A Somewhat Rough Welcome

Originally, in the summer of 184, the Ten Eunuchs should have been trembling in fear or lashing out irritably at those around them. Why? Because that was when Dong Zhuo had been utterly defeated and driven off by Zhang Jue. In early summer of 184, after dismissing Lu Zhi for failing to offer bribes and replacing him with Dong Zhuo—who was always generous with bribes and obedient—they appointed her as Colonel of the Northern Army. Dong Zhuo then suffered a crushing defeat against the main Yellow Turban forces in Ji Province. As a result, the massive Yellow Turban army that Lu Zhi had skillfully contained was suddenly freed to move. Dong Zhuo's loss gave the Ji Province Yellow Turbans the breathing room to send reinforcements to other provinces. Naturally, she was immediately stripped of her post, and the Ten Eunuchs who had backed her saw their influence severely ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠weakened.

Already under pressure as the Qingliu faction used the Yellow Turban Rebellion as an excuse to seize military authority, the Ten Eunuchs found themselves pushed even further back after their pawn Dong Zhuo caused such a massive blunder. The central army's defeat at the hands of mere peasants shattered the government's credibility, and since the commander responsible was Dong Zhuo—their protégé—the eunuchs had every reason to panic. Whether the Yellow Turbans pressed their advantage and seized Luoyang or some other Colonel friendly to the Qingliu faction crushed the rebellion, their political careers were finished either way.

In the original timeline, Huangfu Song's brilliant campaign suppressed the Yellow Turbans, after which the Taliu faction fell so far behind the Qingliu faction that they could no longer compete. The Ten Eunuchs later attempted a coup to reverse their fortunes, but it ended in failure, and every one of them met their end at the hands of the Qingliu faction. Just as Yuan Shao, the standard-bearer of the Qingliu, was about to seize power, Dong Zhuo stormed the palace with troops from Xiliang amid the chaos and seized control. An outsider who had done nothing suddenly barged in and took the reins. The Qingliu faction and provincial gentry, outraged, banded together against Dong Zhuo's central government… forming the famous Coalition against Dong Zhuo.

In short, Dong Zhuo's defeat had brought about the Ten Eunuchs' downfall, and her later intervention had led to the fall of the Han Dynasty. But now, things were different. Instead of being dismissed in disgrace for her incompetence, Dong Zhuo had won a great victory. She had even crushed the main Yellow Turban force in Ji Province, ending a peasant rebellion that should have dragged on until November in just the first week of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠June. Thanks to her, the Ten Eunuch women of this world were living in bliss every single day.

Naturally so. They had removed the old man Lu Zhi and installed their loyal hound Dong Zhuo, and she had crushed the rebellion in one stroke. So what had the Taliu faction and the Ten Eunuchs gained from Dong Zhuo's triumph?

First, by swiftly suppressing the rebellion, they had demonstrated the central government's strength to the provincial gentry who had grown discontented after the previous two purges. Second, Dong Zhuo, a member of the Taliu faction, had achieved the greatest merit, allowing them to escape the crisis of handing all military authority over to the Qingliu faction and He Jin. Third, they had removed Lu Zhi, the Qingliu's most threatening figure, and replaced him with Dong Zhuo—their own supporter—who had then delivered spectacular results. Though the Qingliu officials had also earned merits and could not be barred from entering Luoyang, would they be able to secure high positions? Absolutely not. With this victory, the Taliu faction's voice had grown stronger, and their patrons, the Ten Eunuchs, remained secure. Only those favorable to them would be appointed to key posts. Those aligned with He Jin and the Qingliu would be left with nothing but subordinate positions taking orders from above. Thus, their political struggle against the imperial relatives would end in their victory.

The Ten Eunuch women had no confidence whatsoever—they had no faith they could win a political fight against He Jin.

With such leisure, the Ten Eunuchs were enjoying their usual daily lives. For them, that meant gathering at Zhang Rang's residence for girls' talk. Calling them "girls" was a stretch—they were all old enough to be aunties, or approaching that age—but a woman's age is measured by her heart, not numbers! Once a maiden, always a maiden… at least in their minds.

"…So, Sister, shouldn't we start thinking about what to give our little ones? It looks like they've all arrived by yesterday."

Zhao Zhong, who had been rambling to Zhang Rang about the importance of mercury for skin care, took a sip of poppy tea and slowly steered the conversation toward the main topic of the gathering.

"Mmm~ Already? The child is so… There's still so much tea left… Zhong, you're always so impatient~"

"I have work to do, and if I don't finish it first, I can't enjoy myself properly…. Shi, you feel the same, right?"

"Huh? …Ah! Yes, Sister. It won't take long anyway!"

Jian Shuo, who had been sprawled out from the Five Minerals Powder smoke and poppy tea, barely gathered her wits and agreed.

"Really? Well, if that's what everyone wants…. It's easier to finish work first and then play, isn't it?"

When the other seven women each responded or nodded in agreement, Zhang Rang moistened her lips, mixed raw opium extract with mercury, drank it, and began the meeting. A meeting, she called it? While high on opium, inhaling Five Minerals Powder, and even swallowing mercury—what kind of meeting did they think they were having?

"Hmm~ First, we should take care of our Zhongying, right? What should we give her?"

"Sister! How about General of Chariots and Cavalry? If we're going to bite back at that bastard He Jin who's the Grand General, we need at least that much!"

"Oh come on~ That's way too much! Giving her General of Chariots and Cavalry just for killing a few farmers? Even if she's favored, that's not right!"

"Hehe… Is that so?! Then how about General of the Left or General Who Conquers the West?"

"General of the Left is a bit much too, and General Who Conquers the West would mean sending her to fight outside… That's not great either. What about General Who Suppresses the West? Wasn't that position created specifically to suppress rebellions?"

"Yes! That sounds good!"

"…Duan Gui, you're not just giving half-hearted answers because you want to play already, are you?"

General of Chariots and Cavalry, General of the Left, General Who Conquers the West… Indeed. These madwomen were currently deciding official posts while completely intoxicated. Setting aside the drugs, these women were merely palace maids—what on earth were they doing? Could ten mere maids decide such matters without the ministers or the emperor? What was this? Had the drugs eaten their brains? Deciding major official appointments in such a manner—if other officials found out, it would be a grave offense. Anyone with even ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a shred of loyalty to the emperor would be unable to contain their outrage and would immediately report this atrocity.

Yet no one here was worried about that. Those kinds of people had already been driven out long ago. Even if someone awakened and denounced the Ten Eunuchs, the emperor's response was predictable.

"What?! My loyal servants are easing my burdens—what problem is there?! Get out of my sight…!"

And then he would turn his eyes back to selling offices, as always.

Therefore, the Ten Eunuchs had no worries at all. Moreover, with the Five Minerals Powder smoke in their lungs, their mood was exceptionally bright. Truly, nothing cleared the mind for state affairs like Five Minerals Powder! With their heads growing clearer by the moment, the ten maids cheerfully divided those who had earned merits into "our little ones" and "bastards."

"Zhu Jun!"

"Hmm…? She contributed quite a bit. Oh my! Almost as much as our Zhuo!"

Zhu Jun. Not quite "our little one," but cooperative.

"Who was under her again? Sun Jian, was it?"

"Yes, it's Sun Jian! …Sister, she contributed a bit less, though."

"Let me see… Hiss…. Still, she fought quite well? I didn't know much about that country girl from Yang Province. Fine, since she was under Zhu Jun, let's take care of her."

Sun Jian. Probably "our little one."

"Huangfu Song!"

"Anything to gain? He's a bastard."

"Right?"

Huangfu Song. Bastard.

Names were gradually added to the list, one or two at a time. Taliu members ranked higher, Qingliu members lower. After a while, the completed list looked like this:

"Sister!!!"

Jian Shuo, having read this far, suddenly shouted in agitation.

"Cao Cao?! Sister, you know what that wench did to my uncle!"

"Shi… But she's still our father's granddaughter…. If we leave her out in the provinces, it won't do us any good either. Do we want people saying we can't even embrace a girl like our own daughter? She's suffered enough out there—she must have come to her senses by now. Let's forgive her, all right?"

A girl like a daughter. Having grown up under Cao Teng's care since childhood, the Ten Eunuchs had no choice but to treat Cao Cao that way, even if they disliked it. But to Jian Shuo, she was also the enemy who had beaten her uncle to death with an iron club. When gentle words failed to calm Jian Shuo's anger, Zhang Rang sighed helplessly and tried again.

"Haah… Why must you be so stubborn…. Did you really think I'd say that without giving you anything? Here!"

Jian Shuo's expression brightened as she quickly read the bamboo slip Zhang Rang tossed her.

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"Sister… Could it be…!"

"Yes, you see what's written there? Cao Cao's toy is quite the fine specimen, after all…. Let's consider your uncle's matter settled with this? We'll send Cao Cao somewhere lower so you can torment her as you please. Understood?"

Only then did Jian Shuo's face light up. Watching her, Zhang Rang smiled gently and added Cao Cao's new post to the list.

Cao Cao (Our little one) — Colonel Who Guards the Army.

Zhao Yun (Our little one…?) — Colonel of the Upper Army, acting as Major of the Encampment Army.