Chapter 87
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 87
Chapter Title: Magical PX (2)
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It was the first time.
The first time I'd seen such a desperate look on Whitey's face.
"Hey, what's the big deal?"
"Th-this! Help me with this!"
Whitey jabbed her finger at the phone in a half-panicked state.
At the tip of her finger was the Magical PX's phone.
Ringing its bell furiously.
Right. That was why Whitey was freaking out—the phone wouldn't stop ringing.
I let out a sigh.
"It's just a phone. Pick it up and done."
"This Magical Telephone's been ding-dong-ding-dong nonstop! But when I actually pick up, it's just Magical Shouting!"
Still, it wasn't something we could just brush off.
"They just scream randomly?"
"Yeah! I have no idea why! Then they call back. Over and over!"
Something felt off, so I picked up the phone for her.
「You fucking bitch! I'm gonna kill─!」
And it hung up right away.
Yeah, this was definitely a problem. They were calling like maniacs, but the second you answered, no business—just nonstop curses.
And sure enough, the phone rang again.
A total prank call from hell.
Meanwhile, Whitey stared at the phone with a gloomy face, clearly stressed out.
"I just parked the Magical PX car, and now they're keep contacting me. No clue why."
"Sis, didn't you park weird again? We had that huge fight in America over Magical Parking before."
"No way. This time I did it totally general-style."
Parking issue, huh...
Not a bad idea to check it out.
"Alright, I'll go take a look."
"Thanks, senpai."
I left Whitey and Sora behind and headed to the Magical PX parking lot.
Tucked in the corner was the Magical PX vehicle, parked nice and neat.
"Hm."
Just like she said—total general-style.
But "general" didn't mean ordinary.
It meant parked like a goddamn general.
Reverse parking that slyly blocked the fronts of three other cars.
Not one of them could pull out without bumping the Magical PX ride.
"Not bad."
I had to admire the skill.
Whitey was an American Magical Girl, after all. In a car-crazy place like that, this had to be standard parking.
Felt a bit bad for doubting her earlier.
Though I still couldn't buy her being from New York with smarts like that.
Anyway, back at the Magical PX, Sora came up to me right away.
"Senpai, how was it?"
"Parked perfectly. Real general-style."
"Really? That's weird then. No reason to call."
Sora tilted her head, eyes full of suspicion but just as confused.
Meanwhile, Whitey had calmed down a bit, looking way more composed than before. Still wilted like a sad puppy, though.
"No idea why the phone calls keep coming..."
That's when it hit me why.
"Hey, hold up. I finally figured out why they're calling you nonstop."
"For real? What's the reason?"
Thinking about it, it was simple.
Not even the kind of thing you'd miss this late.
"They're calling 'cause you're a parking master. Begging you to teach 'em."
"Aha!"
Jealous of Whitey's elite parking skills, hounding her relentlessly to pick their brains a little.
"But why the Magical Slang right off the bat?"
"That's obvious."
Think about gaming.
When the opponent's crushing it, do you praise them?
Nah. You ask about their parents' health.
In other words, those curses were high praise for Whitey.
I got it. Witness skills that godlike, how else to hide your inferiority complex but with swears?
I knew it better than anyone—topping leaderboards, getting that "extreme praise" from teammates every time.
"You're too good at parking. They're jealous. That's why the cursing."
"Got it! Time to answer those calls!"
Whitey grinned and reached for the phone.
But I blocked her hand.
"No, you shouldn't pick up."
"Huh? Why not?"
"Joker bro said it: Good stuff ain't free."
"Roger! I'll make 'em wait 'til they pay up!"
Whitey's face lit right up.
The phone rang even more, but she just beamed, carefree.
I couldn't help smiling warmly.
Dogs are best when they're this worry-free.
That's when the phone in front of me rang.
"Hello─"
「Hey!」
A voice brimming with complaints cut me off from the receiver.
"What's up?"
「Put the Magical PX manager on!!!」
"One sec."
I hurried over to the Magical PX manager slumped in the corner.
"PX manager, looks like a complaint. What do I do?"
She barely turned her head from her chair, eyes dripping laziness. No reason for me to care, though.
Her job, not mine.
"You handle it."
Uh, fuck. Now it's my job?
"I don't know how?"
"Figure it out yourself."
Couldn't make sense of why she'd say that.
I asked the Magical PX manager again.
"Handle it myself?"
For real?
Apparently asking for confirmation pissed her off. She scowled hard.
"Why make me repeat three times, you pain! Don't you get 'handle it'! Huh!?"
Not satisfied with yelling, she up and left the PX like it was someone else's problem.
"Anyway, I'm out. You deal."
Dumping that irresponsible line.
No choice.
Had to handle it like she said.
"Yes, hello."
「You fucking bitch!!!」
I picked up the same way, but they didn't notice a thing—just spat sharp words.
So pissed they couldn't even clock a simple switch.
「Wh-who the hell sends Magical Delivery packages labeled like that! You nuts?! Out of your mind!!!」
What could the delivery item even be?
I glanced at the shipping list.
【Magical Premium Silicone Auto Dual-Stim Whirlpool Warming Magic Wand Machine G-Spot Vibrator Monster Series (Ultra Extra-Large)】 x 3
"Uh... um..."
Fitting for a Magical PX—sold everything under the sun. Probably from the 2nd floor stuff I was told not to touch.
Women's product, so not totally weird. Though "ultra extra-large" size was beyond imagining.
They did delivery too, huh.
Way different from the PX in my memories. Kinda fascinating.
「And you sent it to the Magical Officers' Quarters communal mailbox!!! Know how many Magical Girls saw this 'cause of you!!!」
Meanwhile, the Magical Girl on the line was still venting full fury at me.
「Ordering Magical Adult Toys—did I ask for something outrageous? No!」
Screaming nonstop, no basic manners—a top-tier nuisance customer.
But no sweat.
Years of part-time gigs.
Model A-grade military life.
My survival skills from those could handle this easy.
「Post a Magical Notice saying wrong delivery and recall it now! Then reship as Magical Other Toys or Magical Electronics!!!」
"Sorry! We can't do that!"
「Why the hell not!」
Sharp words flew from the receiver.
I stepped up bolder.
"We win on honesty!"
「Honesty shipping Magical Adult Toys, you crazy psycho fuck!!!!!!」
Nuisances thrive on the weak buckling.
So go strong.
「You don't know who I am!? I'm Magical Colonel Magical Girl Green Blofish!!!」
Unhappy, out pops her rank. Pretty high one too.
But don't buy it.
Fake rank.
Nuisances always spew that crap when cornered.
Like "my hubby's a lawyer" or "uncle's a big-shot politician."
Not true, but they'll swear it bold as brass just to avoid losing.
So latch onto that.
"Bullshit! So a two-star general Magical Girl rams an ultra extra-large dildo savagely every single day without fail?!"
「N-not every day!!!」
Luckily, her momentum cracked.
Push now.
"Don't talk nonsense! Who orders three extra-large dildos at once! Clearly for daily rotation!"
「H-how I use it is none of your business!」
See?
Real colonel wouldn't waver at that. She's already shaking.
Good enough.
Time to wrap.
"Please leave a review!"
「What the fuck, you son of─!」
I slammed the phone down and let out a huge sigh of relief.
Wasn't confident handling it, but pulled it off. PX manager should be happy.
"Senpai, help with Magical Checkout here."
"You short on Magical IQ? Magical PX only sells Magical Thermoses for hot juice. No Magical Coolers for cold juice."
"No stock on Magical Condoms, so use Magical Turtle Eggs instead."
But some Magical Girls still needed the hero's help.
Easy fix—help 'em out.
"Yeah, be right there."
I'm the hero, after all.
"Senpai, they say we don't need to come anymore?"
"Why?"
Sora dropped the sudden news.
Why tell us not to come all of a sudden? Those Magical Girls still needed recovery time.
"Senpai, know Magical Girl Green Blofish? She's a Magical Colonel, pretty famous."
"Dunno."
Sounds familiar, but whatever.
Probably a nutjob anyway—no interest.
"She and three other big-shot Magical Girls reamed out the Magical PX manager."
"And?"
"Her mental broke, so Magical PX is closing for a while."
"Oh?"
Explanation didn't click.
Got why PX closing meant no need for us. But why'd they ream the manager?
"Heard it's 'cause the manager made Green Blofish get called Magical Girl Green Blowjob."
"She sell her body or what? And why's that on the PX manager?"
"Nah, something with Magical Delivery. Not sure on details."
Leaked a Magical Girl's sex tape or something?
Honestly, didn't make sense.
"Why'd they go after the other three?"
"Magical Parking issues."
"Oof."
Proof you gotta park well.
Poor parking gets you reamed. If they couldn't, just ask Whitey—such a shame.
Anyway, day off now.
Time to enjoy the free time.
Another peaceful Magical Girl day.
"You two handle Magical Management."
"?"
Until she suddenly dumped Magical Girl management on us.