112 – Appease the Virgin Goddess's Picky Palate! #3
They say a gentleman's revenge lasts a lifetime. The same went for Actaeon, once hailed as a hero, burning with vengeance against Artemis for cursing him just because he'd accidentally glimpsed her naked.
—Kweeeek!
Actaeon, seething with grudge toward the goddess who'd laid that curse on him. He had no doubt that the "potion" he was brewing would deliver sweet payback to the picky, fastidious goddess Artemis.
"What kind of potion is it?"
—Kwaaaak.
Couldn't make heads or tails of it. I'd picked up ghost language and even snake speech during my time in the working world, but deer? That was a first. Anyway, it was bound to be one seriously suspicious brew. Feeding something like that to Goddess Artemis? Demotion and firing would be as good as reserved seats.
So, with a merry heart, I farmed the potion ingredients.
"We got the 'Deer Antler' easy enough thanks to you, Mr. Actaeon. Next up is the tail fur from a chipmunk."
"I've got that!"
Crowzer shot his hand up high. He pulled a few fluffy tufts from his pocket—highly suspicious and shocking stuff.
"...Why the hell do you carry that around?"
"You know Moros's chipmunk, right? I secretly shaved some tail fur off it while it was napping. Figured it'd make good instrument material. Of course, it woke up pissed as hell...!"
Tail fur was life itself to chipmunks. The fluffier and thicker the tail, the higher the rank among them. Shaving it off on the sly for "instrument materials"? No wonder it blew a fuse.
Anyway, chipmunk tail fur secured easily thanks to Crowzer. On to the next ingredient.
"Where and how do we get the 'Lion Spider's Song'? From what I know, lion spiders are ferocious and never sing."
Clap!—Crowzer smacked the wall with his palm.
"There's Nureongi, the lion spider at Happy Gukbap House! We can borrow its help. And perfect timing—I owe them for tabs! Let's go!"
We headed to Happy Gukbap House at Pandora Market's West Gate. Run by Nureongi the lion spider and its boy partner, it was packed with customers thanks to the killer broth.
"Hey! Boss! I'm here!"
"Crowzer, here to pay your tab?"
The boy boss asked.
"You've got a whopping 120 bowls on backlog!"
"Ahem, I'll settle up with incoming funds soon! Actually, I'm here for Nureongi. Mind if I see it?"
"Of course. Nureongi!"
—Yaong...!
A calf-sized spider burst out from somewhere. Its golden fur was yellowish-hence the name Nureongi.
—Yaong...!
It bounced around joyfully at the sight of us. Crowzer whipped out a harmonica in front of it and started blowing—peee-ree-lee—and Nureongi swayed side to side to the beat?
—Yaong...! Yaong...! Miong...! Hioong...!
"Nureongi actually singing? Wonders never cease. You hardly ever see it unless it's in a great mood."
The boy boss marveled at Nureongi. I bottled up the song nicely in my open glass jar and corked it tight. Lion spider song—acquired. Now for the last one: siren scales?
Sirens meant sea nymphs. Soul Society had plenty, and luckily, I knew a few. E&S members.
Should be easy to snag a scale from Rilke. But there was a problem. I glanced at Crowzer.
No need to explain the bad blood between E&S and Crowzer.
"Let's hurry!"
Yet the guy who'd always dreaded running into Eurydol was brimming with confidence today. That cockiness made me uneasy for some reason. We headed to Arachne's office.
"Joey! Long time no see! Heard you planned the princess's birthday party recently? I watched the fireworks from the park—super fun! Hioong...!"
Arachne wiggled her hips side to side, making weird noises. But her eyes were on Crowzer.
"You! Crowzer! We clashed hard last time with my E&S, but next round? You're toast! Our album's topping charts, search rankings too!"
"This Crowzer never shies from a fight! You and your idiot nymph idols will all learn this Crowzer's greatness and weep!"
"What'd you say?"
Crackle! Sparks flew from their glares. Then the antlered deer cried out.
—Kweeeek!
"Wait, isn't that...? Actaeon?"
Arachne recognized him. I gave her a puzzled look, and she scratched her head.
"Actaeon was in 'Beast Buddies.' Hadn't seen him in years—wondered where he'd gone. Small world! Nice to see you!"
"Arachne, what's 'Beast Buddies'?"
"A group for people turned into animals. Soul Society's full of 'em—cursed by gods. I was a spider once too!"
Got it. If I botch my tightrope and turn into a hell cockroach, maybe join that club. Not that it'd ever happen!
"So, where's Rilke?"
"Probably boozing in the basement pool. She's a sea nymph—needs saltwater or freshwater swims now and then for stress relief."
Basement pool? We headed downstairs. A massive pool filled the basement. Bassist Rilke, clutching booze bottles, splashed around.
"Nymphbi-gi, wild splashing frenzy!"
Splash-splash.Splash-splash.
"Ahh, feels great. Way better than walking on these awkward legs. Little Mermaid Eurydol traded her voice for legs without knowing... duuuh."
What the hell was Rilke doing? Weirdly, her lower half had turned into a fish tail. Crowzer gawked.
"Vile siren showing her true form! Beware, all! Sirens like this love drowning folk once they drop the mask!"
"Huh? You're that clown Crowzer! At the birthday bash, you turned me into Munch's Scream! You wrecked my fame-and-fortune plan, clown! I won't forgive youuuu!"
"My guitar, wail!"
Splash-splash! Clown vs. drunk mermaid battle erupted in the pool. Straight out of Pirates of the Caribbean. Rilke was sloshed, fine—but Crowzer was sober? Or was he?
Swish. In the chaos, I snagged a thumbnail-sized scale and pocketed it. Mission done—time to bail on this mess...
As we left the agency, Arachne called out.
"Joey."
"Yeah?"
"Eurydol has a favor to ask. She's skipping work today, so I'm passing it on. Meet up soon."
Eurydol wants a favor from me? No clue what, but if it's helpful, great.
###
"Oinone, can you brew a potion with these ingredients?"
I took my hard-earned haul to Oinone, the married potion whiz. She eyed them, then covered her mouth laughing.
"Fate's a funny thing. Someone just ordered a potion with these exact ingredients. Wait half a day—mixing, boiling, cooling takes time."
Booom!Whoosh! Bubble bubble bubble.
She hauled out a huge pot from somewhere, dumped in my stuff, and set it boiling. While waiting, I unloaded what I'd been holding back on the deer Actaeon.
"Mr. Actaeon, harboring revenge against a goddess is blasphemy in itself. If this goes south, disavow my name."
—Kweeeek!
"Yeah. I'll take full responsibility."
That way, I keep my escape hatch. The deer's lustrous eyes fixed on me. Seemed to say, "You're a real man!" or something.
But then, unexpected trouble.
"What? The nymphs took the potion we ordered?"
Right as it finished, we checked back—Oinone had bad news. Someone swiped our order.
"They were the goddess's attendants. Fellow nymphs or not, a small-timer like me can't say no to big-corp nymphs."
What the Happy World. Why'd it snag like this? As I pinched my brow, Oinone added cryptically.
"But in the end, it'll work out just like you wanted. Those nymphs served Artemis—they delivered it straight to her."
Oh! Even if the sky falls, there's a hole to pop through. Not unlucky—downright fortunate.
Figuring out how to slip the potion to Artemis was our headache. And they took it off our hands? Perfect.
Of course, I played dumb first.
"How's the potion reaching Artemis what I wanted? Ahem!"
"It was a gift for her, right? Just skip the process. If the result's good, it's solved."
—Kweeek...!
Actaeon raised a front hoof happily. So, what happens next? All we could do was wait tensely.
That night. A guest visited home. An adult nymph with a crescent moon bow on her back.
"I'm Dianiol, Artemis's guard nymph. You and your crew gathered ingredients for this 'potion,' right, Joey? The goddess seeks you urgently."
Urgent call this late? Something big went down. Probably drank the revenge-laced brew and got unexpected results. I grabbed antlered deer Actaeon from home and headed to the ghost shrine.
"You're here."
Artemis lounged on the lobby sofa, legs crossed, arms folded. Actaeon ducked behind me with a whoosh.
Talked big about revenge, but face-to-face with the goddess? Scaredy deer.
"You! Joey! You really cooked up that potion!"
Rumble! The goddess's roar shook the shrine.
"Whatever happened, it's all on me."
I bowed deep first. Artemis huffed.
"They said you were resourceful—spot on. Thanks to you, Melinoë's meditation stabilized. How'd you know she needed that potion?"
What? Couldn't follow. A potion made to spite Artemis was just what Melinoë needed, and it worked out?
"World might call me picky, but I'm fair. Joey, I recognize your Honorary Nymph title and goddess-worthy company—"
"Hold up!"
No way this ends in a happy ending! Absolutely not!
"Actually, I lied. I didn't make the potion—antler deer Actaeon did. I just lent a hand, no credit or chops for high praise."
"Deer Actaeon?"
"He gave the recipe. Sacrificed his own antler for the key ingredient. Praise goes to him."
Artemis's moonlit eyes turned to antler deer Actaeon. It trembled, letting out a pitiful kweeeek. Chicken-shit tears plopped down—heartbreaking.
"Also, Actaeon, son of Aristaios, seeks your apology, Goddess."
Demanding sorry from the lofty crescent moon goddess. Major point deduction right there.
—Kwaaaak!
But Actaeon's wail was so wretched, even Artemis scratched her cheek awkwardly.
"That weird cry... from back then? Looking back... ahem, I was harsh. Yet you held no hate, sacrificed your antler to help with the potion. Helping Melly's helping me."
Picky Artemis's eyes misted with emotion.
"Thought you were some peeping perv—turns out you're a hell of a man!"
Huge praise. Antler deer Actaeon spoke up.
"Kweeaa—not. Ahem. No. All credit to Section Chief Joey. He might've seen this coming."
What the— you could talk human this whole time!
"Punish me. Reward him. That's my verdict."
Don't do thaaaat! Gaaaaah!