Joey's Dropout Legion #1
The operation to get fired at the North Gate had failed spectacularly. All I had left was a bundle of hell onions. I'd have to soothe this wounded heart by watering the Happy Cacti. That thought lifted my spirits a bit, but of all the timing, Melinoë was sitting in front of the door, waiting for me.
"Joey, you're home early today. Achoo!"
Was it because of the hell onions in my hand? Melinoë started sneezing again. Right then—
Clink.
Something fell from Melinoë's eye. It was about the size of a pinky nail and gleamed like a bright red gem.
"Melinoë, that—"
"It's my tear. Sometimes when I sneeze or shed tears unexpectedly, they turn into gem-like drops like this. A perfect goddess's tears become jewels, after all."
It felt oddly familiar in so many ways. That's when the elf married woman came panting up behind me.
"Haa, that red gem. It's not as powerful as the one I found at the auction house earlier, haa, but it's definitely the same type. Joey, I knew following you was the right call!"
That evening, Soul Society erupted in chaos. The previous commotions felt like jokes in comparison.
"Joey! What's the secret ingredient?!"
"Tell us! I don't wanna turn into a ghost either!"
"Long live Joey! Savior of the ghosts!"
Residents swarmed our house, buzzing with excitement. When I opened the window, round eyes stared up at our home, desperate and pitiful.
This is bad.
To Soul Society's residents, ghostification was like inevitable baldness or aging. If a product revived dead hair follicles? Or tightened sagging skin and wrinkles back to youthful tautness? Everyone would want it, naturally.
"Who would've thought my tears could cure ghostification. My own potential is almost frightening. Joey, I think I know why you kept bringing onions."
Melinoë sat on our living room sofa, chuckling huhuhu.
"Joey, you wanted my tears. You knew about this effect. You've uncovered a side of me even I didn't know."
Melinoë seemed to be misunderstanding something, but clearing it up would take days. So, with an eh, whatever shrug, I decided to roll with it.
"As expected, you saw right through my plan, Melinoë. But I'm worried this might cause you trouble."
"Trouble?"
"Everyone in the underworld will want your tears. If you get hurt in the frenzy..."
If goral bile cured baldness, Korea's wild gorals would go extinct. Same logic—if Melinoë's tears cured ghostification, she'd face endless hassle.
"Don't Earth's nymphs get overhunted by hunters craving their bones or hair, pushing them to extinction?"
"Hmph, I'm nothing like those pathetic nymphs. No one can harm me. But I appreciate your concern for my well-being, Joey."
"Thank you."
"With that in mind, we should keep your tears' efficacy secret for now. Like how you didn't reveal the truth to the reporters."
I'd told reporters asking for the core ingredient to cure ghostification that I couldn't disclose it. Revealing it was Melinoë's tears would skyrocket her value—and as her contractual lover, I'd get some spillover benefits!
"I agree on keeping it secret."
The elf married woman, listening in, nodded. But Melinoë got mad instead.
"Joey, you've got an invasive fairy in your house. Better chase her out."
Melinoë grabbed an electric flyswatter. The elf woman frowned and tsked.
"Nymphs are always like this, overly vigilant about elves. That scared of the new fairy era we'll usher in?"
"I'm not a nymph."
Melinoë started growling, and the elf woman sighed, cooling off first.
"With rebels pressuring harder, becoming a key figure isn't wise. You might even get kidnapped like the Morai sisters."
Valid point. But Melinoë thought differently.
"But this way, Joey becomes the target? People think the secret substance he found is a panacea."
Rebels kidnapping me? That'd be a nightmare too.
"Keeping it secret isn't right. And I'm not afraid of rebels. I'll reveal the truth—how amazing I, Melinoë, truly am."
Melinoë seemed resolute. To protect me? The elf woman's red eyes narrowed slyly.
"Thought you were like me, but you're recklessly bold. Maybe like Hotsan. Blood runs true. Alright, wanna hear my plan?"
"Nureongi!"
—Yaong...!
Nureongi and its boy owner reunited. The evil spirit I'd saved was Nureongi's owner. What a small world.
—Yaong...!
—Yaong...!
Tears streamed from Nureongi like a sudden downpour. The boy too.
"Nureongi, I'm sorry! I heard they were selling onions at the auction, went there, and... got caught in a massive explosion... That's why I was late coming back..."
Nureongi and the boy hugged fiercely, matching their long separation. Onlookers from the market cried. Even the broadcasters filming wiped their eyes.
"So touching."
"Makes me wanna reunite with my ghostified mom."
"So how'd that boy revert from ghost to normal?"
Someone asked. Another answered as if waiting.
"Ghost Stone."
Cameras and eyes turned. The long-eared elf married woman said calmly, pale-faced.
"This red gem is called a Ghost Stone. Consuming it cures ghostification. It's extremely rare, but you might find some around Pandora Market's North Gate."
"The market's North Gate!"
"Such treasure was there?!"
"But... isn't it super dangerous with evil spirits and monsters?"
"Hmph, those without skill, step back!"
Rumors of Ghost Stones at the North Gate spread like wildfire. The great adventure era dawned.
"Alcestis, I'll definitely cure your ghostification!"
"Admetus! Don't overdo it!"
Eternal deputy Admetus declared his intent to adventure for his wife's full cure. I'd see him at the North Gate every work-free weekend now.
"Hippomenes! What're you doing? Grab your weapons!"
"Atalante! Shields matter more than weapons!"
Even lifelong heroes burned with zeal. Overnight, North Gate boomed with weapon shops, adventure sundries, and soliciting inns.
Watching from the situation room, Development Chairman Odysseus trembled.
"The North Gate, abandoned by evil spirits and hell cockroaches, stirs with life again! Is hope real? Maybe I can return to my wife..."
"Joey! This is a free coupon me and Nureongi made! Heard you saved me and cured Nureongi's eyes... We pondered how to repay you..."
Saving on meals is nice. Crowzer'll love it.
"That's when this Crowzer grabbed a hell cockroach by the scruff and declared: I'll stake my life to protect my sworn brother Joey!"
"Puhaha! Lies!"
Joy, delight, anticipation, and hope bloomed on faces. I was the only one grimacing.
The elf woman poked my side.
"Why the death glare after such a feat?"
"Dunno."
"So dishonest. Because of that nymph princess?"
"Melinoë?"
"Yeah, you named it Ghost Stone to dodge, but it's her tears. Why would they be scattered around the North Gate?"
"Beats me."
"Suspicious all around, but..."
Smack! She slapped my back.
"That's not my adventure tale. Mine—ours—ended long ago, when Hotsan and I chose this underworld. Now it's your era."
Couldn't make heads or tails of the witch's vague ramblings. Typical.
"This Carnoy doesn't get it, but people happy is good...! Let's dance the joy nymph dance...!"
"Dance wildly, dat...!"
Thump thump—
Nymphs started the joy dance. Crowds soon bounced along to the swaying shoulders.
My eyes drifted to Melinoë, bored on a chair, swirling a wine glass amid the crowd.
I don't know why I looked. But she noticed, approached.
"Joey, when you came to this market, everyone mocked you. But you turned it to cheers. Only you could."
"...No, Melinoë. If anyone could do it, anyone might have."
"Anyone...? Prove it."
"Prove?"
"Execs approved a budget hike for your dev department. More work means new hires."
New hires! Sunshine flooded my mind.
"I'll handle recruiting fully. And can you tell departments to lend interviewers I call? Happy World's Crowzer deputy, Hedone deputy, and HQ audit's Narcissus deputy."
If nuisances like Crowzer, me, Hedone interview? They'd score similar trash high, hire tons!
Then Joey's Dropout Legion completes.
Imagining it thrilled me viciously! Melinoë frowned, baffled.
"Them? Even Hedone? Fine, I'll appoint the nymph interviewer. Carnoy should do."
Soul Society required one nymph interviewer per new hire, per Nymph Quota System.
I worried if Melinoë oversaw, but Carnoy...
"This Carnoy doesn't get it...! But likes hitting stuff wildly...! Drumming's fun...!"
Carnoy knew least among nymphs. Might work perfectly.