17. Chuseok Pillow Talk
After finally saying it out loud, my head felt refreshingly clear, for some reason. Yeah, pretending like I didn't know and acting oblivious had nearly driven my brain off the rails. Spilling those tightly hidden feelings brought a sense of relief. Admitting it honestly even normalized my mental state.
...Yeah, right. Total bullshit.
For nearly two weeks after that, I could barely sleep. Every time it crossed my mind, shame hit me like a truck. I must've kicked off the blankets a dozen times. It was dozens of times more embarrassing than when she caught me jerking off.
...I'm seriously insane. First time in my life baring my soul like that. And to Gyeo-ul of all people—that made it even worse.
Still, no regrets. Might as well own it now that the die's cast; acting all confident beats dying of embarrassment. Sure, it feels like my life's on the line. But whatever—half of it belongs to Mom anyway, and the rest to my sister. So if I screw up now, wouldn't that be blowing 200% of my life?
"Son."
"..."
"...You ignoring Mom?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah?"
"What're you thinking about so seriously?"
"Oh, just... this and that."
The first day of October in the afternoon. Lunar calendar: Chuseok. Following Grandmother's wishes, we skipped the ancestral rites and headed to Big Aunt's for a simple meal. Given the circumstances, it was just immediate family cousins keeping it low-key.
"Oppa."
"Yeah, Gyeo-ul?"
"Open up."
Gyeo-ul, in the passenger seat, obediently opened her mouth, and something that sure as hell wasn't candy landed on her tongue. Red ginseng candy.
...Where the hell did this come from?
"...You're kidding."
"Why? It's tasty."
"If it's so tasty, you eat it."
"That's why I'm giving it all to you, oppa."
...If I weren't driving, I'd get revenge right now.
"Mom."
"What, son?"
"Your son's getting bullied here. Avenge me? Can't use my hands right now."
"It's good for your health. Just eat it."
"Whoa, isn't this too much for your hardworking driver son?"
"Oppa, coffee."
"Oh, yeah."
Mid-protest to Mom, a straw bumped my lips, and I took a sip. Hazelnut scent filled my nose.
...Sweet as hell.
"What? That's not my coffee."
"Figured you'd like it bitter."
"...Then why force the ginseng on me?"
"Just 'cause?"
Gyeo-ul tilted her head innocently, and damn if it didn't look adorable.
"Hey, Ga-eul. Long time no see."
"It's only been two weeks."
"Really?"
We arrived at Big Aunt's and I was zoning out on the sofa when Cousin Brother showed up. Gyeo-ul had been snatched by Anna Noona and Youngest Aunt. Too damn popular.
"Got a girlfriend yet?"
"What girlfriend."
"I mean, you getting out much? How's it going?"
"Same old. Home, school, home, school on repeat."
"Why school?"
"Told you last time. Picking up and dropping off Gyeo-ul."
"Right."
He scratched his head and plopped down at the far end of the sofa.
"Where'd everyone else go?"
"Uncles out smoking, Mom and Big Aunt went shopping. Rest are in Noona's room."
"Why you sitting here all lonely like a bum?"
"...Don't smoke."
Like it's the army or something. Pisses me off getting sidelined for not smoking. Not that I'm begging for chit-chat. Better than talking to the uncles... way too awkward. I'd rather sit quietly.
"Why not go to Anna Noona's room?"
"...Too noisy. Headache."
"Fair."
Youngest Aunt and Noona are total social butterflies. Too much energy for someone like me. Whole house is like that vibe, honestly. Only corner lovers are me and Gyeo-ul. Are we the mutants?
Deep in thought, someone staggered out.
"Ah... hi."
"Hey. Long time, Gyeo-ul."
"Y-yeah."
Thoroughly drained Gyeo-ul slumped next to me.
...How bad was it?
"...Oppa."
"What."
"...Tired."
"What'd Aunt and Noona say?"
"Nah, just... talked a lot."
"Want me to make coffee?"
"Had some earlier."
"Red ginseng candy then? Good for fatigue."
"No way."
"Then why shove it in my mouth?"
"You always take care of your health."
"You should too. Not just studying—stretch or something."
"After Suneung."
"...After, I'll drill you hard at home."
"...Go easy."
Chatting with Gyeo-ul like always, I noticed Cousin Brother awkwardly fiddling with his phone from afar.
...Talked too much to her?
Paused the convo, and he jumped back in.
"Ga-eul, your hair's grown out?"
"Yeah, haven't cut it since discharge."
"Style it up. Hair's everything for guys."
Hm... true, but I've never cared much about hairstyles.
"Gyeo-ul."
"...What, oppa."
"Short hair or long better on me?"
"...Short."
"How short specifically."
"Around two weeks after discharge?"
"Maybe cut it shorter than that?"
"Considering regrowth, yeah."
"Gotta hit the salon soon."
Asked Gyeo-ul's opinion, and he stared at me like an idiot, speechless.
...What's his deal suddenly. Offended I ignored him?
"Hyung."
"...What."
"Uh... can I ask something you might not wanna hear?"
"...When you getting married?"
"Yeah."
"You ask that every time."
"No, just genuinely curious why not."
"Marriage isn't that simple."
"So you're not?"
"...Dunno."
...Why not really? Decent job, good money, living well— if he won't, who will? He's been cohabiting since before my service.
I can't marry, so healthy guys like him gotta boost the birthrate, right?
"Why so curious anyway?"
"No reason not to, not breaking up, just dating forever—wonder why."
"No kids anyway, nothing changes, no need."
"DINK like Youngest Aunt?"
"Kinda."
"...Gotcha."
Fair enough. Raising kids ain't easy. Sleeping babies are cute, but screaming in restaurants tests your limits. No way I'm having any. Can't trust myself not to take stress out on them.
"And stop nagging me—get yourself a girl. Why's a fine-looking guy holed up at home?"
"Not planning to marry."
"...Wanna die?"
He glared like he might swing, but uncles returned just in time, saving my skin. Thanks to him pulling aggro, Gyeo-ul and I escaped together.
...Ah, headache.
Said no booze, but the vibe was impossible to refuse. Big Uncle insisted despite my protests, so I had a few. Used driving as excuse, but they topped off glasses saying stay over.
...Hate soju.
Lounging on the sofa sans pillow, fiddling with my phone. Hugging a lonely blanket, envied Youngest Aunt's fam who called a ride home.
Old bro's empty room taken by drunk uncle wanting to bunk with son; master bedroom had crashed Big Aunt and Mom; Gyeo-ul kidnapped to Noona's room. Left me like a sitting duck in the living room—depressing as hell.
...Jeans too tight, can't sleep.
Staring at streetlight leaking through window, door creaked open.
"...Oh, oppa. Not asleep?"
"...Can't sleep. You?"
"Me neither."
Somehow escaped Noona's room, Gyeo-ul sat by my head.
...Only sister takes care of bro, huh.
"Noona asleep?"
"Yeah."
"...Okay."
"You okay, oppa?"
"What."
"Drank a lot."
"...Not really."
"Need something to drink?"
"This much, no."
Cranking head back to talk felt weird. First time looking up at her upside-down. Usually gazing down.
"Oppa."
"Whaaat."
"...Neck hurt?"
"Yeah."
"No pillow?"
"Have one. Too hard."
"..."
Gyeo-ul swallowed, then... grabbed my head, laid it on her thigh.
"...Why."
"Soft?"
"..."
Wanna see her face, but hand over eyes blocked it.
"...Sleepy now?"
"Nah, can't."
"Yeah."
She giggled, poking—my head shook too.
...Too comfy.
Savoring the feel on my nape, her free hand started stroking my hair.
"...Don't touch."
"Didn't touch ears."
"Messes my hair—stop."
"Already messy."
Fingertips lightly stroked, then massaged pressure points.
...Gonna pass out.
"...Oppa, asleep?"
"Covering eyes makes me wanna."
"Uncover and you'd stare up."
"So?"
"..."
Suddenly pissed? She pressed my face hard.
...Can't breathe.
Flailing to push away, door burst open—heart skipped.
"...Still up?"
"Ah, hyung..."
...
Cousin Brother from his room stared our way.