The World's Most Cruel Confession
Love. Perhaps the most beautiful and passionate emotion humans can feel. People even say it's the goal of life itself, worth sacrificing gold and life for. But I know better. Every beautiful flower has thorns, and those who grasp it blindly, mesmerized by its appearance, end up bleeding and poisoned.
Even if you achieve something from it, if there's a chance you'll lose everything you've invested so far, wouldn't it be better not to touch it at all? If you never expect anything, you'll never be disappointed. Embracing that realization, I vowed in this second life not to be swayed by something as trivial as love. I didn't need happiness—just a life free of pain...
Obsessed with that one philosophy, I heartlessly ignored and trampled the feelings of the girl who had always stayed by my side.
"Mary."
But now I know. Even if I know her feelings for me and just deny them, this girl will eventually break.
"I..."
Over ten years. Memories and emotions built since early childhood, when her sense of self was just forming... Denying that is denying her very life. My choice will decide her fate.
"Honestly, I'm still not sure if what I'm about to say is right."
That's why fear grips me. What if these words only make our current relationship worse? What if I'm rubbing salt in the wounds of a girl already hurt, making her writhe even more?
"But I think I have to say it. We have nowhere left to retreat."
But isn't that fear just an illusion I've created myself? By assuming things that haven't happened yet and letting them dictate my actions, our bond twisted into this. Now that I know that, I can't let delusions control my choices anymore.
"What... are you trying to say?"
One final step to speak it. Sensing my anxiety as the words stuck in my throat, she trembled. Shaking off my agitation, I finally spat out the words I'd held back for so long.
"I'm sorry. For saying such harsh things to you."
I should have said it sooner. From the moment I learned her true feelings... I should have corrected that moment when I coldly rejected her, thinking only of my own wounds.
"For declaring I'd never like you... for saying things that would hurt you."
"What... what is this now? Saying that after all this time..."
"You've been holding it in all along, haven't you? That I'd never say I like you... that I'd never give you the words you want."
Didn't I know long ago? That this girl isn't the one from my previous life. That she's not the type to betray my heart. I just kept my distance, belittling her over the mere possibility of "what if."
"I won't say things like that anymore. Because I've decided not to run from the people who look at me."
With that avoidance mechanism ending today, she stared blankly, her body swaying unsteadily as she heard my apology.
"What... is that supposed to mean?"
So anticlimactically. The worries I'd harbored deep in my heart seemed to dissolve in this moment.
"Why say that now?!"
"I thought I had to before it was too late."
"It's already too late! Way too late to fix with just words!"
But it's still not enough. This atonement is mistimed. To her, whose wounds have festered and rotted, it might feel worse than nothing.
"Look at her right now! You played around with her while I wasn't there! And now you think a cheap apology will ease my heart?!"
"I know. What's done can't be undone."
"Then let bygones be bygones and say it now! Say you like me!"
Yet she clung to lingering hopes, as if there was still a chance. In her usual stubborn way, she started demanding through sobs directed at me.
"And promise me. From now on, don't look anywhere but me—only me!"
"...Mary."
"Then everything's solved. I won't get mad at you anymore, and you...! Yeah, it's not bad for you either! You know my family, right? One of the world's top houses! Getting a spot there would be great for you. Even if you don't want it, I can give you everything I can!"
Born with pride piercing the heavens, her way of expressing feelings is always authoritative and arrogant. Even if she has the capacity to meet others on their level, her background acts as an inhibitor preventing it.
"So please, just say it."
That's why she always demands others fulfill her wishes.
"Say you like me! If you do, I'll specially date you!"
A sense of superiority wanting to stand above others, possessiveness to make them hers, competitive drive to win. Those are the most familiar and convenient methods for her, a shield to hide her shy, fragile side.
"Before I say that, there's something I need to hear from you."
And what I must do now is ruthlessly strip away those defenses protecting the girl, forcing the choice that might seem the cruelest in the world.
"Something I need to hear...?"
"I said it earlier, didn't I? You and I both... let's stop running and face each other."
I'd already seen the answer from the future. The moment she, cornered, finally mustered her courage.
"I said mine, so now it's your turn."
"So what do you want me to say?! What more...!"
"Your true feelings."
She can do it. The future that hasn't happened yet showed me that possibility.
"How you really feel about me. What those piled-up emotions are—I want to hear it straight from your mouth."
"You already know! I just... I...!"
"Do you just want to trample me? Or beat me?"
She has to say it. "If that's all, then the 'like' I say might mean something different from what you want."
Love requires mutual agreement. One-sided expressions only become self-inflicted pain.
"So tell me. What you want me to say—what you truly wish from me."
I'm still afraid of love, too young and foolish to confess on my own. I want courage from her sincere whisper directed at me.
"Wh-what... are you saying...?"
And she can do it. The her who revealed her true heart at the very end.
"That's... not for you to say, it's like I'm the one who... toward you..."
It must be scary. Being forced to do something she's never done, fearing the aftermath.
"There's no way I can say it."
What if I reject her? Like before. What if I shatter her heart head-on? She'd collapse. Irreparably.
"Say that... with my own mouth..."
"It's okay."
Wasn't my apology meant to dispel those fears? Didn't I reveal my heart to build at least a little trust in her?
"It's okay. You don't have to be scared."
Yes, now I can accept it. It's a bit late, and that time won't return. But if we avoid the worst and move toward a slightly better future...
"......"
How long did I wait in silence for her response? She just stood there wordlessly, but her emotions shone clearly through her trembling body, the veins bulging on her clenched fists, her twitching throat. And finally, the tears she couldn't hold back.
"......Hate."
With emotions crashing like waves, impatience must have surged in her heart. Cornered like that, the girl finally loosened the tension, finding relief in the trust I'd earned her.
Over ten years of nurtured feelings, hidden all along—her true heart.
"I like... you..."
Courage to speak at last, but one step too late, irreversible.
The world's cruelest confession of love.
"I've liked you... since forever. Truly, sincerely..."
"I always wanted to tell you... I like you..."
Yes, I heard it clearly. Her true feelings, which I feared I might never hear.
"......Finally."
Feeling all my worries vanish in an instant, a smile finally formed on my lips to welcome her.
"Finally telling me your true feelings."
-Thud!
Her body slammed into mine. The tackle carried the weight of every ounce of strength she had, even from her nursing days, knocking me flat without resistance.
"That hurts, since you didn't dodge."
"Of course I took it. If you'd dodged this too, I really wouldn't forgive you..."
Clutching my body, burying her face in my chest and swallowing tears. I held her for a while, stroking her back until her sorrow subsided. Then she asked me one question.
"If I'd said it sooner..."
Perhaps resenting herself for having to leave her mark on a pristine canvas already footprinted by someone else.
"Could I have been your first?"
Should I comfort her with a lie? Say it wasn't real with that girl, and I'll make it right from now on?
"Yeah, probably."
No, I've decided not to deny my heart anymore. It's for me, and proof of the truth in my feelings for her, realized too late.
"That's... too much."
Delivering the transparent truth without lies pierced her heart, drawing a wail from her lips.
"Now I can't even blame you anymore."
A fragile adolescent girl burying heavenly sorrow in my embrace, somehow soothing her heart. As I held her back in that moment, guilt mingled with a cruel relief in mine.
Because she confessed, I realized I could give her my heart sincerely.
"I'm sorry. Truly."
She just wasn't first. Now, at last, I could feel her love and return it.