The Prisoner

“Huh...?”

Wang Guang woke. Still half-dazed, he stared back and forth between me and Sima Lang for a long while.

Fair enough. He’d blacked out without knowing why, and now he was waking up trussed hand and foot. The first things he saw were the ultimate object of his sexual fantasies—an aristocratic young lady—and some man he’d never laid eyes on before.

“What in the world is this...”

“What do you think? You actually tried to rape the eldest daughter of the illustrious Sima clan. Are you out of your mind? Did you really think you’d walk away from that?”

“Who the hell are you?! Do you have any idea where you are— Hiiik! Hiiihik!!”

He still hadn’t grasped the situation, so I tickled the bare soles of his feet with a chicken feather. Wang Guang thrashed and howled, but the ropes were far too tight for him to move an inch.

“Hiiik! Hiiihik! P-please stop! I’ll do anything you want—just stop!!!”

“Then start by apologizing to Lady Sima here.”

“Hah... hah... This Wang Guang was discourteous. Overcome by a moment’s lust, I nearly committed a grave crime.”

Tears and snot streaming from the unbearable tickling, Wang Guang apologized to Sima Lang. She still seemed frightened of him, half-hiding behind me as she spoke.

“How could a man of a commandery governor’s rank do such a thing?”

“Ah... In my youth I played at being a wandering knight and never knew women. It seems I could not control the thievery I learned so late. But... who is this gentleman?”

“This is...”

Even Sima Lang couldn’t find a proper way to introduce me. She knew I worked under Liu Bei, yet she didn’t know my name or rank.

“I’m the man Magistrate Liu Bei of Yawang sent.”

“The magistrate of Yawang... That insolent wench who not only obstructed the scholars I sent but refused even the governor’s summons— Hiiik! Hiiihiihik!!”

“Keep barking. Ever heard the saying that falling raindrops can pierce rock? Today I’ll show you what it means to pierce a sole with a chicken feather.”

“Hiihik! Hiihik! S-stop! What business could the magistrate of Yawang possibly have with me?”

“You’re asking because you don’t know? When a governor loses his reason and runs wild with tyranny, even a county magistrate has to step in, doesn’t he?”

“Do you think you’ll get away with this? A mere county magistrate daring to attack a governor...”

Whoosh!

I was stuck in Immortal Mode and couldn’t torture him properly, so I’d only been tickling him—and the bastard still wouldn’t shut up. I had no choice but to bring out the final weapon.

An unsealed letter.

“W-what is this?”

“What do you think? Part of the correspondence you exchanged with Yuan Shao. Wow... this is something. After He Jin died and you lost every connection at court, Chancellor Dong raised you all the way to Governor of Henei—and behind his back you were colluding with Yuan Shao? What do you think happens to you if I send this to Luoyang?”

“...”

Only then did Wang Guang realize he was completely screwed and clamp his mouth shut. Time to wrap this up.

“Do exactly as I say. Then I won’t report this to Dong Zhuo, and I won’t kill you here either.”

“What... do I have to do?”

What else? You’re going to be my hostage!

Waaaaaah!!!

A tremendous roar suddenly erupted from inside the government compound. The soldiers on patrol outside spun around in shock and stared up at the watchtower.

“Th-the governor!”

“The governor? What’s going on?”

There stood Wang Guang, bound hand and foot, held captive by the very prisoners he had persecuted. I immediately raised my voice and shouted down to the soldiers below the walls.

“Soldiers, listen well! I am the man sent by Magistrate Liu Bei of Yawang. Governor Wang Guang of Henei, unable to control power far beyond his station, has tormented the region’s notables and slaughtered countless people. Therefore the Magistrate of Yawang has dispatched me to set this wrong right!”

“The magistrate of Yawang...”

Liu Bei’s reputation had already spread this far; more than a few of them recognized the name. Just then a woman stepped forward from among the soldiers and called out.

“I am Han Hao, Commandant of Henei! What exactly do you want?”

Just as I thought... I’d already known she was a woman, but a true heavyweight had appeared. I immediately checked her status window.

Amazingly, she was the talent I needed most right now. I’d been trying to advance everything related to military farms, and here was the very founder of the system?

“How could someone as respected by the people as Commandant Han stand by and watch Wang Guang’s tyranny all this time? You ought to be ashamed!”

“I-I merely followed orders. And is it right for the magistrate of Yawang to barge into the governor’s compound and take hostages?”

“Judging right and wrong belongs only to the Son of Heaven or to the people. We can’t exactly ask His Majesty right now, but the people here seem to think differently, don’t they?”

Waaaaah! Drive Wang Guang out!!!

These were the very people who had been locked in the prison because of Wang Guang until moments ago. They also perfectly ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠matched the “people” I had just invoked, so Han Hao couldn’t even manage a reply.

“And Commandant Han, you seem to be under a misunderstanding. I didn’t take the governor hostage—I took him prisoner. Still don’t get it? Your government compound has fallen.”

“What do you mean...”

Thud! Thud!

That was the moment. The suicide squad of Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, who had been lying low until now, finally poured in.

The soldiers, distracted by me, couldn’t stop a mere ten men and went flying like leaves.

“Where the hell did these bastards come from?”

Whoosh!

Guan Yu immediately pressed the Green Dragon Crescent Blade to Han Hao’s throat. Zhang Fei whirled his serpent spear with a whoosh-whoosh, keeping the enemy at bay. With that, the army’s number-one and number-two were both neutralized.

“Soldiers, listen! If you want the governor and the commandant to live, drop your weapons and surrender at once. From this moment the Henei government compound is under Yawang’s control.”

“W-what do we do? How are we supposed to handle this?”

The soldiers milled about in confusion, not knowing what to do. Then whoosh!—Guan Yu handed Han Hao off to a subordinate and stepped forward, cold steel gleaming.

“Just one of you step forward. Then you’ll understand what you need to do next.”

“...”

Even soldiers who had no idea who Guan Yu was had no trouble grasping his meaning. And so every last one of them surrendered.

This way I hadn’t even broken the Immortal penalty. Earth Tunneling had only been used to pass through the walls.

I had blackmailed Wang Guang with the truth and turned him into a hostage for the prisoners; the ones who actually seized the compound were Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.

Thus the government seat of Henei fell to a mere thirteen riders.

Hoooo...

Late that night inside the compound. After ordering Guan Yu and Zhang Fei to lock the soldiers in the prison, I summoned Wang Guang and Han Hao together with Sima Lang.

“What do you intend to do? Don’t tell me you actually think you’ve occupied the government seat?”

Han Hao protested that the whole thing was absurd. Fair enough—we’d only seized the compound itself. As Governor of Henei, Wang Guang could still mobilize thousands of troops; trying to hold out here would be idiotic.

“Is that so? I think the governor’s opinion might be a little different.”

“What are you talking about? What’s going on, Governor?”

“Well... just do whatever he wants.”

“...?”

Han Hao, still unaware that Wang Guang was compromised, could only gape in disbelief. Meanwhile Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, having completely disarmed the soldiers, walked into the compound.

“Why haven’t you taken his head yet?”

“Take his head, Lord Guan? We said we wouldn’t harm a single person.”

“If we leave that man alive, who knows what he’ll try. I’m calling Elder Sister right now and putting her in charge of all of Henei.”

“What are you— We’re not an occupying army!”

“Then what do you plan to do?”

Well, there’s only one thing to do here, isn’t there? War is simply the continuation of politics.

I intended to spread far and wide the fact that thirteen riders had taken the Henei government seat, so everyone would know who stood at the top of Henei.

“Wang Guang will come with us to Yawang.”

“You bastard! Are you saying you’ll kidnap the governor?”

“How many times do I have to say it, Commandant Han—he’s a prisoner, not a kidnap victim? And you, Commandant, have a job to do. Tomorrow morning gather every official of the commandery and explain everything that happened today. Then announce not only in Huai County but in the surrounding counties that the government seat has fallen.”

“Have you lost your mind? Do you think the court will leave you alone?”

“Hey now! Han Hao, why so impatient? Just let the man speak!”

“...”

The prisoner Wang Guang was actually shielding me. Once Han Hao was reduced to a speechless mute, I drew the governor’s seal of office from my robes.

“Here is the governor’s seal, so from now on you will follow my orders. For the time being the Governor of Henei will discharge his duties from Yawang, and therefore Commandant Han will remain in Huai County as his deputy. When the time comes I will return Wang Guang, so you need not worry about his safety.”

“Khh...”

Han Hao ground her teeth in pure ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠fury. Even as a prisoner herself she kept resisting to the end—she really did have extraordinary spirit.

“Then we’ll be heading back. All of you, return to your homes and enjoy your liberation with your families. Ah—and Commandant Han, you must restore every family’s property that Wang Guang seized.”

“There are houses that have already been wiped out. What about them?”

“Send those to Yawang for now. I’ll think it over carefully.”

“...”

Heh heh... Exactly. Bringing the people from the prison wasn’t only for their safety.

The reason Wang Guang had gone so far as to exterminate entire clans while seizing their wealth was simple: even if things went wrong, he would never have to give anything back.

So every ownerless fortune would now flow straight into Yawang’s storehouses. Han Hao reluctantly nodded.

Hyah! Hyah!

The moment dawn broke we slipped out of the compound. We treated our prisoner Wang Guang with all the dignity due a governor and escorted him as courteously as possible.

We decided to rest briefly in the main county seat. I stopped at an inn, ordered whatever food Wang Guang wanted, then stepped outside for a moment.

“Do you have a moment?”

“Lady Sima?”

It was Sima Lang. After the day she’d had I expected her to be filling her stomach like everyone else, yet somehow she had followed me out.

“I... don’t believe I’ve properly thanked you. To someone who saved my life—or perhaps something even more important—I raised my hand against you without thinking...”

“Ah! No need to thank me so much. I’m not being modest and I’m not standing on ceremony. You really don’t need to thank me.”

I was the one who had sent her to Wang Guang in the first place; gratitude would only shred my conscience. But Sima Lang, unaware of the full story, had finally realized she was safe and looked considerably brighter.

“That aside—Wang Guang colluding with Yuan Benchu... When did you find that evidence?”

“There was no evidence. That letter was just an ordinary missive lying on Wang Guang’s desk.”

“What do you mean? It was pure conjecture? But Wang Guang himself admitted it.”

“Even a man as reckless as Wang Guang wouldn’t wipe out an entire clan just to pile up wealth—it doesn’t make sense. I heard from Master Lu Zhi that in his younger days he was a man of high chivalry. Age may have given him some ugly hobbies, but more than anything he values honor and loyalty. Yet the moment he took office as Governor of Henei he became obsessed with money? There had to be ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠another purpose. For example...”

“Funding someone resisting Dong Zhuo, perhaps? How did you see that far from so little?”

Well, I already know everything that’s going to happen. I can’t claim to know every detail about Wang Guang, but I at least know he was a member of the Anti-Dong Zhuo Coalition and the vanguard of the Hebei team.

“I got lucky. If that hadn’t worked I was going to try something else, but my first shot just happened to hit the bull’s-eye.”

“You’re being humble. No one with such timid confidence would have tried to seize a government compound. I always thought men like you only existed in the history books—I never expected to see one with my own eyes.”

Sima Lang’s eyes began to sparkle as if she were a little moved. She clasped her hands before her like a prayer and gazed at me with the most loving look in the world.

“...”

This ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠is getting awkward. I’ve always privately thought of her as the demure bride-to-be type, haven’t I?

But when a young lady from a prestigious house looks at me with those eyes and that posture, who could deny that it’s the gaze of a bride looking at her groom just before the wedding chamber?

“I was terribly rude last time. No matter what, I shouldn’t have driven the magistrate away so coldly...”

“No! I really did try to scam you. I wanted to get close to the Sima clan, but our magistrate is so honest he has nothing to his name, so I resorted to that. I should have been more sincere—my little scheme only stained the magistrate’s honor further. I’m ashamed.”

“Anyone with such outstanding strategic talent would naturally want to put it to use. Ah... come to think of it, I still don’t even know your name. If it’s not too much trouble...”

Hee-hee-hing!

But Sima Lang never got to hear my name. A horse suddenly came galloping like mad and skidded to a halt right in front of us. I instantly threw both arms out to shield her.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going! Who rides a horse like that— Huh?”

The rider was someone both Sima Lang and I knew. A wicked little queen sitting ramrod-straight in the saddle, looking down on lesser beings.

Sima Yi.

“Zhongda? What are you doing here?”

Sima Lang asked in bewilderment. Sima Yi snorted as if the whole thing were ridiculous.

“I should be asking you that, Elder Sister. You vanished all of a sudden, so I grilled the servants and they said you’d gone to Huai County. Have you lost your mind?”

“I-I only went to request relief for Shanglin...”

“I figured as much. But too bad—Shanglin is sleeping with both feet stretched out in Yawang right now.”

“What are you talking about? How would you know that?”

“Because I was sure that bastard would use Shanglin as an excuse, so I went to Yawang myself.”

“...”

Sima Lang’s head snapped toward me. The gentle, shy-bride warmth was gone; her eyes had gone ice-cold and demanded an explanation.

“Lady Sima? About that...”

“You lied to me.”

“It wasn’t a lie—it was a kind of stratagem. You know the saying about the bitter-flesh ruse? To deceive the enemy you have to sacrifice your own flesh...”

Slap!

Sima Lang had no intention of listening further. She cracked me across the cheek, vaulted onto Sima Yi’s horse, and rode off toward Wen County.

Hmm... a slap delivered with real feeling really does hurt like hell, doesn’t it?