Chapter 88
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 88
Chapter Title: Magical Self-Harm
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There are certain unwritten rules in this world.
You don't say it's quiet in the emergency room.
You don't say "Huh?" while coding.
The moment the words leave your mouth, something always goes wrong. It's like a curse.
And the same held true for me.
How long had it been since I'd thought things were finally getting leisurely? Suddenly, the Magical Captain dragged in one of the Magical Girls.
"You guys handle her Magical management."
"?"
She had hair even darker red than red itself, and her armband bore three bars.
A Magical Girl I'd seen once before.
And needless to say, it wasn't under pleasant circumstances.
She was the bitch who'd gotten ramen broth all over her transformation outfit right next to the mint-colored glans.
To be honest, I was a little unsure at first, but it had to be her. Sora's eyes had sharpened.
But why had the Captain suddenly dumped her management on us?
She outranked us, even.
"Why?"
"She's Magenta Eagle, one of the Magical Girls in charge of Magical delivery, but she won't listen to a damn thing."
The unfamiliar term caught me off guard, so I glanced at Sora.
"Sora, what's Magical delivery?"
"It's the Magical Girls who go around personally delivering Magical notices."
"Ah."
Come to think of it, back when I did that stock seminar, they'd mentioned Magical delivery going around. That must've been what they meant by Magical Girls.
I'd never seen it during my military days, so it was novel.
I'd mostly been on my own back then.
Meanwhile, the Captain wrapped up her business and left without any further explanation.
"Anyway, handle it yourselves. I'm out."
Leaving behind those irresponsible words and a Magical Girl with a face full of resentment.
At that moment, the Magical Girl scowled at us, furrowing her brow.
"What're you staring at, you fucking bastards?"
We hadn't even said a word, and she was already flipping out.
I was already exhausted and wanted to tell everyone to fuck off.
Still, we had our orders, so duty called.
"Hey."
"Don't come any closer!"
But this crazy bitch shrieked at me before I could even finish.
And she didn't stop there.
She escalated.
"If you don't do exactly what I say, I'll Magical suicide right here! And it'll all be your fault!"
She brandished a cutter knife from who-knows-where, miming slashes across her wrist.
"Calm down! Calm down!"
"That's not a good action!"
Whitey and Octopus panicked and tried to talk her down desperately.
Whitey was probably worried about getting dragged into this and messing up her leave. Octopus seemed to be intervening out of Magical Buddhist doctrine.
"If you're going to Magical paradise, there are more 'efficient' ways!"
Correction.
Octopus just hated inefficiency.
Meanwhile, no matter what the Magical Girl said, Sora sneered at her with venomous eyes.
"Quit the bullshit and just die quietly. At least hand over a Magical vacation pass for my unnie before you go."
They definitely had bad blood between them.
Otherwise, Sora wouldn't spit out words like that so casually.
"Oh yeah? Fine, I'll die like you said."
Needled by Sora's words, the Magical Girl twisted her face and slashed at her wrist with the cutter knife.
- Slice!
It wasn't just for show. A real stream of blood trickled down from the Magical Girl's wrist.
And with her eyes half-rolled back, it looked like she might do something even worse.
"Yeah! I gotta die! If you tell me to die, I die like this, right?!"
Whitey, now paler than before, desperately tried to soothe her.
"Suicide is bad! Think of suicide backwards—!"
"Backwards is 'live'? Then flip this rotten world upside down first!!!"
The Magical Girl's condition was serious.
She kept yapping about suicide at the drop of a hat.
And on top of that, she was suffering from a severe case of eighth-grader syndrome.
It was pitiful even for me to watch. A total mental case. I couldn't just stand by, so I stepped in.
"Hey."
"And who the fuck are you? Keep talking and I'll slice for real! You think I won't?!"
No sooner had she finished than she slashed her wrist again. More blood poured out this time, soaking the floor.
I rushed over to the Magical Girl.
"Hey, what're you doing!"
"What else? You're Magical suiciding because of her!"
I was genuinely worried about the Magical Girl.
This was sincere, no bullshit.
"Not there—cut here."
"Huh?"
Cutting like that would just hurt without doing the job.
"Watch closely. Cut here. I'll help you."
"W-Wait a sec—!"
That way, minimal pain, one and done.
- Slash.
I properly sliced her artery, and a fountain of blood erupted from the Magical Girl's wrist.
- Spurt!!!
Success.
Maybe it was a special cutter knife, unlike how it looked. It cut through her Magical Girl body easily.
Though my skill probably helped—she wasn't dead yet.
Anyway, she'd be gone soon like this.
"Hey, that's good. Just a few minutes and you'll be—"
"Wh-Wh-What the fuck did you do, you fucking bastard!!!!!!"
But the one I'd helped started freaking out at me desperately. Her face ashen as she clutched her wrist for dear life.
This was bullshit. I felt wronged.
What the hell had I done wrong?
"No, fuck. You said you wanted to die? But your cuts weren't gonna kill anyone, so I helped."
"Th-That was just talk! I never meant to actually die!"
No intention to die but slashing her wrist?
Suspicious. No matter how I looked at it, she was lying.
Life is precious above all—recklessly betting it all is something even trash wouldn't do.
"Cut the crap and tell me the truth."
"I want to live!!!"
Guess actually dying scared her after all.
Confusing fucking bitch.
Anyway, not my fault.
"Sunbae, even so, you can't just cut it yourself."
"No, she said she wanted to die, so I helped."
"Hey, if you're gonna kill her, wouldn't wrapping her in Magical vinyl and burning her with Sora's magic be cleaner? Blood makes it messy."
"That's not efficient. Wrapping in Magical vinyl is a hassle to begin with. There are cleaner ways in the world."
"Hey, think about it. Burning the vinyl releases environmental hormones. What if it pollutes? Bad for the body too."
"Oh, right. Yeah. Sorry. Short-circuit thinking."
While we exchanged those casual words, the Magical Girl finally managed to staunch the bleeding.
Magical Girl bodies really were cheats.
Even when I meant to finish her.
Anyway, with the situation more or less sorted, I got back to business with her.
"Hey, what's the actual problem?"
"Well, it's like..."
The Magical Girl averted her gaze and slowly started spilling the details.
Apparently, she'd somehow ended up on Magical delivery duty this time. But she wasn't used to it, and people scared her, so she skipped it, and now things had escalated to this.
"In the end, you just didn't wanna do it, right?"
"Even if I want to, it's not that easy."
Normal Magical delivery was solo. But trying to operate alone after always moving in a pack brought back school memories, making it hard or whatever.
"I'm a Magical I in Magical MBTI, so this shit really freaks me out."
No sooner had she finished explaining than Sora erupted in fury.
"No way— you yapped away bullying us in your pack just fine, but now you're scared to go solo? You think that makes sense?!"
"Honestly, you guys aren't completely innocent either."
"You wouldn't have messed with us in the first place! We didn't do shit—why the Magical bullshit?!"
As Whitey soothed Sora, who was screeching at the Magical Girl, she started lamenting again.
"I don't get why they treated me like a weirdo just for watching Magical anime and Magical comics in Magical school."
Octopus eyed the mumbling Magical Girl and landed her own jab.
"This girl got through Magical school fine that way. You can tell it's because inferior breeds tried copying Magical comic ultimate moves."
"I didn't use an ultimate move—I got hit with one?"
"Ah..."
She shut up quick, though.
Soon after, Octopus made a gloomy face and murmured.
"A stolen Magical school life... That's truly tragic."
"Octopus, watch your words. How is that a stolen school life?"
"Why, layman?"
Octopus tilted her head at my words.
I answered calmly.
"It's a school life not worth stealing."
"Ah. Got it now."
"S-Stop it, you bastards!!!"
Honestly, who would steal something like that?
A school life she hadn't even lost.
A worthless school life that dried up like an unsealed wet wipe.
Anyway.
It really was heartbreaking. School trauma still holding her back.
But it was fine.
"Don't worry. We can fix this."
"You? You think you can? How?"
The Magical Girl sneered grotesquely, but it didn't bother me.
Someone tormented by school trauma all this time—what could she say that would piss me off more than make me pity her?
I gave a wry smile in response.
"I'll get back the school life you think you lost. So you won't fear people anymore."
"Is that even possible?"
"Of course."
Not that this Magical Girl was a good person, mind you.
One of the main culprits who bullied Sora and Whitey. Scrutinize it, and she's a perfect villain.
"Don't worry!"
But.
That didn't mean we shouldn't give her a shot at salvation. Whatever, it's worth trying.
So, I'd help as much as I could.
"I'll carry you!"
I'm a Hero, after all.