Chapter 40: Be Sure to Wash Up When You Get Home
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 40: Be Sure to Wash Up When You Get Home
Fortunately, the Regressor had a habit of hearing someone out before executing them. It was a habit she'd developed to extract information before a kill, but regardless, it was a relief to be given a chance for a final plea. The Regressor was better than the Military State, at least.
After hearing the whole story, the Regressor's expression was still cold. She twirled Chun-aeng menacingly, her gaze shifting between me and Azzy.
“So, you're saying you were trying to wash Azzy because she was dirty. Is that it?”
“Isn't it obvious? Just look. I've got a box to use as a tub, a hose, and even soap, all set up next to the water tank. If this isn't for a bath, what else could it be?”
“Is it?”
Her suspicions seemed to have eased slightly, as the Regressor let Chun-aeng float above her head again and crossed her arms. However, a trace of doubt still lingered on her face.
“You could have been using that as a pretext to do something… strange.”
“What? No, seriously. This is ridiculous.”
I could tolerate other accusations, but not that one. I bristled, letting go of Azzy and standing up. Azzy, who had been squeezing her eyes shut, perked up her ears as my touch disappeared and peeked through slitted eyes.
“Hah! Even if this is just some incoherent misunderstanding born from your own shallow thinking, there are lines you don't cross! I am human, the pinnacle of creation! Though I may be stuck underground, you think I'd cast my eyes upon a mere beast? Not a chance! Go back to school and study the difference between a primate and a canine!”
“Woof? I'm not getting a bath?”
“No. You are absolutely getting one today. Just wait. Even if the sky falls and I'm cast into the Abyss, I will see to it that you are washed.”
“Whine…”
Leaving Azzy, whose ears and tail had drooped, I turned to confront the Regressor.
“So what's the plan? If you can't trust me with Azzy, are you going to wash her yourself, Trainee Shei?”
The Regressor answered reluctantly.
“…If she must be washed. I'd rather do it myself.”
“Why is it okay for you, but not for me?”
“You're a man, and Azzy's a girl. For you to undress her and… ahem, even if you have no ulterior motives, that's not right! It's indecent!”
What in the world went on in this Regressor's head for her to think like this all the time? When had I ever had such a thought? Not even once have I…
Ah. Um.
A thought like that might, just for a flash, pass through one's mind. Humans, after all, can sometimes be swayed by impulsive, primal urges. They say shepherds in remote places, who rarely see other people, sometimes commit mad acts that are hard to put into words.
But what makes us human is our ability to overcome instinct with reason. A momentary wavering does not define me.
I swept my hair back and took a deep breath.
“Trainee Shei, are you by any chance sexually aware of Azzy?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“You're not? When Azzy clings to you, you don't think anything? When she's half-naked, you don't even notice?”
“Of course not.”
“Then you should be able to wash her without any distracting thoughts, right?”
“Of course.”
“If that's the case for you, Trainee Shei, why do you assume it wouldn't be for me?”
“Because…”
‘Because… you're a man and I'm… Whoops. Right. I'm disguised as a man right now!’
Huh?
That's right. You were disguised as a man.
Even I forgot for a moment. How can you forget, of all people? If you're going to forget, why even bother with the disguise…? Ugh, never mind. With a mind full of impure thoughts like hers, she probably disguised herself fearing someone might try 'something' in prison. Tsk, tsk, so self-conscious.
Oh, wait a minute. A man's disguise. I didn't think of it before…
I might be able to use this.
Facing the Regressor, who was caught in her own contradiction, I cleared my throat and spoke.
“Do you realize how suspicious you sound right now? A moment ago, you were accusing an honest, innocent person simply for being a man, and now you, another man, are saying you'll wash Azzy? This… your intentions seem rather impure.”
“That's not true! I never said I would wash with Azzy!”
“Then what? You said it was indecent for me, a man, to wash Azzy. And you claim to have no impure thoughts. Does that make sense? Wow, is this one of those 'if I do it, it's a romance that transcends species, but if someone else does it, it's bestiality' things? That's actually kind of scary.”
“Bestiality! Azzy's a girl!”
The Regressor blushed and hastily made an excuse, but it was a bad move. I feigned immense shock, placing a hand on my forehead as my jaw dropped.
“My god! So you're confident you could love Azzy as a woman, making your love true love, while my emotionless touch is mere molestation? Huh? Doesn't that sound strange? It's obvious that contact filled with emotion is the more indecent of the two, isn't it?”
“I didn't say that!”
“What's the difference! You and I are in the exact same situation! But you stop me, calling me indecent, yet you're fine with it? Don't you feel there's something wrong with your own logic?”
“Ugh…!”
Hmph. My experience of mastering the Military State's cultural reader, Let's Play, Logic, in secondary school is finally paying off.
Refuted by my perfect logic, the Regressor gritted her teeth.
‘Grr…! How can every single word he says be so infuriating…!’
Why is it infuriating? Because your logic is incoherent compared to mine. It's only natural for people to feel envy and jealousy toward an overwhelmingly superior opponent. Drown in the storm of my logic.
“Haha! So what will you do? You're caught in your own trap! Whichever path you choose, you'll be devoured by the very logic you laid out! Mwahahaha, go on, say something else!”
“Then!”
The cornered Regressor thought of someone and shouted as if playing a trump card.
“In that case, we can just have a definite woman do it!”
“Huh?”
Reading the Regressor's mind, I couldn't help but ask.
“…So. You are telling me to wash the Dog King?”
After hearing the full story from the Regressor, the vampire furrowed her fine brow slightly. The Regressor, who had brought the vampire here, found her voice growing smaller as she explained.
“Uh, um. Well, there wasn't anyone else I could ask…”
‘Was it too much to ask Tyrkanzyaka to do such a menial task…?’
She had summoned the vampire because she didn't want to lose to me, but her opponent was a 1,200-year-old vampire, the Queen of Shadow who had once ruled half the world. And she was trying to order her around like a handmaiden.
Was it childishness, or was it arrogance?
The vampire didn't hide her displeasure.
“Is that the only reason you summoned me to this rooftop?”
“Uhh…”
Hehehe. Serves you right, Regressor. The world doesn't always go your way, does it? Should I add a little fuel to the fire?
Ultimate move: Instigating Sister-in-Law!
I sidled up to the vampire and whispered like a sycophant.
“Can you believe it? That's what she said. A young brat who's still wet behind the ears dares to order an elder around? And to wash a dirty dog, no less! My, I'm so speechless I don't know what to say. Given Trainee Tyrkanzyaka's station, that brat should be politely sitting beside you at meals and feeding you, no! She should be chewing your food for you, and yet she dares to give you orders? That insolent little… please, just smack her one. Gah!”
Why me?!
A fist of blood materialized in the air and lightly struck my head. As I crumpled to the ground, the vampire shot me a glance.
“There's nothing you won't say. Insolent she may be, but she is still my disciple. This is not a matter for a nobody like you to interfere in.”
“Guuuh…”
“Stop being so dramatic. I hit you gently.”
Gently? You don't mean 'gouge out my flesh'?
I didn't sense any real hostility, so I just took the hit, but damn, that hurt! Then again, she finds getting shot by a gun to be merely 'interesting', so there's no way she'd understand a normal human's pain. Vampires don't know human suffering. From now on, I'm never trusting these people when they say they'll hit me 'gently'.
The vampire's gaze now turned to the Regressor, who was thoroughly intimidated.
‘Tsk. So she is acting childish. What's the point in arguing further.’
Her heart softening a little, the vampire quietly reasoned with the Regressor.
“And Shei, your presumptuous behavior aside, I'm afraid I cannot grant your request.”
“Ah, right. I'm sorry. I was too…”
“No. It is a matter of ability. I do not have the ability to wash the Dog King.”
The vampire stepped down from her coffin and slowly approached Azzy. As always, she moved gracefully, without a hint of hostility. She simply walked across the ground with an aloof air.
“The Dog King would not entrust her body to me.”
And Azzy reacted.
When it was just me and the Regressor, Azzy had been uncomfortable but hadn't shown any open dislike. She had stayed quiet when I held her and turned on the water, and she had just watched when the Regressor stopped me.
But as the vampire drew near, she flinched in discomfort. This was the same Azzy who had stayed by my side or the Regressor's even under the threat of being doused with water, but the closer the vampire got, the more her cheeks twitched and her teeth bared.
As if Azzy's reaction was only natural, the vampire nodded and explained.
“I am not among the living. The Dog King feels no goodwill toward me. As a friend to humans, a Beast King who willingly tamed herself, she will always show you two favor, no matter how displeased she may be.”
Grrrr.
A low growl. A howl that communicated her discomfort, a warning not to come closer. It was a wild expression of will, qualitatively different from the whining she'd shown me.
“She would not extend the same courtesy to a corpse like me.”
The vampire faced Azzy for a moment before turning sharply away. At that, Azzy's growling subsided. Ssk, ssk. With weightless, indistinct steps, the vampire walked away, cold and lonely.
“Once upon a time, the Beast Kings tamed by human hands were the greatest enemies of vampires. Even an Elder who could maintain their form under the sun could not hide their true nature from a Beast King. Among them, the Dog King, who is favorable only to humans, was the greatest foe… They would not attack humans, but they never hesitated to show their hostility to vampires.”
Once the vampire was at a distance, Azzy lost interest and sat down again. From a little ways off, the vampire turned, her voice tinged with a lonely resignation.
“It seems the king of this generation is no different. Now that you know, you must understand why my help is useless.”
“Oh…”
Within that resignation, the murmur of one detached by the ages was so calm it was all the more sorrowful. The Regressor fidgeted, not knowing what to do.
‘It's my fault. I got provoked by that man and dragged Tyrkanzyaka into this… I still have so much I need her help with, and now I've hurt her feelings.’
Blaming me at a time like this, how ridiculous… Provoked? The one who gets provoked is the one at fault. Who told her to have such a low boiling point?
The Regressor shot me a resentful glare before approaching the vampire.
“Um, Tyrkanzyaka.”
“What is it? Do you have more orders for this master of yours?”
The vampire's reply was casual, but that only made her feel more distant. The Regressor couldn't think of the right thing to say and swallowed her words. In the end, there was only one thing the Regressor could say in a situation like this.
There's a set thing to say when you have nothing else to say. An apology.
“Tyrkanzyaka. I'm sorry…”
“Ah.”
But that was the wrong answer. An apology is a bandage for the heart. An act of putting up a wall between yourself and the wound you've inflicted on another.
Tsk, to self-destruct just from a little teasing. There's no fun in teasing her if this is how she reacts. It seems that in her thirteen timelines, she learned everything but social skills.
Maybe I should help out a little.