Close Yet Distant (3)
A representative macro of a former lover's contact.
But the one who sent it was none other than the princess.
Ung… What could be happening at this hour?
The moment Kakao's number one disappeared from her phone, a call came from Yujin.
How is a middle schooler supposed to be anywhere at two in the morning?
The moment I heard her voice through the phone, I was out of bed and at the front door before I knew it.
"……."
"……."
Pajamas. Slippers.
I mean, this is a familiar sight, but…
"…Sorry. I had no one to call."
Her head bowed, body curled up tight—this rarely-seen vulnerable state of the princess was something you could count on one hand.
"…Thanks. For picking up."
"…Come in."
I couldn't leave her standing in the hallway, so I let Yujin in.
* * *
There's a guest room, though we barely use it.
Since Mom always keeps it maintained, I could've just had Yujin sleep there, but…
"……."
A tension that burrows through the floor.
I couldn't leave the princess sitting silently on the bed, so I ended up bringing her into my room.
"Are you hungry?"
I turned on the mood lamp on my desk and set down a water bottle.
Yujin just glanced at them with her eyes and shook her head, expressing her displeasure.
'I'm going to lose it.'
Normally I would've teased her to lighten the mood, but we'd already gotten into it yesterday. During the library cleaning after school, every time I tried to talk to her, Yujin would dart off to the far side.
In other words—
'And yet she came to me.'
Sure, a middle schooler at this hour might not have anywhere to go, but she has plenty of friends. One word from Yujin and there'd be plenty of people happy to invite her over. So why did she come to our house?
Because she's psychologically cornered.
"Go ahead and sleep in that bed. I'll sleep somewhere else."
"…Somewhere else?"
Yujin lifted her head for the first time and looked at me.
I averted my gaze and stepped out of the room…
"Eek."
"……?"
I went back and forth between the dressing room and the guest room, bringing over blankets, pillows, and the comforter, and laid them beside the bed.
As if she hadn't expected that, Yujin blinked her big eyes and stared blankly.
"What?"
"…You said you wanted to keep your distance from me."
"You have to say it properly, dummy. You said if I keep doing skinship too aggressively, you'd distance yourself. When did I ever say I'd actually do that?"
"……That's true, but…"
"In the first place—"
Tap.
"Ugh…?"
"Making that face and saying that voice—how am I supposed to sleep?"
I lightly pressed my index finger against Yujin's forehead.
While Yujin was patting the spot I pressed with both hands, dazed, I pulled back the blankets on the bed.
Then I tried to gently pull her shoulder to lay her down, but…
"If it smells, are you just gonna sleep on the floor?"
I asked cautiously, just in case.
Even though Mom and I air out the room regularly, how could the bed that welcomes me for eight hours every day not have any body odor?
"……."
Yujin wordlessly turned her body and lay down on the bed.
Her long hair fanned out along the sheets.
Yujin pulled the blanket up enough to cover half her face.
"Wait, I'll get you a new pillow."
"…Mm, it's fine."
Yujin turned her back to me and lay on her side.
Then she reached over to the head of the bed, grabbed my attachment plushie, and pulled it into her arms like she was embracing it.
"…It doesn't really smell bad."
"…Then it's fine."
Her voice was noticeably calmer than before.
I couldn't say what I was really thinking—that I was the one who'd have to hold her.
Thump.
I watched the princess lying in bed for a moment, then lay down myself.
I would've turned off the mood lamp normally, but our princess has strange sleep patterns.
One of them is turning on a very faint mood lamp, and…
"Yusol, play some music."
The other is playing background music.
"I'm gonna lose it."
"Ugh! What! I'm a guest! A guest is a king…!"
"When did a sneakily-arriving guest become a king?"
"I gave notice before coming!"
Is that what's important right now?
Talking with the princess, the conversation keeps veering off track.
If we kept going like this, we'd definitely be chatting until dawn, so…
"Connect via Bluetooth."
I had no choice but to surrender my phone charger and speaker.
"Hehe…"
Satisfied. I lay down on the floor, leaving Yujin fidgeting with her phone behind me.
Still, whatever music the princess had put on was faint.
Focusing on the quiet background music that was barely audible under the rustling of blankets, I slowly closed my eyes.
"…Yusol."
Right. Why didn't I say anything?
"…You're already asleep?"
"Yeah, I fell asleep."
"Ugh…! We've only been lying down for ten seconds! How did you—?! And your answer is even coherent!?"
"Kuuuul…"
"Should I just splash water on you right here?"
"Sorry."
The moment I answered immediately at the rustling sound, she said.
I'm insane.
When I opened my eyes, long hair was hanging in front of me.
"I'm really sorry."
"I'll look."
Only after she sincerely apologized did the hair slowly disappear.
I let out a sigh of relief and closed my eyes again, but her voice came through once more.
"…Hey, aren't you curious?"
"Why you came at this hour?"
"…Mm."
Her voice getting smaller again. A tone like she'd made up her mind about something.
A smile crept out on its own.
"You said you fought with your uncle. So why don't you study?"
"…Are you calling me a brat?"
"Ugh."
A petulant voice, and a soft thing landed on my face.
It was the attachment plushie the princess had been hugging.
"…If you think about it, that's true."
A faint voice followed, and the music cut off just in time.
My ears, which had been focused on the sound, were drawn to the princess's breathing and filled the silence…
"…Hey. I have a favor to ask."
So that must be why.
"…Can you hold me?"
The princess's voice, asking me to come find her, sounded unusually small.
"No, I didn't— No, it's not that. Yeah. I misspoke."
I couldn't even finish my answer when Yujin struck first.
A brief rustling, and the music flowed out again, and the conversation ended just like that.
"…Good night."
I didn't even need to answer—her words were perfectly complete.
. . .
I don't bring up things I don't talk about. That's been my way since before my past life until now. Whether it's a close friend, a family member, or even a lover—I've never once broken that rule. You could call it cold. You could say I'm distant. But I know full well that I'm not a warm person, so…
I never think to ask what happened to the kid who gave up on talking to me. But that doesn't mean I don't care about this kid.
"Wake up."
Smoothly.
I got up from my spot and headed for the bed.
"Mm…?! W-wait…?!"
The moment our eyes met as Yujin turned her body and propped herself up, I pulled the blanket halfway down, tucked my legs in, and—
"I think it was something like this?"
"W-wait…!"
Thump.
She pulled me into her arms and carefully lay down on the bed.
"…Huh?"
"I really looked at you a lot. Sleeping on your side doesn't suit me, you know."
She tilted her chin down slightly.
The princess's forehead, pressed against my chest. The princess's two hands, clutching at my stomach, were about to touch.
Meanwhile, my free hand rested casually.
I left my left arm lying on the floor, and my right arm, pointed at the ceiling, brushed past the princess's shoulder and reached for her head.
As gently as possible, I stroked the princess's soft hair.
"I'll say this beforehand—don't touch my stomach. It's sensitive."
Following the direction of my stroking, her hair intertwined smoothly.
However well I combed it, each strand slipped through my fingers without tangling.
Once. Twice.
Each time I increased the strokes, a good scent—whether shampoo or conditioner—wafted faintly.
Rustle…
Only then did the stiff princess relax her body and naturally accept my touch.
"No, it's because it tickles…?"
"…It barely touched at all. Yusol, you're too sensitive."
Yujin huffed and grabbed my shirt hem.
Then she wriggled her body and slowly inched upward…
"…This doesn't tickle, does it?"
Thud.
She pressed her crown against my jaw, and her two hands carefully pressed flat against my chest.
While laughing, she said whatever was so good about it.
"Pervert?"
"…Tell me what 'first kiss' means."
"Sorry."
The moment I saw her hand open, I immediately backed off.
"If you're sorry, keep going."
I stopped stroking, slightly surprised, but that must've been dissatisfaction too, because the princess shook her head vigorously and tapped her chin.
"…It's punishment. Keep doing that until I fall asleep."
"I'll give you one smack for 'first kiss.'"
"Hooah… Just one."
"Sorry. I'll just keep doing this."
Look at that, ready to hit me any second. I'm being accommodating because I'm a magnanimous adult, okay?
"…Mm."
Built like a puppy but with a voice that growls like a cat.
Right now, am I stroking my niece or my friend? Whatever. The fact that my touch was excellent was proof enough, and I was satisfied.
"This song's good. What's the title?"
"I don't really remember. I think you have to look it up."
"Tell me later."
Exchanging tender words so the princess would be at ease, I said.
Since it was getting late, I should've put her to sleep quickly. But unlike my state of mind, our conversation kept going.
"…You know too. Our mom's health is weak."
At the end of it, the story Yujin had finally swallowed came out naturally.
"She's staying at a recovery place for now because of her health. Dad got so mad, though. He said what kind of student goes out gallivanting instead of studying. He was really, really angry."
I moved my right hand from stroking her hair to patting her back.
Instead, I brought my left arm, which I'd been leaving still, up and slowly ruffled her hair.
"I get why Dad's angry. It's natural to dislike a student who doesn't do the studying they're supposed to, but keeps getting interested in music and art. Especially since Dad was always an excellent student and works at a good company."
While I said that, Yujin would occasionally look up at me.
I answered with a steady gaze.
"But here's the thing. I really don't match with studying. I can't say I didn't try, but stuff just doesn't go into my head."
"……."
"So I've been looking for something else on my own. Because studying isn't my aptitude. Because I don't have a dream I can say 'this is what I want to do' yet."
Rustle…, pat.
"If only I could study like you. And if I could decide exactly what I wanted to do for the future, like you're preparing for studying abroad…"
Yujin wrapped her right arm around my body.
Then she curled up and put her forehead back against my chest, humming softly.
Like a child fussing in someone's arms.
"…Ah."
Very quietly.
At that sight, I let out a soft sound without realizing it.
…Looks like I care about this kid quite a lot.
"…Yusol?"
Either because I suddenly made a sound, or because the patting hand stopped.
Maybe both.
Truthfully, whatever it was, it wasn't important to me right now.
"Chae Yujin."
"…Yeah?"
"Come here."
I looked at the princess as she lifted her head and tapped the spot beside my pillow.
In terms of position, that meant lying down right next to me.
"You want me to come over there?"
"If you don't want to, we can just talk sitting up."
"…No, it's not that."
The princess fidgeted, moving her body little by little.
My gaze naturally followed the princess's face rising slowly, and…
Rustle…
"Why do you keep using formal speech…"
About half a span of distance.
The princess mumbled when I exhaled a long breath close enough to touch.
I just looked at her without responding, and the princess would occasionally avert her gaze and squirm.
"…It's fine if you just keep looking."
As always, the princess understood that she had to make full eye contact to continue talking, so she stuck out her lips and pouted.
"Do you know how long it's been since we didn't study together for an exam?"
"…I think the last time was two years ago? I told you not to follow me if you weren't going to study."
"Did I keep up with exam prep, though? Did I attend classes properly?"
"…It's not like your dad or anything, but why—"
"……"
"…After entering middle school, I slacked off. Even when I studied hard, my grades kept dropping strangely."
As I listened, I recalled Yujin's study habits.
Of course, middle school and elementary school require different study methods, so it might not be very useful information, but…
"Hey, what were your end-of-year grades for Korean, English, and math last year?"
"…Ugh."
Good. With this, I completely understood.
"Chae Yujin. Look at me."
"…Why formal speech again."
Yujin turned her head with a curt reply.
Normally that sharp gaze would've been enough to make me joke about it hurting, but I took it in stride.
"I'll help you study."
"……."
"Of course, if that's what you want."
I didn't say anything more. There was no point in droning on about study methods to a kid who's already said studying isn't her aptitude.
"…There are two weeks until the exam?"
A brief silence.
Yujin asked, looking at me steadily.
"That's right. So we'll only do the subjects you're relatively good at. Cramming is just a temporary fix that only boosts your grades for a short time."
"…Does that mean you'll teach me the other subjects later too?"
"If you have the will."
Yujin's eyes widened slightly. At the same time, her lips parted faintly.
"I… really don't know much."
Yujin replied one beat late.
"It's fine. What I have in mind is that by the end of third year, your grades are trending upward compared to now."
I answered easily.
"……"
Then she just stared at me, completely at a loss for words.
"……"
"……"
"…Is this what it was? No matter how handsome I am, you can't just stare at me like that."
A joke slipped out before I could stop it, at the expression of being moved.
I turned my head to look at the ceiling, trying to hide my awkwardness.
Whoosh!
Yujin rolled her body sideways and climbed on top of me.
"You…?"
With a development I didn't expect, I had no words—
"Thank you."
She bent down and pulled me into a hug.
"…I'll study hard."
Just like the first time I'd held her to make peace…
Awkward, but warm.
"I'll really, really try my best."
"…And I'll try to be as helpful as I can."
Yujin murmured quietly and pressed her face fully against my chest.
I smiled faintly and stroked her head slowly.
"…It's not bad to listen to music while sleeping sometimes."
I said, straining to hide how much I was holding back my laugh for the princess's sake, while focusing on the music coming from the speaker.
. . .
"Can you stop petting me now…!"
"…Ugh. It's always you…!"
"Ah, wait?! Sorry! Don't rub your nose on the pillow…!!"
