Close Yet Distant (4)
"…Tired."
The perfectly drawn blackout curtain was half open. That was all I could say about myself — my body was barely holding on, perched on the edge of the bed like a wild stallion. There was a blanket underneath, so the impact was somewhat softened, but…
The conclusion was this: I remembered yesterday clearly.
"…Did I go home?"
I stretched out a long yawn and squinted at the light. We'd agreed to start studying from lunch today. It was already past 10:30, so she'd probably gotten home, showered, and was eating by now. I had to move too, if I was going to keep my promise.
"…Toast, I guess."
The moment I opened the door, the rich scent of butter hit me. At the same time, the sound of running water came from the bathroom. Apparently, Mom was making toast in the kitchen while Dad showered. Classic weekend routine.
"…Why didn't you two go on a date?"
On weekend mornings, it was an unspoken rule that the parents went out for brunch together. Because of that, the table always had a note with lunch money and a brief plan for what they'd bring home. Other kids probably didn't get it, but I actually liked this routine.
Anyway. A family of three having a cozy brunch on the weekend — that was a rare sight in our apartment. As I thought about maybe snapping a photo, I headed to the kitchen, and sure enough, Mom was there.
"Mmm~."
Jazz flowing from the nearby speaker. There were more slices of bread on the plate than I'd expected. The easiest meal in the world.
"French toast?"
"Did you sleep well, son?"
"Yeah. Good morning."
I went to the sink and washed my hands quickly, then grabbed strawberry jam, grape jam, milk, and juice from the fridge, setting them on the table. After that, I laid out the dishes and utensils to match the seats. I sat down first and poured milk into my glass to the brim.
"Why are you home today?"
"Dad said he had a meeting pop up suddenly. So he's going to get kalguksu for dinner — want to come with?"
"The one in Nowon?"
"Yeah. I made a reservation."
"…I'd like to go, but I should probably check the situation first. Yujin and I have study time today."
I stretched another long yawn and lifted my glass. The exam was fifteen days away. Ideally, I wanted to push Yujin's Korean, English, and Math grades up to at least a C — so I needed to solidify the fundamentals this weekend.
"A date?"
"Didn't I just say I was going to help her study?"
"The two of you doing it together — that's a date."
"…Fine. It's a study date. Are you done?"
"It's a study date, dummy. You only get to experience that fresh feeling once."
Mom gave me a smile that was truly grandma-level in its judgment, but with a sweetness to it. She'd started saying things she never used to since she'd been watching romance dramas lately. It was like shock therapy — so absurd I couldn't even brush my teeth or fall back asleep.
Clatter clatter.
"…Wait. Dad said he had a meeting and went out, right?"
As I was about a third through my milk, a strange sensation washed over my entire body. My brow furrowed before I even realized it. At the same time, I turned my head and fixed my gaze on the bathroom beyond the hallway. The sound of running water was still going.
"…So what's that noise then?"
I twisted my face into something unrecognizable. Right on cue, the bathroom door swung open.
And the rest of the scene played out exactly as everyone expected.
"Blub."
"Pffffffuuuh—!?"
"What are you doing in there…?"
"Morning greeting's a bit over the top, don't you think?"
"Son. I understand you're happy to see me, but don't make the hallway dirty."
"…Hnn?"
I answered on reflex and stared blankly ahead. Wet hair, a face faintly flushed from the hot water, and a full set of training clothes — he was in his usual tracksuit.
"…What are you doing at our house?"
"Showering and getting ready to eat? Besides, this is my house too, isn't it?"
He tied his hair up tightly with a towel, making a comment that didn't even qualify him as a prince. Then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he sat down right next to me.
"Auntie, I'll eat well!"
"Eat a lot. If you're still hungry, I'll make more!"
"Auntie Auntie! But can I go to that kalguksu place too?"
"Of course! Their dumplings and perilla leaf pancakes are really delicious, so look forward to it!"
"I love you, Auntie!"
"Auntie loves our princess too~!"
Seeing Mom and Yujin smile warmly at each other, I thought — if only they'd shown me just a little of that kindness…
"What are you doing? Go wipe that down and come back."
"The princess is right. Go before the smell gets worse."
The two of them looked at me with flat expressions. The warmth from a moment ago — just a little, I wished they'd share some with me.
* * *
Studying, by its very nature, is a grueling solitary practice. Even if someone helps you, in the end it's a fight with yourself. And to keep that fight going, the right environment is essential.
For example—
"Great! This is perfect for studying!"
A café packed with people and constant noise? Not ideal for studying.
"What do you want, Yuseol? I'm getting a strawberry cookie smoothie!"
I couldn't help but admire the decisiveness with which she ordered the moment we walked in. The words "Are you seriously going to study here?" rose to the back of my throat, but… most of the people here had come specifically to study, so it wasn't that bad. The noise came from groups like us studying together, and they weren't exactly shouting either. It was basically a group study café.
Most importantly—
"I am the QUEEN! If I'm going to do it, I'll do it sexily!"
She hadn't forgotten her purpose and was showing real enthusiasm. Since picking the study spot had been left to Yujin, I had no grounds to complain. We went up to the second floor and sat at a window seat that looked decently okay.
Yujin came back with her drink just in time—
"Huuuuh… I don't feel like studying…."
Three minutes. Three minutes and she was already like that. What am I supposed to do with her?
"Huuuuuuh…?!"
At least she had a conscience — the moment our eyes met, she clamped her mouth shut.
"M, My body's low on oxygen or something…?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"…Ugh."
She stuck out her lips in a pout and set her drink down. But with nothing to say, she quickly stuck a straw in and started chugging the smoothie.
"So. What are we studying today?"
"We're focusing on Korean, English, and Math for now, since time is tight. We can do other subjects too, but is there a specific subject you want to learn?"
"Hmm, history instead of math? History's actually kind of fun so I did take notes, you know. Oh, and Japanese too."
That was welcome news. I opened the English workbook first.
"Today we're solving problems all day to gauge our level. Just work through the ones with stars next to them."
"Yesss. Before that, Teacher, I have a question."
"What is it?"
Yujin pointed with the hand she'd raised for her question. The tip of her finger pointed at my phone, mounted on a selfie stick at the edge of the desk.
"The observation diary that shows your progress."
"…Observation diary?"
She tilted her head, clearly not catching on. "People who work out take photos of their whole body to track changes, right? We're going to do the same — document your growing focus on studying."
"Ohhh…"
"You were just thinking 'I was solidified just now,' weren't you?"
"Oooh…"
Yujin nodded lightly and kept sipping her smoothie. I smiled faintly and hit the record button.
"If the master has great ambitions, the disciple shall trust and follow."
"Yeeeah."
"We can start right away."
"Yeeeah."
Yujin picked up her pencil with a bright voice, clicked the tip a couple of times to extend it, and began underlining the vocabulary in the passage before diving into the problems. Scribble…
Just in case my focus might get disrupted, I sat a little further away. The princess, however, demonstrated surprisingly sharp concentration, and I watched her from the side, pen in hand, giving the occasional sidelong glance.
Her hair flowed down as she bent her head. Her left hand, gently cupping her cheek, would sometimes tuck the sideburns behind her ear — but the relatively short strands slipped through her palm like grains of sand.
"…Mmm."
The stranger the sounds that escaped her lips, the more focused she got. Her large eyes, reading the passage, gradually narrowed. Miiiing…
Yeah. That's exactly the feeling I'm talking about.
"We wanted to reach there before dark…."
The pencil scratching across the workbook. Her quiet voice reciting the passage connected the words smoothly, making it really pleasant to listen to. Ever since she was a kid, she'd talked to me in English and rolled her pronunciation like that. The image of little Yujin speaking Konglish flashed through my mind, and I almost laughed.
But only for a moment.
Scratch scratch. Before I knew it, Yujin was fully immersed, no longer reading the passage and just attacking the problems. When you think about it, her concentration outpaced her grades. I couldn't confirm other subjects yet, but if someone with this level of focus had low scores, it was proof that their study methods were wrong.
Probably a lack of interest in studying itself was one reason.
'The road ahead is long.'
Regardless of how much she understood, we'd have to tear apart and rebuild her awareness of and approach to studying from the ground up. And on top of that, her grades needed to improve within two weeks — it was a genuinely exhausting schedule, but…
"…Mmm."
That was the princess, furrowing her nose and working hard. How could I possibly show signs of being tired when she was putting in so much effort?
"Fight on."
I smiled faintly and bent my head down. Even if she couldn't hear it, I was cheering her on, and I too immersed myself in studying.
* * *
Literally, time flew by like light. Exam period. Study abroad prep. Athletics festival practice checks. Add helping the princess with her studying on top of all that, and twenty-four hours was laughably insufficient. But nobody lends out extra time, so what could I do? Just push through.
"Did you sleep well?"
"I want to sleep more… There are so many English words to memorize…."
Right after waking up, we reviewed what we'd studied the day before and headed to school together.
"The sentences are hard, but if you look at the graph alongside it, it's easier to understand."
"If I calculate it like this… Mmm, the slope is 2, right?"
"You're terrible at math!"
"Eh heh…!"
During breaks, she always came to find me if there was something she didn't know or felt she was lacking.
"I'm dying, Yujin…"
"You're not dead, so study. There are only a few days left."
"…You're mean. Send me that video later. I'm reporting you for school violence."
"If you report now, the corrections will be done by the time the disciplinary committee convenes. Fine, we're studying an extra hour today since we're getting reported anyway."
"…Ugh."
After school, we went straight to the library and studied together at home. Even I, who'd cultivated solid study habits, found my focus slipping — yet Yujin never once suggested taking a break, pressing on with dogged determination.
"You brat."
"Stop looking at the camera and focus."
"You brat, you brat."
She did show the occasional lapse, but…
That way, time passed quickly, and the day of the exam arrived.
"Blub."
"You must be nervous?"
The apartment entrance. I was unusually staring up at the clear sky when the door opened and Yujin came out.
"N, Nervous? The Queen wouldn't get nervous just because of an exam…"
"You shouldn't say things like that with that voice."
"…Hmph!"
Yujin let out a hilariously old-man-like cough. I smiled faintly and started walking.
"No need to be nervous. Your grades aren't going to be that great anyway."
"…Ugh. You stop right there."
Thwack! The moment she heard that, she broke into a sprint. Glancing back, as expected, Yujin was running toward me, shaking her head.
"Stop."
Very decisive. If I catch her, it's a guaranteed takedown.
"Ugh…! I'll show you, I'll show you…!!"
The three-minute sprint of rage ended when Yujin was gasping for breath. She grabbed her knees with both hands, heaving, but if she naively closed the distance, it was straight to a takedown round.
"Here. Take this."
"Hnngh…?"
And so, my prepared tribute. "You've worked hard. Three more days of this and it'll be over, so hang in there a little longer."
Specifically, it was chocolate — the kind you eat before exams — and ion drinks that would settle her stomach.
"……Thanks."
Yujin stared blankly for a moment, then took the drink and chocolate. She held them tightly against her chest and looked at me steadily. The vivid blue sky outside, and her large eyes sparkled as if a star had been placed in them.
"Starting tomorrow, you buy them yourself."
"…Ugh. You always…."
The princess scrunched her face and pouted her complaints. But only for a moment. Faintly. "If you buy them for me tomorrow and the day after, I think my grades will go up by at least ten points."
Her face, noticeably more relaxed than earlier, smiled wide as she stuck to my side. "Then I guess I have to. If I buy all three days' worth, the average for Korean, English, and Math goes up by a whopping ten points."
I shrugged my shoulders and casually brushed away the trickle of emotion that had spilled onto her cheek.
"You ready, Chae?"
"Obviously, Seol!"
I sincerely hoped that all this effort would bear fruit.