A Slightly Rough Welcome - Colonel Jian Shuo's Chaotic Anal Sex Brawl
"...Zhao Yun!"
"Y-yes!"
When Jian Shuo called his name again, Zhao Yun finally snapped out of his daze. He stepped forward, bowed his head, and offered a respectful salute.
"Hmm... Yes. He'll make a fine little puppy."
"...Pardon?"
A puppy? Zhao Yun asked back at the murmured words as she slowly looked him up and down, but Jian Shuo ignored him completely and continued reading the appointment decree.
"Though you are but a commoner without any official rank, you have rendered great service in Youzhou and Jizhou. In particular, in Jizhou you assisted Dong Zhuo in beheading the ringleader. How could we not commend you! Therefore, upon the recommendation of Dong Zhuo, Governor of Xiliang and General Who Subdues the West, and Colonel Jian Shuo of the Upper Army, we appoint you as Sima of the Point Army under the Colonel of the Upper Army. Henceforth, devote your loyalty to the imperial family!"
"I have no way to repay the Emperor's grace. Long live His Majesty! Long live! Long live ten thousand years!"
Working under the Colonel of the Upper Army? So, under Jian Shuo? Not Cao Cao?
In the Han dynasty, official positions usually revolved around strong personal connections. It meant they were making arrangements so he could serve under someone he followed. For example, if one's lord rose to general, his subordinates would be appointed as army simas or staff officers in turn.
But to place him as Point Army Sima under the Upper Army Colonel at the request of Dong Zhuo and Jian Shuo... Why him of all people? Without any special reason, he should have been serving under Cao Cao... Sending him, who was Cao Cao's subordinate, under Jian Shuo instead—what were they thinking?
As he withdrew, he glanced over, but Jian Shuo was simply wearing a bewitching smile and licking her lips. Could it be that she held a grudge against Cao Cao and was picking a fight this way? Well... Her uncle had been beaten to death by Cao Cao, so that made sense. Of course, he had no intention of playing along with it.
"Zilong...."
As soon as the ceremony ended, Cao Cao approached him. When Zhao Yun turned, he saw her fidgeting, unable to decide what to say. The sight made him chuckle involuntarily.
"Don't worry."
"Pardon?"
"Didn't I say I'd stay under Lady Mengde until I repaid the favor? A position like Point Army Sima is easy to resign from."
"Zilong...!"
Cao Cao gazed at him with eyes full of emotion. Honestly, with her eyes always squinted like that, he couldn't tell if they were truly moved or not... but at least that's how it felt. Was this really something to get so emotional about? The way she gripped his hand tightly while her eyes sparkled was almost burdensome.
"If I go out and roll around at home for a bit, won't the Forward Army Colonel call for me herself?"
"Of course! Since Zilong is my subordinate, it's only natural that I take care of you! You're a pathetic man who runs after every woman like a dog, but your sense of loyalty is unmatched! Um... speaking of which, you haven't found a house in Luoyang yet, right? How about staying in our guest room for a while? Housing prices here are so high it's hard to find anything. Actually, living together entirely would be fine too! No lodging fees required. After all, we're close, aren't we!"
It was noisy. While treating Cao Cao's excited, nonstop chatter as white noise and giving appropriate responses, Zhao Yun thought of the people he had almost ended up serving. From Liu Bei to Yuan Shu. From Liu Bei to Cao Cao. From Cao Cao to Dong Zhuo. And now from Cao Cao to Jian Shuo.
Good grief, it was getting more and more of a mess! Were there only these kinds of people in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms? ...Yeah. There were only these kinds of bastards. Perhaps the era became such a disaster because the people living in it were like this?
Seeing Dong Zhuo and Jian Shuo, Cao Cao looked like a saint in comparison. Yuan Shu was better than Dong Zhuo, but with Cao Cao around, why bother? Liu Bei was out of the question. If he had followed her, he wouldn't even be in Luoyang right now. He probably would have been grinding his teeth working under the rural county magistrate Liu Bei.
Thinking this way, if it could just prevent the coming chaos, serving under Cao Cao seemed pretty good too....
"Hmm~ As Dong Zhuo said, he's quite the loyal puppy, isn't he?"
At the sharp voice from behind, Zhao Yun and Cao Cao turned to see Jian Shuo staring piercingly at Zhao Yun with a strange expression mixing mockery and admiration.
"Leaving the Point Army Sima position? Really?"
Jian Shuo licked her lips and tilted her head. Cao Cao glared at her as if ready to throw salt in her face and gripped Zhao Yun's hand even tighter.
"Aha! So the Colonel of the Upper Army heard after all! Unfortunately, since Zilong is my subordinate... what are we to do? He says he doesn't want to work under someone else!"
Cao Cao, whose mood had soured at the sight of Jian Shuo's face for the first time in a while, smiled fiercely and pulled Zhao Yun closer to her side. Jian Shuo twitched her eyebrows at the sight and opened her mouth to provoke her right back.
"Subordinate? Does the Forward Army Colonel usually call someone temporarily working as a guest general a subordinate?"
"It seems the General Who Subdues the West has been quite diligent in... praising my Zilong?"
Cao Cao glared at Dong Zhuo standing beside Jian Shuo, but the woman casually shot back.
"That's because he seemed far too valuable to be placed under you! ...Even though I learned yesterday that Zilong is a madman when it comes to women, all men are like that! This Dong Zhongying has ways to correct such minor flaws."
Kuhuhut....
As Dong Zhuo stared intently at Zhao Yun, clearly imagining the chastity belt, candles, and whip Jia Xu must have bought while blushing with shame, Zhao Yun felt cold sweat run down his back for some reason and subtly avoided her gaze.
"Whatever... Anyway. Hey, Zhao Yun, was it? You're a guest general, right? You don't plan to work under that bitch forever, do you? Stop doing stupid things and obediently work under me. If you stay with me, I'll make you forget about women like her in no time. Yeah?"
Jian Shuo's suggestion somehow inspired lewd imaginations, making Zhao Yun's face flush red. But after coming all the way to Luoyang, who in their right mind would take the hand of one of the Ten Eunuchs?
His mind full of plans to either crush the Ten Eunuchs, persuade Dong Zhuo, or save He Jin, Zhao Yun shook his head.
"I am truly grateful that you think so highly of me, but having received Lady Mengde's grace, I have no intention of carelessly changing my nest. Please forgive me."
"There! You heard it! Zilong said he wants to be under me! Stop with the useless talk and go do your work already!"
Shoo! Shoo!
As Cao Cao waved her arms with a sly smile like she was chasing away sparrows, Jian Shuo glared at the sight with sharp eyes before turning her back.
"Hmph! I'll let it go this time, but what will you do when a situation comes where you can't refuse next time? You owe me your life? Such a debt can be repaid surprisingly easily... I'm really curious how you'll behave after paying it back."
A life-saving grace? That could be made to be repaid quickly. The words, which could easily be interpreted as a chilling death threat, instantly froze the atmosphere.
Cao Cao clapped her hands loudly to dispel the chilled mood and changed the subject.
"...As always, you have an exceptional talent for making people feel disgusted! Pay her no mind! No matter if she's one of the Ten Eunuch women, she can't openly kill people in Luoyang."
She then turned her usual squinty smiling face toward Zhao Yun, creating a strangely pressuring atmosphere.
"So, until you find a house, it would be most comfortable to stay by my side as your lord, right? It just so happens that Yuan Rang sent the carriage loaded with our luggage home, so how about we decide there?"
It was true that since Luoyang was the capital of the Han, housing would be expensive. It seemed best to stay in the guest room at Cao Cao's as she suggested. Above all, wasn't the Cao family famous as the richest house in the Han dynasty? The Cao family's guest room might even be better than most regular houses.
"Yes, then first to Lady Mengde's house...."
"No! Absolutely not!"
Dong Zhuo waved her hands as if she'd been waiting for this.
"Hey, Zilong! Were you such an ill-mannered person? I'm very disappointed!"
"Eh? What do you..."
"Ah! Who was it that recommended you for the Point Army Sima position! Before house or anything, shouldn't you go give thanks to that person first, don't you think? Since the one who recommended you is right here, isn't it proper to stop by my house together!"
Was that so? When he glanced at Cao Cao, she was maintaining silence with a displeased expression.
"That is also correct. Tsk! Zilong, it would be best to first express your gratitude to the General Who Subdues the West. Since I've prepared something for you, I must go check on that...."
If Cao Cao said it like that, then that must come first. Come to think of it, it was obvious. Getting an official position in the Han required connections, didn't it? Especially a Luoyang position. Beheading Zhang Jue was a great achievement, but a mere commoner couldn't obtain the Sima position without any connections. Though it was a position he'd abandon as soon as he received it, having made his name known, he'd soon get another official post.
In any case, going to give thanks to Dong Zhuo and Jian Shuo came first. Should he buy something?
"Oh dear! What are you saying! Even if you have money, how much could you have? Whatever you buy would be useless, so just come empty-handed. Rather, since I've prepared something for you, you can look forward to it. Kuhuhut...!"
Both Cao Cao and Dong Zhuo—what on earth had they prepared? Feeling an unknown anxiety, Zhao Yun broke into a cold sweat, but no answer came to him. In the end, he'd have to go and face it himself....
Just as Zhao Yun was about to move his feet powerlessly like a cow being dragged to the slaughterhouse—
"Hmph! As expected, did you grow up stupidly so you can't even think properly?"
Yuan Shu suddenly picked a fight.
"What is it this time...."
With too many things happening at once, the exhausted Zhao Yun responded curtly, causing Yuan Shu to frown and glare at him.
"Grrr!!! Because of your misdeeds, ridiculous rumors have spread throughout the marketplace, and you're just going to stay quiet?! Even my foolish father believes those low-quality rumors! How dare you try to arrange an engagement on your own without consulting me... You must meet my father and first restore the honor of me, Yuan Gonglu, the youngest daughter of the Runan Yuan family! You're about to be engaged to some guy whose face you don't even know, and you're just going to leave it like this?"
...That was true too? No, why were there so many things he had to do? Even Dong Zhuo was just grumbling and seemed to have nothing to say in response. Well, this was a class-based society right now. The honor of high-ranking people came first. Besides, since it was brought up as a marriage issue, there was nothing to refute.
"Alright, let's go. The sooner we go, the sooner it ends. I'm already busy to death right after arriving."
"Hmm! It won't end that quickly, you know?"
Yuan Shu smiled meaningfully.
"Since I have something prepared to deal with you, you should steel yourself."
What the hell had she prepared now! At Yuan Shu's ominous smile, cold sweat ran down Zhao Yun's back once again.