What "Liking Someone" Means to Each of Us
"Ahhh, the water feels so good~"
I was listening blankly to the gentle splash of the water when Eun-ha waved me over, urging me to hurry up and get in.
Her family was large, so it was common for several people to bathe together; the tub itself was big enough that two or three could fit without trouble.
The idea of washing with someone else was completely new to me, and I was still hesitating, body stiff with awkwardness, when Eun-ha grabbed my arm like some kind of water spirit and pulled me right into the tub.
"This is kind of sudden… is it really okay?"
"Come on, we're friends. Don't overthink it, just don't!"
I had visited Eun-ha's house before, but staying overnight was a different story entirely. Sitting here in the bathroom together, even if we were both girls, made me feel shy no matter how hard I tried not to. Eun-ha, though, didn't seem the least bit bothered. She just kept smiling that usual bright smile of hers.
"Your skin's gotten pretty soft, huh? All that advice I gave you was worth it after all."
She poked and prodded here and there, making me feel a little ticklish, but I still answered, "Because my teacher is the best."
Before I met Yu-seong, I had never really paid attention to the idea of taking care of myself. Back when I still lived at home I had put in a little effort, wanting to look presentable, but looking back now it had all been nothing more than empty struggling.
Then I met Eun-ha, and then Mother, and they both fussed over me with such genuine care, telling me a girl shouldn't live like that. So doing whatever I could felt like the least I owed them. Going to bed early and getting up early was a given. Eating a balanced diet, making sure my skin never got too dry or too oily, avoiding direct sunlight, choosing clothes that wouldn't irritate my skin… there was suddenly so much to keep track of.
"You're already pretty, Seol-hwa. Just a little care and you turn out like this. It always felt like such a waste before."
"Even if you say that…"
Lately I had started paying a bit more attention to how I looked, but whenever someone called me cute or anything like that I still… didn't really know what to do with it. Those kinds of words suited Eun-ha far better than me. Thinking that, I stole a sideways glance at her body.
Her fair skin was soft and smooth, the kind of texture that really did feel like touching a baby. There wasn't a single extra bit of flesh on her; her figure was so slender and lovely that even another girl would find her beautiful. It made perfect sense that she was popular at school.
"Aing, staring like that is embarrassing~"
"S-sorry…!"
I must have been staring without realizing it. I whipped my head away in a panic, only for Eun-ha to burst out laughing. "Just kidding~"
"You've got a sneaky little teasing streak in you, Seol-hwa."
"…You're the mean one. Yu-seong says stuff like that and teases me sometimes too."
"Okay, okay, don't pout. Smile for me~"
The next second her fingers were tickling my side. I held in my laughter and told her to stop before she finally let go.
"Honestly…"
I was starting to get used to this kind of thing. She was mischievous, sure, but there was never any malice in it—if anything it was full of affection, so getting angry felt wrong. I just sighed without saying anything, and Eun-ha reached over to stroke my hair. "Still~ Seol-hwa looks best when she's smiling, you know?"
…Just that was enough to melt whatever irritation I had left. Maybe that was why people said Yu-seong was like a puppy too.
"Ah, you're thinking about Yu-seong again, aren't you?"
"H-how did you know?!"
I was so startled I almost cracked the back of my head against the wall. Luckily Eun-ha was right behind me and caught me, but she still giggled. "Bullseye~"
"When you think about Yu-seong you get this really specific look on your face."
"A l-look…?"
What kind of face had I been making? I touched my cheeks, then dunked my whole head under the water in embarrassment.
I don't know how long I stayed under. When my lungs started burning I pulled my head up and was still catching my breath when Eun-ha spoke again. "Come to think of it."
"You two decided to start dating after winter break, right? There were too many people around at Christmas so I couldn't ask properly, but it's just the two of us now~"
"S-so that was your real goal?"
She had her arms wrapped tightly around me like she wouldn't let go until I talked, yet she just smiled innocently. "Hmm~ I have no idea what you're talking about."
I had no choice. I started telling her everything that had happened at Yu-seong's family home over the break.
For a moment I wondered whether it was okay to talk about someone else's past so freely, but this was Eun-ha. If I explained, she would understand.
When I finished, Eun-ha was quieter than I expected. She let go of me and leaned back against the bathroom wall.
"Yeah… anyone would turn out twisted after that much."
"Right…"
The first time I saw Yu-seong after transferring, he had just seemed vaguely scary. Walking out of class in the middle of a lesson because he was "bored," ignoring Yurim even when she scolded him, brushing off whatever nasty things people said about him… I still remembered that attitude clearly.
Looking back now, he had simply been afraid. Afraid of getting close to anyone. Because that was how he had lost the people he cared about.
I could understand that feeling completely. If I ever reached a point where I could never see Han Yu-seong again, without even being able to exchange a single word…
I didn't even want to imagine it. Just the thought made my chest ache.
Yu-seong must have been feeling that way the whole time.
I was always thanking him. He was the precious person who had given meaning to a life I had already decided was meaningless.
And every time, he would answer the same way: I'm the same, so don't worry about it.
The more you change, the more I change too…
The smile he wore when he said that, the one that was supposed to reassure me, always looked a little lonely. That hadn't just been my imagination.
After carefully drying off, blow-drying our hair, and carefully applying moisturizer everywhere, the two of us finally changed into pajamas and flopped onto the bed in her room.
Maybe talking about Yu-seong had left the mood a little heavy. Steam was still rising faintly from Eun-ha's hair as she stretched out on the mattress. "We ran around all day today, so let's just rest well."
"The bed's pretty big, though…"
Even with me lying next to her there was still plenty of room left. When I said so, Eun-ha just gave a small smile like it was nothing special. "The other kids sleep here too."
"We've got a big family, so two or three of them usually end up in my room. Dad's looking after them tonight because you're here."
"I-I'm sorry for causing trouble…"
"There you go again! It's fine~ Tae-yang comes over a lot too, so everyone's used to it. Just a different person tonight. Dad's probably playing cards with the kids in his room right about now."
"Well, that's a relief then…"
She turned off the main light, leaving only the soft glow of the mood lamp.
"Hey, Eun-ha… are you asleep?"
"Not yet. I actually tend to stay up pretty late… why?"
"Um… if it's okay to ask, how did you and Tae-yang end up meeting?"
At my question Eun-ha rolled over to face me. Her eyes blinked wide, like she hadn't expected me to ask something like that.
By the time I met her she was already dating Tae-yang, and she often talked about how well they got along, but she almost never brought up the past. I had thought this—lying here together—might be a good chance to ask, but she didn't exactly look eager to talk about it.
"I-if you don't want to talk about it…"
I started to apologize, but she just stroked my hair as if to calm me down. "It's not like that."
"Heh, looks like we were thinking the same thing."
"W-were we?"
Come to think of it, she had just listened to everything about Yu-seong, so maybe we were even now.
Eun-ha seemed to read my thoughts easily. Her smile was calmer than usual… no, a little more tired than usual.
"I don't mind telling you. It'd be unfair if I heard both of your stories and kept mine to myself, right? It's just… not as bright a story as you might be imagining. Is that still okay?"
"It's okay, as long as you're okay with it."
"See, this is why you're so cute and kind, Seol-hwa~ I'm lucky to have you as a friend."
The sudden praise made me want to deny it, but before I could she murmured, "Where should I even start…" so I just closed my mouth and waited.
"Before I started dating Tae-yang—this was around middle school—I was… kind of a kid with a lot of complaints."
"Complaints?" I tilted my head, and she nodded quietly.
"Our house has a lot of people, right? So Mom and Dad both had to work every day, and I had to look after the little ones… It's fine now, but back then I was kind of… fed up with all of it."
Even though she was telling me herself, I couldn't picture it at all. This bright, cheerful girl who cherished every single member of her family getting angry and sick of the other kids?
"Still, I tried not to show it. I tried to stay lively, just like now. If I fell apart, if I acted spoiled, Mom and Dad would worry, and the little ones might start crying."
I felt her hand tighten a little under the blanket where our fingers were laced together.
At the same time her voice grew thick. "But you know."
"It just didn't work. It was hard. I got into the habit of repeating it to myself over and over: It's fine… even alone it's fine, it has to be fine.
After a while people around me started saying I was fake, that it looked forced… People need to let out whatever's piled up inside them somehow, or they just break."
Watching her smile bitterly, I felt something tighten hard in my chest.
"Mom and Dad were always busy. Looking after the kids, plus I was picking up every part-time job I could find to help with the household… and on top of that I was hearing all those nasty comments from outside…
Whenever it got really hard to bear, I'd go to the school courtyard. That day I was crying again, telling myself even alone was fine… and that was when Tae-yang found me. At the time I thought it was completely ridiculous."
Even back then Seong Tae-yang had been an elite. Good at everything, kind, the popular prince everyone liked.
Why was someone like that here? I didn't even have time to wonder before he pulled me into a hug.
And then he said it.
You're not fine at all. At least don't lie to me.
"I actually got mad at him. What do you know about me…? The words he said to me that day—I still remember every single one of them.
'You're right, I don't know anything about you. So tell me. Don't struggle alone. If it's hard, just split it with me. Then it'll only be half as hard, right?' I was so happy then.
I'd never told anyone what was really inside me… I couldn't. The fact that he understood the pain, that he told me it was okay, that he would share it and stay with me…
I told him, You'll just end up suffering alone. Our family's poor, and there's this and that… and he just said, 'If I cared about any of that, I wouldn't have said anything in the first place.'"
"…He's really straightforward." That was all I could manage. Eun-ha smiled with her usual energy back. "Right?"
"After that I just fell for him completely, and here we are. Tae-yang's way more of a man of action than he looks, you know? The very next day he showed up at our house."
"A-at your house?"
"Yeah, insane, right? Showing up the day after we started dating. And what he said was something like, 'Please think a little more about your daughter.' Mom and Dad must have felt something after talking with him.
They stopped both working full-time. One of them always stays home now. And they apologized to me—said they'd put too much on my shoulders… that they wouldn't do it again."
"I see…"
"Tae-yang's family is pretty rich, so they could have helped out, but his parents… well, they were against him dating me.
They'd already arranged a political marriage for him and everything. Apparently he told them if they wouldn't allow it he'd leave the house."
"Th-that's intense…" I could only stare with wide eyes. Eun-ha's gaze turned a little distant and fond. "Yeah, it was."
"He said he'd always done whatever they told him at home, so no one expected his first act of rebellion to hit that hard.
Because of that, things are still pretty shaky between them. He really loves me, but for that to work he needs his parents to accept me too.
I've been learning all sorts of things, but studying is seriously hard… Anyway, that's personal stuff, so never mind. That's how time passed and we got to where we are now.
I'm not alone anymore, so no matter how hard it gets, it's okay. I'm not just enduring it—I can overcome it… I don't need to say more, right? You know that too, Seol-hwa."
"…Yeah, I know." I answered quietly.
When someone is truly at their limit, pushed to the edge of a cliff, what they need isn't anything grand.
Just someone who makes them realize they aren't alone. Someone who affirms their existence.
I had learned that even that much was enough to let a person look forward and keep walking.
"Not a very cheerful story, huh? Sorry."
"If we're talking about that, ours was worse… I don't know about cheerful, but it was a little surprising. I thought you were the one who pushed things forward."
"Ahaha, it's not weird to think that. Either way, I treasure the present. Just that was enough for me to change.
Wanting to be close friends with you… part of it was Yu-seong pushing, but also… you kind of reminded me of my old self. I wanted you to be able to smile and live."
"Thanks to you, I am."
I said it and wrapped my other hand around hers.
Yu-seong was the biggest reason I had been able to change, but it wasn't all his doing.
Come to think of it, I had never properly thanked Eun-ha.
Swallowing the embarrassment that rose all the way to my throat, I wriggled closer and rested my forehead against her arm.
The first friend I had made, other than Yu-seong.
The precious person who always led me forward and smiled beside me—
"I'm always grateful. I… really like you."
I said it slowly, carefully, but with every bit of sincerity I had.
"Kyaa, I just got a love confession~"
Eun-ha made a big fuss like always, but right then I didn't say anything. I just nuzzled my head against her arm.
Seeing that, she let out a soft laugh and a sigh, then stroked my back. "I like you a whole lot too, Seol-hwa~"
"Yes! First place in Seol-hwa's heart, secured! I'm gonna brag about this to Yu-seong forever!"
Not first place, though…
If I said that out loud she would definitely stay up all night grilling me about it, so I only answered inside my head.
Sleep was pulling at me. Feeling Eun-ha's warmth with my whole body, I quietly closed my eyes.