A Rather Rough Welcome - The Ho Bun Jung Rang Jang's Chaotic Anal Sex Brawl
The ten attendants' maids were busy snorting their drugs and arbitrarily assigning ranks to their allies and enemies. In the middle of that chaotic time, in front of Luoyang's eastern gate, Ji Ling and Yuan Shu were having a secretive conversation.
Ji Ling scratched his head with a troubled expression. He asked if she really needed to do something like that, but as always, he couldn't break Yuan Shu's stubbornness.
"Of course! When has this Yuan Gonglu ever spoken nonsense? This time is no different."
Yeah... that's exactly why it's a problem. It would've been nice if this was nonsense like all the other times.... Ji Ling couldn't bring himself to voice his true thoughts. He let out a deep sigh as he looked at her, but her expression was so resolute it almost looked solemn. In the end, he gave up.
"No, what exactly did that guy do to make you resort to such a dog-like... I mean, such a cruel scheme? In any case, isn't he the benefactor who saved your life, my lady?"
"Benefactor my ass!" Yuan Shu snorted furiously and stomped her feet. "You don't even know what that bastard did to me and yet you spout such nonsense! What do you know that makes you open your mouth so recklessly?!"
Then tell me already! Ji Ling felt like he was going to go crazy from frustration. He needed to know the circumstances to either sympathize or click his tongue in disapproval. She'd suddenly come to him right after the incident and ordered him to bring those guys over—what the hell had happened?
But no matter how much he asked, Yuan Shu wouldn't give him a proper answer.
"Just what happened that you're acting like this? Last time you were going on about how he was too good for Cao Cao and tried to steal him, and now you're suddenly saying you'll fix his manners! You're even leaving it to those bastards... Do you not know what kind of people they are?!"
"Ah, you don't need to know!!! If I tell you to do it, just do it! Why are you talking so much? Get lost right now!"
Something had happened with Zhao Yun. At those words, Yuan Shu's face turned bright red. She threw a tantrum and kicked at him, so Ji Ling let out a long sigh and moved his heavy feet.
If she tells him to do it, he has to do it. What else could he do? Anyway, the reason was obviously going to be something trivial, so he didn't even want to hear it anymore. But still, those guys? Isn't that going a bit too far? Another talented man is going to end up holding a grudge against his lady....
As he slowly headed toward the eastern gate checkpoint, Ji Ling let out another sigh. They say talented people flock to Yuan Shao from all directions, so why can't his lady get her act together? At this rate, she might really lose the family to that fake Yuan clan.... Things were getting more and more serious.
"Huh? Ji Ling! Are you going in first? Did Yuan Colonel send you on an errand or some... Wait, why do you look like that?"
Ji Ling, who had left Dong Zhuo's army on Yuan Shu's orders to enter Luoyang first, made a deathly pale face when the friendly Zhao Yun approached him. Imagining the tragedy that was about to unfold, Ji Ling couldn't even meet his eyes. Zhao Yun spoke to him with a worried expression.
"Did... Lady Yuan Colonel give you another weird order? Your face looks even worse than usual today."
It is a weird order, but you're the one who's about to get fucked.... Ji Ling's mouth twitched. He couldn't bring himself to tell him outright, but he decided to at least give a warning. After all, regardless of ability, the guy was a pretty decent younger brother figure.
"I. Was. Wrong."
"...Huh?"
"Zilong, just those four words. Bow your head and say exactly those four words. At the very least, you can avoid something terrible."
"What? Suddenly..."
What the hell? This wasn't some sweet romance drama. Zhao Yun looked at him as if asking for more details about the sudden advice, but Ji Ling just shook his head vigorously and silently turned his horse toward the eastern gate. Before long, Ji Ling crossed the checkpoint. He never once turned his head back as he entered Luoyang.
Zhao Yun, who had been watching him until the very end, felt a sense of unease as he turned his steps toward the barracks. He was left with only vague suspicions.
Is Yuan Shu plotting some dogshit scheme again?
Whether Ji Ling felt guilty or Zhao Yun felt anxious, time flowed on without change. And so the time came—high noon! The hour when the marketplace was most crowded.
The streets of Luoyang were usually packed with people, but today they were especially bustling. That was because several high-ranking figures who were rarely seen were kneeling before an imperial envoy. On top of that, people had brought out a huge drum and were beating it loudly—boom boom!—to draw even more spectators.
While old men, children, men, and women alike formed a massive crowd and chattered noisily, the drum finally stopped. Jian Shuo, acting as the imperial envoy, stepped forward with a smug expression and began reading the Emperor's edict.
"To the Central Colonel of the Northern Army Dong Zhuo! Left Colonel of the Northern Army Huangfu Song! Right Colonel of the Northern Army Zhu Jun! And all generals under their command, hear this!"
When they all bowed their heads respectfully, Jian Shuo paused for a moment before continuing to read the edict.
"Even in the reigns of the ancient Three Sovereigns and Five Emperors, there were wicked men within the realm who harbored evil intentions and incited rebellion. After Emperor Gaozu defeated Xiang Yu's army and stabilized the world, there were still those who defied Heaven's mandate and coveted the throne of the Son of Heaven. If even the ancient sages and virtuous rulers faced such turmoil, how could chaos not arise during the reign of one as lacking as I? Nevertheless, though this body is inadequate and the wicked may look down upon Heaven's mandate, there exist loyal subjects comparable to the ministers of Emperor Gaozu who devote themselves utterly to the altars of state. This is undoubtedly a great blessing for the nation. That Heaven has sent down such individuals is clear proof that the Han has received Heaven's will. This spring, an event occurred that once again proclaimed this truth to all under Heaven.
This spring, there was a wicked one who incited foolish commoners, making them take up spears and swords instead of farming tools. These rebels called themselves the Yellow Turbans and sought to defy Heaven's will and desecrate the land. Many treacherous men responded to them, shaking half the realm and plunging the people into misery. How could Heaven stand by and watch? Thus Heaven commanded this body to destroy the evil ones. I therefore ordered the three colonels to save the people. And so the great chaos of spring ended before autumn could arrive—how could this not bring joy? Therefore, I have written this edict to bestow, in Heaven's stead, grace upon the three colonels and their subordinates who have achieved great merit. May all of you continue to exert yourselves for the sake of the altars of state."
Finally, it was time for the rewards. Everyone except Huangfu Song, who wore his usual indifferent expression, had their eyes gleaming as they stared at Jian Shuo's mouth.
"Central Colonel of the Northern Army, Dong Zhuo!"
Dong Zhuo grinned and bowed.
"You took over in haste after your predecessor and immediately slew the ringleader, swiftly stabilizing the realm. Who would dare say your merit is not the greatest? Therefore, I grant you the positions of Governor of Xiliang and General Who Suppresses the West, and enfeoff you as Marquis of Tai Township with a fief of three thousand households. Continue to devote yourself to the stability of the realm!"
"There is no way to repay the Emperor's grace! Long live His Majesty the Emperor! Long live! Ten thousand years!"
Dong Zhuo was overjoyed at the position far beyond his expectations and banged his head on the ground. Governor of Xiliang and General Who Suppresses the West! Now the west was firmly in her grasp! On top of that, she'd even received a marquisate. She would be able to crush the Guanzhong bastards not just with force, but with authority as well.
"Left Colonel of the Northern Army, Huangfu Song!"
Huangfu Song bowed calmly.
"You, as Left Colonel, faithfully carried out my orders and excellently suppressed the rebels. You achieved uninterrupted victories across Yanzhou, Yuzhou, and Xuzhou—how could this not be great merit! Therefore, I grant you the position of General Who Pacifies the North. Continue to exert yourself for the stability of the realm!"
Unlike before, Jian Shuo read the edict with obvious displeasure.
"There is no way to repay the Emperor's grace. Long live His Majesty the Emperor. Long live. Ten thousand years."
Whether Jian Shuo liked it or not, Huangfu Song simply bowed his head and withdrew. General Who Pacifies the North. It was one rank lower than General Who Suppresses the West, one of the Four Guardian Generals, but it was still an important post guarding one side of the nation. As General Who Pacifies the North, Huangfu Song would be responsible for Youzhou, Jizhou, and Bingzhou in the north. He would become a major threat to the Ten Attendants' maids. The fact that they still granted him such a position despite knowing this showed just how great his achievements this time had been.
"Right Colonel of the Northern Army, Zhu Jun!"
"Yes!" Zhu Jun bowed with exaggerated enthusiasm.
"You, as Right Colonel, faithfully carried out my orders and excellently suppressed the rebels. You achieved victory in Jingzhou and Yangzhou—how could this not be great merit! Therefore, I grant you the position of Grand Master of Brilliant Happiness. Continue to exert yourself for the stability of the realm!"
"Aigoo! The Emperor's grace! There is no way to repay it! Long live His Majesty the Emperor! Long live! Ten thousand years!"
Zhu Jun bowed while jumping for joy. Grand Master of Brilliant Happiness—it was a second-rank position! Of course, it was merely an advisory role in the court with no real power... but conversely, that also meant no actual work! A high position with no duties was perfect for someone as unambitious as Zhu Jun. She would continue to serve as a model, guiding talented juniors from south of the Yangtze to Luoyang just as she did now.
"And the criminal Lu Zhi, step forward!"
Criminal Lu Zhi? The marketplace crowd stirred. The respected Master Lu Zhi, a criminal? The man who had been Central Colonel of the Northern Army until his dismissal? Despite the murmuring, Lu Zhi showed no agitation. He quietly stepped forward and knelt.
Jian Shuo looked at him with a satisfied smile, but Lu Zhi showed no reaction whatsoever.
"You, despite holding the position of Central Colonel of the Northern Army, achieved stagnant results in Jizhou. You shamed Heaven above and caused suffering to the people below! Your crimes should be severely punished, but since you achieved some merit and General Who Pacifies the North Huangfu Song pleaded on your behalf, We have no choice but to show mercy and allow you back into the court. I grant you the position of Consultant. Exert yourself for the stability of the realm!"
"...There is no way to repay the Emperor's grace.... Long live His Majesty the Emperor... Long live. Ten thousand years...."
With Jian Shuo's mocking laughter behind him, Lu Zhi left his spot with heavy steps. Consultant. His duty was to answer the Emperor's questions. It was a sixth-rank position with a salary of only six hundred bushels. Others might say it was quite a high post, but compared to Lu Zhi's reputation, it was a shabby appointment. Moreover, it held neither real power nor honor. It was clear that Lu Zhi would soon abandon his post and return to his hometown.
Anyway, in this manner, the imperial envoy Jian Shuo called out names one by one and bestowed titles.
Wang Yun. A righteous minister who had achieved great merit in Jingzhou but was arrested for criticizing the Ten Attendants' maids. He had been prepared to die, but was pardoned and sent back to his hometown. Later, He Jin would give him a suitable position again for the political fight against the Ten Attendants' maids and summon him back to Luoyang. He would continue to play an active role in Luoyang as the Choseon Launcher and the Seven Star Sword Launcher. Hehe! Choseon Launcher!
Ding Yuan. As Governor of Bingzhou, he had achieved great merit by exterminating the Yellow Turbans in Bingzhou thanks to Lu Bu's fierce efforts. He was allowed to retain his position as Governor of Bingzhou and was additionally appointed as a Colonel. He looked like he was about to die of happiness. Although the colonel position wasn't particularly high, it gave him a foothold in Luoyang. He had secured a connection in the capital instead of rotting away in some rural backwater.
Sun Jian. A fierce warrior woman who had taken the lead in recapturing Jingzhou under Zhu Jun. She had even continued upward to help Huangfu Song recapture Yuzhou, so it was only natural she received a title. Appointed as Separate Major, Sun Jian smiled with satisfaction. Although it was a position serving under a general, it was a unique post that allowed her to command her own subordinates. She planned to enjoy Luoyang together with the guys who had fought hard under her.
Yuan Shu. Having achieved merit in Youzhou and Bingzhou, she was appointed as Colonel of the Tiger and Leopard Army. Of course, this was only possible thanks to the backing of the Runan Yuan clan and the influence of her brother-in-law, Yang Biao of the Hongnong Yang clan, who was also the Minister of the Guards. However, Yuan Shu simply nodded as if it were only natural. Being born well was also a skill, wasn't it? You lowly things, hurry up and envy me more! Yuan Shu withdrew with a satisfied face, enjoying the gazes of envy and jealousy.
Cao Cao. Similarly having achieved merit in Youzhou and Bingzhou, she was appointed as Colonel of the Central Army, one of the newly established Eight Colonels of the West Garden. Although it was a bit annoying that her nemesis Jian Shuo was her direct superior, she was still satisfied to have finally returned to Luoyang after wandering the provinces for so long. Moreover, the Eight Colonels of the West Garden were the Emperor's personal troops. Cao Cao gladly accepted the olive branch extended by the Ten Attendants' maids.
Is it about to end? It seemed everyone who was supposed to receive something had received it. The spectators were starting to show signs of leaving one by one when—
"Finally... Zhao Yun!"
-Zhao Yun? That infamous playboy?
-Aigoo, this person! He's not a playboy, he's a filial son!
-Then let's just call him a filial playboy!
-...Does that even make sense?
The murmuring made Zhao Yun's heart stir as well. A playboy? Fuck...! Just how the hell did that rumor even start?!
While Cao Cao and Yuan Shu felt uneasy at the unexpected call and stared only at Jian Shuo's mouth, only Dong Zhuo wore a sly, rotten smile.
What, you idiots? Did you think I'd just leave him alone after I left for Xiliang? That you'd get to bite and suck on him while I was gone? Ridiculous. It's better to leave him with those bitches for a while. If I can't have him, then you can't either.