What Are You Laughing At? My Butler Did This to Me.
"Mmmwah! Even my Chuchu's little cheeks are adorable."
"Waaah! Stooop!"
"My baby's little hands are so cute too! Mmmwah!"
"Eek! The kiss monster! Let go of meee!"
It wasn't just her face—I was working those lips overtime, determined to cover every inch of Chuchu: her hands, her arms, her neck, everything, until she was painted head to toe in red lipstick marks.
Naturally, this cat thrashed and squirmed with everything she had to break free. But this baby kitty ever overpowering me? Not happening, not even if the heavens split in two.
With one arm wrapped firm around her waist, she was completely trapped, and all her flailing amounted to nothing more than pointless struggle.
"How is your skin this soft and baby-like, hm? Hm?"
"Waaah! Stop! Stooop!"
"All you have to do is tell me the truth and the kissing stops."
"I already told the truuuth...!"
I'd expected her to confess the moment I started executing the kiss punishment, but she was holding out longer than I thought.
Well, that just means I'm the one winning here.
"My baby's tummy chub."
"Don't—"
"Mmmwah!"
After pressing a nice, deep lipstick mark onto that adorably plump little belly...
"Pbrrrrrrrr!"
"NYAAAAAH!"
...I transitioned seamlessly into a belly fart.
"Hahh... hahh..."
"Ready to tell the truth yet?"
"I... don't know anything...!"
Our Chuchu—she would have made a fantastic independence activist.
"Fine, then stay in the dark forever."
"Eeh! Kyahahaah! Th-that tickles!"
The moment I started kneading her belly chub, she went rigid, arms and legs stretched straight out, trembling like a leaf caught in a shiver.
And on top of that, kisses rained down indiscriminately.
Just how long could this cat possibly hold out?
"Eheheheh!"
I hiked up her pajamas, pressed my lips to her smooth back, and papered her waistline in red kisses. Then I moved to the nape of her neck, planting mark after mark with slow, gentle sucks.
"Ehahahaah! St-stop... stooop...!"
She knew perfectly well by now that begging wouldn't stop me.
"Whose baby are you, that you're this cuuute?! Hm?! You're so adorable I could just kiss you all day long! My baby!"
"O-okay! I did it... I did it! I broke the vaase! I broke it!"
Ten minutes into the kiss punishment.
She'd held out far longer than expected, but at last, she confessed.
"Chuchu broke it, didn't you?"
"Y-yeah... I broke it... so please stop..."
"Next time something like this happens, you tell me the truth right away. Got it?"
"Then will you forgive me...?"
"Yeah, I'll forgive you. Chuchu's still a baby, after all."
Truthfully, I'd never planned to scold her harshly just for breaking a vase. And going forward, no matter what trouble she got into, as long as she told me the truth, I intended to simply warn her not to do it again and let it go.
She was a young cat who hadn't yet learned how the world worked.
Scolding a cat like that would be the same as harshly punishing a baby who'd gotten into mischief.
And that would just be inhumane, wouldn't it?
"But if you try to hide it like you did today, a much bigger punishment will be waiting for you."
"A... bigger punishment...?"
I'd given the customized punishment a trial run, and it turned out to be even more effective than I'd hoped.
At this rate, next time she'd confess on the spot.
"Okay! My baby is free now. From now on, you be honest and tell me right away. Got it?"
I set Chuchu down on the sofa, stood up, and was stroking her head when—
"Pfft! PWAHAHAHA!"
—laughter came bursting out of me.
I'd tried so hard to hold it in, but the sight of her heaving a deep, exhausted sigh with that utterly drained face was simply too much.
And no wonder—from her face all the way down to her legs, she was completely blanketed in my lipstick marks.
Luckily her clothes were covering the rest, but I could see exactly what would have happened if she hadn't been wearing any: her entire body drowned in red lip prints.
"What are you laughing at? My butler is the one who made me like this. Sheesh..."
"If you didn't want it, you should have told the truth sooner."
"Waaah! What am I supposed to do about this?! It won't come off!"
"It'll fade with time. Aigoo, you're so cute."
It felt as if I'd stamped countless marks onto her, each one declaring that this cat belonged to no one but me—and the corners of my mouth, once they'd lifted, absolutely refused to come back down.
"Mean butler."
"Hngh! One more word like that and I'm confiscating all your snacks and Churu."
"Uuu... I won't say it agaiiin..."
After huffing sigh after sigh, she flopped over on the sofa, curled up with a low rumbling purr, and closed her eyes.
The kiss punishment had apparently taken quite a toll on her.
Ding-dong!
"Hm? Now what?"
Someone was ringing the doorbell, so I checked the intercom.
My first thought was a forgotten delivery package—but instead of a courier, it was Daeun.
"Uh oh..."
"Hey, Han Yerin. You still alive in there?"
Daeun dropped by every so often to check that I was still breathing, since I rarely set foot outside the apartment.
Not many friends looked after me like this, so her visits were always a welcome sight—but right now, this particular visit was so sudden my mind went completely blank.
After all, I'd introduced Chuchu as my close little sister.
"Hard to sell 'close little sister' for... this, isn't it?"
The cat toys she'd thoroughly played herself out on, the cat treats, and Chuchu herself, covered head to toe in lipstick marks.
"Chuchu, you're going to explain to my friend that you're a cat. You remember Daeun from before, right?"
"Yeah, I remember. Going to tell her?"
"I think it'll be easier that way."
If it had to be anyone, Daeun would be fine—so I made the call and opened the front door.
"Hey, Daeun."
"Hi. What were you up to? Working?"
"No, playing with my cat."
"Your cat? You finally got a cat?!"
"A very special one, actually. Come in and see."
"You've already got a mountain of cat toys in here. What's her name? Chuchu?"
"Chuchu? Isn't that the nickname you gave my close little sister when we met?"
And that was when the questions started—and by the time she finally came face to face with Chuchu, she froze solid on the spot.
"Chuchu, say hello. You two have met before, right?"
"Hello, human. We meet again."
"...Her?"
"Yup."
"A cat?"
"Yep, a cat."
While Daeun was still reeling, I laid out everything there was to know about Chuchu, plain and honest.
She didn't believe a word of it, of course.
But then she watched Chuchu eat a Churu, got hit with an even bigger shock, and gradually began to accept it.
"Ooohm! Shoo tashty!"
"See? She's a cat, right?"
"That kind of thing... can actually happen in real life? And hey... why does she look like that?"
"Ah, she just got punished. She broke a vase and wouldn't fess up, so she got sentenced to the kiss punishment."
"Kiss punishment...? Oh, so that's why she looks like that."
"You always take such good care of our butler here. Must be rough."
Yes, Daeun did look after me, but hearing it out of this cat's mouth honestly rubbed me the wrong way.
"Why, this cat!"
"Eeek! Don't kiss me!"
While I'd scooped her up and was shaking her this way and that, Daeun gave an awkward laugh and settled onto the sofa, gazing up at Chuchu.
"Sounds like she's quite the dog-cat, huh?"
"Yep, total dog-cat. That's why I love her. She's crazy about me."
"Perfect butler—except for the kissing part."
"Want to hold her?"
"If Chuchu's okay with it."
Thankfully, Chuchu showed no objection, so I set her down on Daeun's lap. She rocked her body back and forth a bit, then plopped the back of her head right against Daeun's chest.
"...It's hard. Not like my butler's."
"Pfft! Pffhahaha!"
"This cat made fun of my chest the very first time we met, you know?"
"She's still a baby. She's not teasing—it's just stating facts as they are."
"When I sit on my butler's lap and lean in like this, it's all soft and squishy."
"I-I'm sorry my chest is small, okay...? And besides, it's your butler's chest that's freakishly huge."
Chuchu couldn't sit still for even a minute; the moment I sat down beside them, she migrated over. She rested her head against my chest, and only then did she smile in satisfaction, nuzzling back and forth.
"Mmm, this is comfy after all."
"Turns out having a big chest pays off even with cats."
"Isn't she adorable, my baby? Just the cutest thing ever!"
When I squished her cheeks and she let out a little "wehh," that too was one of Chuchu's many charms.
She's like a talking plush doll, really.
"Butler, get these off me now."
"I was planning to leave them."
"No."
"Pff! Fine, fine. I'll wipe them off."
It was a little sad watching my handiwork disappear, but when she put her foot down that firmly, she clearly really hated having the lipstick marks left on her.
So I asked Daeun to pass me the wet wipes she'd brought, and scrubbed every inch of her until she was spotless again.
"All clean."
"Mmm, now I can breathe again. So refreshing."
"Chuchu, did my kisses really bother you that much?"
"What a relief. She won't have to live alone anymore, at least."
"I never had any complaints about living alone, but now that I've actually started living together with her like this, I don't think I could go back. Chuchu and I are going to live happily ever after."
Traveling to all kinds of countries with Chuchu, making special memories in the middle of everyday life, living side by side a life where the laughter never stops.
That was my new goal—replacing my old one of simply owning a cat someday.
Which meant I needed to work even harder.
After all, I had to make sure Chuchu could do everything she ever wanted to do.
"By the way, what's with that choker? Did you put it on her?"
"She says the person who had her before put it on her. Apparently they only kept her for a little while, then dumped her."
"Huh? They abandoned a cat they'd adopted? What a total piece of—"
"Hey, watch your language. My baby doesn't know about any of that."
Not that she'd already called them a sneaky little rat herself, mind you.
"That's exactly why I'm going to raise her so much better than that butler ever did—so well that they never even cross her mind."
"She's bright enough that she doesn't seem to think about them at all. Looks like you're raising her right, Yerin."
"Right? I want her to grow up into a cat who'd envy no one in the whole world."
"Butler, I'm sleepy."
"Sleepy? Then let's take a niiice nap."
She turned around, wrapped herself around me like a koala, and slowly let her eyes drift shut.
I'd hardly started patting her back to help her sleep soundly when she let out a tiny breath and slipped into a deep slumber.
"She really is just like a baby."
"She is. My baby. My daughter, officially."
"Pff! Well, dating is officially off the table forever, then."
"Date who? I've got my baby to play with."
"Sudden thought—if Chuchu never throws that choker away, do you think it means she wants to see her old butler again?"
I'd had my own vague suspicions about that too.
Even if I raised her so well the old owner never crossed her mind, if Chuchu ever did want to find them, I planned to help her search with everything I had.
Chuchu might go looking out of longing and nostalgia—but as for me, I'd treat it as my chance to proudly show that person just how wonderfully the cat they threw away had grown.
"Then we find them. If that's what Chuchu wants, how could I possibly say no?"
"Daddy-brained daughter-fool, aren't you."
"Yeah. I'll do everything Chuchu ever wants to do. Those were all the things I dreamed of doing if I ever had a cat, after all."
Earning money solely for Chuchu's sake. Living solely for Chuchu's sake.
From now on, I was going to live for Chuchu and Chuchu alone.
"Still, don't push yourself too hard. If you make yourself sick, it'll be hard on Chuchu too. She'll definitely think it's her fault you're ill."
"Yeah, you're right. Of course I'll take care of myself too. There's nothing in the world I hate more than seeing Chuchu sad."
For a moment, I found myself remembering the look on Chuchu's face from back when I'd absentmindedly smacked her on the back.
If I ever saw that face again, I'd fall apart right there on the spot.
I never want to see that face again.
Because our Chuchu should always be grinning ear to ear, bouncing and playing to her heart's content.
"Chuchu, let's keep living happily together from now on too. I love you, Chuchu."