The Power to Protect What's Mine (1)
In the early hours of dawn, I stood frozen outside Vivian's door for a long time.
Maids hovered near the threshold, looking up at me with open curiosity. A faint tension sat on their faces as well—likely the result of Vivian's order not to let me near her.
Under their stares I remained still a while longer, then finally managed to knock.
Thud. Thud.
No answer came. Even so, I knew she was awake. I didn't wait for a reply. I opened the door.
Creak.
"...Ah!"
Just as I'd expected, Vivian was already up. She wasn't in the nightclothes from the day before; she had dressed properly. Her hair still held a sheen, as if she'd washed, and her skin looked pale and clean. Even her feet—muddied and filthy the day before—were spotless now.
"...If you were already awake, why didn't you answer?"
"..."
Vivian gave no reply. Clear awkwardness sat on her face. She couldn't meet my eyes, and her nose wrinkled faintly—an expression of something unpleasant. Or perhaps of fear.
"..."
Seeing that look on her only made me regret the previous day more. Guilt had kept me from sleeping at all. I'd spent the night staring at the ceiling in my quarters, then come here wanting to see her. Hesitating any longer would only thicken the awkwardness between us.
Vivian challenged me, almost accusingly.
"...Who said you could... just show up?"
"No point hiding anymore, is there? I've already met the Dubos girls."
"...I still haven't seen Asha—"
"—And what would that change?"
"..."
Silence stretched. I couldn't look at Vivian, and she couldn't look at me. Once the heat had cooled, the madness of the day before was hard to find again. And this awkwardness hurt in a strange way—as if everything we'd built between us was collapsing. Not that what we'd built could honestly be called happy memories. Still, even that fragile bond felt gone now.
I steeled myself and took a step toward her.
Thud.
"...Vivi—"
Tak!
Vivian stepped back. I stopped and looked at her.
"..."
"...Ah!"
She met my eyes once, then flushed, scowled, and looked away. She didn't seem to understand her own reaction either. Like a cornered rat forced to bite, she wrenched anger up from somewhere.
"Why... why did you come looking for me?!"
"...Since when have I needed a reason to find you?"
"But today..."
"..."
She wasn't wrong. Today was different from those other days. I couldn't act as if yesterday had never happened.
I hesitated, then set my resolve. I had come to apologize for the day before. Without that, she would keep avoiding me—and I hated the thought of it.
"..."
I curled my fist lightly. Having never once apologized to her before, the words felt strange on my tongue. But I knew I had to say them. She hated me. She had called my lust filthy. And I had used both of those things as weapons against her.
"About yesterday..."
As I opened my mouth, my gaze fell on her neck. On the white throat I had thought I'd only lightly bitten, a blue bruise sat clearly. Like a footprint left on first snow, my mark remained on her perfect skin.
"..."
At the sight of it, a fierce hunger shot through me again. Stronger than guilt, a strange excitement rose once more. I forced myself steady and spoke.
"...I'm sorry about yesterday."
At my apology, confusion flooded Vivian's face in an instant.
"...Huh? For what?"
"What?"
She blinked rapidly, tilting her head slightly.
"...Sorry for what... Ah."
She seemed to grasp the meaning of my apology a beat late. Her expression hardened with sudden understanding. Her reaction left me confused. Hadn't it hurt her...?
While we both stood there in mutual bewilderment, someone knocked on Vivian's door again.
Knock knock.
"Lady Vivian, it's Asha Dubos."
A voice full of guilt and caution. Vivian's eyes flicked toward me for a moment. Sick of the silence between us, I stepped forward and opened the door myself.
Asha and Lani stood together outside. Lani must have poured everything out to Asha in her worry—her eyes were swollen from crying. Asha's expression wasn't bright either. When she saw me, surprise crossed her face.
"Ka...ilo Allen."
I gave a slight nod of greeting, then looked at Vivian.
"...Ah."
Seeing Lani's face seemed to snap Vivian back to herself. Her expression said something like, Right—you were there too. The shock I'd given her must have been considerable, if she could forget pouring that much rage onto Lani.
Asha pulled her gaze from me and bowed deeply to Vivian. She spoke with careful formality.
"On behalf of House Dubos, I offer my apologies to Lady Vivian Rondore. I know that Lani's... foolishness must have been a grave insult to House Rondore."
"..."
"If you would forgive my inadequate younger sister just this once. Nothing like this will ever happen again."
As if to prove the words, Asha no longer looked my way at all. The determination not to involve herself with me came through clearly. Lani began to cry again. Watching her, I sighed. It didn't sit well with me.
I understood Vivian's feelings. I understood that Lani's actions had been an insult. But from where I stood, Lani was one of the few people who had ever shown me any goodwill. She'd been a nuisance, yes—but that didn't mean I'd wanted to see her like this.
With the heat gone, I hoped Vivian would make the right choice. Of course, I was in no position to hope for anything.
I simply watched her in silence. At last Vivian could face me. With a face full of turmoil, she looked back and forth between me and Lani. She brushed her neck, then approached the Dubos ladies—walking with the bite mark on her throat carefully covered. The gesture was awkward, but she clearly didn't want the wound discovered.
I squeezed my eyes shut again. I shouldn't keep reacting this way, but there was something strangely pleasing about seeing Vivian so embarrassed.
Asha tried to raise her head to meet the approaching Vivian.
"Don't lift your head."
Vivian's command stopped her. I knew part of it was simply to keep her neck hidden. Bewildered and frightened, Asha and Lani obeyed, heads bowed low, waiting for her words.
Silence stretched. In that long quiet, Vivian let out a deep breath. The shame and fluster slowly faded, and in their place the cold bearing of a lord rose faintly to the surface. With that expression she looked at me. I looked back into her red eyes.
"..."
"..."
In a single frame I held both Vivian standing proud and Lani bowed in submission. The look on Vivian's face as she showed me that scene seemed to carry a message.
If you get close to anyone, this is what will keep happening.
Whoever you take a liking to, I'll keep crushing them underfoot.
If you don't want to see pitiful faces, mind yourself.
But her worry was meaningless. I had no such intentions.
Vivian brushed the blue bruise on her neck, then looked at the Dubos ladies. She spoke.
"Lani Dubos."
"...Yes, Lady Vivian."
"...I trust you now clearly understand my hatred toward Kailo Allen."
"Yes, yes... I-I understand, Lady Vivian."
Vivian nodded once, then spoke with a slightly softened expression.
"...I'll let it go this once."
Asha and Lani lifted their heads in surprise—then, at Vivian's icy look, hastily bowed them again.
"I don't believe our friendship ends over something like this. I'd like to treat it as a single mistake and move past it."
Asha offered her thanks.
"Lady Vivian, I am truly gratef—"
"—However."
Vivian cut her off. The Dubos ladies tensed at once.
"...However, there is something you must do for me in return."
"Please, just say the word."
Vivian spoke in a flat, even voice.
"Having never set foot in high society, I worry that problems like this will keep arising. It irritates me to think of other foolish young ladies—ones who don't know the nature of my relationship with Kailo Allen—showing him goodwill."
I looked at her. There wasn't a trace of falsehood on her face. She truly couldn't stand the idea of me sharing any pleasant atmosphere with someone else. I couldn't blame anyone for it. When things between us had been even more awkward than now, I was the one who had goaded her—told her to torment me all she liked. She was simply answering that invitation.
I'd started to think that through everything that had happened, we'd grown closer. But it seemed she still wanted to make me suffer.
Vivian continued.
"I understand. Young ladies might take an interest in him for a moment. He is the eldest son of a great house, my prisoner, and a knight who hunted a dragon at fifteen."
After delivering words that were hard to tell apart as praise or mockery, she made her expression even colder and fixed them with a stare.
"...But he is still my enemy. I still hate House Allen—the family that took everything from me."
Lani trembled. The fear she felt carried all the way to where I stood. Vivian took in the sight of Lani's terror with both eyes and pressed on. The Vivian of the past would never have managed it. But the thirteen-year-old Vivian and the fifteen-year-old Vivian were different creatures entirely—starting with the venom they carried.
"Ladies of House Dubos. I have a request."
Asha answered with conviction.
"Please tell us."
"Whenever you meet other young ladies, spread word of my hatred for Kailo Allen far and wide. Make sure today's events never repeat. So that no one—not a single person—will show Kailo Allen any goodwill... so that no one, not even one..."
At some point Vivian was looking up at me. Countless emotions tangled in her gaze. Based on the words she'd just spoken, I would have expected only hatred and rage directed at me. Instead... something else sticky and unnameable sat in her eyes. Even I couldn't say exactly what it was.
"...Do you understand?"
Without taking her eyes off me, Vivian asked the Dubos ladies.
"Yes."
Asha answered firmly. Lani said nothing. Vivian was not the type to let that pass.
"...Lani. Your answer?"
Lani nodded, head shaking.
"...Y-yes. Yes."
"Would you explain what you intend to do?"
She even demanded confirmation—carving the feelings Lani had held for me into finer and finer pieces.
"I-I'll tell the other young ladies... about L-Lady Vivian's hatred for K-Kailo Allen..."
Only then did Vivian look satisfied. I simply let out a quiet sigh.
Asha kept her eyes lowered as she carefully raised her head. She made a suggestion.
"...L-Lady Vivian. We should take our leave and begin the journey home now."
"It's still raining."
"...We aren't so shameless as to impose any further."
"If we part like this, won't it be awkward the next time we meet?"
Asha shook her head.
"We feel only gratitude that Lady Vivian forgave our rudeness. When time has passed and we meet again, I'm certain the atmosphere will be better than this. Even though you've been so generous with us, I know you need time to digest your anger toward us."
"...And the meal?"
"We'll return without it."
Vivian considered that, then nodded.
"Very well, then."
Asha bowed deeply once more, then began to back away. Lani followed, bowing once more and retreating. At the last moment, though, Lani lifted her head and glanced at me. Her eyes were full of lingering attachment.
"...Ha."
Seeing that look, Vivian let out a cold, empty laugh. Deep displeasure rose on her face. Lani flinched, tore her gaze from me, bowed to Vivian again, and fled as if running for her life.
I pressed down the complicated feeling in my chest and closed the door. Silence bloomed in the space that held only Vivian and me.
Vivian walked to her desk with an unbothered step. Talking with the Dubos ladies seemed to have eased some of her resistance toward me; the atmosphere had returned to something close to before.
"...Do you really have to go that far?"
With nothing else to say, I asked. Vivian answered as if it were obvious.
"Would you have done any different in my place?"
"..."
"Think about it. Say you've taken prisoner the son of the man who killed your parents and your brother. And that boy goes around every other day driven half-mad with lust... Could you just leave him alone?"
"..."
"It's better for everyone if other people know my warning too. Isn't it?"
I could feel that her words weren't entirely without reason. In the end, with nothing left to say, I scratched my head roughly. Looking at it honestly, everything I'd done to protect her had been for my own satisfaction. I was in no position to ask for anything now. She herself had warned me—if I didn't like it, I shouldn't protect her.
Finally I said,
"Fine. I get it."
I'd delivered the apology, the atmosphere had eased, so I meant to return to my room—or at least go find bandages for Vivian.
Until she stopped me.
"Where are you going?"
"...Why?"
When I asked, Vivian said,
"The Dubos girls are leaving, aren't they."
"...So?"
She gave a light snort.
"So we should go eat."
"..."
The suggestion was so abrupt it left me completely stunned. In this atmosphere? After claiming she hated me that much?
But Vivian seemed to have already decided. Whatever relief she'd found in saying all that to the Dubos ladies, a faint smile even touched her face.
"I'll just wrap a bandage around my neck and go. Get ready, Kailo."
She said,
"...It's been a while, hasn't it."