049. Restaurant-Hunting Mukbang
049. Restaurant-Hunting Mukbang
The joint's most popular dish.
It was an unidentified green lump, sitting right in front of me.
I studied the dish intently, sinking into contemplation.
‘Hmm...’
Food was typically enjoyed in three stages.
The first of those stages.
Take it in with the eyes.
This was the process of checking its shape, color, texture, and so on.
If the food's appearance was appealing, the appetite naturally followed.
‘Visuals: failed.’
Next, the second stage.
Smell it with the nose.
A dish's aroma was so important, it was no exaggeration to say it accounted for half the taste.
A good aroma stimulated the salivary glands and increased appetite, but conversely, a bad one could trigger revulsion and disgust.
‘Surprisingly, the smell was good. Aroma: pass.’
The score was now one to one.
Now for the long-awaited final stage.
The most decisive step remained.
Tasting it with the mouth.
This was the stage for slowly chewing the food and sensing its temperature, flavor, texture, and the rest.
‘Worth a shot.’
I picked up my fork and knife.
Then I glanced sidelong at the chat window.
【Reformed Guburi】─Why'd you grab a fork and knife? Don't tell me you're gonna eat that?
【Bubblegum Collector】─Wakyapya! You've got a strong stomach!
【Yoho】─You'd eat just about anything anyway, wouldn't you, Streamer?
【Gyejipsa】─Wakya1
【Se-hun Defense Force】─What's with the resolute expression? lolol
【Dick Lover】─Just order something else. Anyone can see that's not meant for human consumption.
【Hottie Licker】─Even a stray dog would pass on that.
【Qkrnfl892】─For real lol even the chow hall mystery meat at my base would pass on that.
"You never know. It might look like this but taste great."
I spoke, keeping my voice as low as possible.
I had to watch myself because eyes were still fixed on me from all around.
【Plum Tree】─No way, absolute zero chance that visual tastes good.
【BigGirl】─If only it weren't moving, it might've been edible...
【Min-ji】─Could it... possibly... taste... good?
"At the very least, it won't be bad. It is the most popular dish here, after all."
【Drift AI】─I will speak. I speculate it is a dish that is popular for being thrown into trash bins because no one eats it.
【Reverse-Rape Maniac】─Whoa, the speculation king.
"Anyway, the staff recommended it, so I'm gonna give it a try. I can't just toss it without even a single bite."
【Reformed Guburi】─Today might just be Gye Bastard-hun's final broadcast. Fucking sex.
【Yoho】─Don't jinx it. Don't say stuff like that, even as a joke. -_-
【Reformed Guburi】─K
After I pulled my gaze away from the chat window,
I stabbed the fork deep into one of the green lumps.
With that, a grotesque shriek erupted from the lump.
［Kieeeek!］
"..."
【Reformed Guburi】─??? What was that noise just now?
【Qkrnfl892】─I think it came from the food?
【Bubblegum Collector】─Wakyapya... The food even screams...
【Se-hun Defense Force】─LOLOLOLOL
I paid it no mind.
It was probably just the sound of grease popping that happened to sound like a scream.
I pressed down harder with the fork, holding the lump firmly so it couldn't move.
［Kieeeek!］
Next, I used the knife and began to slice it thinly.
About two minutes passed, maybe.
The food no longer let out any more screams.
"Phew. Target neutralized."
【Hottie Licker】─Target neutralized, lmao lolol
【Reformed Guburi】─What the hell is that thing, fuck. I'm a little scared.
【Yoho】─What an innovative dish. haha
【Plum Tree】─Is it even actually food?
The lump no longer even twitched.
Its nerves appeared to be completely dead.
Now that it wasn't moving, my aversion to it decreased significantly.
"Time for a taste test, I guess."
And so, I placed one of the thinly sliced lump pieces into my mouth.
***
The first bite, I chewed slowly and savored the flavor.
The taste was spicy yet sweet, and the texture was a little chewy, but nothing too tough.
‘Hold on, this tasted like something I'd had a lot before.’
I slowly retraced my memories.
Then, one similar dish came to mind.
‘Ah. It was like that.’
The food I thought of was grilled spicy beef tripe.
A very common dish you could easily find in South Korea.
‘Was this green seasoning something like horseradish?’
If you added horseradish to spicy grilled tripe, this was exactly how it would taste.
And since I was someone who liked spicy grilled tripe, I found this dish delicious too.
"Hey, guys. This is good. Guess it really was just weird-looking after all."
I gave my honest opinion.
But the viewers didn't seem convinced.
【Hottie Licker】─?? No way you're not lying
【Reformed Guburi】─Is there anything this motherfucker doesn't find delicious?
【Yoho】─As expected, the Streamer eats anything and calls it tasty. ha
【Bubblegum Collector】─Wakyapya! Have you lost your sense of taste?
【Reformed Guburi】─For real, last time he ate that weird coal dish and lied that it was good. I tried copying it and got an upset stomach, remember?
【Qkrnfl892】─A Guburi who can cook? lol
【Reformed Guburi】─I was a chef, fuckface.
【Dick Lover】─Is it actually good? What's it taste like?
"You know spicy grilled tripe? It's like that but with horseradish added. The texture is exactly the same."
【Dick Lover】─Whoa
【Min-ji】─Ah. It tastes like spicy grilled tripe? Then it really is good!
【BigGirl】─If it's like spicy grilled tripe, then it probably isn't bad.
【Reverse-Rape Maniac】─How the fuck does something like that taste like spicy grilled tripe, shit!
【Reformed Guburi】─You can't trust a word Gye Bastard-hun says.
【Hottie Licker】─For real lol his taste buds are not normal.
【Plum Tree】─We also have to doubt him saying Pyongyang cold noodles are good.
"If you don't believe me, then don't, you fucking bitch, Guburi."
【Reformed Guburi】─Huh? Why are you only picking on me, you shitbag. -_-
【Yoho】─Maybe because Reformed is the easiest target? ha
【Hottie Licker】─lol Poor Guburi. Lick.
After that, I devoured every last bit of the remaining food.
Then I called the staff over and reordered the exact same dish.
As if proving my claim that it was delicious hadn't been a lie.
***
Behind a colossal performance hall located in Seoul.
In a waiting room of the circus troupe acclaimed as the best in the world, a woman was sprawled on the sofa, staring in deep concentration at her phone screen.
"Ah. I'd love to visit the Wandering Restaurant just once, too."
The woman muttered to herself, twirling a finger through her red-dyed hair.
"She's so damn lucky... How do you just stumble onto the Wandering Restaurant on your way home?"
The phone screen was broadcasting a man eating food.
That man was the internet streamer, Gye Se-hun.
"More than that... I seriously never get tired of looking at that face. How can someone be this handsome? Heh heh..."
The woman, wearing a lecherous smile,
was constantly capturing screenshots and saving images of Gye Se-hun.
Perhaps she looked pathetic like that.
A curly-haired woman who was preparing for the performance nearby let out a sigh and spoke.
"You've really fallen hard for internet broadcasts lately. Is that male cam streamer really that great?"
"Heh heh..."
"...She's not even answering, crazy bitch. Let me see what kind of guy he is that makes her this obsessed."
The curly-haired woman leaned her face in close.
The red-haired woman hid her phone and immediately snapped in anger.
"Ah, get lost! I'm the only one who gets to watch him!"
"I mean... what's the harm in watching together?"
"If you wanna watch, go search for his stream yourself. Do you know how hard I worked to find him? You're not getting a free ride."
"What's the male cam's name?"
"I'm not telling you."
"Crazy bitch, seriously..."
Aside from the curly-haired woman,
the other circus troupe members kept trying to sneak peeks at the red-haired woman's phone, but every time they did, she shot them death glares and hid her phone, over and over.
"What on earth is she watching?"
"Maybe a strip stream? Or else there'd be no reason to hide it."
"The way she keeps hiding it like that makes me even more curious."
"Are we sure it's a male cam? That girl never cared about guys before."
"Last time the broadcast came on without her earphones plugged in by mistake, I heard a guy's voice coming through."
"Well, thank god she's not a lesbian."
"But seriously, what kind of stream is it?"
"Try taking a stealth peek when her guard is down."
"No good. That girl's reaction speed is fucking insane."
In the end, the members never figured out what broadcast she was watching.
*
The red-haired woman checked the time and scowled deeply.
‘It was this late already...’
The woman rose from the sofa.
Then she left a single message in the chat of the broadcast she was watching.
【Se-hun Defense Force】─Pretty much all the food there is good, so take your time and enjoy. lol I'm off to work! Bye bye bye!
Her broadcast nickname was Se-hun Defense Force.
Her real name was Han Yu-i.
She was a famous magician belonging to the world's greatest circus troupe, a woman operating under the stage name 'Red Clown.'
‘Should I head on up, then?’
Han Yu-i grabbed her long, pointed red hat, her trademark.
Then she casually made her way to the stage.
The moment she stepped onto the stage,
"Waaaaah!!"
"Waaaaaaaaah!!!"
As if they had been waiting,
a colossal roar erupted from the audience seats.
The fervor was even hotter than when the other members had appeared.
It was only natural.
Most of the audience had flocked here to witness Han Yu-i's fantastical magic.
"Shh."
When Han Yu-i placed her index finger to her lips, the audience seats fell deathly silent.
After scanning the crowd,
she slowly raised both hands, palms facing upward.
In that moment, ice and fire began to erupt from her left hand and her right hand, respectively.
It was the opening of a mysterious and fantastical magic show.
***
With that chat about heading to work,
no more messages from Defense Force appeared.
【Reformed Guburi】─That lying bitch Defense Force. Unemployed piece of shit pretending she works. lol
【Hottie Licker】─For real lol
【Plum Tree】─If you're going to work, why leave the stream on?
【Qkrnfl892】─You left yours on and went away the other day too.
【Plum Tree】─Lol
Meanwhile, I was still in the middle of eating the green lumps.
【Dick Lover】─Hey, Se-hun. How many plates are you even eating?
I was already on my fifth bowl.