113 – Appease the Virgin Goddess's Picky Palate! #4
The horned roe deer Actaeon suddenly began speaking fluently.
"Lady Artemis, honestly, all I wanted was revenge against you. But Manager Jo Iseo worried about a guy like me and even offered to take the blame himself."
"Revenge? As if whipping up some potion like this could ever be revenge against me."
Artemis wrinkled her nose in displeasure. Was she offended that a mere mortal dared harbor 'revenge' against her? Perfect!
But before I could savor that thought, Actaeon beat me to the punch.
"Of course, Manager Jo Iseo knew my potion wouldn't harm you goddesses. And yet he pushed forward with it, hoping I'd realize the futility of my revenge and give it up myself!"
What the hell is this deer bastard babbling about!
"Jo Iseo is a true man among men. Compared to him, a petty plotter of revenge like me... well, I'm content to stay a deer forever. Farewell!"
Poof! Actaeon bolted into the bushes and vanished.
I felt utterly played. I'd cooperated thinking he'd get revenge on Artemis, but instead, he'd racked up major points with the goddess and handed Princess Melinoë some crucial help. What kind of absurd twist was this?
Right then, I made a vow. From now on, I'd be the nightmare of every roe deer out there. I'd torment every single one I laid eyes on!
But right now, something even more important demanded my attention.
"Jo Iseo, your performance was impressive. To guide Actaeon—who harbored hatred for me—toward realizing the error of his vengeful path on his own."
"No, that's not—"
"Let go of me! Put me down!"
As I scrambled for an excuse, the nymph guards returned, having captured Actaeon alive. He bleated noisily in protest.
Artemis brought the revenge potion he'd prepared right to her lips.
"Virgin Skill: Holy Water Spray!"
She swished the potion in her mouth like holy water and sprayed it—pshoooo!—all over Actaeon.
Then, something astonishing happened.
"Quieee? Wh-what? Huh?!"
The four-legged roe deer Actaeon seemed to rise up on two legs, then transformed into a burly man clad in deer hide. Horns still sprouted from his head, though one was broken.
"I'm human again!?"
What on earth had just happened?
As I wondered, Artemis wiped her lips with the back of her hand and nodded.
"Impressive potion quality. He's not fully human in every detail, but it's nothing that'd hinder daily life."
Transformation potion. So that's what Actaeon had been trying to make! Maybe he even wanted to transform the goddess who'd cursed him.
"Actaeon, as the goddess of the crescent moon, I forgive your sins. And I apologize for the harsh trials I inflicted on you. Getting your pet squirrels killed... even I think that was cruel."
Artemis averted her gaze slightly.
Getting an apology from that prickly goddess? The nymphs were stunned.
"The goddess is apologizing?"
"This is a first!"
Actaeon looked shocked too. He trembled, then prostrated himself flat.
"For seeing your naked form, Lady! I swear I won't tell a soul! Ever! Not to anyone! Don't worry! I'll keep secret the mole on your shoulder and the crescent-shaped birthmark on your side!"
"You idiot! You're spilling it all right now! I was ready to forgive you and even apologized, and this is how you repay me!?"
"Let's all beat him up!"
"Nymph Skill: Massive Beating!"
Dududududu.
"Aaaah~"
In the end, Actaeon got pummeled by the nymphs. He had it coming.
But hold on. Didn't Melinoë say she'd drunk that transformation potion while absorbing shares? What could she possibly need a transformation potion for?
This feels like a really bad omen. An anxiety that won't settle until I see it with my own eyes!
Still, I wouldn't see Melinoë for a while. Twenty percent shares was a massive chunk. Absorbing it all would take her considerable time, and no visits until then.
"Lady Artemis, any estimate on when Melinoë's share absorption will finish? Divine constitutions vary, but you could ballpark it, right?"
"Can't even stand a few days apart? The affection you have for her is so genuine it's almost embarrassing to watch. You're head over heels."
What nonsense! My blood pressure spiked, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Artemis added,
"Jo Iseo, if you're that devoted, you might as well stay by her side. But be careful. The love of moon goddesses can veer off in unpredictable directions—"
The love of moon goddesses is unpredictable. Spot on.
Selene, goddess of the full moon, loved the mortal Endymion so much she put him into eternal sleep to spare him aging. Utterly insane love.
And Artemis, goddess of the crescent moon? She shot Orion—whom she'd fancied—with her own arrow!!! Various forces meddled, but the tragedy remained.
So what about Melinoë, brimming with new moon energy? What kind of romance would hers be?
What do you mean 'what'? I'm living it right now!
"Well, time to head back to the surface. Can't stay away too long."
Artemis boarded a ship bound for the surface, following the winding underworld rivers up to the heavenly council.
Her staying in Soul Society had been a pouty tantrum from the start. She was that worried about her cousin Melinoë.
But after talking with Manager Jo Iseo and witnessing his facets amid the commotion, she felt somewhat reassured.
The nymph guards, however, were puzzled.
"Is Lady Artemis okay?"
"If Melinoë ever marries, the virgin goddess count drops."
"Our purity vow club might get lonely."
"In this godless age after the divine era, finding a fitting match for a goddess is like finding a needle in the ocean."
A hero born in an age that births no heroes. That's how she'd rate Jo Iseo. Had he been born in the mythic age, his name would adorn countless tombstones and urns.
"Mommy, what's going on?"
"Right? Our princess Artemis spouting romantic nonsense."
"Maybe it's time she settles down."
"Did you see her apologize to that peeping tom Actaeon?"
The nymph guards giggled mischievously. Mocking a goddess might be blasphemy, but Artemis didn't mind. That's what the end of the divine era meant. No one feared heaven's thunder and lightning anymore. Gods' tales had devolved into popcorn-flick hero movies.
Melinoë was a goddess born in such an age. A goddess in a time when no one invoked divine names...
Maybe that's why she chases endless self-improvement. To prove herself.
Click. Now Artemis checked the pouch Melinoë had gifted her. Inside the sealed container: cactus kimchi, shaped like diced radish.
To Artemis.
This is kimchi made by Jo Iseo. Try it yourself, and you'll see how amazing he is.
— Melinoë
"What kind of girl gifts her cousin kimchi made by a guy?"
"Princess Melinoë is totally fourth-dimensional."
"Nymph thing?"
"Shh, no N-bombs around Lady Melinoë!"
"What? It's not like I made it up!"
The kimchi reminded her of the side dishes her vanished father sent every autumn. Foods that suited even her picky palate. He'd often tuck in notes with updates on himself.
To my daughter. These sides should suit your taste.
Speaking of, how about meeting some guys and settling down?
If it works out, you can eat these delicious sides every day.
Marriage setups now? She'd shredded those notes unread, uninterested even in the photos.
She wondered what might've happened if she'd glanced at the pictures. If she'd shown up just to appease him?
With the gods' era ended and most deities offstage, she too might've shed her prickly virgin goddess role for a peaceful life.
Musing thus, Artemis opened the dish on the river ship and pinched a piece of cactus kimchi between her fingers, taking a bite.
Crunch.
"Oh! Ooooh!"
The flavor and texture mirrored her usual diced radish. Above all, the seasoning perfectly matched her notoriously picky taste—eerily familiar.
"This flavor—!?"
To Artemis, whose senses could thread an arrow through a needle kilometers away, this handiwork was as distinctive as a fingerprint.
"...Damn, the world's so small!"
Artemis recalled the man she might've met at that blind date mat.
She shook her head vigorously.
"Not my type. I prefer lively guys, male or female."
But...
"He was brave, if not lively."
He'd acted fearlessly—borderline rude—before gods. Few mortals roamed Happy World's dark alleys like their own home, places that tensed even heavenly councilors.
"And his face was kinda cute, I guess."
The love of moon goddesses is unpredictable. Selene of the full moon proved it. Nixdoty of the dark moon too. Melinoë, granted new moon miracles by Hecate at birth, would be no different. Even gods can't predict romance. One day blissfully happy, the next bitter enemies—that's divine love. Melinoë might follow suit.
If that guy screws up, gets dumped by Melinoë, and fired from Soul Society, our heavenly council could take him in.
The crescent moon drifted along the underworld river.
I could use a desk-jockey aide anyway.
Floating toward an uncertain future with a joking heart. That's the crescent moon goddess in a neon era where few rely on moonlight.
Splash. Then, an unexpected figure appeared above the river.
"You—"
"Long time no see, Artemis. Much to discuss, but alas, no time. The owner of the broken crown returns soon."
"Sisters! Activate the nymph barrier!"
"Protect the goddess!"
"This time, for sure!"
The nymph guards, with beastly instincts, rose to shield Artemis. She reached for her silver bow, but the intruder's staff was faster.
Flash.
Soul Society was in an uproar.
The moon goddess Artemis had vanished en route to the heavens. No wonder.
A goddess missing—an unprecedented crisis. The executives were in pandemonium.
"Mobilize everyone! We find her no matter what!"
"If this sparks war with Olympus—"
"Silence, all. I, Moros, did not foresee Artemis's doom. She lives. For now. And this is undoubtedly her message—the sole clue left behind."
The half-eaten cactus kimchi. The only evidence from the riverbank where she'd disappeared.
"This cactus kimchi was made by Jo Iseo."
"Jo Iseo! Maybe it's a message to find him! Has to be!"
"Executives, entrust this to Jo Iseo!"
"Yes, the man who solves the unsolvable!"
Hope lit the executives' faces instantly.
Jo Iseo. A name that brought hope and laughter to all.
The man himself—
"Me? Investigate the disappearance?"
I shrugged awkwardly, then flashed confident bravado.
"...Give me two days. If I fail, I'll strip off my manager badge and gladly accept demotion. The truth is always one!"
Jo Iseo. Becoming the great detective.
Of course, inside I thought:
Disappearance, huh? Tough break for Lady Artemis, but the timing is perfect.