38. Restraint
"…."
Silence stretched on. First off, I was flustered. Second, I was worried about getting caught. And the final reason was that one. Her breasts, bathed in the moonlight seeping through the blinds, were just too beautiful. I wanted to touch them, lick them, bite them so badly that I couldn't bring myself to speak for a moment.
That silence was broken first by Gyeo-ul.
"…Oppa."
"…Yeah."
"You know, I feel… weird."
"…Weird how."
"Just… everything. It's all weird."
"Wanna try explaining it slowly?"
"…Earlier."
"Yeah."
"Before we moved Noona to the master bedroom… you came in and put it on the blanket, right."
"…."
"I don't even know how to describe it, but… it felt bad."
"That was Noona. What kinda cousin would…"
"…I'm your little sister. Your real blood sister."
It was such a ridiculous, stupid, infuriatingly idiotic thing to say. But that one line couldn't be refuted, no matter what words I chose. No matter how hard we pretended—even for just a moment—that I wasn't her brother, that she wasn't my sister, that we weren't siblings at all, it was ultimately meaningless.
"…I wanted to cling to you. To you, Oppa."
"Gyeo-ul, even if the master bedroom is on the other side…"
"I know. I know, but… I can't hold back."
"Kim Gyeo-ul."
"Actually… I was gonna quit."
"…Quit what."
"Give you my first time, my last time, everything. And then… go back to being just siblings."
"…But."
"…I tried to," Gyeo-ul murmured, burying her face in the nape of my neck. Her breaths came rough and fast, almost like she was crying.
"I wanted to cheer you on when you eventually met someone good…"
"…I told you that's not gonna happen."
"I can't. I just… can't. My heart won't stop pounding."
She pulled my hand to her, slipping it into the gap where our bodies met. It was thumping so hard it might echo outside, right between her soft bare breasts.
"Cancel that thing about until Monday."
"…Why."
"If we keep going till then, I'll definitely… want more."
"…."
"Someday… we'll get caught for sure."
"…."
"Just tonight. Just this once… the last time."
"…Noona might hear us."
"…I know."
"She might sober up suddenly, hear a noise, and open the door."
"I'll try to… stay quiet."
"Gyeo-ul."
"…Yeah."
"…She's got the blindfold on, so. Do whatever you want."
I put the blindfold back on—the one I'd just taken off. Was it a sudden kink? Or because it was the last time? No, neither. If I hugged Gyeo-ul here, if I took the lead, I wouldn't be able to stop. We'd definitely get caught. Our moans, groans, the creaking bed, the raw slap of skin on skin, the lewd sounds of fluids spilling inside—it would all carry straight to the master bedroom across the kitchen beyond the door.
"It's not even been a full day yet… I'll head back at midnight."
"…Okay."
With my sight blocked, my sense of touch sharpened. Hearing too. Smell. Everything. Gyeo-ul, who had been lying on my chest, lifted herself off me. Then, slowly, she tugged my pants down. They caught on my thighs, exposing my cock, which had been hard for a while now. The boiler was on, but the air felt cold.
"…I'll strip too."
Gyeo-ul pulled away completely. I heard the rustle as she carefully undressed. What did she look like now? Had she taken off the top with its buttons undone? Just her pants, or her underwear too? I couldn't see. But the warmth returning to me, that heat—it was making my imagination all too vivid.
"Oppa, it's… that huge thing."
"I tried to do it myself, but… couldn't."
"…Why?"
"'Cause you weren't here."
"…."
Our brief exchange ended, and soon I felt the glans rubbing against her skin. A sensation I'd grown familiar with. I wasn't that experienced, but it had only been a few hours ago. Thankfully, she was plenty wet down there, and carefully, her mucosa met mine.
"…Oppa."
"Yeah."
"…I love you."
"Me too… I love you."
With those words, no longer embarrassing to say, our sexes slowly, gently joined. Once I was fully sheathed to the root inside her, Gyeo-ul clung to me again. Holding back any noise as much as possible, she just hugged me still.
"Ha… hng, haa… this feels so… weird…."
"…How so."
"It's totally… different from when you do it."
"What was it like when I did it."
"Back then… whoo. …At first, I was so… scared."
Her uneven breaths gradually steadied. Still, as if trying to compensate for my blocked sight, my sense of touch memorized every fold of her mucosa. I wrapped my hands around Gyeo-ul's back as she lay atop me. Pulling her closer, our stomachs pressed together. Mostly through my t-shirt, but where it was hiked up, I felt bare skin. Her once-soft skin was starting to get sticky with sweat. I didn't know if it was mine or hers, but it didn't matter.
"I was shaking, thinking what if you rejected me… then you kissed me, and my heart pounded like crazy."
"…Yeah."
"When you undressed me and went to touch there, I was so… embarrassed. Didn't know what to do… couldn't hide it, so I just… but that made it even more embarrassing."
"…Yeah, that makes sense."
Very slightly—so subtly no one else would notice. But enough for us, connected as we were. Her hips began to shake faintly.
"Hng… uh. …Then you told me to wait and left… I realized you were really gonna do it. …Thinking about using that thing from the car last time… it made my heart race…."
"…."
"…You probably had the weirdest look on your face, so I blindfolded myself and hid."
"…That?"
"…Anyway. While I waited, you came back super turned on, groping me like crazy. Like you were really gonna…."
"You said it hurt then. Told me to take the condom off."
"That was… 'cause it really hurt…."
"…My hands were all oily by accident."
Carefully rocking, the glans began to graze her inner walls. Bumpy, slick with her wetness, once again.
"I read that guys like it raw more…."
"…Where'd you even learn that crap."
"Girls like it raw too, if it's safe…."
"…But you didn't tell me you were on the pill."
Thinking back to yesterday only ramped up my arousal. How much she'd agonized, how her reason had snapped so completely she couldn't even think straight. Overlapping our bodies, devouring each other, wanting this so badly. It flashed vividly in my mind. Our bodies overlapping right now too.
"That was just… in case."
"In case of what."
"…I wanted to know how bad you wanted me."
"…."
"We absolutely shouldn't, but you didn't care, pounding away, pinning me down…."
"…."
"You want me this much, love me this much… craving me till you can't think straight…."
"…."
"My head went all fuzzy, like I was floating on clouds…."
"…."
"A place I'd never touched before, but you did… it felt so good…."
"…."
"…I wanted it to go on forever."
"…."
"Always, for life. I even had that ridiculous thought that I wanted you to hold me forever."
"…."
"I wanted it to be a mistake, a memory… but it was too happy…."
"…."
"…I knew I could never give it up."
My breaths were ragged. Not hers—mine. Compared to her faintly trembling hips, mine twitched more. Good thing I couldn't see her face. Her breasts. Her abs, thighs, that surely obscene junction—if I could see them, I'd probably flatten her right then. If I took off the blindfold, even now.
"…Gyeo-ul."
"Yeah…?"
"Cover your mouth."
After truly, desperately holding back and enduring. I lifted my body slightly from lying down. Fumbling beside me, I grabbed the lonely blanket and balled it up by the headboard, leaning my waist against it. An awkward position, neither sitting nor lying. In that pose, I hugged Gyeo-ul again and slowly moved my hips.
"Ha, uh… mmph…."
"…Gyeo-ul."
"…Mmph."
"I love you. …I love you."
No reply, nothing to see, but Gyeo-ul's jaw, resting on my shoulder, moved slightly. And with it, her inner walls gripping me began to twitch.
"Hng, ngh, mmph…."
"Let's make this the last time. For real."
"Ha… yeah."
"Like you said… if we go till Monday, I won't be able to stop."
"…."
"…We won't be able to go back to being siblings."
Whether we even could now was questionable. It felt too late. Like a smoker lighting up their last cigarette despite swearing off it.
"Ha, uh, mmph… hngmph…."
"…Take your hand away."
"Hng, ah, haa, heuph… hng…."
I pushed her shoulders back slightly, removing the hand over her mouth. Then, with my lips, I swallowed each sound that shouldn't escape.
"Hauph… heh, uhng… hoo…."
Gyeo-ul's arm slipped naturally under my armpit, past my shoulder, hugging me like it was the most natural thing. I did the same, effortlessly—one hand on the back of her head, the other at the base of her spine. More intensely now, but without letting sounds leak, we alternated crashing our pubic bones and lips together.
Maybe the wind outside sounded louder. But the sounds hitting my eardrums directly, the evidence of our sticky, thick debauchery—fear that it might leak out, that she might wake—only made my heart race faster.
"Haap… heung… mmph. …Hoo, ha… a. …Opp, a, faster."
"…Yeah."
"A bit… more."
"More…?"
"…Faster."
In that split second we parted for air, oxygen-starved, I couldn't defy your words that stole my breath again. Just as you wanted—not long strokes, but faster because of it—we devoured each other's bodies.
"Hng, ngh, hng, hngah… ah, haa, ah… Oppa, fa, ster…."
"…Gyeo-ul, ah…."
"I… lo-ove… you…."
In the moonlit room, eyes blindfolded to block even that faint light, relying on smell, touch, hearing. Taste. We savored a pleasure we shouldn't—no, couldn't—taste anymore. Together, connected, I left the proof of it deep inside her, overflowing.
"Ha… ah… …Gyeo-ul."
"…I love you… Oppa."
"I love you… me too."
"…It's midnight now."
"…Yeah."
"I'm going. …Oppa."
"…."
"I love you…."
Before I could even savor the afterglow, after catching her breath for a moment, my sister left her final confession and… quietly vanished from my room.