Close Yet Distant (2)
The day after the notorious public indecency incident at the library.
"So how long have you two been a couple? You've known each other since elementary school, so at least two years, right?"
"...What are you talking about."
Lunchtime. Second year, Class 3.
Why do people in this world enjoy craning their necks so much?
I was studying at my seat when this tall, warm-faced, cheerful idiot in front of me decided to lean back in his chair and crane his neck.
"Were you the main character of rom-com?"
"...What the hell are you even saying?"
The guy narrowed his eyes in confusion, then let out a quiet laugh and stretched his upper body back with a satisfying pop.
Second year, Class 6. Ryu Haneul — the vice president of the student council and basketball team captain. He was the Ryu Haneul who'd become friends with me after entering middle school.
"I heard. Apparently you two got caught being all lovey-dovey yesterday and now you're stuck cleaning the library for the rest of the month?"
"...The world's a small place. That story spread before the day was even over."
"The library club members said they're happy they get to take the month off. I was wondering what the reason was, and then I happened to overhear the librarian talking to the Class 1 homeroom teacher while they were out for a walk."
"...Even if you hear it, are you really gonna listen to that stuff?"
He shrugged with a grin, as if to say you know how it is.
To cut to the chase — thank God, there was no actual punishment. For various reasons, but if I had to boil it down to one, it was ultimately about image. I'd made a good impression on the librarian beforehand, and my show of genuine remorse was convincing enough that she said she'd let it slide this once.
"So did you bring condoms?"
"......Yama."
"Why? The librarian said that herself."
Right. It was something I'd heard later, as he put it. After giving me and Yujin a lecture, the librarian had added some sex education...
"...She just said 'couple' because saying anything else would've been weirder. You know that, right."
Logically speaking, pressing that close and kissing cheeks like that isn't something non-couple people do — especially not middle schoolers. But if you asked whether that kind of skinship was something Yujin and I could do without actually dating... that's not quite right either.
"...Sigh."
Anyway, it was supposedly the season of raging hormones, so reading the princess's mind wasn't easy. On the flip side, I'd included a detailed explanation of my own feelings, but when exactly was she going to actually read it?
"I'm curious. What kind of skinship did you two do that made vitamin talk come up?"
"What are you thinking right now?"
"Since vitamins came up, you two must have been—very intimately—"
"Shut up."
"Okay. Just so you know, you're the one who asked."
"Yeah, I'm sorry. My bad."
"You're the one who messed up. Why would you ask a hormonally charged middle school boy a question like that?"
Oddly enough, friends are all shameless. You could call some of them birds of a feather, but the sample size is too small to draw conclusions yet. So I can freely criticize their shamelessness. Why? Because they won't argue back.
"What's the reason? Why you two don't date."
I was fighting imaginary haters in my head when the guy crossed his arms and stared at me like he couldn't comprehend it.
"You two are close, aren't you."
"We are. Childhood friends and neighbors."
"You even go on family trips together."
"We did. We went skiing last winter too."
"You do plenty of skinship too."
"...She's the one who does it unilaterally, though?"
"Even so, you don't refuse, do you."
"...Do you know what nirvana means?"
"You're saying you accept skinship because you've attained nirvana? Come on. Are you seriously calling that a reason?"
The guy snorted dismissively and smacked my shoulder with his fist. He only plays basketball, but just from that he's already over 170 centimeters. Unless he goes for the weak points, the weight class gap isn't going anywhere.
"If you're upset about it, go make your own childhood friend and experience it yourself."
Of course, that doesn't mean I don't talk back either.
"You jerk. I wish I had a girl friend too."
Ryu Haneul raised both hands dramatically into the air like he'd lost a fight.
I stared blankly at his showy gesture and said flatly:
"I'll pass that message along to your girlfriend."
"Sorry. Babe."
"What the hell. Why am I your babe."
"Because I'm your boyfriend."
"...Ugh."
"Babe~. Hold hands~."
The gay guy raised his voice and stretched both hands toward me. His hands are massive enough to palm a basketball, so the moment they closed around mine, there wouldn't be a bone left. I was dodging frantically when—
"What are you two doing?"
The door slid open with a creak. Following the voice, I looked up and saw the princess in her cardigan.
"Hi Yujin. First time seeing you today."
"Sky hi-hi. So what's this about?"
"Hmm. Boyfriend won't hold your hand. You keep making him use force. Isn't that too much?"
"Do I really look like I want to die?"
Ryu Haneul grabbed my hand while I wasn't looking. It was a grip that used pure physical strength — the kind of hold you couldn't break unless you were absurdly strong.
"Yujin-ah, Eye-kid understands all that stuff. I'm rooting for you."
"I'm an introvert, so don't root for me."
"Babe. You're gonna do that right in front of me?"
"You're disgusting, so stop."
"...Honestly I was starting to feel disgusted too. The pasta I just ate is coming back up."
Tap!
The moment I unclasped our hands, we both scrunched our faces and wiped them down. The guy was so thorough about it that Ryu Haneul was making squeaky-clean sounds with his mouth. If you're gonna do that, why'd you grab my hand in the first place, you psycho.
"How was the pasta?"
"Not bad. Might be better if you get more sauce."
"Okay. Thanks for the useful info."
Yujin appeared in front of me, having been chatting with Ryu Haneul. She then naturally extended her hand toward me.
"Give me back what you were using."
"Ugh! You startled me! And it was about getting a move on, wasn't it?"
I nodded and handed her the wet wipe I'd been using.
"Aaagh?!"
The scream that burst out immediately.
"Damn Two-Yu. Am I sick or something?"
Ryu Haneul pouted with a hurt expression, but only briefly.
"Chae Yujin. What's the reason you're not dating Seol Yujin?"
The guy tossed out an absurd question without missing a beat. He probably pictured Yujin turning beet-red and stammering incoherently the moment he heard it, but—
"Because she won't confess."
Our princess is bold and shameless. It was a question she'd heard thousands of times, so she answered with zero delay. The answer was so boring that Ryu Haneul looked at me.
"Seol Yujin. Why don't you confess to Chae Yujin?"
"Because she won't confess."
"You're all insane."
Of course, I was no different.
* * *
"Delicious~."
The cafeteria, even when I arrived late, was as quiet as always. Tables that had been packed were now sparsely occupied, and apart from kids like us who showed up late, everyone else was getting up after finishing their trays.
"I really want kimchi."
"Go grab some."
"Ahh, I want to eat so bad~."
"...Eat mine."
"Thanks~."
Even after becoming middle schoolers, we still have our love for Korean food. The sight of me looking for kimchi instead of pickles after eating pasta was a scene you'd normally only see in our parents' generation, which never failed to amaze me.
"Hm? Now you're gonna steal my kimchi?"
"I am."
"So that means... I'm so pretty you were staring at me, right?"
"...Before we get to that, don't I have something to settle with you?"
"You're too much. You don't even bother a dog while it's eating."
"I'm a person, so I bother people."
My expression stiffened. Sensing the urge to escape, I quickly blocked the hallway with nonsense talk.
"Yesterday, just thinking about that thing makes me really angry."
"...I object. I don't think I was actually angry."
"Your comment just raised my anger level by 20."
"...Sorry."
Only then did the little puppy lower his head in apology.
"...Princess, may I offer an excuse?"
Then, in a skillful period drama tone meant to lighten the mood. I had no intention of scolding him harshly, so I played along.
"Denied."
"...We used to mess around like that all the time, didn't we."
"Denied."
"Ahh...! But we really did mess around like that...!"
Yujin leaned forward urgently, pleading his case. Well, if you split it down the middle, it was half right and half wrong. The time Yujin and I had a big fight over something trivial, and our moms and Aunt Seon-a had hugged us and told us to make up — that was the origin of the skinship. If we'd both just cooled off right there, today's mess probably wouldn't have happened.
-Kiss and make up while looking at each other. Otherwise, you'll experience something truly awful.-
-Oh my. That's a good idea.-
By a twist of fate, our moms and Aunt Seon-a had set absurd conditions right there.
-...Mother, thank you for raising me all this time. This is a declaration of total investment in my future.-
I had planned to write a reflection and constructively discuss how I'd improve going forward, but—
-Ugh! Are you that disgusted about kissing me?! I'm pretty!-
The princess's wounded pride and competitive spirit triggered a chain reaction.
-What does kissing have to do with making up?-
-I don't want to do it with youuuu!-
-...Mother. Aunt. Unfortunately, I find I cannot communicate with the girl beside me.-
With those words, the princess immediately shoved me over. I tried to escape, but—
-Cheater...! Tap! I tapped...!-
-Augh...! I'm not letting go...!-
She grabbed me in a full bear hug. Her chatty mouth was wrapped around both arms and both legs, completely engulfing my neck and upper body. Even though she'd trained in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and was stronger, there was no way I'd use force on a little kid.
-...Fine. I give up.-
My energy was definitely going to drain, so I offered my surrender first—
-Oh my.-
-Dear heavens.-
-...!
Just like that, Yujin closed the distance again and planted her lips on mine. Smack. Not on the cheek — on the lips.
"...Now that I think about it, that was insane."
"Hm?"
I opened my eyes again. The girl glaring at me with a flushed face had become a shameless fox who wielded skinship like a weapon. Look at her now. She doesn't even flinch while unilaterally taking the first kiss, and she has the audacity to say 'we used to mess around like that' without a shred of shame.
"Last warning. If you keep acting like that, I'll have no choice but to keep my distance."
I folded my arms and spoke firmly.
"Honestly, I can accept a certain amount because I know what kind of person you are. But that kind of skinship, I can't accept anymore."
"......"
"You have to keep the jokes within reason if you want me to go along with it. Got it?"
I was about to say that, but I stopped myself. The princess has always been competitive, and she wants what she wants. The skinship she does to me is an act that comes from that underlying drive, so it's inappropriate. If I just said I liked her rationally, maybe she could accept it, but that creates too many contradictions on multiple levels.
What girl would so casually do skinship with a boy she likes? Let alone a cheek kiss. She just treats me like family and does skinship because it's comfortable. 'In the first place, Yujin's ideal type is the complete opposite of me.' A warm, androgynously pretty face with a body that oddly doesn't match — masculine. That's the prince-type guy who's Yujin's ideal.
What kind of person am I? A cynical tone that suits my individualistic nature. A sharp impression from my default expression. And on top of that, an inconveniently short stature. Anyway, the issue I'd been meaning to bring up had blown up yesterday. So while I wasn't too bothered by the fact that I'd spoken up—
"...Did I say it too harshly?"
Looking back, the main issue was that I couldn't handle it maturely. The moment I met her eyes, I felt I should apologize for raising my tone.
"...I'm really annoyed."
A faint voice reached me. "How dare you react like that after getting a kiss from Eye-kid?"
"...Huh?"
"Ugh! Forget it! Let me do it again...!"
I couldn't help but go blank, faced with the raw emotion packed into her voice and expression. It was the first time in a long while I'd seen Yujin's genuine frustration and anger.
"I'm pissed! I'm leaving!"
Her eyes were bloodshot, her nose scrunched tight. Yujin stood up from her seat. Without even looking back, she headed straight for the exit.
I stared at her retreating figure in silence and swallowed a bitter smile.
"...If you were that angry, why'd you leave half your pasta behind."
A girl's heart. Truly, even if you understand it, you can't.
* * *
2 AM.
A late-night KakaoTalk text, followed by a brief phone call.
I didn't expect to get such a request from someone I never would have guessed, so the situation didn't smooth over easily. Of course, even if I thought deeply over time, the conclusion wouldn't have changed.
I crept through the living room, careful not to wake my parents, and headed down the hallway toward the entrance.
I opened the door without making a sound, and—
"...Sorry. I didn't have anyone else to call."
A bright, cheerful pajama set that didn't match the mood at all. The only things she'd brought were the phone in her hand and her wallet. I had no idea what had happened, but what could I possibly say to the princess who was trying so hard not to cry?
"...Thank you. For picking up."
"...Come in."
I silently nodded and led the childhood friend who'd picked a fight with me at lunch into my house—into my room.