I Want to Set the Direction of My Streams...
"A new song shows who Natsune-senpai is as an idol, right? From the mood, all the way through the lyrics and the choreography. Especially that line—'Don't hesitate. Step forward.' The live choreography was like that too, but the PV, where the stars in the night sky turn into the sun... wasn't that completely moving? And if you look at the background in the shot where she reaches out her hand...."
"But there's no way I could explain all of Natsune-senpai's charm in barely an hour, is there?"
Any Iztomo ought to know at least that much. And we hadn't even gotten to do yesterday's watch-along, so talking a little longer should be fine, shouldn't it? It was a comeback stream. I'd been planning to go on for quite a while anyway.
"Anyway? If you look at Natsune-senpai's eyes at the very end of the PV, for just an instant the stars—"
"...I-I'm t-tired, so would it be o-okay if I turned the stream back on tomorrow?"
At those words, the chat caught fire.
"I'm sorry. I was here."
"Th-then, since everyone seems o-okay with it... I-I'll stop here!"
But the moment I imagined talking about anything other than Nacchan after that, I was already exhausted....
"I'll p-pick it up tomorrow! B-bye, everyone...! See you n-next time...."
...So what on earth was that even supposed to mean?
"Aaaah.... So embarrassing!"
The feelings had caught up late, and Suzuha was thrashing in the driver's seat. Heat had climbed into her head the whole drive home; she could hardly stand it. By the time she arrived, the backlash left her unable to get out at all, both palms pressed over her face. That was also the entire reason she had turned down Izumi's offer to stay the night.
Hic— honestly. Making me worry about her, sob....
Why didn't you tell me when it was this hard, hic. Was it because I'm short, sob. Because you couldn't trust me, so you couldn't open up...? I— I was so scared Izumi might be thinking something awful....
You said we were friends.... So why won't you lean on me when it's hard...?
From now on, when something like this happens, y-you have to tell me.... I'll help as much as I can. I'm always on Izumi's side....
Even as she told herself it was humiliating, the scene from earlier refused to leave her head.
"H-how could I, a whole twenty-four years old, make such a shameful scene in front of a kid eight years younger...."
She remembered burying her face in Izumi's shoulder and sobbing without restraint. Izumi's body had smelled of soft, cozy baby powder, and her hair of sweet peaches. It was mortifying, truly—but that was why Suzuha had been able to calm down partway through.
"No. I'm not the bad one...."
Izumi was the one at fault for all of it. How was anyone supposed to not worry about a child that fragile?
I-I'm sorry.... I p-promised Miss Koga.... We promised I'd cut down on n-negative thoughts.... But bad thoughts kept— k-kept coming, and I was scared.... I was so scared that if Miss Koga heard, she'd be disappointed, so I c-couldn't say it.... I'm sorry....
In the VTuber industry, people's malice ran far deeper than anyone would think. Turning even a tiny mistake into a Calamity was the baseline. They inflated rumors with no basis at all, and they would even drag in talk of a "past life" just to attack you. In a sense, having no private life whatsoever was exactly what the job of VTuber meant. Seeing Izumi in a place like that, she felt like a child left alone at the water's edge.
"So of course I'd feel like I have to protect her...."
Suzuha made the quiet vow, waited until her blazing-red face had settled, and finally got out of the car. Naturally, there was no one around to point out that this was a victory won entirely inside her own head.
The door opened with a clack.
I was in the middle of an outcast's ultimate technique—come to school early and pretend to be asleep—and, face still buried in the desk, I slid my eyes sideways. Well, of course. The one who had come into the classroom was Miss Miyauchi, the class president. Once I'd confirmed who it was, I turned my gaze back to the desk.
A greeting? If someone like me spoke first, she might get offended, thinking I was presumptuously acting close when we weren't even friends. Besides, Miss Miyauchi would be fooled by my perfect sleeping act and wouldn't come over. So all I had to do was keep my head planted on the desk. If I wasn't the one saying hello first, I didn't step forward either. This was the wisdom of forty years in the outcast life.
"U-um...."
And yet a voice brushed past my ear.
"Miss Kayano? Are you asleep...?"
...Huh?
For a second I thought someone else must have shown up at this hour for once. But Miss Miyauchi was calling me, precisely me. I even entertained the delusion that maybe another person with the surname Kayano had transferred into this class... but that was nonsense.
"Mm...."
Should I answer? Or just keep pretending to sleep? I-if I kept faking it, my image in class was already bad enough—wouldn't I fall even further? Right. If Miss Miyauchi called me just one more time, I'd answer.
"Guess she's asleep...."
No. I'm not asleep, so don't give up after one try—please call me again, Miss Miyauchi...! You have something important to say, don't you?
"Maybe I should talk to her tomorrow...."
...Now.
She hadn't exactly called me again, but I'd go with the story that the noise around me had woken me up.
"Mmm."
"Ah, Miss Kayano...."
"D-did you c-call me...?"
To sell that I absolutely had not been pretending—that I had truly been asleep until just now—I moved with care even in the smallest gestures. A light rub at the corner of my eye with one finger. A small stretch, as if my body were stiff from sleeping all this time. Precision.
Perfect.
She would never notice I'd been faking sleep.
"Ah, um, uh.... Miss Kayano...."
"...Yes."
"L-last week, you, um, seemed like you weren't doing very well...."
"Ah."
It stung. I'd rubbed at my eye and accidentally poked the eyeball.
"Ah, M-Miss Miyauchi, what are you t-talking about...?"
"I-I'm sorry, Miss Kayano! I'm truly sorry!"
...Huh?
It had stung so badly that I hadn't properly heard her, and I'd been about to ask her to say it again—but for some reason Miss Miyauchi bowed her head, apologized, and fled the classroom.
"...What?"
No one was there to answer. From the open window, only the sound of the autumn wind drifted emptily into the room.
"What do I do, what do I do...!"
Miyauchi walked the empty hallway, berating herself. Her eyes were already wet, and she had bitten her lip so hard a little blood had seeped out.
"So embarrassing...."
I'm such an idiot. I had sworn I wouldn't stick my nose in until I became real friends with Miss Kayano.
"I should have just stayed quiet...!"
Speaking to Kayano today had been a fairly impulsive act. Kayano always arrived first, then laid her head on the desk and tried to sleep, as if that stretch of time were her only rest. So until now, Miyauchi had never once spoken to her then. But seeing her sleeping so quietly today brought back the heavy air she had seen around Kayano last week, and with it rose the wish that, if she could, she might be the one to comfort her.
No matter what happens, I'm on your side.
That was what Miyauchi had wanted to say. But when she saw Kayano awake, she realized something was wrong. The corners of Kayano's eyes were dyed bright red, as if she had cried her heart out only yesterday.
"Idiot...."
There had been a chance. Miyauchi should have made any excuse at all and withdrawn right then. But that pitiful, frail look—Kayano with her eyes so red—only made the wish to comfort her stronger. And so the words had left her mouth.
"L-last week, you, um, seemed like you weren't doing very well...."
"Ah...."
And the moment she heard them, a droplet slid from Kayano's beautiful blue eyes. Only then did Miyauchi notice her mistake. She didn't know exactly what had happened, but it had been hard enough that merely remembering it brought tears—and because of Miyauchi, who wasn't even a friend yet, Kayano had been forced to remember it again.
"Ah, Miss Miyauchi, what are you talking about...?"
Kayano had every reason to be terribly upset, and yet she was kind enough to act as if she hadn't heard a thing, as if she were offering Miyauchi a chance. All Miyauchi could do was bow her head and apologize.
"Idiot. A complete idiot...!"
She had known Kayano was hurting, and she had wanted to comfort her and grow closer because of it. What a base desire, with no consideration for the other person at all. Realizing that, Miyauchi's heart filled with regret.
"I'm sorry, Miss Kayano...."
And so, in the bathroom where no one could hear, she let the apology out and cried, cursing her own foolishness.
"I w-want to set my d-direction...."
"I-I'm being serious!"
A person agonizes forever, finally manages to say it, and this is the reaction? I hadn't turned on a members-only stream for nothing.
"E-everyone probably knows, but this time the C-Calamity got r-really big, right? I d-don't know if I was actually in the wrong... but I think it blew up because there was some reason for it...."
"...Really? Th-this stream is o-okay too...?"
"Huee, hehe, hehehe...."
Somehow, thinking I'd been acknowledged by the Iztomo who always teased me put me in a good mood.
"Then I'll s-stop the stream here.... S-see you in a little bit, when I read the Mycarongs...."
If everyone said things were fine as they were, there was no need to keep streaming, right? I'd be turning it back on in two hours anyway.
"B-bye, everyone...."