The Power to Protect What's Mine (2)
A few days had passed since the Dubos party left.
Sleeping, waking, training, eating...
Days that seemed changed yet unchanged stretched on in endless succession.
What I did, the monotony of each day, even my conversations with Vivian remained exactly the same—and still I could feel a faint shift taking root.
The atmosphere between Vivian and me had grown a little more mature, I suppose.
The changes were subtle, but those subtle changes accumulated until the whole feeling of us was different.
Vivian now wore a chest binder, and her clothes had grown a touch thicker.
Her gestures, her hand movements, the look in her eyes—all of it had become more adult, a little stiffer than before.
Even her speech and the words she chose were no longer the same.
It wasn't uncomfortable. Perhaps it was a process we had always been meant to pass through as we grew.
If anything, it had come far too late.
With no parents to guide us and no trustworthy adults nearby, we were growing together like this, drawing our own lines as we went.
I was lying in the Disciplinary Unit barracks, killing time.
Even the bed no longer felt as spacious as it once had; it was a little uncomfortable now.
Just as Lani had marveled at how large I was, my body really had grown.
Shaving had become part of the daily routine, and the scent my body gave off after sweating had grown stronger too.
While I was still marveling at these changes, I sensed a commotion rising outside the door.
"What the hell?"
Valon scratched his unshaven beard and opened the door.
The flustered voices of our comrades spilled in at once.
Hey! Grab a chair or something—no, just keep carrying it for now...!
Go get water! Clean water, you idiot! You think she'd drink the same stuff we do?
Martin and Willas, equally puzzled by the noise outside, started to rise from their seats.
But someone came pounding toward our room first.
"Kailo!"
Duran, a boy soldier from my unit, stuck his head in and shouted.
"Hey, get up! Lady Vivian is here!"
Vivian...?
Only then did the others' reactions make sense.
Most of the boys had never seen her before, so their fuss was understandable—but all I could wonder was why she had come all the way out here.
I rose from the bed and walked to the doorway.
The moment I stepped outside, I found someone standing there whose head barely reached my chest.
"...Kailo."
The instant she saw me, Vivian broke into a wide smile.
We so rarely smiled at each other that the sight of it stopped my breath for a beat.
Behind her, boy soldiers stretched out in a curious line.
Having crossed paths with her during the last expedition, a few of them were already straightening their clothes with expressions full of loyalty.
Especially the ones from my own unit.
Vivian had personally cooked food for them and changed their bandages. That memory still lived in them.
Because of it, they followed her with something that almost looked like camaraderie.
"...What are you doing here?"
I glanced around and asked.
"Where's Burgor?"
"I didn't come looking for Burgor."
Vivian answered, then shoved me lightly in the chest and stepped into the room.
"Just get inside."
Valon, Willas, and Martin, who shared the room with me, scrambled awkwardly out of the way.
The moment Vivian entered the musty space, even the air changed.
Whether it was perfume or the fragrance of flowers, a sweet scent drove out the smell of men.
Valon swallowed hard in secret. Willas watched for cues. Martin held his breath entirely, waiting to see what she would do.
Every time I witnessed this, I was forced to relearn Vivian's stature.
Living beside her every day, seeing only her weaker sides, it was easy to forget... but Vivian was the lord of this land.
If my comrades had never been dragged here as boy soldiers, they would never have stood this close to her.
...And if I thought about it that way, wasn't I the same? If I hadn't been brought here as a hostage, I might never have met an ordinary southern noblewoman either.
In any case, I still couldn't understand why Vivian had walked into our room.
Even so, I made no move to stop her.
She stepped inside, looked over the space I had lived in for two years, then spoke to the three who shared it with me.
"Would you mind giving Kailo and me a moment alone?"
Valon, Martin, and Willas agreed in an instant and bolted for the door.
"Out...! Get out!"
"Move, you bastards!"
They shoved past the boy soldiers crowding the doorway, then closed the door behind them with a parting call.
"H-have a good ti—"
—Thwack!
"—conversation."
—Thud.
Once they were gone and the door shut, Vivian laughed lightly, as if something about it all delighted her.
She said,
"...Everyone seems so kind."
"..."
Having Vivian inside this room still felt strange.
Perhaps because the place was so shabby it barely seemed worthy of her presence.
"...What's this all of a sudden?"
I couldn't stand the awkwardness and asked her directly.
Vivian didn't answer at once. She wandered a little, then asked,
"Which bed is yours?"
"..."
I pointed with a finger. Without hesitation she walked over and sat down on it.
That, too, was a strangely stimulating act. For the first time I found myself worrying whether the bed might smell.
This was another of the subtle changes I felt between us.
In the past I would never have fretted over my own scent, and in the past Vivian would never have bothered asking which bed was mine.
She tipped her head, ordering me to sit on the opposite bunk.
I obeyed.
"...So what is it?"
I asked again.
Then Vivian opened fire.
"I've been thinking."
"...About what?"
"About what happened with the Dubos young ladies last time."
That was days ago.
We had never once brought it up at the table since, so I had believed the matter was already behind us.
"Why bring that up all of a sudden?"
"The more I turn it over, the more ridiculous I look. Maybe instead of getting angry at Lani, I should have been laughing at myself."
"...What are you trying to say?"
"Think about it. If Father still ruled this land, would Lani ever have dared approach you? She only came near you because I looked so easy to push around, didn't she?"
"..."
"That thought keeps coming back to me."
A soft tone carried a sharp edge.
It was an uncomfortable thing to hear from someone who had appeared without warning.
All the more so because I understood exactly what she meant.
No power-holder was disregarded quite like Vivian.
I pressed her.
"...So what do you want me to do about it?"
Even if that was how she felt, there was nothing I could give her.
She wasn't asking a question; she was sharing a realization. I had no answer to return.
And she would never have come all this way just to say something so small.
In the end I was only urging her to reach the point.
"No—I just don't think we can go on like this. Even Lani Dubos treated me that way. Do you think others will be any gentler? If even the daughter of a house that swears loyalty to us can dismiss me like that, will people who hold power equal to mine simply leave me alone?"
She swept her red hair back over her shoulder as she spoke.
"...I don't think they will."
Her heavy words darkened my own heart.
I did not want to watch an adult Vivian stripped of everything, battered from every side, and left sitting helplessly on the ground.
Even so, I answered bluntly.
"...When was it ever any different?"
"I lacked a sense of reality. I've been trying, but without direction. And sometimes I just thrashed around without thinking—because I didn't want you to look down on me, because I didn't want to die."
"..."
Vivian drew a deep breath and asked me,
"Kailo. What do you think I need if I want to survive the people who are after me? What do I need if I don't want to be ignored?"
"Why are you asking me?"
"Because you don't want me to die."
There was a faint arrogance in the way she said it. Call it arrogance if you wished; call it trust if you were kinder.
"If you came here just to tangle my head, go back. Let me rest."
Vivian lightly ignored the remark.
"...I have a conclusion of my own."
She spoke with a voice that sounded both uneasy and decided.
"First, I need soldiers. Soldiers who will follow my orders without question—who will become my real weapons."
"...You've got plenty. There are four knight orders—"
"—And among them, is there a single order I can truly trust? Those were Father's knight orders, not mine."
Baelor's behavior rose in my mind, and I found it hard to argue.
The other commanders were just as unreliable.
"Everyone died before the commanders ever got to know me, before they could grow any real loyalty toward me. All that's left is suspicion and discontent aimed my way."
"...So you're going to conscript new soldiers from the territory? Do you even have the gold to support—"
"—Do you still not understand why I came all the way here?"
Vivian glanced softly around the room as she asked.
Only then did I grasp her plan.
"..."
That didn't mean the choice was easy to accept.
The plan was flimsy and reckless; my mind went rigid with it.
I saw nothing but questions and holes.
...And yet, at the same time, I found it hard to pick any of them apart simply.
I had the sense that Vivian had poured a great deal of thought into this, and that this was the only path she could see.
She went on.
"The boy soldiers here aren't already festering with other political problems... We've grown close on the expedition together... And they're around my age, so if they ever decide to give me their full loyalty, they could stay at my side for a long time, couldn't they? They could become soldiers who follow only me."
She wasn't wrong.
If these boy soldiers were still standing beside her when she reached her mid-twenties, they would be a considerable force.
Only two hundred of them—but if you thought of them as the core of a new knight order, the number was far from small.
"The only people who can become my soldiers instead of Father's are these boy soldiers."
"...You're mistaking a little shared history for something more. These kids are all here because they committed crimes. Can you trust them?"
"They did what they did to survive. Plenty of houses lost their fathers and fell on hard times."
That made sense, so I gave a small shrug of my shoulders.
"...And you too, Kailo... If you're going to protect me, wouldn't it be better to do it with comrades instead of alone?"
"...Comrades, my ass."
She wrinkled her nose and shot back,
"It's better than having the First Knight Order at my side...!"
"...When you put it that way, yeah."
At my agreement, Vivian let out a long breath.
Even her breath carried another wave of flower scent.
Looking straight at me with clear eyes, she said,
"So, Kailo—I have a favor to ask."
"..."
"Teach your comrades the sword. Think of them as the knights who will protect me, and train them."
"Why should I?"
My blunt reply made Vivian look a little hurt, a little startled.
"...You won't do it?"
And that was half a trap.
She was asking while already knowing I would say yes.
No matter how sharply we spoke or how we set ourselves against each other, there was one firm truth the two of us shared.
I intended to protect her.
I didn't know the reason, but both Vivian and I knew it perfectly well.
The shame that came with that knowledge was mine alone.
To hide the feeling I scratched my cheek and said,
"Even if I do that, it doesn't mean they'll all become your soldiers. Winning their loyalty is a whole different story."
"I know."
Vivian answered with certainty.
"...I'll take care of that myself. So you just... do that for me."
"..."
Every time I watched her grow, my heart beat a little faster.
Not as fast as when I swung a sword or fought... but far quicker than the tremor I felt sitting still like this.
Was it because I remembered the days when all she did was cry?
Watching her stand on her own and carve out her path stirred something strange in me.
Wanting to shake the feeling off, I asked more roughly,
"...You're not expecting me to do this for free, are you?"
Vivian gave a small laugh.
"...Why should I give you anything? You're my prisoner. You do what I tell you."
"Then I'm not doing it."
At my reaction she smiled as if it had all been a joke and tilted her head a little.
I found it hard to meet that smile.
"...I'm kidding. Is there something you need?"
"Send me home."
"Are you insane?"
Her expression hardened in an instant.
Satisfied by the flash of anger, I thought for a moment.
The truth was, I needed nothing.
This land wasn't my homeland anyway; anything I took would be meaningless.
I had grown used to daily life; nothing felt inconvenient.
If there was something I wanted...
"..."
"..."
I met Vivian's eyes.
The atmosphere shifted slightly.
She felt it too; she could no longer hold my gaze the way she once had, and looked away.
Her cheeks colored faintly, and the playfulness drained from her face.
As if trying to change the strange mood, Vivian cleared her throat and said,
"...I-I'll have a new sword made for you."
I smiled a little.
"Fine. All right."
Vivian looked mildly surprised and asked again,
"...You're going to help?"
"Not like there's another way."
She relaxed, as if she could finally breathe.
Then she simply collapsed onto my bed.
"Honestly, I was nervous you'd call it a stupid plan."
"You're thrashing around trying to survive. Why would I give you grief for that?"
"...Is that so."
I nodded and told her,
"Then we're done, right? Get out of here already. Don't stay."
The sight of her lying on my bed kept sparking strange imaginations I didn't want.
Vivian sat up again, a little unsteadily.
"...I am leaving, but Kailo—remember one thing."
"...?"
"I'll be coming here often from now on. I need to get close to the boy soldiers and make them mine."
I thought for a moment, then asked,
"Will you be all right? This place is crawling with guys pickled in the lust you find so disgusting."
"..."
That one point clearly sat poorly with her; Vivian's expression stiffened.
I had been the one teasing her, yet her reaction made me decide I would have to stay close whenever she came.
No madman would dare show that side of himself in front of Vivian, but the thought of her being exposed to raw desire still left a faintly dirty feeling in me.
Maybe that was why I had wanted her out of the Disciplinary Unit barracks so quickly.
This was a place that had been nothing but men, and she had arrived without warning... If she wasn't careful, she might stumble across something that would truly disgust her.
Dirty underclothes, for instance... or more dirty underclothes.
"Anyway, get going."
I stood, turned my back on Vivian, and walked toward the door.
I meant to open it and create the atmosphere for her to leave.
"You've said everything you came to say, right?"
Then a sudden thought struck me and I turned back to her.
"Ah—or maybe you should tell the kids your plan right n—"
—Flinch!
But the moment I looked at her, Vivian jerked in surprise, hands flying.
She moved fast, yet I still saw it.
...She had been holding my blanket to her face, smelling it.
"..."
"..."
"...T-tell them... or whatever. They'll all be wondering why you came here anyway."
I was so flustered I couldn't even demand to know what she had been doing.
I simply pretended not to have seen and kept talking.
"..."
"..."
My head was full of chaos.
Why had she smelled it? Had it been disgusting? A strange shame washed over me.
If I'd known this would happen, I would have washed the bedding more regularly.
A thousand thoughts raced through me.
With stiff hands I opened the door.
A crowd of boy soldiers was waiting outside.
Vivian, knowing I had caught her, dipped her head a little to hide her face.
"...Th-then... I'll see you at dinner."
She rose in a fluster, cleared her throat awkwardly, and stepped outside.