Who Grew Up More
The departure day arrived before I knew it.
I stepped into a separate room with Seong Ijun for the final interview.
"How was the trip?"
At the PD's question, I answered right away that it had been wonderful.
If anything, I think I finally understood why people make such a fuss about traveling. Exploring unfamiliar places had been exhausting, but that was exactly what made them stick in your memory.
Of course, it hadn't been a simple vacation. We were there to film, after all. And yet…
"I think it was even better because I came with Ijun-hyung."
"Wow, Ijun's going to love watching this."
Filming alongside Seong Ijun had made everything easier. Back when we shot Zelkova Tree, I never imagined we'd get this close.
They do say you never know how life will turn out.
It was a phrase I'd already come across plenty of times in books, but this was the first time I'd felt it land so concretely.
"Your chemistry together is fantastic. How does it compare to before the trip? To me, you two seem even closer now."
I gave the PD's comment some thought.
We did get closer.
Though plenty of other things had changed as well.
"I think my opinion of Ijun-hyung has changed."
"Oh? In what way?"
"He's so kind and gentle, you know. That used to worry me a little. I kept thinking he might get hurt someday, being like that."
To be precise, I'd worried that someone might take advantage of him. But that didn't seem like the right word to use about a senior actor, so I'd been choosing my words carefully.
"Oho. So the trip made Ijun seem more dependable to you?"
"Sorry, what? No."
The PD's remark made me answer dead serious without meaning to.
"Now I worry even more. He's even gentler than I'd realized."
"…Ah. I see."
"What if some weirdo latches onto him? He'd just accept everything without knowing any better."
The PD's expression turned somewhat forlorn.
But once the words started pouring out, there was no stopping them.
"That's the same reason he almost got swindled out of money in Florence. If it happened even with the cameras rolling, you can imagine what it's like normally. It would be far worse."
A sigh escaped me of its own accord.
Saying it out loud really does make it sound serious. What am I supposed to do with him?
Maybe I should just keep him attached to my side like Han Haram.
As I was pondering this with genuine gravity, the PD hesitated.
"Well, saying he almost got swindled might be a bit of a stretch… I mean, the shop owner did ask for an excessive tip, but…"
What is he even talking about?
"Who asks for a tip for buying one juice off a street cart? That man is the problem. He targeted Ijun-hyung because he looked like an easy mark. If I hadn't stepped in, hyung would've just smiled and paid up, completely clueless—"
"Yep. I'm sorry. My mistake. Please calm down."
The PD made soothing gestures, but this was only the beginning.
I rattled off the whole list—the time Seong Ijun nearly took a tumble on the street, the time he got swallowed up by a crowd and couldn't find his way out.
There was plenty more I wanted to say, but the staff were starting to look queasy, so I barely managed to hold my tongue.
"But surely there was a moment Ijun seemed dependable? Even once?"
Something almost desperate flickered across the PD's face, so I gave it some honest thought.
A time Seong Ijun seemed dependable…
"There was a moment I felt hyung was a real professional."
"Oh! When?"
Color bloomed across the PD's face.
I smiled and went on.
"Before the trip, I was worried about him. There are a few foods hyung can't eat, and I thought he might end up skipping meals because of it."
I'd wondered whether Seong Ijun would manage Italy's signature heavy cheeses and salty cured hams.
"Thankfully, he ate well the entire time. Didn't turn his nose up at anything."
"…"
Thinking back on it, I did feel a flicker of pride. The cameras were rolling, and he made himself eat things he couldn't stomach anyway.
Well, he is an adult, after all.
He still gave off that hopelessly sweet, about-to-be-scammed impression, but at least he was older than Han Haram, so…
I shouldn't hover too much.
I'd just resolved to keep looking after him lightly, the way I had been, when the PD muttered under his breath.
"Poor Ijun… He'll never get to be the hyung in his life."
"Sorry, what?"
"Nothing. Let's move on to the next question."
I hadn't caught whatever he'd mumbled, but the rest of the interview went off without a hitch.
***
Has it always been this cold?
Arriving back in Korea after so long left me with a strange feeling. It seemed far colder than Italy.
Thankfully, Jinbae-hyung had wound a scarf around my neck, so it wasn't unbearable.
"Get home safe, hyung. You worked hard."
Since Seong Ijun and I lived in the same apartment building, we walked to the lobby together.
"You worked hard too. Go home and get some proper rest…!"
Perhaps because of the cold, Seong Ijun's nose had gone red.
Were we together too much these past few weeks?
We'd spent nearly every hour of every day side by side for almost two weeks, so his face kept catching my eye.
"Hyung, take this with you."
"Hm?"
"Keep it on until you get home. You'll catch a cold."
"I'm getting off on the tenth floor, though…?"
Seong Ijun, standing in front of the elevator, looked baffled. Regardless, I looped the scarf around his neck again and again until it was wound tight.
I can't make it look as pretty as Jinbae-hyung does.
But it would keep him warm well enough, so I hurried him off.
"Go on. Wash your hands first thing when you're inside."
"You get home safe too. I'll text you…!"
Flustered, Seong Ijun still waved at me with all his might.
Only after I watched him step into the elevator did I turn away.
"Shall we go?"
"Yes, sir."
"…Why are you smiling?"
For some reason, Jinbae-hyung was wearing a peculiar smile.
"Seeing you look after Actor Seong reminded me of family. It was nice."
Family?
That seemed like far too grand a word for it, and I answered awkwardly.
"Well, Ijun-hyung is just that kind."
"He is. Very kind. You do realize he turns adult soon, though? Before you do, in fact."
Who doesn't know that?
When I answered with a flat look, Jinbae-hyung grinned mischievously.
"I only mentioned it because watching you fuss over him, I'd never guess."
"Stop teasing me."
"Haha. Yes, sir."
He wasn't even bothering to deny it anymore.
Faced with that infuriating laugh, I considered firing back but decided against it.
I know Seong Ijun's the hyung.
It was impossible to miss, even going by appearances alone. Which was exactly why it bothered me.
How does he plan to get through life with that personality?
The first time I'd met Seong Ijun, I was thirteen and he was fifteen. In just a few years since then, he'd grown up a great deal.
But despite the changed exterior, he still struck me as just as gentle as ever. I couldn't help worrying.
Of course, Seong Ijun's never once whined or clung.
I knew he was someone who did his own share of the work. At this point, even I found it strange.
Why did I keep feeling like I had to look out for him?
"In your eyes, hyung, how does Ijun-hyung look? Too kind for his own good, right?"
"He does look kind."
"Right? Anyone would look at him and think he needs someone to take care of him."
So it wasn't just me seeing it.
Relieved that Jinbae-hyung seemed to feel the same, I was about to relax when—
"I wouldn't say he looks like he needs taking care of, though."
"Sorry, what?"
Jinbae-hyung said it with a smile.
"He's tall, for one."
"…"
Fair enough, on that count.
"He speaks in that soft, mild way, but he's thoroughly professional when he works."
"But his face looks so gentle, doesn't it?"
At my immediate rebuttal, Jinbae-hyung laughed.
"Yes. He does. But did you know you look even gentler than Actor Seong?"
"Sorry, what?"
What kind of nonsense was that?
When I nearly choked in outrage, Jinbae-hyung just shrugged and told me to go ask other people.
***
"Our Yeonjae's here! I thought I'd die of missing you!"
The moment I walked through the door, Junghyun-hyung came rushing over.
Killing Horn had finished filming, but his room was still there in our house.
"Hyung, can I ask you something?"
"Sure. What is it? Oh wow, chocolate!"
He was clutching the souvenirs I'd bought like treasure.
"Between Seong Ijun-hyung and me, who looks softer?"
"You, obviously."
The answer came instantly, even for the out-of-nowhere question.
I furrowed my brow without meaning to.
"I look softer than him?"
"Mm-hm. You're in the same line of work, sure, but looks-wise? You're basically pure soft tofu."
Where on earth did soft tofu come from?
"No, seriously. I look softer than Ijun-hyung?"
"Yep."
"Why…? Why though?"
My mouth literally fell open at an answer I couldn't possibly accept. So Seong Ijun was taller than me—fine. But this crossed a line.
"Is it just you and Jinbae-hyung who see it that way?"
"Haha! Who knows."
Apparently entertained by my uncharacteristic behavior, Junghyun-hyung laughed for a good long while.
"I can't tell you how you look objectively. I can only answer from where I'm standing. Jinbae's the same."
His gentle, smiling eyes turned to me.
"And I'd bet it's the same for you, isn't it?"
"…"
The words caught in my throat.
Jinbae-hyung, who'd finished unpacking his own things at some point, came over and joined us.
"In your eyes, Actor Seong simply looks like he needs looking after far more. That's not wrong of you, either."
"Exactly. Just go on being a proud fan, Yeonjae."
What fan? Of what?
I had no idea where the conversation had gone off the rails.
As I stood there sighing, Jinbae-hyung patted my back.
"Don't let it bother you too much."
"…Okay."
"In my eyes, you look that way too. Even when you're a grown adult getting married someday, you'll still seem thirteen to me."
What is this hyung even saying.
It was absurd.
"Haha! Jinbae, look at Yeonjae's face!"
"Hyung, put that down when you talk to people. The chocolate's melting."
"No. I'm sleeping with this tonight."
Junghyun-hyung hugged the souvenir chocolate even tighter.
Watching him, I felt somehow even more aggrieved.
I'm the most adult person in this room.
What does age even matter, anyway?
***
The next day, I arrived at the WB Entertainment building.
My jet lag hadn't even worn off yet, but a promise was a promise—especially one made to Noh Bihyeok.
"Lee Yeonjae! Over here!"
"…You're tall too, huh."
"Huh? Where's that coming from?"
Even at his baffled reaction to the random observation, I just kept staring at Noh Bihyeok.
Huh. He really is tall.
Why? Why was he taller than me?
Junghyun-hyung and Jinbae-hyung were adults, so that was that. But Noh Bihyeok and Seong Ijun too? Being newly confronted with the height difference left me with an odd, unsettled feeling.
What happens if Han Haram outgrows me too?
The thought popped up unbidden and I shuddered. Just imagining it was horrifying.
"No shoulder-nudging today."
"…? Why not?"
"I don't know. Just don't come near me."
Tall Noh Bihyeok felt strange to be around. I didn't want to admit that the kids I thought of as children actually looked more grown-up than I did.
I'll go home and drink some milk.
It was fine. My growth plates were still a long way from closing. Forget Seong Ijun—I would at least end up taller than Noh Bihyeok.
"How tall are you?"
"What's gotten into you? Why the sudden obsession with height? Did something happen in Italy? Oh right—where's my souvenir?"
"It's at home. I'll give it to you later."
When I pressed him again for the number, Noh Bihyeok answered like it was nothing.
"I'm like, 178 centimeters?"
"…"
"Though I should probably get remeasured. My pant legs got shorter since last week."
"…"
"Lee Yeonjae?"
"Forget it. Just look ahead."
My heart was a battlefield.
But the complicated feelings eased while I looked around the WB Entertainment building.
"That's our members-only practice room. They had a brand-new one built for us just recently."
Noh Bihyeok's excited face as he showed me place after place was a joy to watch, and I couldn't help smiling at the way he chattered on without pausing for breath.
Right. So what if he's taller than me.
If I wanted to look after him, I'd look after him. That was all there was to it.
I'd just settled the matter neatly in my head when—
"Oh? Hyungs! You were all gathered here?"
Noh Bihyeok flung open the practice room door and hollered, and a chorus of "Is our maknae here?" poured out from inside.
They get along well, I see.
Good. One less thing to worry about—he wasn't getting left out.
"I brought my best friend! Come say hi while you're at it!"
Being on his home turf seemed to have brightened Noh Bihyeok even more than usual. Smiling to myself, I followed him inside.
And in that same instant, a voice surfaced from a corner of my memory.
"…Lee Jaehee?"
My eyes met the owner of that voice directly.
Ah.
Without thinking, I held my breath.
"…Hello, Euntaek-hyung."
My awkward greeting sank to the floor of the practice room.
I looked at the person standing inside the room reserved solely for Noh Bihyeok and his debut members.
"What? You two know each other? And who's Lee Jaehee?"
Noh Bihyeok looked back and forth between Lee Euntaek and me, his face bright and guileless.
I answered his question only in my head, where the words could never escape.
It's my second name.
Lee Jaehee. The name I'd been given at the house where I was once adopted. And Lee Euntaek, standing there staring at me without a word, had once been my family.
So it's really true, then…
You never know how life is going to turn out.