Chapter 62
Chapter 62
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 62
Chapter Title: Quack Masseur Hassan #1
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I organized in my head the story I'd heard from the deer.
For some reason, the deer had been cursed and suffered the horrific punishment of turning from a human into a deer. And to break that curse, it apparently needed to collect items from virgins.
And now it was saying that if I helped lift the curse, it would reward me accordingly.
Virgin's items. Scams. Trouble.
"You want me to join in on a scam?"
Nod, nod.
Fuck, even so, getting involved in something like that would be a straight path to ruining my life. Forget becoming a gold-tier hero—I might end up the enemy of every woman out there.
Still, if it was just lifting a curse, I had a hunch I could manage. After all, I'd previously undone my own slave seal, Luna's curse, and several others.
The problem was that the subject was some animal cub, which felt a bit off.
When I'd taken the white furball from Nemea, I'd lifted that massive cat's heartworm curse, so maybe it would work on beasts too.
"Alright, I won't join any scam, but I'll give lifting the curse a shot."
With that, I grabbed the deer's front hoof again.
『Actaeon lv. ?? 16
Status: Diana's Curse | Immature Antlers | Hardy Hooves』
It mentioned antlers and hooves and such, but that wasn't important right now. When it came to lifting this bizarre status, that "Diana's Curse" was probably the main issue.
Where had I seen the name Diana before? Cursing someone into a deer sounded like the work of a real bastard.
Whoosh-.
I turned my eyes and spotted red blotches rising over the pumpkin-shiny hide. Most of them clustered around what you'd call the spine or back on a beast.
My father could rattle off the acupoints on animal cubs, but I hadn't studied beasts that deeply since I didn't care to.
But now I felt a twinge of regret. Shit, who could've guessed back then that I'd end up pressing on a deer's back?
"Just sit still."
I moved behind the deer's back and placed my hand along its spine. The structure was totally different from a human's, but pressing these red spots should do something.
Squeeze-.
Purrrulk!
The deer thrashed like it was in agony. For a split second, my mind went blank on what I was even doing, but I mind-controlled myself.
Anyway, the red spot under my finger faded fast, so it seemed I didn't need to press long—just a light button-push with some force.
"Let's make this quick."
Hoo-.
After a brief deep breath.
Thud-thud-thud-thud-.
Like a wuxia master striking pressure points, I hammered the deer's body with my thumbs.
Pfft, pffft, pfbt, prrrt!
The deer's body drummed like a beat, making weird noises.
But ignoring that, I maxed out my concentration and jabbed every single spot on its body!
Ding-.
『Lifted Actaeon's Diana's Curse.』
『Karma Value +10』
『Current Karma Value: 77』
Sure enough, as the message said the curse was lifted, my Karma Value went up. Wondering what would happen next, I looked at the deer cub.
Crack, crrrack-crunch.
Actaeon the deer started twisting its body with gruesome, vivid joint pops?
Crack, kwaduduk.
Its front legs bent in impossible directions, its head spun past 180 degrees and whipped around. It was straight out of a horror flick—I wanted to look away.
Shit, what had I touched? Had I accidentally hit something bad without knowing?
As I worried.
The deer's hide ballooned up into the air like it was inflating, then suddenly shed like a skin, flapping loosely.
And beneath that baggy hide emerged fairly pale human flesh.
"M-My body! I'm human again—really human!"
Actaeon jumped up and shouted triumphantly. As a human, he was a handsome guy with pumpkin-colored hair flowing wildly, like deer fur.
But fuck, he was buck naked, which was gross. Honestly, I don't even want to describe a naked dude.
Anyway, Actaeon slapped his arms, legs, and torso—thump-thump—then grabbed my shoulders.
"Samaritan! You saved my life! Lifting Lady Diana's curse—! I thought I was done for! Lately, I'd been losing my reason bit by bit!"
Then he crushed me in a hug.
A guy's touch on another guy should end at the shoulders—this was crossing the line, and it pissed me off. But he was too strong to push away!
Especially those deer antlers on his head—they bugged me. He wasn't fully human yet.
But since he didn't seem to care, I kept quiet too.
"L-Let go!"
"Man, lifting that vicious curse—what a feat! Not even Cairo's disciples had that kind of curse-lifting skill! You're my hero!"
Either way, the guy was over the moon.
Seeing him rejoice like he'd been reborn melted away my earlier suspicions and hostility—I softened up a bit too.
"Shit, so why'd you turn into a deer anyway?"
"Because I broke a taboo. But I can't say more than that. Anyway, I'm truly grateful. Mars Guild adventurer? What's your name?"
Squeeze-.
His grip on my shoulders was so strong I thought they'd pop out.
Plus, buck naked as he was, he exuded raw power and this oppressive aura—he was no ordinary guy.
"I-I'm Hassan of Samaria."
"Right, Hassan of Samaria. I'm Actaeon, disciple of Cairo and member of the Argus Expedition. Gold-tier adventurer of the Minerva Guild."
Gold tier?
The words made my vision spin. To think I'd meet a real gold-tier adventurer in the flesh—one I'd only heard about.
But fuck, seeing this naked homo rejoicing soured it. Should've left him as a deer. A talking deer would've fetched a good price.
"Anyway, I won't forget this favor. The best reward I can give right now is this."
He showed me the junk piled in his cave.
But it was all useless crap—no pawnshop or antique dealer would touch most of it.
"I don't really want that stuff. Just give back the money Luna took from you yesterday."
"Luna? The pink-haired kore? Th-that money's probably all spent by my partner Rapu. Lifting the curse cost a bit..."
"Fuck, then come quietly with the guards."
* * *
"Good lord, you're Actaeon? We heard you went missing. Some thought you were dead! But why are you naked? And horns on your head?"
The guards gawked when I dragged in Actaeon.
He was a gold-tier adventurer so famous in Sodoma everyone knew him—a real powerhouse, they said.
A missing guy suddenly shows up captured by me—it made sense they'd freak for various reasons.
"It's a long story. Anyway, sorry. Rapu and I will pay for our crimes. Don't ask details."
"Th-that, urk...."
The scammer Rapu replied with a puffy, bruised face—he'd been beaten senseless by Rene, looking a mess.
"Got the bounty split unwillingly. Samaritan."
The deer scam duo's bounty: 50 silver. Rene got 25 since she caught Rapu—super regrettable, but that's the procedure.
Still, my 25 silver was a massive haul. My pouch now held about 47 silver—heavy and satisfying.
Pouches feel better the heavier they get, naturally.
Anyway, business with the guards was done—sticking around was pointless. As I turned to leave, Actaeon called out.
"Hassan of Samaria. You've done me a lifelong favor. Take this."
He handed over a deer hide with lush, shiny fur. Bigger and wider than normal—long and flowy like a carpet.
I took it casually as he added a few words.
"If Master Cairo were alive, he'd have written you a letter of recommendation. Shame. But we'll meet again."
With that, Luna and I left the guards. We naturally headed to the barn on the land she'd bought for 3 gold.
Unlocking it, we entered a barren space—no furniture, no walls, utterly desolate and chilly.
I spread thin straw on the cold floor, then unfurled the new deer hide over it with a whoosh. It added a touch of warmth to the rough place.
"Warm! So soft! This alone means no need for other floor covers!"
Luna flopped on it, grinning ear to ear—her white teeth flashing. She really loved it.
Of course, I was pleased too—having something soft and warm on the floor made it feel livable.
"Guess we should take shoes off to come in."
"Should we?"
Luna untied the straps of her sandals, tucked them neatly in a corner.
Rustle, rustle.
"Feels amazing!"
Her cute bare feet padding lightly on the deer carpet made my dick twitch for some reason. Luna's bare skin was too stimulating right now—natural reaction.
Anyway, to calm down, I looked around. The floor looked decent with the big carpet, but the rest was meh.
"Now fix the ceiling and walls, and it'll really shape up. I'll help this time."
"R-Really? I'm so sorry...."
Luna seemed genuinely apologetic, trailing off.
Something occurred to me—I pulled out my money pouch, took 13 silver coins, and placed them in her hand.
"Your lost 5 silver plus 30% of the bounty—8 silver—makes 13."
"13 silver? Th-this much...!?"
"Fixing this place costs money. Next time, no scams—I'll go shopping with you."
Who knows what con artists she'd fall for next? Better watch her myself.
Anyway, we lounged on the plush deer hide, sharing jerky from the guards, passing time.
As bedtime neared, Luna hesitantly spoke while I was about to sleep.
"Hassan, um... I have a favor...."
"A favor?"
Luna was surprisingly independent. She relied on me a lot but had this obsession with handling things alone, so she rarely asked for help.
Her blushing request surprised me anew.
"What?"
"M-My legs hurt... Could you massage them...?"
"Massage your legs?"
"...."
Luna's face flushed deep; she didn't reply. Asking for a massage had probably used up all her courage and patience.
"Alright, lie face-down on the carpet."
Swish.
Luna obeyed, lying belly-down, back to the ceiling. Her exposed calves and soles gleamed white, stabbing at my eyes.
A chance to touch that soft body again.
This was a massage—medical, not lewd. No violation of chastity oaths or Clefios law.
It should be fine, but my palms sweated from nerves. I wiped them on my pants.
"Here goes."
My hands settled on Luna's dainty soles.
Flinch.
Her legs trembled briefly from the unfamiliar feel, but she soon relaxed, not resisting.
I cupped her small feet with both hands, thumbs pushing up the entire sole like kneading dough.
"Eek.... I-It hurts a little...."
"Your soles are swollen."
She'd walked the forest and market all day—loosening them now would prevent swelling tomorrow.
"Ahng.... Hnnn.... Hurt at first... but now the pain feels good. Hnnaa...."
"See? Told you."
Luna's warm soles were so squishy and soft. I could just keep fondling forever.
Sniff-sniff.
"D-Don't sniff...!"
"No, just checking health. You're healthy."
Total bullshit, of course. But some famous quacks diagnose via sweat taste or body odor, they say.
Anyway, to remind myself it was a massage, I pressed the arch, pulled her toes longways.
Squeeze, sqqueeze.
Especially the central sole point—Yongcheon acupoint—I targeted relentlessly. Key spot for women in various ways.
"Eua...."
Super stimulating for girls.
"H-Hnn.... Haht.... Ahng.... H-Hassan, feels weird...!!"
My massage hit the spot—Luna melted in the dark, moaning. Soon she convulsed, body jerking.
"St-Stop, nooo...! I-I gotta, g-go potty!"
She slipped her feet from my hands and bolted. Bladder emergency?
Had I overdone the mood and messed up? I self-reproached a bit.
Minutes later, Luna returned, cheeks rosy, and said.
"Hassan, my turn now."
"On me?"
[Author's Note]
Lots of folks mixing up Hassan's name... His name is Ha-san, single character "San" from the Ha clan.
The "Hassan" from "Stand up, Hassan" is actually written as Ha-san too.