Even I Don't Know Myself That Well (8)
“By the way, it really is just like Jihye said earlier.”
“What do you mean?”
Even though it was well past lunch and the post-meal drowsiness should have been setting in, the outdoor sparring arena was still blazing with heat. There, Baek Miju and Shin Seyeol were watching the second-years’ sparring matches.
“I thought… since they’re seniors, they’d obviously be way better than us. At first, anyway. But when I looked at it a little more coldly, I realized that if we just put in a bit of effort, we could probably do that too.”
“Ah… Now that you mention it, Miju, you’re right. I don’t really feel much of a gap between us and the seniors. Sorry to the seniors, but some of them actually seem worse than us.”
The two of them had been intimidated by their preconceptions about the word “senior.” But thanks to Jihye’s words, they were gradually shedding those biases and could now evaluate the seniors’ movements with clear eyes.
You two are better than them.
Those words still rang in their ears. They were both praise and a reminder to look at themselves objectively.
“We really have learned a lot from Jihye.”
“Y-yeah. Maybe it’s only natural…?”
Their homeroom teacher, Cha Seoyeon, was certainly an excellent instructor, but her lessons were designed for the entire class. It was a mass-education approach that didn’t take each student’s individual traits into account. They knew it couldn’t be helped, but for Seyeol and Miju, who were aiming higher, the teacher’s guidance alone left them thirsty.
Jihye’s teaching, on the other hand, more than quenched that thirst. Sometimes it even felt excessive. And every time that happened, Kim Jihye would skillfully adjust the pace of her lessons like a far more experienced mentor than Cha Seoyeon.
“I wonder what really happened to Jihye in the past.”
“R-right? Maybe she really is a secret agent for the Association…”
“Haha… You still can’t let go of that romantic secret-agent fantasy, can you, Miju?”
“O-of course not! Seyeol, you know how strong and hard it is to become a secret agent for the Association!”
Seeing Baek Miju suddenly get excited and start talking faster, Seyeol thought, Here we go again. She had grown completely used to how Miju transformed into the most passionate person alive whenever the topic touched on something she was interested in or knowledgeable about.
“Secret agents were just a rumor to begin with. We don’t even know if they actually exist.”
“B-but Jihye’s strength doesn’t make sense unless that’s the case…”
“I feel the same way. Honestly, no matter how much I tell myself that Jiah-unnie is the magical girl Blossom, I still can’t picture her training Jihye that intensely.”
“R-right. Logically, that makes sense… but it still feels off somehow.”
“Exactly.”
The two turned their eyes back to the sparring arena. This time, the seniors’ match lacked the same impact as the one they had seen that morning. It was a duel between an Elementalist and a greatsword master. Yet Jihye had still dismissed it as something that wasn’t even worth referencing. The pair found themselves wondering once again what kind of person Jihye had been in the past. And they hoped that someday they would grow close enough to ask her without hesitation.
“What the hell is my Unique Magic, anyway?”
“I can’t tell you that either. Chick Senior’s Unique Magic is precisely what defines your talent as a magical girl.”
Lee Eunji was frustrated. Can’t she just spit it out clearly?
The junior’s words kept poking at Eunji’s curiosity. Relentlessly, at that. Root. Origin. Just what was her own essence that the junior was being so tight-lipped about it?
“Like I said, I’m not the type to explain everything all at once. That’s how I’ve always taught magical girls.”
“You’ve taught magical girls before?”
“Mm… Yes. Quite a few. My friends are among them.”
“You… what? Are you some kind of genius? Don’t tell me you’re that first-year magical girl prodigy?”
“Huaaahm. Let’s just say it’s something like that.”
Eunji still couldn’t fully believe the junior. She had provoked her, and above all, the source of her information was unclear. It was entirely possible that every word out of the junior’s mouth was nothing more than a fancy collection of her own imagination and delusions.
But the more she listened, the more she felt something.
The junior’s knowledge is way beyond academy level.
Even if the information was fabricated, it was so professional and detailed that it was hard not to believe it. After cross-referencing it with the special lectures she remembered from Association-affiliated magical girls, there were no inconsistencies or contradictions. That was why Eunji found herself gradually paying closer attention to the junior’s words.
“Anyway, Chick Senior’s Unique Magic… clashes a lot with close-combat martial techniques. You don’t actually think the final strike in that last sparring match went wrong because of your own mistake, do you?”
Eunji flinched. It matched the conclusion she had reached while lying in bed perfectly.
“I believe the technique is called Wind Advance Step. Correct?”
“Wind Advance Step? The skill name is Sylphid Rush, though?”
“…Let’s just ignore the name. Anyway, that technique interfered with your Unique Magic. That’s why the sword’s trajectory went off.”
“But I’ve never had this happen during practice matches or training before.”
“That’s how martial techniques work. The flow of mana in the air, altered by various techniques and magic forms, can interfere with the construction and manifestation of certain spells. And Chick Senior, during that spar, you didn’t only use that… Sylphid Rush, was it? You used other things too.”
Eunji carefully recalled the techniques she had used.
“That’s true. I used various greatsword forms besides Sylphid Rush.”
“The lingering mana traces left in the atmosphere from that are extremely fluid. Depending on which form you use first, the mana arrangement can completely reverse. Is that a sufficient explanation for why you’ve never experienced this before?”
“Uh… yeah.”
The junior’s reasoning was logical and quite convincing. Since Eunji had never even considered such a possibility, she was slightly stunned.
“Chick Senior. Are you following along?”
“Of course I am.”
The junior looked at Eunji with skeptical eyes.
“If you say so. Anyway, the conclusion is this: ‘Chick Senior’s Unique Magic and martial techniques don’t go well together.’”
“And that Unique Magic is directly tied to my talent?”
“Yes. You understand well. Do you need a praise sticker, Chick Senior?”
“…Praise sticker? What are you, a kindergarten teacher?”
When Eunji snapped like that, the junior looked unusually downcast.
“…My friends all liked them.”
“There’s no point in getting a praise sticker from you anyway. Do you trade them in for presents once you collect enough?”
“No. You don’t get anything.”
“Then there’s no need for them.”
Praise stickers. Just hearing that one word made the seemingly mature junior feel like a child after all. Though if Eunji had known the junior’s smug inner thoughts despite only being a year older, she would have let out a deep sigh. But whatever.
“Since you don’t need a praise sticker, I’ll give you homework instead. I won’t go into detail, but you, Chick Senior, don’t match the ideal image of a greatsword-wielding martial magical girl that you’re picturing. So think carefully about what your Root is. Once you figure it out, you’ll quickly awaken to your own talent.”
That was the junior’s conclusion.
Eunji imagined the battles of the various greatsword magical girls she took as role models. The way they swung their massive blades while unleashing all kinds of magic forms. The junior had said she didn’t match them. Did that mean her talent lay more in pure magic rather than magic forms?
She had also said that understanding the essence of Lee Eunji the human—not the magical girl—would make it clear. What I want. And what I want to become. What had she purely wished for and dreamed of?
She still didn’t know clearly, but at least she could see the path now.
“Because a magical girl is the very embodiment of wishes and dreams.”
Eunji looked at the junior in front of her. A sudden question had come to mind. Despite always looking half-asleep, if the junior was capable of giving this kind of advice, she must have found her own answers long ago. She would have started wrestling with these worries earlier than Eunji and, at the end of that journey, obtained her own Unique Magic and grown stronger.
So what kind of realization had the junior reached?
Unlike her, did the junior truly understand herself?
The curiosity was too much to bear. Eunji asked the junior directly.
“If you’re able to give me advice like this, then you must have found the answers to those questions yourself. So in the end, do you know yourself well?”
She had expected an immediate, unwavering affirmation. But contrary to her expectations, the junior’s eyes widened in surprise. Then, like someone who had eaten honey and lost their voice, she couldn’t say a single word.
A heavy silence fell over the infirmary.
After a brief pause, the junior finally opened her mouth.
“…I thought I knew.”
“You thought you knew?”
“I thought I knew. I definitely knew.”
The junior muttered as if casting a spell. Then, as if sighing, she let out the next words.
“Now… I don’t know anymore.”
As she said that, Kim Jihye looked more hollow and empty than anyone Eunji had ever seen.