Impossible
February. Quite some time had already passed since the start of the new school year.
The other kids seemed to have grown used to the sight of Seolhwa and me getting along so well; these days, we were blending into the class as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world.
Ordinary. To other people it might not mean much, but to us it was a word that still felt strangely new. We had spent so long alone, after all—though the meaning was the complete opposite now. Watching Seolhwa chat happily with the others never failed to make something warm and tight bloom in my chest.
Both of us were slowly learning what it meant to have social lives. Day by day…
"Yuseong-sunbae, you look like something's weighing on you."
It was lunchtime in the School Resource Room. Coming here had practically become part of my daily routine. I liked the quiet atmosphere—hardly anyone ever came by—and I could always cadge a good cup of coffee off Jiwu. Best of all, it meant I didn't have to put up with Eunha or Dojeon for a while. I had started thinking of the place as a little sanctuary for my nerves.
Still, freeloading every single day felt wrong, so I offered to cover lunch at least once. She politely turned me down. Said she did it because she liked to, or something like that. Weird kid, honestly.
I was sitting there sipping coffee in silence when Jiwu suddenly spoke up.
"…Is it that obvious?"
I hadn't said a word. For a second I had the ridiculous thought that she might be reading minds. She always had that gentle air about her; even if she could pull something like that, it wouldn't have felt out of place.
Of course she couldn't actually hear my inner monologue. She just kept smiling that soft little smile of hers and said, "Well… a woman's intuition?"
"So? Did something happen with Seolhwa-sunbae?"
"…I never even mentioned Seolhwa."
"Yuseong-sunbae, you never really worry about anything unless it involves Seolhwa-sunbae, do you?"
When she put it like that, I had nothing to say. She was right—if it wasn't about Seolhwa, I rarely bothered fretting. I just sighed and let her words stand.
"It's… nothing big. Just that she's been hiding something again lately."
We had promised each other after the whole part-time job mess that we wouldn't keep secrets. I even brought that up when I asked her about it, but she just asked me to let her keep this one to herself.
"Hmm. A secret at this time of year… there's really only one thing it could be—"
"…What?"
"If I just told you, it wouldn't be any fun. Hehe."
"Then don't bring it up at all… Now I'm even more curious."
We were still talking when a familiar, thoroughly ominous thundering of footsteps came pounding down the hallway.
"Ah, Hyung-nim! So you were here, sir! I've been looking all over!"
"You—how did you even know about this place…?!"
I had never once mentioned the Resource Room to that idiot. I always made sure to sneak over carefully so no one would notice. How the hell had he found out? Dojeon answered my silent question with something completely ridiculous.
"I asked Yurim-sunbaenim and she said you'd be around here somewhere, so I searched every classroom nearby, sir!"
"You little…"
"Wow, what an energetic guy."
"I hear that a lot, sir! People say if you take away the energy I'm basically a corpse, or that if you sleep next to me you don't need a morning alarm!"
"…Those don't sound like compliments."
The phrase "too much of a good thing" fit him perfectly. I had thought this was the one place I could actually rest in peace. Looks like that ended today. I suddenly felt like crying.
The absolute airhead, of course, had no idea what I was thinking and just bellowed, "It's all about how you take it, isn't it, sir!"
"By the way, aren't you two the same age? Why are you both using formal speech?"
Jiwu and Dojeon were both first-years, as far as I knew—whether they were in the same class or not, I wasn't sure. I asked while trying to suppress the throbbing in my temples. Dojeon just went "Huh?" and tilted his head.
"I figured since she's Hyung-nim's friend she had to be a sunbae… Was I wrong, sir?"
"I talk like this all the time anyway, so formal speech just comes naturally."
"Yeah, that tracks for both of you."
I tried to quietly stand up and slip away before Dojeon could latch onto me, but of course he grabbed my arm with a "Where do you think you're going, sir!"
"You've got to hang out with us again today—practice!"
"Practice?"
"It's nothing major… I told you before that I used to play basketball, right? Same with this guy."
I explained for Jiwu, who was blinking in confusion, then let out a long sigh. Ever since I transferred, it had been like this almost every day. The first couple of times I went along with it, but getting dragged down to the court every single time I saw him was more than I could handle. Maybe the old me could have managed, but now I was just some washed-up guy who used to play basketball once upon a time.
"Come on, come on! Lunch period's almost over—let's go already!"
I shook off the arm Dojeon was tugging and said, "Passing today."
I just didn't feel like running around. Seolhwa was still on my mind, too… I was staring into space and sighing when Dojeon cocked his head and asked, "Hyung-nim, something bothering you, sir?"
"As you can see."
"Did something happen with Noonim, sir?"
"…I never said a word about Seolhwa."
Was this déjà vu, or was I just imagining it? When I answered flatly, Dojeon just laughed that big booming laugh of his. "Come on, Hyung-nim! If you're worrying about something, what else could it be, sir!"
"Hehe. Yuseong-sunbae really is easy to read."
"You stay out of this…"
I was so embarrassed I had nothing left to say. All I could do was cover my face with my hand. I ended up repeating the same story I'd told Jiwu to Dojeon.
"In that case, how about tailing her, sir?"
"…Tailing?"
The sudden word left me speechless. Dojeon, on the other hand, lit up and pressed on.
"It happens all the time in spy movies, sir! If she won't talk, finding out in secret is a valid method!"
"I never expected to hear something like that from you of all people."
The guy who seemed about a hundred million light-years removed from the word "tailing." Once again I was reminded that preconceptions are a bad idea. How had it come to this…? The whole "secretly" part still sat wrong with me, but if we were being technical, Seolhwa was the one in the wrong for not telling me.
"…Fine. Let's do it," I said, nodding in defeat.
"It's impossible, sir! Impossible!"
After school, Seolhwa left first, saying she had somewhere to be again. Just as planned, the three of us tailed her. The uneasy feeling that we really shouldn't be doing this was still there, but maybe having accomplices dulled the guilt.
We were carefully following Seolhwa so she wouldn't notice when some girl I'd never seen before joined her halfway. Unfamiliar face, but she was wearing our school uniform, so she was probably from another class.
The two of them seemed to be talking about something, but we couldn't catch the words. Getting any closer would give us away. All we could do was watch from a distance.
"They look pretty close, sir."
"…Yeah."
We couldn't hear the conversation, but the way they were chatting looked completely natural. Had she gotten to the point where she could talk with strangers this easily? I felt a little proud as we followed them all the way to a bakery I'd never seen before.
"Ah. They went inside, sir. What do we do?"
"Beats me…"
This was getting awkward. If we walked in, we'd definitely get caught.
"Hey. You two."
I was still trying to figure out our next move when a chilly voice came from right behind us, and something cold pressed against my cheek. Rolling my eyes to look back, I found some middle-aged guy glaring at us with an aluminum baseball bat leveled at my face.
Before I could even answer, he grabbed us by the scruffs of our necks and practically threw us into the bakery.
"Welcome~ Huh?"
"Y-Yuseong…?!"
Of course we got caught immediately. The girl who had been about to give the standard customer greeting just stared at us with wide eyes, while Seolhwa—who clearly never expected to run into me here—was stabbing me with her gaze.
"…Sorry for barging in."
Seriously, how had it come to this? I gave up thinking and just let out a long, heavy sigh.
"Aigoo, if they were my daughter's friends you should've said so! I almost spilled blood thinking they were stalkers~"
"…You say some pretty scary things so casually."
"Ahaha, sorry about that, sir!"
Leaving the boisterously laughing Dojeon and the bakery owner behind, I silently bowed my head to Seolhwa.
"Sorry. For following you on my own like that."
I knew it was a rotten thing to do, and this was how it ended up. I figured I deserved whatever scolding I got and just lowered my head, but Seolhwa hurriedly stopped me with a "Y-you don't have to do that!"
"I'm the one who… I mean, I'm sorry. For making you worry over nothing."
"So what was it all about in the end, sir?"
Dojeon, apparently unable to hold back his curiosity any longer, opened his mouth. Honestly I was curious too, so I just stayed quiet and let his question hang. The girl who had been watching the whole mess unfold scratched her cheek awkwardly and muttered, "Ugh, so it ended up like this after all."
"Should I introduce myself first? I'm Lee Jimin. So, this place—it's a bakery, but we also make chocolate and cookies and that kind of stuff~ Even you can figure it out from that much, right?"
"Chocolate… Ah."
Right. Valentine's Day was coming up. When I made a face like I'd finally remembered, Jimin snickered. "Wow, Eunha was totally right."
"She said the guy's a little dense so he'd probably completely forget about Valentine's."
"…I'm not even mad, because you're not wrong."
I really had completely forgotten. With nothing to say for myself, all I could do was sigh.
Up until last year, around this time I used to just unilaterally extend my own winter break.
And…
Around this same season, the cherry blossoms that used to bloom even in winter had quietly withered away without a sound. I probably just wanted to forget everything connected to that, so I never let myself think about it.
An old familiar throb started up behind my eyes. I shook my head a couple of times so my expression wouldn't change, and Seolhwa carefully caught the hem of my uniform jacket. "…Are you okay?"
"…I have to be."
Don't worry about it too much. I said that and gently stroked her hair to reassure her.
"Whoa, they really are all lovey-dovey."
"You two are so close, sir~"
"Wh-what…?!"
Dojeon and Jimin both started cackling like a pair of grandmas who'd just seen something adorable. Only then did Seolhwa seem to remember that other people were watching, and she went completely red with panic.
"Don't tease her too much. She was just worried about me."
"I know, I know. After watching Eunha and those two salt the earth every day, seeing something like this is actually refreshing."
"True. Watching those two is exhausting for everyone else."
Eunha was always running at full volume, and Taeyang would only step in if it got really excessive—otherwise he just watched or even helped. When I said that, Jimin laughed. "Ah, I can totally picture it~"
"Anyway, Seolhwa said she wanted to try making them by hand if she could~ Eunha's been swamped with her part-time job and studying and looking after the kids, so I offered to help her out."
"…Did you really need to keep it a secret?"
Was she going for some kind of surprise? The intention was good, so I couldn't really get mad. I just scratched my cheek while Seolhwa hung her head.
"Em…"
"Em?"
"Em-embarrassed… I tried making them alone at home, but it was harder than I thought. I just… didn't want to show you if I failed… Ow."
She was tapping her fingertips together as she mumbled that. I gave her a light chop on the head—harder than usual, enough to make a solid thwack instead of the usual soft tap.
"Don't do that next time."
"I'm sorry…"
"And you, Yuseong—worrying so much you sneak all the way out here to tail her~ What a hopeless softie, huh?"
"If you bring that up I won't have a leg to stand on, so I'm not getting mad… Anyway, so I can look forward to it, right?"
The bakery was filled with delicious smells from every direction. At this rate, Seolhwa's chocolate was definitely something worth looking forward to.
Hearing that, Seolhwa smiled her usual soft smile and said, "I'll do my best."
"Hey, boyfriend. Your girlfriend's been freeloading here and you're just gonna leave empty-handed?"
"I was already planning to buy a few things, don't worry."
Everything on display looked mouthwatering. Maybe it was because dinner time was approaching, but my stomach gave a little growl. I'd planned to buy a few things as thanks for the trouble anyway, and apparently the owner had the same idea.
That big bright smile of his looked suspiciously like a businessman's sly grin. Was I just imagining it?
"You too—I'll buy you a couple, so pick something reasonable."
"Yahoo! I love you, Hyung-nim!"
"Whoa, so that's the kind of relationship this is?"
"If either of you opens your mouth again, I'm just going home."