Carrying an Unexpected Longing
"Um... which one should I pick...?"
"Hmm~"
The place the two of them were browsing was a shop that had been generating buzz lately, word of mouth spreading little by little among the girls. Quality clothes lined the racks at affordable prices, and it seemed quite popular — which was why Eun-ha had brought Seol-hwa along. It was the first day off after summer vacation had ended, and since the occasion was rare, she'd borrowed Seol-hwa from Yu-seong for the day.
"If it's Yu-seong, wouldn't he call anything cute?"
Eun-ha and Tae-yang had long been a couple famous for their cringe-inducing sweetness, but this pair was no less a rising powerhouse. Even Yu-seong, who could be prickly with others, turned into soft silken tofu where Seol-hwa was concerned — and lately, he didn't even bother denying it. Given that kind of relationship, he'd call her cute no matter what she wore — but Seol-hwa shook her head.
"Still..."
"Like you said, Eun-ha, Yu-seong will usually tell me I'm cute or pretty, but he doesn't really say much about his own preferences. He'll say it's fine if I'm comfortable and happy with it, but I—if I can, I'd rather he like it a little more."
Having said that, Seol-hwa seemed embarrassed by her own words and buried her flushed face — a sweet smile that made love itself so transparent you could almost taste it, the kind that made anyone watching feel happy too.
Eun-ha had spent enough time with Seol-hwa by now to feel confident about knowing her, but this expression was something she'd never seen before. Just what had happened over the break...? The two of them had always been close, but these days it was on another level.
I've got to dig the whole story out of her while I have the chance.
She'd borrowed the whole day, after all — if they talked and played enough, she was bound to hear something. As she was thinking that, Seol-hwa tugged at Eun-ha's sleeve with an anxious look.
"Um..."
"Is it... weird, me trying this hard by myself?"
"Ah-ah, we don't say things like that."
When Eun-ha raised her hand as if to deliver a karate chop, Seol-hwa flinched in fright. It had only been a joke, but Seol-hwa was so unexpectedly cute that a smile bloomed on Eun-ha's face of its own accord. Yu-seong was probably doing his best in his own way, but the deeper issue of Seol-hwa's low self-confidence wasn't something that could be fixed overnight. Seol-hwa was becoming more positive, but every so often words like these still slipped out.
"You know most girls who work hard at being cute would beat the stuffing out of anyone who said that, right?"
"Th-that much?"
"That much! Wanting to look cute is the most natural thing in the world for a girl, isn't it? At the very least, I wouldn't let it slide."
Eun-ha stroked Seol-hwa's hair in a reassuring way, and Seol-hwa let out a quiet sigh of relief.
"...Thank you, Eun-ha."
"Aw, it's fine. Between us?"
When Seol-hwa started to bow her head, Eun-ha waved her off. Before long, Seol-hwa seemed to have decided on what to buy. She cradled the chosen clothes carefully in her arms and headed for the register. Watching her with a fond look, Eun-ha murmured under her breath so Seol-hwa wouldn't hear, "Yu-seong really is one lucky guy."
"Come on, come on! We've still got tons of time left today — we've got more places to hit!"
With those words, Eun-ha led Seol-hwa to a traditional market.
"So places like this exist too..."
"You've never been with Yu-seong?"
"We usually just handle grocery shopping at the supermarket nearby, so I didn't even know this was here."
"Is that so~"
Eun-ha sighed inwardly, careful not to let any bitterness show on her face. It wasn't surprising Seol-hwa would react this way — these days, not many people went out of their way to visit markets. Squeezed out by big-box stores and online orders, the market's standing had been dwindling for a long time. Here too, people their age were almost nonexistent; most of the foot traffic consisted of middle-aged and older folks who looked about their parents' age.
"This place has its own charm, so I'll show you everything!"
Eun-ha had often tagged along to the market with her parents, so she actually felt more at home in this bustling atmosphere than in a supermarket. Taking Seol-hwa's hand, she cried "Let's go!" and dashed toward the market.
"Oh, if it isn't Eun-ha! How've you been?"
As they wandered the market street, shopkeepers who recognized Eun-ha called out first with greetings.
"Yes! You've been well too, right?"
"Eun-ha~ Hairtail's cheap today! How about one?"
"Wow, really? Then I'll take about two — I've got a guest with me."
"Is that so? Then I'll throw in one free — don't be shy, take it!"
"Yes! Thank you!"
Unlike Seol-hwa, who felt out of place in an environment where strangers struck up conversation, Eun-ha fielded the greetings with the easy familiarity of chatting with friends. It wasn't just that this was her first time at a market — watching Eun-ha banter so cheerfully with people seemed endlessly fascinating to Seol-hwa. She herself had only just reached the point of managing conversations with other people at school, but Eun-ha was different. At school, here... watching Eun-ha surrounded by people and clearly enjoying herself—
...I'm jealous.
Was thinking something like that just proof that she was greedy after all?
"What's this, a friend with you?"
"Friend? She's my best friend! Right, Seol-hwa?"
"Uh, uh...?"
She clearly hadn't expected the spotlight to swing her way so suddenly. When the flustered Seol-hwa stammered, Eun-ha put on a dejected face, hung her head, and said, "We're not...?" — which sent Seol-hwa frantically shaking her head.
"Th-there's no way!"
"W-we're best friends... yes."
"Right? Right?! See, it's only ever Seol-hwa!"
"Oh my, young lady, you must have it rough with that whirlwind Eun-ha."
"Huh? Whirlwind? You mean lively and spirited!"
"You little rascal, can't even talk right. Take some fruit and eat it — and say hello to your parents for me."
"We'll enjoy it! Here, Seol-hwa, you too."
"Th-thank you..."
By the time they left the market, between everything they'd bought and been given, both Eun-ha's and Seol-hwa's hands were loaded with bags.
"Everyone was so lively..."
"They look that way, sure—"
"Look that way?"
When Seol-hwa tilted her head, Eun-ha nodded with a sigh.
"These days, not many people come to places like this~"
Even the news was full of talk about how hard the market economy was. Everyone put on a brave smile, but it couldn't be easy.
"So next time, Seol-hwa, bring Yu-seong too, okay?"
"I'll try."
While they talked, the sky had already taken on the colors of sunset.
"By the way, where are we?"
At some point they'd entered a secluded alley. Seol-hwa tilted her head and asked, but Eun-ha only said, "You'll see when we get there."
The place they arrived at was an anonymous private home. The walls were crumbling in places, nameless vines growing over them — a house that the word "dilapidated" would suit perfectly. Eun-ha gave the iron gate a few casual knocks, then — finding it unlocked — swung it open with a cheerful "Grandma, we're here~♪"
"Come on in."
The one who greeted them was an elderly woman of advanced years. Her face was lined with wrinkles that testified to a long life lived, but those same lines held a smile full of kindness — a gentle, warm presence.
"Have you been well? Nothing's been wrong?"
"Heh heh, what kind of trouble could an old woman like me get into?"
"Aw, still. Oh right! Seol-hwa, introduce yourself."
"Ah, right! H-hello... My name is Yun Seol-hwa."
Prompted by Eun-ha, Seol-hwa bowed in greeting — but no reply came. Wondering if she'd done something wrong, she carefully lifted her head to find the old woman staring at her with a look of surprise.
"...Seo-yeon?"
"Huh?"
"...Pardon?"
An unfamiliar name. Eun-ha and Seol-hwa both tilted their heads at the same time. Then the old woman shook her head.
"No, forgive me."
"Who's Seo-yeon?"
But Eun-ha, unable to let it go, pressed further. The old woman looked up at the sky with an expression that held a hint of longing.
"Seo-yeon. Han Seo-yeon... Yes, it must have been a good twenty years since that child left."
"Wait just a moment," the old woman said, disappearing into a room. She returned shortly with a single photograph.
"Thankfully it was still here. This is a photo of Seo-yeon."
The moment the two of them looked at the photo, they both caught their breath. Because the person in the photograph looked exactly like Seol-hwa. The only difference was the length of her hair. Build, jet-black hair, ruby-red eyes — the Seo-yeon in the photo and Seol-hwa were carbon copies. If Eun-ha hadn't already known they were different people, she would have mistaken one for the other.
If there was a difference — something that stood out especially — it was the expression. The smile looked utterly natural. No matter how hard you try, a person's smile always carries a faint trace of artifice — that sense of something deliberately put on. But in the pure smile in this photograph, there wasn't a single hint of it. It was the kind of smile you could only make if you genuinely found life joyful — a magnificent smile that put even the viewer's heart at ease.
"After I moved to this village, she was a girl who used to come by from next door all the time. She looked a lot like this Seol-hwa of yours, but her personality was just like Eun-ha's. She was an incredibly lively child — the type who'd say she got restless if she didn't keep moving even for a moment."
Listening in silence, Eun-ha shifted only her eyes toward Seol-hwa. Seol-hwa said nothing, staring fixedly at the photograph as if under a spell.
"You're going to burn a hole through that photo."
Only when Eun-ha gave her a light jab in the side to snap her out of it did Seol-hwa seem to come to, shaking her head.
"S-sorry."
"Can't blame her."
That kind of reaction was only natural. Even a stranger could see how alike they were — how much more so for Seol-hwa herself?
"That child, contrary to her personality, had a weak constitution and was always coming down with minor illnesses... After a few years, she said they were moving to Seoul to look into other hospitals. I never heard from her after that, but I've held onto this photo we took together before she left."
"No matter how I look at it..."
Eun-ha murmured, glancing back and forth between the photo and Seol-hwa. The timing matched perfectly with what they'd heard. This was...
"Seol-hwa's mother... isn't it?"
Eun-ha asked carefully, but Seol-hwa started to shake her head with a sad expression... then stopped.
"...I don't know. I don't know my mother's face, or even her name. Nothing except that she died giving birth to me."
She knew nothing. There was no way to find out. If she asked, she was only scolded for talking nonsense — and she'd never even seen a single photograph. But she couldn't tear her eyes from the photo. Not at all.
"Hmm..."
How was she supposed to lighten this suddenly heavy atmosphere? As Eun-ha stood with her arms crossed, fretting over it, the old woman shook her head.
"No."
"She must be your mother. I can feel it."
"Feel it...?"
"When she lived next door, I saw her almost every day. I can barely remember her voice now, but that warm feeling I always got when I was with her... it feels like I've felt it again for the first time in so long..."
"Ah, Grandma, if you start crying too...! Honestly..."
"...Forgive me. An old woman making such a spectacle of herself."
"Th-that's not what I meant..."
While Eun-ha floundered between the two of them, Seol-hwa watched the old woman's face in silence. Pity, sorrow, longing... so many things could be felt in that somehow lonely expression. The old woman looked up at the sky again, swallowed her tears, and let out a deep sigh as if releasing everything she'd been holding in.
"So that child... left before this old woman. Always smiling, always looking forward even when she was sick and struggling — that fragile girl..."
"...Um, I'll give the photo back."
When Seol-hwa tried to hand the photo back, the old woman stopped her.
"No."
"You take it. I'll be following after soon enough anyway — you keep it safe for me."
"Grandma, come on — you said you'd stick around to see me have kids! You've got to live a long time."
"Heh heh. I did say that, didn't I. Too early for talk like that — forgive me. At this age, I just keep going on about the same old things. But you know. Time is more equal than anything else... My husband who went first, Seo-yeon too... Someday I'll follow after them as well. When I look back on my life, it's nothing but regrets. If only I'd done this then, if only I'd done that then... Chewing over those things forever — that's how you grow old, I suppose."
In the solemn atmosphere, the old woman said, "I've only said heavy things — forgive me," and went back into the room, returning with a bag of snacks.
"Seol-hwa, was it? It's nothing special, but make yourself at home and rest easy. Eun-ha's such a whirlwind — you must have it rough, hmm?"
"Ah, Grandma! You added that last bit on purpose~!"
"Ah, no! I'm the one who's always indebted to her..."
"Yes, yes."
Sitting on the wooden porch, they shared many stories. Stories of the lives they'd lived so far, of meeting Yu-seong. And stories of the person named Seo-yeon — who might have been her mother — they heard many of those as well.
Time flows on. For everyone, equally.
Before they knew it, the colors of night had settled over the sky.