-hyung to drive me there.

"First things first… I should make a call."

My grogginess made my thoughts sluggish, and I slowly fished out my phone. The moment the screen lit up, I saw an avalanche of missed calls and messages.

I'd assumed they were from Jinbae-hyung. They weren't.

As I stared blankly at the phone, the name of someone who'd already left a mountain of missed calls flashed across the screen.

"…?"

I stared dumbly at the vibrating phone. 'That call didn't seem like it was ending anytime soon.'

Had I really been out of it for that long? If so, that was a whole other problem.

'Answer it. Just answer it.'

That was the thought—but my hand wouldn't move. Even my irritation at my own body for refusing to obey me today seemed to drift away slowly, seconds behind everything else.

And then, before a few seconds had even passed, a lion's roar came from behind me.

"Lee Yeonjae!!!!!"

That startled me. The sheer decibel level nearly sent my heart dropping through the floor.

I turned around and locked eyes with Noh Bihyeok, who was gulping down air.

"You—seriously, why don't you—*hack*—ever answer your f—" he wheezed. "Answer your phone, I swear—do you know how—"

"Bihyeok. Pretty words, please."

"…And you're saying that to me right now?"

Noh Bihyeok, drenched in sweat in the dead of winter, panted and grumbled. Seeing him so thoroughly worked up made me awkward for no good reason.

'It just slipped out.'

It had come out of pure habit, so I felt sheepish too. But still—

"It matters, though. This isn't just anywhere, it's a company. What if someone overheard you?"

Someone about to debut had to be even more careful than most.

As I said it calmly, one measured word at a time, Noh Bihyeok cut me off, his face twisted with irritation.

"Ugh, whatever. It's over anyway."

"Did you finish talking with Euntaek-hyung?"

My sense of time was shot, so I asked just in case. It was a question I could ask only because I was certain he wouldn't have done otherwise.

Which is exactly why I never saw this answer coming.

"Did I not make myself clear? It's over. I. Walked. Out."

"…"

Noh Bihyeok raked a hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

"Why do you even carry a phone if you won't answer it? Do you know how many times I've called you since just now? Jinbae-hyung said he didn't know where you were either. I ran around from basement level five looking for you. Seriously."

"…"

"Wow, now you're not even answering me. Are you five, huh? If you're going to storm off on your own, shouldn't you at least pick up when someone calls?"

He jabbed me hard in the cheek, jaw clenched tight. The force was beyond anything like his usual self—one jab at a time, my body actually staggered backward. And even as I was driven back step by step, I could only think, dazed:

'Why?'

Why Noh Bihyeok? It wasn't some stranger—it was Noh Bihyeok?

None of it made sense.

After enduring his grumbling for a long stretch, I finally shot back:

"Are you… insane?"

"What?"

"Do you think… debuting is a joke?"

One of Bihyeok's eyebrows arched up. His look of utter disbelief made me feel even more incredulous.

Was this kid actually crazy?

"Did you forget what Euntaek said? What are you going to do if he sabotages your debut?"

"Hey. If one comment from Euntaek-hyung ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠is enough to push your debut back, then maybe you shouldn't be debuting in the first place."

And for the record, I'm not that fragile, thanks.

Bihyeok kept grumbling under his breath. Only days ago, this was the kid who'd said, "Lee Yeonjae. Do you really think I can make it?"

Now look at him.

Anger flared in me.

"Whatever the case—once you debut, Euntaek is going to be a member of your group."

"…"

"Don't manufacture reasons for things to go badly between you. You'll barely have enough to fake smiles as it is!"

Something bitter churned hot in my gut. The more I spoke, the angrier I seemed to get.

And without any idea that lava was boiling inside me, this idiot just stared at me in silence.

"…You were calling him Euntaek-hyung so sweetly just a while ago. Now it's a blunt Euntaek."

"Is that what matters right now?"

This thoughtless little— What was I supposed to do with him?

I wasn't even supposed to have come here. It's all my fault. If only I hadn't—

"Hey. Enough with the overreaction."

It was Bihyeok's voice that snapped the thread of my thought. I lifted my head and saw his face, reeking of sweat.

"Members fight all the time. What's fighting? You make up, that's all."

"…"

"Fine, say you can patch things up with the older members any day. But if I just leave you alone like this, do you think I'd feel okay about it?"

Noh Bihyeok rubbed his nose awkwardly, looking embarrassed.

"I mean, okay, I hesitated for a few seconds… but I still followed you out pretty fast, didn't I? Then the hallway's completely empty, and you won't answer your phone. And here I am, not even knowing you'd be hiding in a place like this, running ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my legs off. For real."

He flapped the front of his shirt to fan himself. I could feel the heat radiating off him.

'How far did he run?'

My words died in my throat. Try as I might to think, the fog in my head wouldn't produce a single thing.

Ha. I don't know anymore.

"Let's get out of here for now."

"Yeah. Let's grab something to eat. I'm starving."

I need to get out of here.

After contacting Jinbae-hyung, I stepped out into the lobby.

"Bihyeok."

"Hm?"

I asked just before we fully left the building—whether he'd regret it.

He looked at me for a moment, then broke into a quick grin.

"Wouldn't I? I already do."

Figured. I swallowed a sigh and pushed him back toward the building.

"I'll wait until you're done, so go finish the conversation."

"Nah, I told the hyungs we'd all talk together tomorrow. Ugh, tomorrow's vibe is going to be a bloodbath."

Bihyeok shuddered, already dreading tomorrow. Then, with a face far too refreshed for someone claiming to regret anything, he said:

"Today, I just want to hear about you."

"…"

"You said you'd tell me earlier."

"Yeah."

"Well—you can tell me when you're ready, later. It doesn't have to be today or anything, it's just… actually, no. Just tell me. I'm dying to know."

He changed his mind every single second. It was absurd, but all I could do was nod.

"Okay. I'll tell you. All of it."

"Mm. But food first. I'm seriously starving."

"Jinbae-hyung says he's in the parking lot now."

"How does that man survive without you?"

Noh Bihyeok shook his head with an exhausted look. I stole a glance at his profile.

'Strange.'

Everything felt like a complete wreck. And yet, somehow, it didn't feel nearly as wrecked as it should have.