A Rather Rough Welcome - The Chaotic Anal Sex Brawl of the Colonel of the Huben Zhonglang Battalion
A house, whether in the past or present, always reveals a great deal about its owner.
The temperament of the master, their tastes, dietary habits, profession, and so on.
That is precisely why people who normally never clean suddenly scrub every corner when they know guests are coming.
There is no need to show others exactly what kind of person you are, after all.
Besides, it is simply good manners to present a tidy appearance to visitors.
Of course, cleaning cannot hide everything.
No matter how thoroughly one sweeps and polishes, there are things that simply cannot be concealed. And those things are the wealth and power of the family living inside.
Slapping gold paint on cheap furniture does not make it luxurious.
Preparing silk cushions does not stop the floorboards from creaking.
Not in the slightest.
No matter how hard one scrubs, polishes, applies gold leaf, or goes through every possible extravagance, it is impossible to hide the true circumstances a house quietly reveals.
In other words, inviting a guest into one's home is an act of considerable pride in one's own family background.
In that sense, the fame of the Yuan clan of Runan—the most powerful family in the Han Dynasty—was no empty rumor.
"Good heavens… I had no idea the mansion would be this grand. If I hadn't been told we were coming here, I would have mistaken it for the imperial palace itself."
"Hmph! The imperial palace? Who do you think you're talking to, saying such things?!"
In front of the massive estate of the Yuan family in Luoyang.
When Zhao Yun offered sincere, unadulterated praise, Yuan Shu snapped at him with a scolding tone. Yet she couldn't hide the pride in her voice or expression, as if the compliment wasn't entirely unwelcome.
Just as Zhao Yun had said, the Yuan family's mansion was so magnificent that first-time visitors to Luoyang often mistook it for the imperial palace.
Every pillar and every brick seemed to whisper, "I am expensive," radiating a subtle luster. It was only natural to confuse it for the imperial grounds.
Of course, once they actually saw the real palace, they would immediately realize their mistake.
Even so, the fact that it was an impressive enough mansion to leave a deep impression remained unchanged.
That was why Zhao Yun, like every other first-time guest, completely forgot to enter and simply stood there, lost in admiration.
"What are you doing? Stop standing there like a country bumpkin and come inside already. We have a lot to do, so hurry up and get in."
At Yuan Shu's urging, Zhao Yun finally stepped inside at a leisurely pace.
There had been a faint trace of nervousness in her voice, but Zhao Yun, completely captivated by the mansion's grandeur, failed to notice it.
The moment he entered, the anxiously watching Yuan Shu finally relaxed. Her usual haughty expression returned, and she flashed an irritating little smile.
"Hmph! To think someone like you—who has treated the youngest daughter of the Yuan clan of Runan with such constant rudeness—would dare set foot in Luoyang… I can't tell if you're foolish or simply brave!"
What nonsense is she about to spout now, looking so smug?
Zhao Yun wore a bored expression, but Yuan Shu paid it no mind and loudly called for the man who had been waiting inside.
"Ji Ling!"
"Yes!!!"
"Where is Father?"
"As scheduled, he has gone to Runan for a short while to prepare for Milady's engagement!"
…He's not here?
Then why did she call me?
Wait. The phrase "as scheduled" means she called me precisely because that old man isn't here.
What are these people plotting?
Only now did Zhao Yun begin to look around the house with wariness, but perhaps it was already too late.
The Yuan family's private soldiers were slowly closing in, blocking his escape routes as if surrounding him.
"Good! Close the gates immediately!"
Creaaaaak—!
At Yuan Shu's shout, the servants swiftly shut the main gate.
Ji Ling, avoiding eye contact.
A crowd of soldiers holding clubs of various sizes.
Nervous servants.
And Yuan Shu watching with an expression of utter contempt.
This was most certainly not how one treated a guest.
"What the hell is this… Colonel Yuan! No, Colonel of the Huben Zhonglang Battalion! What exactly are you doing?!"
A visibly tense Zhao Yun demanded an explanation from Yuan Shu, who was sitting on a chair in the front courtyard sipping honey water.
Enjoying his reaction, Yuan Shu slowly savored the sweet drink before opening her mouth in a leisurely manner.
"Ohohohohoh—!!! Did you really think I would introduce a rude, shameless, ignorant lecher like you to my father without any correction? A beast that doesn't understand words should be left to a proper trainer! …Come in!"
So that's what her laugh sounded like.
If she had twin buns for hair, she'd be the perfect villainess. What a shame.
While Zhao Yun was having such random thoughts even in this urgent situation, two burly men wearing makeup like women appeared with graceful steps.
Fuck, they're not even gay—what the hell is this look?
"We welcome you…"
"To Luoyang."
"For coming to see us…"
"We are truly grateful."
"Oh my♥ Is this the naughty boy our lady mentioned?"
"The one who made our precious♥ lady cry."
"I didn't cry!!!"
Yuan Shu huffed angrily and cut off the comedic banter between the two effeminate men, but they lightly ignored her and continued.
"But you may rest easy now."
"Since we have arrived."
The two men bowed exaggeratedly to Yuan Shu before elegantly walking past her and stopping right in front of Zhao Yun.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Zhang Xun."
"And I'm Jiao Yu."
"""Let's get along well~♥"""
Ugh…!
When Zhao Yun glared at them while holding back the urge to vomit, Zhang Xun and Jiao Yu licked their lips with ecstatic expressions.
"My my~ Just look at those eyes! Lady! Where did you find such a ♥cute♥ boy?"
"Mmm~ That rebellious look? Ufufufu~ How did you know that this uncle has a thing for ♥naughty♥ boys and make such a perfect face?"
Bulge! Bulge!
Zhao Yun flinched at the two enormous bulges that rose simultaneously and took a step back, but the soldiers still blocked his retreat.
F-fuck! What the hell is going on here?!
"C-Colonel of the Huben Zhonglang Battalion! I don't know what complaint you have against me, but let's talk this out…!"
"What? You don't know what the problem is?!"
Shit, trying to calm her down had the opposite effect!
Seeing Yuan Shu's face flush red as if she were about to throw her teacup, Zhao Yun hurriedly spoke again.
"N-no! Of course I know! Now that I think about it, I… I was far too rude! And… um… riding together on the same horse was probably inappropriate too, right?"
Instead of calming down, Yuan Shu's eyes grew even sharper.
Ah! There was also that incident in the tent!
"Of course I must apologize for what happened in the barracks too! Yes! Naturally! There was a reason for it at the time, but thinking about it now, using a maiden's throat like that…"
"S-stop!!! You idiot! Are you really going to talk about that here?!"
When Yuan Shu screamed with a face as red as if it would burst, Zhao Yun finally shut his mouth.
Thinking back to that event made her lower abdomen throb just like before. Yuan Shu twisted her legs tightly while seated, unable to calm down for a long while. Only after gulping down several cups of honey water did she finally regain her composure.
"Hmph! After acting so rudely all this time, you finally feel fear upon witnessing my magnificent presence? How amusing. Do you really think I would forgive you just because you show such pathetic behavior?"
In truth, he had been scared by the two men's bulging crotches… but anyway, a subordinate's dignity was the master's dignity.
Therefore, the Yuan Shu that Zhao Yun was facing right now was no different from a muscular futanari with two cocks.
A situation on the verge of exploding.
Everyone swallowed dryly while staring only at Yuan Shu's lips.
"Milady! Even if Zilong is an uneducated rascal, he is still your benefactor! Please show him mercy and at least give him a chance to apologize!"
Ji Ling, whose face had been rotting away with guilt, could no longer endure the pangs of his conscience and begged Yuan Shu for mercy.
At Ji Ling's sudden shout, Yuan Shu flinched. He seized the moment to speak again, offering one last ray of hope.
"If you hand your benefactor over to those men without giving him any chance, what will the world say?! We are in urgent need of talented individuals to punish the fake Yuan clan in the future, yet instead of treating your benefactor to a feast, you threaten him! Milady! You absolutely must not do this!"
…Is that so?
Come to think of it, he had heard that quite a few people were gathering under that detestable Yuan Shao.
They were probably just low-ranking trash… but it was still annoying.
The easily swayed Yuan Shu began to ponder.
Originally, she had planned to capture Zhao Yun and send him to the Luoyang branch of the Homosexual Anal Love Chamber as a male prostitute until he submitted… but if she showed mercy, wouldn't he be moved and become her subordinate?
…Fine! I shall display generosity and make him guard my left side!
Ji Ling on the right, Zhao Yun on the left.
Just imagining the combination made her grin with delight.
"Very well! I, Yuan Gonglu, shall specially grant you mercy and an opportunity!"
Swish— sploosh…
Yuan Shu suddenly kicked off her shoes and socks, poured a generous amount of honey water over her bare feet, stretched them forward, and wiggled her toes.
…What the hell is this now?
"There! I shall specially forgive all your past rudeness if you lick my feet and apologize! Oh! And you must also break off that damned engagement with Father. …Swear that you will enter a fake engagement with me! If you refuse, I will sell you to the Homosexual Anal Love Chamber as a male whore this instant!"
With your lowly background, did you think you could easily earn the honor of being engaged to me?!
O-of course, you mustn't misunderstand like last time… it's only a fake engagement…!
Blabbering on and on.
While Yuan Shu was drunk on her own ocean-wide mercy and kept talking, the cornered Zhao Yun broke out in cold sweat and racked his brain.
Damn it! What kind of reward is this?! Do I really have to lick like a dog right now—!
No, that's not it… What kind of humiliation is this! Humiliation can be swallowed with tears if necessary, but a fake engagement is a completely different matter.
The person he would be deceiving was none other than the head of the Yuan clan of Runan, Yuan Wei, who currently held the position of Grand Tutor.
Deceiving him would be disastrous, and failing would be equally catastrophic.
How did it come to this…
"If you don't enter a (fake) engagement with me, I'll sell you to a gay bar!" To think he would have to listen to such bullshit.
…He had been too complacent.
This was the Three Kingdoms. He had only thought that one wrong move could mean the end, yet he had lived as if he were in some dating sim. It was only natural that he ended up in this mess.
His opponents were Yuan Shu, Cao Cao, and Dong Zhuo!
They might look like women, but inside they were all utter bastards.
He needed to get his head straight right now and think.
Fake or not, an engagement was absolutely out of the question.
…Should he lick her feet for now, then take her hostage the moment she let her guard down and flee to the Cao family?
It seemed feasible enough, but was that really okay? That would earn him the hatred of the entire Yuan clan.
Fuck! If only he had until tonight, he might be able to come up with a good plan…!
"Tsk tsk, Yuan Shu. The moment I arrive, you're already doing something that will bring shame upon our family."
"…Yuan Shao!"
A voice came from behind, scolding Yuan Shu as if she were pathetic, as though trying to save Zhao Yun.
"Is your name Zhao Yun? What are you doing to the man who saved your life? You should be throwing a grand feast to express your gratitude, yet you make him lick your feet? What will others say about our family?"
"Hmph! How dare a lowly wench like you speak of our family! …Ji Ling! You fool! Didn't I tell you not to let anyone in?!"
"T-that is… the Colonel of the Central Army is still a member of this household, so I couldn't stop her…"
"Grrrr!!! Enough! I've lost interest. …Zhao Yun! I will receive your apology personally tonight, so you'd better stop thinking useless thoughts! Zhang Xun! Jiao Yu! Watch the guest room and make sure that thing doesn't run away!"
Having lost her temper upon seeing Yuan Shao, Yuan Shu stomped away in a huff.
At least he had bought himself some time to think.
Zhao Yun let out a sigh of relief and looked up. The platinum-haired woman whom Yuan Shu had called Yuan Shao approached him.
"You must be Major Zhao, the Army Advisor? …As expected, the rumors were true. You certainly look like the type who could make many women cry."
With a soft, elegant laugh, the woman extended her hand gracefully, as if performing in a well-rehearsed play.
"I apologize on behalf of my foolish younger sister for her outrageous behavior. I am Colonel of the Central Army Yuan Shao, courtesy name Benchu. Please call me whatever you find most comfortable."