People Are Creatures Who Don't Change Easily

"I just sent it like that. It was an ordinary thank-you...?"

"You really think so?"

Pinned under the pressure of Koga-san's frown and the question thrown back at her, I opened the Misscode DM and checked it one ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠more time.

"Mmm."

...What exactly is the problem?

When I sent her a look that asked as much, Koga-san let out a long sigh.

"Why did you have to tack on up till now? It makes it sound like we're never going to see each other again."

"...Eh?"

It did kind of feel that way, now that she said it.

There's a good trick for moments like this. Turn it around.

Suppose, for example, that Koga-san suddenly sent me something like this.

If a DM like that showed up in front of me, what would I think?

"...Hck."

It really does feel like we'd never see each other again.

Talking to another person was this profound a thing.

"You get it now?"

"Y-yes, I-I'm sorry. I really didn't send it with th-that kind of thought..."

"If that wasn't it, then it's fine. Haa, seriously..."

"...Uh, K-Koga-san?"

"Seriously..."

Before I knew it, one drop, then another, was falling from Koga-san's pitch-black eyes. Because of me, Koga-san was crying.

"Hic, seriously. Making someone worry, ugh..."

"K-Koga-san? Um, th-that—I was wrong. D-don't cry. I'm sorry..."

"I knew. I knew a Calamity blew up after the collab with Kurokami-senpai. Hic. And I knew you were ego-surfing every last bit of it..."

"I-I'm sorry..."

"Why didn't you tell me when it was hard? Hic. Was it because I'm short? Hic. Because you couldn't trust me, so you couldn't open up...? I—I was scared you might be having awful thoughts..."

She said it with her face buried in my shoulder, and her tears slowly soaked into my pajamas.

"You said we were friends.... So why won't you lean on me when things are hard...?"

"I'm sorry."

I knew it was a late apology. Even so, late didn't feel like a reason to leave it unsaid.

"I'm sorry.... I m-made a promise with you.... that we'd cut back on n-negative thoughts, we p-promised.... but I kept, I k-kept having nothing but bad thoughts, and I got scared.... If you h-heard them I was so afraid you'd be disappointed that I c-couldn't say a word.... I'm sorry..."

The tears come. Because I'm pathetic. Because I'm an idiot. If I had told her the whole truth from the start, it would surely have gone better.

"I'm really sorry..."

"Next time something like this happens, you have to tell me.... I'll help as much as I can. I'm always on your side, Izumi..."

"Okay..."

It was about ten more minutes before the tears—mine and Koga-san's—finally stopped.

"I'm heading back, then."

"Huh? Um, y-you could stay and sleep..."

"It's fine. I brought the car on purpose. I've got plans tomorrow, too."

"That's—but still..."

She had come all the way here in the middle of the night because of my DM. The guilt was no joke.

As if she had read the thought, Koga-san let out a soft snort of a laugh and lifted her arm.

"You're still a student, Izumi. I think it's all right to lean on the adults around you a little more."

And then she stroked my head, gentle and soft. I'm the taller one, so the angle had me looking down at her—but even so, her hand felt good.

"Hehe..."

"Haa.... You really are a handful."

Saying that at her height isn't exactly convincing. And she was the one who buried her face in this handful's shoulder and cried.

"...You just had another weird thought."

"I-I didn't..."

"...Pft."

"Hehe..."

We finished the exchange we had grown used to, and the laughter broke out of us on its own.

"I really should go now. I'll contact you tomorrow, so make sure you pick up."

"Okay. P-please get home safe."

"The Iztomo are worried sick, too, so be sure to turn the stream on tomorrow."

"I-I will..."

"And Izumi!"

"Eep...?!"

Koga-san suddenly caught my cheeks and forced my gaze around. Waiting at the end of it were the red marks crying had left at the corners of her eyes, and those pitch-black irises.

"When ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠you're at least saying goodbye to a friend, you look each other in the eye! Understood?"

The moment our eyes met, my head went light and my breath snagged short.

"Haa, hnn.... Uuugh..."

My stomach lurched so hard I wanted to bolt for the bathroom that very second. But the eyes waiting past it were kind, and they didn't waver.

"Understood?"

"Ah, um, uh, uuugh.... Y-yes. T-take c-care..."

I managed to say goodbye to Koga-san.

"Yeah. I'm off."

"Haaaa..."

With that last word she stepped out of our house, and in the same instant I sank to the floor.

How long had it been since I had properly met the eyes of someone who wasn't family and held a conversation? I couldn't even remember, which meant it had to have been a very long time ago. My stomach and my head were still rolling, as if to tell me I had done something I wasn't used to. Even so, I didn't feel bad.

"Urp..."

"B-but first, the bathroom...."

"Hehe. I-I'm really okay."

Even so, Koga-san sighed, as if she still couldn't stop worrying. I'm not a complete child. It would be nice if she eased up, even a little.

"Ah... yes..."

Koga-san's mind-reading is starting to get genuinely scary. What am I supposed to do...? S-still, she's a precious friend, so I should pretend I didn't notice, right?

"Okay!"

A bright little ding, and the call with Koga-san ended.

Four thousand people were waiting live. Until now my streams had averaged about two thousand in the waiting room, so this was fully double. The reason—well, that part didn't need saying.

"Huuu..."

At some point the clock on the computer had come to point at 4:59. And with every second that slipped past, the sound of my heartbeat grew wilder.

As if to prove a habit isn't fixed so easily, sentences I didn't want to remember kept cutting through my head.

But.

"I-it's okay..."

There are viewers waiting for me.

There is a senior who stands up for me.

There is a friend who holds me dear.

And more than any of that—

The person I look up to is watching me.

So—

I'm not running anymore.

"Umm. So. I think all of you Iztomo must have a l-lot of questions..."

Shut up.

I decided I wouldn't run. I never decided I'd change. A person's personality couldn't possibly turn over in a week, no matter what.

And besides, Koga-san said exactly that. So I'm not in the wrong.

Yeah. That one's right. Familiar is better.

"F-first, I said if you've g-got questions, post them as Mycarongs, so l-let's start with th-those..."

I said it and pulled the Mycarong screen up. Normally I would have looked through them once before the stream and deleted anything likely to cause trouble, but today I deliberately hadn't. And the first Mycarong that met my eyes was—

A Mycarong that landed like a rebuke, with no room left to make excuses.

"I-I'm sorry.... There were personal circumstances..."

"I watched it! I w-watched the whole thing live, and I rewatched it t-twice!"

As if I could have missed a live that good. Nacchan even asked me herself.

"Right. And the costume! The costume was so incredibly pretty. Doesn't it suit the new song perfectly? Honestly, I almost c-cried a little while I was watching..."

"Huh? What hasn't?"

...I feel kind of awful.

But whatever. What matters right now is Nacchan's live, so I'll let it go.

"The stockings especially—my eyes went straight to them. Anyone could tell, right? She was deliberately going for the opposite feeling from Night of the Star Cluster. The red cord wrapped around the waist, you might think it's nothing, but there's a hidden accent in it..."

...What are they even talking about?