Desire Awakens (2)
The rain fell for two more days.
For two more days, Vivian did not see Kailo.
Truthfully, she could have gone to see him if she wanted. If she was this curious about how he was doing, she could simply go find him. She could sneak off to the Disciplinary Unit barracks without the Dubos young ladies knowing and talk with him.
The problem was that she had nothing to say if she went.
She had rarely ever sought him out first of her own accord. If there had been any such occasions, they would have been about changing meal times. But now she was dining with the Dubos young ladies, so she couldn't even use meals as an excuse.
In the end, Vivian had no choice but to wait for the rain to stop and the young ladies to leave.
Why had she hidden him so thoroughly from them?
Vivian couldn't pinpoint the exact reason. But ever since learning that Rani had an enormous interest in knights, her resolve on the matter had only grown firmer.
She knew she couldn't keep this up forever. Someday, if Vivian continued her social activities and attended a ball, Kailo Allen would be right by her side. No matter how she treated him, the fact that he was the eldest son of the Allen family — one of the great houses of the East Kingdom — would never change. Politically, completely ignoring him and forcibly excluding him from balls simply couldn't happen. He was a hostage and a prisoner, but outwardly he was a guest they had invited.
"Haa."
The rain still hadn't stopped today. That meant one thing: she wouldn't see Kailo tomorrow either. Even if the rain stopped at dawn, the ground wouldn't dry enough for carriages to move.
Vivian didn't fully understand why she missed him so much. The very fact that she felt this way filled her with self-reproach.
Was it because of the memories of the past two years? Even empty words couldn't call those times uneventful. They had overcome so many hardships together. Sometimes driven by rivalry, sometimes by resentment, they had gritted their teeth and leapt over every obstacle in their path. Perhaps affection had built up along the way.
...She didn't want to admit it, but it seemed Kailo had become the person she felt most at ease with.
"..."
Vivian tossed and turned in bed, then got up to clear her head. She simply couldn't sleep. Still in her thin nightgown, she left her room. Perhaps wandering the castle a little would bring sleep.
The rain fell for two more days.
For two more days, I didn't see Vivian.
Well, truthfully, I could have gone to see her if I wanted. If I was this curious about how she was doing, I could simply go find her.
The problem was that I had nothing to say if I went. And to avoid her wrath, I'd have to go at night at the very least... but that was even more impossible. These days she already thought of me as some kind of lust monster — never mind locking her door at night. What would happen if I showed up after dark? The outcome was obvious without looking.
So rather than endure that awkwardness, I'd been hanging on with the thought of just one more day, just one more day — but this damn rain wouldn't stop.
I worked out the frustration through training. Spending all day tangled up with Ballon, Willas, and Martin, I had to get outside for even a little while just to survive. The rain pouring down like a waterfall was no obstacle. If anything, once I set my mind to it, the rain became another kind of refreshment.
But if there was one thing I hadn't anticipated in all this, it was...
"Ah, so refreshing!"
The fact that Rani had also spent two days by my side, braving this downpour.
Whether she liked adventure, or just liked that free, refreshing feeling of something... a young lady of a noble house was getting soaked in the rain and having the time of her life, like some country girl from the sticks.
I shouted at her.
"You'll catch a cold! Get lost!"
I had no desire to take responsibility if she got sick and started sniffling around.
"What? I can't hear you!"
But Rani pretended not to hear when told to leave, and kept circling around me. Our relationship, which should have ended two days ago, was being prolonged by the rain.
I was at a loss. The rain wasn't Rani's fault, but the reason I couldn't see Vivian was Rani. It irritated me that Vivian was keeping her distance from me over just one girl like this. Sometimes I wanted to smack her, but she'd just start crying if I did, so I couldn't.
I never imagined five days could feel this long. It felt like twice that had passed. Even Vivian's voice was starting to fade from my memory.
I swung my wooden sword to clear my thoughts.
Whoosh!
Then Rani came over and patted my arm. Every time she took a step, the puddles on the ground splashed.
"Ah, stop training and just play with me a little!"
Despite her cheerful suggestion, I repeated the same words.
"Get lost!"
But as always, she completely ignored anything that didn't suit her.
"Sir Kailo! How about this? Want to dance together right here? Wouldn't that be so romantic?"
Her hand gradually reached for mine.
Slap!
I roughly shook off her touch and swung my sword again. Rani just laughed, as if even that was fun to her. She seemed almost drunk on the atmosphere — the kind of feeling Father and Father's knights got when they drank.
Day after day, Rani closed the distance between us. At our first meeting, she'd merely been curious about me. At the second, she'd become a friend. At the third, I'd heard her secret. At the fourth, she'd pestered me until I roughly taught her how to swing a sword. And at the fifth meeting today, she was endlessly chattering beside me in the rain, for reasons I couldn't fathom.
I didn't like this momentum. To me, the relationship felt too rushed and unnatural.
As I was swinging my sword, Rani suddenly stepped in front of me. The wooden sword barely stopped near her forehead.
"Hey!!"
My irritation finally exploded and I yelled. But Rani still acted as if she didn't care at all. Brushing back her wet brown hair, she shouted over the noisy rain.
"Did you know, Sir Kailo? Honestly, I didn't believe you were really Kailo."
"...Haa."
I just sighed, wondering what this was about now.
"I mean, from what I'd heard, Sir Kailo was quite scrawny. But look at you now. You're huge. And better looking than I expected."
The rain kept wetting Rani's face. With a bright smile, she stepped closer one pace at a time.
"You're completely... manly."
With her characteristic lack of personal space completely broken down, Rani came over and placed her hand on my chest. Her palm brought an uncomfortable warmth against me. I grabbed her wrist and yanked it away in an instant, but she didn't care about that either.
"See? Your chest muscles are huge too. And they're even more visible because you're soaked."
The girl who had only been full of playfulness was strangely sensual today. It made me deeply uncomfortable.
"Did you eat something weird?"
She always ignored anything that put her at a disadvantage.
"I've been thinking about what you said last time. And honestly, I don't think I wanted adventure... I think I just wanted to escape my current situation. I hated the future where I'd be sold off to some strange man."
Rani was still smiling. But now, somehow, a hint of sadness seemed to touch her face. She called out even more brightly.
"I think today's memories will last a really long time! The memory of playing in the rain with a friend from the East Kingdom — that won't be easily forgotten."
"...Haa."
I looked at her without answering. A very shallow feeling of pity slowly rose up. Maybe it was because I understood the feeling of being dragged somewhere you didn't want to go.
When I kept silent, Rani seemed to run out of things to say and closed her mouth for once. She met my eyes without looking away. In a place where nothing could be heard but the rain, we stood like that together.
Before long, Rani's atmosphere changed. Her expression grew serious in an instant, and her eyes drooped slightly. Tension was clearly written on her face. Swallowing hard, she asked quietly.
"Sir Kailo, is there someone you like?"
"...You."
"If not... leave me one more memory."
Rani approached with a serious expression. A strange force seemed to gather in each of her steps. Her face shifted — no longer a girl's, but a woman's. Whether it was the dense curtain of rain or something else, even in the wide training grounds it felt as intimate as if the two of us had stepped into a private room. She seemed almost intoxicated by it.
She spoke.
"...Kiss me."
An abrupt request. But given the expression she'd just shown, it was one I'd half expected.
"Honestly... when you protected me from that falling spear on the first day, I think you already stole a bit of my heart. And in just a few days, that feeling has only grown."
She claimed it was affection, but I knew it wasn't. This was nothing more than clumsy lust — the same feeling the boy soldiers showed toward the maids.
"I know it's sudden. I know you don't feel the same way about me. Even so, please. Leave me one good memory. They call it playing with fire, don't they? I want to try it just once."
"..."
"Before I'm sold off to someone in the distant future... I want to kiss a person I chose with my own hands. I want my first time to be like that."
Just like the boy soldiers, both Rani and I were at an age where our eyes were opening to sex. As curious as we were about our own changing bodies, we grew even more interested in the bodies of the opposite sex that differed so much from our own. Rani seemed to feel the same way.
"You've never kissed anyone of the opposite sex, have you? Wouldn't it be fun to exchange firsts? We'd carry the fact that we were each other's firsts until the day we die. Since we're secret friends... it stays a secret from everyone."
Rani was tracing the muscles of my body one by one with curious fingers, as if exploring them. That touch was deliberately — and yet entirely naturally — trying to seduce me.
A moment later, she suddenly drew close. Close enough that I could feel her breath on my skin.
"...With you, I think I'd be satisfied."
She tried to embrace me. As she came at me as if throwing her entire self toward me, my heart started racing before I could stop it.
But in that instant, I pushed her away on pure reflex.
Thud.
Both of us were startled at the same time. My two hands were already shoving her shoulders. As the warmth of Rani's body faded from my fingertips, a belated sense of bewilderment washed over me. My body had moved before my mind could catch up.
Rani blinked at me as if she couldn't believe it. A faint hurt and confusion flickered in her eyes.
The moment I saw that expression, something inside me burst out on its own.
"...There is."
My words spread through the air like a hushed confession. Even I could barely believe I'd actually said it.
"...What?"
Rani paused for a moment and asked again. I kept going without even knowing what I was saying.
"...There is."
But the feelings I'd been consciously pressing down were already flowing out in full.
"There is... what?"
I couldn't say exactly what kind of feeling it was, but my mouth was already speaking for it.
"...There's someone I like."
...Maybe it was just an excuse to push away an annoying Rani.
"...Kailo."
In that moment, I doubted my own ears. A familiar voice — one I'd briefly missed — struck them. I turned my creaking head toward the sound.
Red hair. A beauty that stopped the breath. Red eyes that shone even in this darkness.
...The person I'd just been thinking of. The one I'd most wanted to see for the past five days was standing about ten paces away.
"...Why are you... here..."
I muttered without meaning to. The distance between us had never felt greater. The only thing filling the gap was the pouring rain.
Whooosh...
Vivian, soaked in the rain in her thin nightgown, looked back and forth between me and Rani. She asked,
"...W-what are you d-doing right now?"
Vivian was so furious that she was stuttering the way she used to.