Even I Don't Know Myself That Well (7)
I wondered what my talent as a magical girl could possibly be. Had I ever even possessed one in the first place? It was a question I had asked myself for a long time. Whenever I swung my greatsword, stray thoughts would creep in, and each time I would agonize over whether I truly had any talent. Hundreds of times.
And even before I awakened as a magical girl, the words my middle school teacher had said kept replaying in my head: “Eunji, you’re really good at math. You’d do well if you pursued that path later. You have a real talent for it.”
Lee Eunji thought that what her junior was about to say might carry a similar weight.
“Don’t talk nonsense. How could a freshman like you possibly know my talent as a magical girl when even the teachers don’t?”
“Really? I could tell just by watching your spar for a second.”
A lie. How could anyone discern another person’s talent from a single sparring match? Even the instructors, who were experts in education, had guided her for months without ever definitively naming her talent. And yet this freshman claimed she could? No matter how Eunji looked at it, it sounded like nothing more than provocation.
She had been surprised by the unexpected mention of talent, but right now this pink-haired junior was clearly picking a fight with her. It had to be nothing but bravado meant to find fault and get under her skin.
“…Well, if you don’t want to believe me, that’s fine. Haaaah~”
She couldn’t let herself be swayed by this arrogant junior who was even yawning leisurely, trying to seize control of the mood. Even though she had shown a poor performance at the end of the sparring test, Lee Eunji was still the second-ranked second-year student at the Magical Girl Academy. She might instruct a freshman who had only been enrolled for two months, but she was in no position to receive guidance from one.
Do I really have to be treated like this by a junior?
It was humiliating. From denying all the effort Eunji had built up until now, to acting all high and mighty by claiming she knew Eunji’s talent. Even that expression that said she had nothing to lose. Eunji felt like she could explode at any moment.
But at the same time, a small seed of doubt began to sprout in her heart.
What if. What if, by some chance.
If this junior was one of those once-in-a-century geniuses and had truly seen through her talent in a single glance during the spar… then this was an opportunity she couldn’t afford to miss. It was a crossroads.
Would she protect her pride and her image as a senior? Or would she bet on this faint possibility that might change her entire life?
Even though the junior’s attitude was arrogant and grated on her nerves…
“…What is it?”
“Huaam?”
Eunji decided to swallow her pride.
“What exactly do you think my talent as a magical girl is?”
Pride, image, reputation—none of those things would feed her. Besides, the infirmary was empty right now. No other students, no health teacher. Just the two of them. She didn’t need to worry about rumors spreading or her reputation taking a hit.
The junior thought for a moment after Eunji’s question, which had taken a lot of resolve and courage, then casually dropped her answer.
“Hmm… I’m not going to tell you.”
“What? Are you messing with me right now?”
In the end, the junior had been toying with her from start to finish. The shame and anger of having gotten worked up alone, lost in her own delusions, and played right into the junior’s hands surged up. She couldn’t hold back anymore. They said even a murderer could be forgiven after three generations of patience, but this was crossing the line. Sometimes you had to firmly scold a misguided junior.
She clenched her fist and stepped toward her junior—right when the girl spoke again.
“Instead of teaching you directly, I’ll give you hints to help you find the path yourself. I believe things like this should be realized on your own rather than told by someone else.”
“…Hints?”
“It’s nothing too fancy. I’m just going to ask you a few questions. Your answers, little chick senior, will be a big help in finding your way forward. Ready?”
Is this like twenty questions?
The anger that had been boiling inside her cooled slightly. And as the conversation began to flow in earnest, she resolved to trust her junior once more.
“First question. People say the world categorizes magical girls into three main types. Right?”
It was common knowledge that anyone, even non-magical girls, would know. There were the magic-type magical girls who primarily used magic circles for combat. The martial arts-type who used mana not just to build magic circles but to strengthen their bodies and manifest magic through martial forms. And finally, the weapon-type who fought using their unique weapons or various magical tools.
In every country, magical girls were divided into these three categories and educated accordingly.
“And little chick senior, you’re aiming to be a martial arts-type magical girl.”
“That’s right.”
“Then, do you want to become a martial arts-type magical girl… or do you want to become an outstanding magical girl?”
Obviously the… huh?
She had thought it was an easy question. She had assumed she could answer without even thinking. But Eunji’s mouth didn’t open easily.
“…”
Her head knew the correct answer was the latter. That it was the right one. But when asked if that was really what she wanted, she hesitated.
Eunji quickly glanced at her junior’s face. There, completely unlike the relaxed expression from before, was a junior quietly waiting for her answer. Only then did she realize this question hadn’t been asked lightly.
Eunji thought about what kind of intention lay behind it.
…Means and ends.
That was the phrase that flashed through her mind. The junior was asking which she valued more—means or ends.
After careful thought, Eunji answered.
“The latter. The reason I use a greatsword and learn martial arts techniques is to produce better results as a magical girl. The end matters more than the means, so the latter is correct.”
But the junior didn’t seem satisfied with that answer. In a slightly disappointed tone, she pointed out the flaw.
“I didn’t ask which one is more correct—means or ends. Whatever you truly want, the means and ends will naturally follow. Have you heard of the trolley dilemma? If you have to kill one person to save five, is that the right thing to do?”
“…That’s…”
It was a question Eunji still couldn’t answer right away. The junior continued.
“The means are just as important as the end. That’s why I didn’t ask whether the means or the end was more important. I simply asked what you want more. Still, it’s good to see your resolve. That’s a positive.”
With that, the junior concluded the first question.
“Now for the next one. It connects to the first, so think carefully. Can you say with confidence that your earlier answer came purely from what you truly want? Or was it something you ended up wanting because of other factors? For example… whether you rationalized it to fit the image of ‘the person you want to become.’”
This time, Eunji couldn’t even open her mouth. She had never examined herself this deeply before. Things she had never considered because she had been too focused on getting stronger. Now those very things had become her junior’s questions, standing right in front of her.
“You don’t have to answer right now. It’s the kind of answer that only comes after thinking slowly. Haaaahm. I’m sleepy.”
“…I have one question.”
Until now Eunji had only been answering, but now she turned the tables and asked one of her own.
“What is it? Puuham.”
“Both questions cut to the core so sharply it hurts. But what do these questions have to do with my talent?”
The questions her junior had asked were about a magical girl’s mindset, not about talent. They might help her in life going forward, but they didn’t seem like they would help awaken her talent or improve her skills.
The junior let out a small sigh, then spoke a certain word.
“Little chick senior. Do you know what Unique Magic is?”
“Yeah. I think I’ve heard of it.”
“Where did you hear about it?”
“At a lecture not long ago. I think it was from the guest instructor who visited the academy.”
“You don’t know the details, do you?”
Eunji carefully recalled what she had heard in the lecture.
Unique Magic is magic that other magical girls cannot simply imitate. Unlike regular magic, you don’t even need to understand magic circles. Unique Magic is magic engraved into the caster’s very instincts.
It was still an explanation she didn’t fully understand. But her junior seemed to grasp that vague, abstract description better than anyone.
“Every magical girl has Unique Magic. And Unique Magic is magic tied to a magical girl’s Root. To understand your own Root, you must know yourself well—what you like, what you dislike, and what you truly want.”
“…So?”
“I’ll be blunt. You lost this sparring test because of your Unique Magic, little chick senior. And if you don’t fix it, this kind of thing will keep happening again and again.”