Seven Years of Silence
When was it that my adoption had been dissolved?
Before I started elementary school, as far as I could remember.
So it's been almost seven years since I last saw his face.
The second brother I was facing after all this time, Lee Euntaek, was glaring at me.
Honestly speaking, I hadn't cared much at all.
How does Euntaek know Bihyeok, anyway?
…!
If I hadn't found that picture frame at Seong Ijun's place, I wouldn't have remembered what Lee Euntaek even looked like. I might have gone my whole life having forgotten his existence entirely. If we'd crossed paths someday, I probably would've just brushed it off — huh, he looks kind of familiar.
That's how little it mattered to me.
Really. That's the only reason I never asked.
I was briefly adopted into Euntaek's family once. When I was six, maybe seven.
……Yeah. I heard about that.
Then you probably heard the rest, too. That Ji-heon died because of me.
It had been seven whole years. They say mountains and rivers change in a decade — surely there was no need to cling so pathetically to something from seven years ago.
So I hadn't asked. I hadn't wanted to care. No matter what I did, the past was the past, and nothing about it could be undone.
"It's been a while."
My stomach churned.
"……."
No answer came back to my greeting. Euntaek went on glaring at me, and I simply smiled.
The atmosphere plummeted in an instant.
"What's wrong with you two? Did you fight?"
Noh Bihyeok cut in awkwardly, and the people who'd been with Euntaek came crowding over.
"You're Actor Lee Yeonjae, right? I'm a huge fan."
"Every time our maknae said he was close with Lee Yeonjae, I kept telling him to stop making things up — turns out it was true."
"Ah, hyung. Why would I lie about that?"
Everyone was scrambling to turn the mood around, and I did my part, working hard to keep my expression in place. But honestly, my mind had gone completely white.
I'm going to throw up.
So that was it. Lee Euntaek was debuting in the same group as Noh Bihyeok.
We're screwed.
I should've asked in advance.
I should have asked Bihyeok for the members' names. Then none of this would have happened today.
At the very least, I could've asked Seong Ijun.
It wasn't like I didn't know Seong Ijun and Lee Euntaek were friends. If I'd asked even once what Euntaek was up to these days, I could have prevented today. Why didn't I?
"Haha, so Bihyeok's fooling around even here."
"Oh, he's not fooling around. Even when he gets scolded, he just keeps teasing people."
While I traded laughs with the one they called the leader, my eyes kept stinging. Something kept surging up from deep inside me.
You stupid idiot.
It was my fault. If I'd just checked beforehand, this was entirely preventable. Whether Lee Euntaek became an idol or not was none of my business — but him debuting in the same group as Noh Bihyeok was a different matter entirely.
I should have asked Seong Ijun.
I should have. Why didn't I?
Pathetic.
I was so disgusted with myself I thought I'd go crazy.
The truth was, I simply hadn't wanted to face him. Burying the past as nothing but the past — that, in the end, had been for my own sake.
Why did I assume he'd never be someone I'd meet again?
I'd just wanted it to be that way. I hadn't wanted to think about Euntaek — because thinking about him naturally dragged Ji-heon's memory along behind it.
But that was wrong. Unless I'd actually wanted to reunite with Lee Euntaek after seven years, right in front of Bihyeok, I should never have let it happen.
"Thank you for the warm welcome. I'm the same age as Bihyeok, so feel free to speak casually with me."
"Wow, he's even more―"
"Haha, yes."
Whatever the other person was saying, the words refused to register. I was smiling, but my vision had gone blurry. Every time I swallowed, I tasted something bitter in my throat. And on top of all that, the gaze drilling into the side of my face hurt so much I thought I might die.
"Euntaek. You say hi to Yeonjae too."
The leader called out to Euntaek with a strained expression.
"Euntaek. Come on."
"……Hah."
Euntaek, who had been glaring at me this whole time, got to his feet. He strode over and clamped down hard on my shoulder.
"Been a while, hasn't it? Living well even after killing a man, I see."
"……."
"Congrats on the Best Actor award, too. Ji-heon would've loved that, if he were still alive. You remember, don't you? He adored you."
The words were studded with thorns, pricking with every syllable. The shoulder Euntaek had seized was trembling — and the trembling wasn't coming from me. It was coming from the owner of the hand.
"You really… you really did make it big, huh?"
Euntaek was holding something back so violently that his whole body shook. He was restraining something. And so was I. Old, festering feelings that smelled of damp mold — too much for either of us to digest.
But if there was one small mercy here….
"I'm glad to see you too, hyung."
…it was that I was an actor. Smiling through sewage and pretending not to notice the stench? That wasn't difficult at all.
The moment I flashed a grin, Euntaek let out a hollow laugh, as if he'd been struck dumb.
"Could you let go of me first?"
Easy on the grip, will you? That actually hurts.
The hand on my shoulder showed no sign of lifting, so I simply knocked it off myself.
"You son of a―"
"Hyung, let's not swear."
"What?"
"I understand how you feel — but it's not like I'm holding back because I can't swear either."
When I said it flatly, Euntaek flew into an even worse rage.
"You understand?? You're telling me you understand?!"
"Hey! Hey! Lee Euntaek!"
It was the members who stopped Euntaek as he lunged at me. The ones who'd been frozen in shocked faces scrambled to pull us apart.
I ignored Euntaek screaming like a madman and turned my head.
"Bihyeok."
"……Huh?"
The moment our eyes met, I apologized.
"I didn't know Euntaek was in your group. If I'd known, I wouldn't have come. I'm sorry for making things awkward."
"No — no, wait, what are you even…."
I stared for a moment at Bihyeok's dazed face as he echoed the words back. Would he be able to digest this nauseating story? What if it blew up on him?
My head throbbed.
What is Euntaek thinking?
There was no way Bihyeok hadn't talked about me at some point — they'd even filmed a commercial together. Unlike me, who'd known nothing about Euntaek's whereabouts, Euntaek must have known perfectly well. That sooner or later, whether through Bihyeok or Seong Ijun or work itself, he'd end up facing me.
He should've come looking for me ages ago.
If his feelings had piled up this high — enough to make him lose it the second we met — he should've dealt with them long ago. He could have snuck in and punched me, stabbed me, anything at all.
Why throw a fit in front of a whole room of people?
I swallowed a sigh and kept it as brief as I could.
"I told you before, right? I was adopted for a while when I was little."
"Y-yeah."
"I changed my name back then. To Lee Jaehee. Euntaek was the second son of that family."
"……."
Mid-sentence, I realized something. Come to think of it, that little….
Him calling me Jaehee at the start — that was deliberate, wasn't it.
At this point, it almost felt like he'd been waiting for me to show up. What was his goal? Why?
My mind spun rapidly.
What did he want from me?
Did he want me to cry and beg for forgiveness in front of everyone? That wouldn't exactly be hard. Maybe I should just do it once and be done with it.
Just as I was racking my brain, a low voice came back at me.
"……What do you mean, you killed someone?"
Bihyeok was wearing the transparent face of someone trying very hard to stay calm. Only when I saw it did I finally understand.
I see. So that's what he wanted.
Now, at last, I knew what Lee Euntaek wanted.
"Ha…."
At the same time, a laugh drained of all strength slipped out of my mouth.
This is what he was hoping for.
He'd wanted me to say it myself. To Bihyeok, with my own lips. That Ji-heon had died because of me.
How tiresome.
Keeping my face in order was getting difficult, so I covered it with both hands. I heard Bihyeok asking what was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to answer.
"No, that bastard started―"
I wanted to stuff a sock in Euntaek's mouth as he shrieked behind me.
What did I even do so wrong?
Fine. It was all my fault. I knew that. But I….
I did my best.
Who could have known the misfortune factors would cling to me that densely? The past had already slipped by, out of reach. No matter how hard I tried, nothing would change. There was no spell for going back and bringing Ji-heon back to life.
I want to see Angae….
It had been seven years. And still the memories clung to my body like leeches, and I was sick of them. This moment — having to tell someone I loved, with my own mouth, that I had killed a person — was horrifying.
"……."
Though the truth was, the most horrifying one of all was me.
"—jae! Lee Yeonjae!"
At that moment, Bihyeok reached for my face.
No.
A stranger's touch grazing my cheek sent a jolt of revulsion through me, and before I knew it, my hand had moved. I flung something off with enough force to make an audible smack.
The sound rang through the room, loud enough to echo — and everything around us went dead silent.
"……Sorry."
I hurriedly grabbed Bihyeok's outstretched hand. The mere thought of someone touching me had made me react far too violently.
I've practiced plenty.
It wasn't as if the misfortune factors would transfer over this late. Why was I being so stupid? I bit my lip.
"I'm sorry, Bihyeok. I'm really sorry."
"Hey. Calm down. It's fine."
"I'm so sorry, I—"
"Lee Yeonjae. Get a grip. I'm telling you I'm fine."
Bihyeok let out a small sigh. At that tiny sound, my body went rigid.
"…? Hey. What now?"
Bihyeok frowned and held onto me. I just shook my head blankly, saying it was nothing.
That's scary.
It was, ludicrously, deeply scary. I couldn't bear to imagine the face you'd make once you heard everything. If a single sigh did this to me — what if you, even for a moment….
Pull yourself together.
I shook my head quickly. Whining like a child solved nothing.
"Bihyeok, let's move somewhere else for now."
My head was still foggy, but I gritted my teeth and stood up. I can't stay here. If Bihyeok reacted at his worst, I might genuinely spiral into a panic attack — and I couldn't do that here, in a place that wasn't even my agency. Better to reduce the number of eyes on us first. I was just about to head outside with Bihyeok when it happened.
"Noh Bihyeok. All you have to do is walk out that door."
Euntaek's growl came flying at us.
"I'm sorry?"
"I said get out. Your debut isn't even confirmed yet — do you really think you can afford this?"
"……Hyung, what are you even saying?"
Bihyeok forced a laugh, and Euntaek swept ashes across that barely-held smile.
"You know infighting between members counts in the evaluation, right? The second you follow that bastard, I'm marching straight to the director."
"Euntaek! Would you just stop!"
"You don't know anything! You think I'm doing this for no reason?!"
Euntaek was shrieking hard enough to curdle blood, and the leader, mid-sentence, swallowed his words and let out a long sigh instead. The atmosphere hung on a knife's edge, as if the slightest movement would shatter something.
In the silence, the first one to move was me.
"……."
I slowly let go of Bihyeok's hand.
"Bihyeok, talk it over with your members first. I'll tell you about earlier some other time."
"Hey."
"Jinbae will be somewhere around here anyway. Call him and he'll be in front of you in under five minutes, right?"
It wasn't funny at all, but I laughed. Bihyeok just stared at me with a stiff face. Feeling how dry my mouth was, I gave the members a small bow.
"I'm truly sorry for the disturbance. I'll greet you all properly next time."
"No — I'm the one who's sorry, Yeonjae."
"Hyung, why are you sorry―!"
"Lee Euntaek. That's enough. Rein it in."
Thankfully, the leader stepped in to hold Euntaek back. I turned my back to leave the room.
Turning around took only a few seconds — but I saw it, vividly. Bihyeok, with a look of helpless conflict, avoiding my eyes.
……Son of a.
Nausea surged up in that instant, but I barely held it down.
One step.
'Oh~ Lee Yeonjae. Popular from the morning, huh?'
'Ah, Bihyeok.'
Another step.
'You're so mean~ sweet to Haram and won't even let your best friend near you.'
'Who's your best friend, exactly?'
'Look at that, why so cold? You're only ever cruel to me. You're a tough one, you know that….'
'I told you to stop watching internet videos.'
With every step I took, Bihyeok's laughter rang in my ears. The laughter layered and folded over itself until it sounded like screaming.
It was when this moment began to feel like a nightmare I could never claw my way out of.
Click.
The door clicked shut behind me — and the screaming vanished. Only silence remained in the hallway. In the hush that fell all at once, I slowly clenched my fist.
……It's over.
It was all over.
"Ha…."
A hollow laugh leaked out of my mouth.
Over. It's over….