Chapter 86
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 86
Chapter Title: Magical PX (1)
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The moment I opened the door to the barracks, I was immediately dragged out by everyone.
"Oh! Another Magical SCV has arrived!"
"What a relief! Let's go already!"
"Hey, what is it this time?"
"Doesn't matter, we gotta hurry!"
And just like that, with no clue what was going on, I got pulled along blindly. Which brings us to now.
"Customer, is your mother not around by any chance?"
"Pardon?"
I was politely attending to a customer.
"Watch your mouth. It's not that she's not around—her inferior self might've gone straight to paradise."
"What???"
Alongside Octopus, who wore a gentle smile.
Some might wonder.
How is this polite customer service?
But no, it really was. Nothing could be more polite than this.
I could boldly declare it.
"No credit, you fucking bitch."
"No, I come here all the time!"
This crazy bitch was trying to buy on credit.
It was yet another reminder that Magical Girls were all lunatics.
"You got caught trying to sneak out with your worthless brain, long-mouth."
"No, I just forgot to pay for the Magical stuff."
She'd even planned to walk out without paying if Octopus hadn't called her out midway.
"Put it back and fuck off."
"Got it. I'll try again next time."
By now, you've probably guessed where I'd suddenly ended up.
That's right.
The PX.
As a Magical PX clerk.
Obviously not by my choice. But I wasn't entirely uninvolved either.
Apparently, the Magical Girls I'd injured were all PX clerks, and we had to fill the sudden vacancies.
"Sora, do we really have to do this?"
"The Magical Captain said even just for a few days would help. What can we do? When a Magical Girl tells you to bend over, you bend."
So, we ended up managing the Magical PX with the other Magical Girls.
The thing I'm realizing only now is...
"Was a PX always this huge?"
It was several times bigger than the ones I remembered.
Not only was it packed with all sorts of items labeled for Magical Girls, but they even sold proper groceries.
Honestly, it was more like a big-box mart than a PX.
If I had to nitpick, it had a ton of women's products.
Plus, the second floor was marked for authorized personnel only. Already, it felt worlds apart from the PX I knew.
"That's 'cause it's the Magical PX."
Sora brushed it off like it was obvious. And I caught myself nodding along, thinking, yeah, makes sense.
"Ah, fuck."
"What's up, sunbae?"
This was bad.
I was starting to lose my mind too.
Normally, I'd have questioned what "Magical" even meant.
"...It's nothing."
It might seem weird to be surprised by a PX now, but it made sense for me. I'd only ever gone to the cafe before—this was my first time at one.
Anyway.
Being a Magical PX clerk wasn't wildly different from regular PX work, but the "Magical" part made some things unique.
For starters, alcohol and smokes required mandatory ID checks. Obviously, booze was officers only.
"Sora, if age is clear, we don't need an ID, right?"
"No way. Per the Magical FM, you need a Magical ID."
More precisely, no ID meant no booze or smokes, period.
Like right now.
"I'm trying to buy some Magical beer—why the hassle?! Just one bottle, for real!"
"No Magical ID, no purchase—not one bottle, not any."
A Magical Girl was arguing with Octopus, clearly lacking ID. Octopus refused flat-out, no matter what she said.
"I left my Magical ID back at the dorm today of all days! Just let it slide!"
"No exceptions in the Magical FM."
From the sound of it, the customer was a total entitled asshole with a stick up her ass.
"You think it's okay for a Magical Private to pull this on a Magical Sergeant?!"
"If it's not allowed, it's not allowed."
And she outranked her too—a Magical Sergeant, no less.
Perfect rank for throwing her weight around.
Sure enough, the Sergeant Magical Girl sneered at Octopus, lips curling.
"I'm gonna lose my shit. You don't know who I am?"
"Of course I do."
"Ha? Really?"
The Sergeant glared, eyes bulging.
As if daring her to speak.
"Then say it—who am I?!"
"An inferior Magical Girl."
"You done talking, you psycho bitch?!"
Predictably, no effect.
Octopus didn't give a damn about rank—she was a genuine nutcase. No reasoning with that.
The other Magical Girls edged away from them, clearly not wanting to get involved.
Whatever. The standoff between the Sergeant and Octopus dragged on.
"For starters, a Magical Sergeant can't be a minor! What's the problem?!"
"A Magical minor becoming a Magical Sergeant? Impressive."
Octopus held the clear advantage.
In logic and rhetoric.
"Look at my eyes! You can tell I've got years of Magical experience! Right?!"
"A Magical minor with eyes like that—must've seen it all."
"Hey! I've got two kids already! I'm just on temporary Magical dispatch here!"
"A Magical minor with two kids?"
"Aaaargh! For real!!!!"
Finally, the Sergeant ripped off her cap with a bloodcurdling screech.
"I'm... a Magical baldie...!"
Stress must've hit hard—her crown was thinning noticeably.
Not totally bald yet, but a bald spot was inevitable soon.
A Magical Girl suffering hair loss.
She must've been through hell mentally.
"A Magical baldie can't be a minor...! So please...!"
"A Magical minor with Magical baldness... That must hurt."
Not that it made Octopus budge.
"Hey, you fucking psycho bitch, seriously?!"
"You're red, purples out."
In the end, the Sergeant slunk out empty-handed, footsteps heavy with defeat.
There was always one or two assholes like that.
Can't be helped.
As some wise guy said, get five Magical Girls together, and all five are guaranteed idiots.
Maybe that's why one came for me too.
"Um... could you just ring me up...?"
A high-ranking Magical Girl was asking me to check her out—without showing ID.
The issue being...
"P-please... Siyul..."
"...Why is the Major General here?"
"That's what I want to ask."
Her rank was a bit high.
Yeah. It was the White Magical Girl.
Clutching a case of soju in each hand.
She fidgeted nervously, rambling excuses.
"I don't usually do this, but today of all days, I forgot my ID..."
Her hands shook badly. Either extreme panic or severe alcoholism.
Either way, my answer was simple.
"No."
"I... see. Sorry..."
The White Magical Girl slumped, turning away dejectedly.
"You look like a total 'girl' at first glance—how can you sell booze like that?"
"R-really?! You think I look like a girl?!"
Then she whipped around, face lighting up.
Something felt off.
Instinct screamed I'd said the wrong thing.
"Say it again! What do I look like?!"
"A g... girl."
For some reason, this felt more dangerous than getting ambushed in that other world.
"For real?"
"Yes..."
Now it was getting scary.
The thought just hit me.
"I'm a 'girl,' right?"
"Y-yeah..."
My heart pounded wildly, irregular.
But it'd be fine. Sucking up to my direct superior would make my Magical Girl life easier.
I forced calm, opening my mouth.
"Anyway, no matter what, I won't sell booze to a 'girl.' Got it?"
"R-right! Got it, Siyul! I'll grab my ID! Wait here!"
The White Magical Girl beamed innocently, heading for the exit.
"All checked out, Magical Girl White Phoenix."
Until Sora quickly rang her up first.
"..."
The White Magical Girl stared at Sora. Her stark orange eyes swirled with hard-to-name emotions.
Couldn't pin it down, but they oozed menace.
Not even aimed at me, yet I feared for a second.
Sora, oblivious, flashed her customer-service smile and bid farewell.
"No bag needed? Have a good one."
"...Yeah."
The White Magical Girl grabbed her soju with a blank face and left the Magical PX.
"See you next time, Major General."
"Yeah!"
At least my words perked her up a bit—small mercy.
Meanwhile, the second she vanished from view, Sora rounded on me.
"What the hell were you doing to Magical Girl White Phoenix?! You almost caused a huge mess—know that?!"
Sora vented her fury at me.
Though personally, her anger seemed aimed elsewhere.
Like for holding up White Phoenix so long.
Not exactly normal, sure.
Still, I felt a little wronged too.
"No, but it's the FM, right? Gotta follow it."
"This is when you use Magical discretion!"
Not that my gripe calmed her down.
This was beyond reason.
Her crazy cycle had hit.
"Alright, I'll be careful."
Only when I grudgingly agreed did Sora ease off.
"Please, for real."
"...Got it."
Anyway.
Besides that, Magical PX clerk duties were pretty much like regular PX work.
Including what Sora and I were doing now: sorting and stocking items.
That's when Sora yelped sharply, stopping my hand mid-sort on the drinks.
"Sunbae, careful. That's labeled Magical Zero Drink, but it's not really—handle with care."
"Really?"
Honestly, weird.
The label screamed "zero" big and bold. How wasn't it zero?
"The stuff in those Magical drinks spikes your Magical blood sugar like pure Magical sugar. Always sort 'em carefully."
"How do you even tell?"
I'd vaguely heard of this pre-otherworld, and post-return Earth was the same. To my clueless self, whatever.
Maybe pitying my confusion, Sora explained simply with a smile.
"If you can't tell, just separate any Magical drink listing stuff ending in 'tol' on the back."
"Skatol?"
"I said Magical drinks, you psycho sunbae."
Her smile didn't last, of course.
Anyway, we were handling our sudden Magical PX duties decently enough.
Or so I thought.
"Help! Help! Hellllp!"
Until Whitey’s desperate cry rang out.