Late Regret (IF Route)
From a young age, she had always been by my side. At first, I dismissed her as laughable, convinced I could keep her under my thumb whenever I wanted. But unlike the others, she never wavered. The more she resisted, the more she caught my eye, until eventually, my attention fixated solely on her.
As that time stretched on, I felt my feelings growing stronger. It was only much later that I realized what those emotions were. Even then, pride—or something else—kept my lips sealed. So I hoped she would say it first. If she voiced the words I couldn't, our stagnant relationship might finally move forward.
"Hey."
But what the hell was with this girl? One day, she suddenly planted herself by his side, flaunting her presence in front of me and slyly monopolizing his affection like some vixen. At first, she was just an annoyance, but now she had become an object of outright hatred.
"Mary... Christine...?"
How was I supposed to react when this wretch boldly appeared before me after school, during dismissal time? The mere sight of her made my stomach turn; acknowledging her existence sent chills down my spine.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
I wondered if she'd come just to mock me, a wave of disgust washing over me. But the girl seemed oblivious to my inner turmoil, simply stating her business.
"I wanted... to talk... with you......"
"Huh? You want to talk to me?"
What nerve did she have to face me like this? What did she even plan to say? Her brazen approach piqued my curiosity despite myself, so for the moment, I decided to hear her out without protest.
"So, what do you have to say?"
I had no idea what possessed her to come to me so openly, but whatever came out of her mouth would only earn my contempt. With my resolve hardened, I led her up to the rooftop. Soeun hesitated before slowly opening her mouth.
"Did you two... fight...... or something?"
"......What?"
"After you two... left...... she came back looking... so upset......"
It wasn't hard to grasp the meaning behind her stammering words. But she? Was she referring to him, the one who'd been playing around with this girl behind my back?
"You fought... or something?"
To me, it was utterly revolting. This absurd situation—her innocently asking as if she knew nothing, when she was the root cause of all this conflict—filled me with disdain.
"Do you have any idea..."
Why should I hold back these feelings?
"Do you have any idea why I said those things to him?! Why are you babbling like that with that pathetic face?! This is all because of you!!"
"Because... of me......?"
"Yeah, that's right—it's all your fault! Everything went wrong the moment you wedged yourself between me and him!!"
So I unleashed my pent-up rage without restraint. If it was pretense, I'd humiliate her; if she was truly clueless, I'd make sure she understood.
"Must've been nice, huh? Doing whatever you wanted with him when I wasn't around. So how did you do it? How did you seduce a guy who wouldn't budge no matter how much I threw at him? Did you flash your chest and rub up against him? Or promise to spread your legs once!?"
"I... didn't......"
"It makes no sense! No matter how I think about it, it doesn't! Why did he choose you over me!? I've known him forever! I know all sorts of things about him you don't, so why would he let you—someone he's barely met—get away with that!!"
My voice grew harsher, my actions crossing lines. Rage turned to murderous intent as I grabbed her by the collar, shoving her toward the railing with all my strength.
"Tell me."
Having cornered my rival, I demanded an answer from her desperate lips.
"How did you seduce him! You must've used some dirty trick, right? There's no way that iron-willed guy would open up easily otherwise!!"
I wanted to know the reason. What had I missed, when I thought I'd done everything? What did she have that I didn't, to sway his heart in such a short time?
"I... told him......"
After a brief silence, she answered. With a solution so simple, yet impossibly difficult for me.
"I told him... I like him."
"......What?"
"That I like him... and want to date him......"
Yes, all she had done was confess her true feelings honestly. That alone could close the distance greatly. There's a world of difference between suffering in silence and expressing your heart outright.
"Wh-what the hell... is that......?"
But was that even possible? It had taken me over ten years just to awaken my own feelings. I'd bottled them up, unable to speak, waiting desperately for him to give me the answer I craved. Confessing was that hard—at least for me, which was why my feelings still bore no fruit.
"How the hell... could you......"
Why her? Why could this girl, whom I saw as inferior, bare her soul so effortlessly?
"And Mary... you too."
As those questions swirled, Soeun turned to me, confessing her feelings with pure sincerity I never expected from a rival.
"I think... I like you too."
"What?"
"I like you, Mary......"
My grip on her collar loosened. Her words were so absurd that, for a fleeting moment, I absorbed their meaning, my hatred softening.
"You ate lunch with me... so I'm grateful. For being friends......"
Her smile, conveying that gratitude, shone blindingly bright. It made me realize how filthy I truly was...
"So from now on... I hope we can stay... good friends...... And get along with her too......"
Yes, what boiled inside me now was surely jealousy. Not just from seeing her skinship with him, but from her courage—no, her natural ease in admitting she liked someone... something I lacked. She had it, so she seized what I wanted first, and it made me envy her terribly.
"Cut the fake crap! You think sweet-talking like that will make me like you?!"
Unwilling to admit it, I shoved her away. With enough force to make the iron railing clang loudly.
-Clang!
Only after hearing that sound did I regain my composure, realizing my mistake and trying to release my grip. I needed to apologize. There was no malice in her words; the ugly one was me.
-Screech!
But cruel fate twisted in that instant. The worn railing joint, hit by my emotionally charged shove—the hinge tore free, the railing tilted under the strain...
"Ah."
By the time I realized it and gasped, she was gone from view. Soon, a horrific thud! echoed from below, piercing my ears.
"Huh?"
A puzzled utterance escaped me. For a brief, unreal moment, I couldn't grasp what had happened.
"Kyaaah! Someone fell!!"
But the screams forced harsh reality upon me. Someone had fallen. The girl I'd just been talking to had been pushed by my hands and plummeted, splattering blood on impact...
"Urk."
I couldn't hold it in. My life had always been far from bloodshed. I'd never imagined causing it myself.
"No, no, I didn't mean to......"
Denying reality, I backed away, my mind fixated on one thought: I have to fix this. Maybe it's not too late. I can save her. Make it right. Get down from here and let the people who saw handle it...
"Mary?"
All those plans crumbled in an instant when a familiar voice reached my ears.
"Ah."
My head turned. Toward the rooftop entrance, where he'd rushed in after hearing the commotion.
"No, I......"
I didn't want him to see. This wretched, filthy side of me—I didn't want him to witness it.
Yet why...
"Nooo, don't look! Please, I hate this, I hate it! Ah, aaaaaah!!"
Overwhelmed by unbearable reality, my reason snapped. Driven by impulse alone, my body moved in the opposite direction—away from him. Chasing the girl who'd just fled this place, my steps aimed for empty air.
*****
This couldn't happen. With the situation already spiraling to disaster, I couldn't let this girl go too.
"Mary! Calm down! Please, calm down!!"
"Let go! Let me gooo!!!"
Mary thrashed in my grip, but with the edge so precarious, any slip meant instant fall—I couldn't pull her back easily.
"It's okay, it'll all be fine! If we just explain to everyone properly...!"
"Explain what?! How do I explain that I pushed her off?!"
Mary's face, lost to reason, was a mess. From her lips came self-loathing words I never imagined from her.
"It's my fault. All my fault......"
"Mary......"
"She said she liked even a monster like me. I insulted her outright, but she still said she liked me! And I ruined it! With these hands...!"
"Please, just listen to me!"
I didn't want to hear more. I knew too well that I was the true culprit here.
"It's all my fault."
So I hoped my admission would comfort her, confessing my guilt with utter sincerity.
"I should've been more considerate of your feelings."
No, it was my sin. My foolishness in fleeing past wounds had caused this catastrophe.
"If I'd realized your feelings sooner, I should've accepted them right away. It's all on me. So please......"
"That's not what I want to hear."
Her hand trembled violently in mine. My apology alone couldn't fix her heart. No, the target was wrong from the start.
"I already know. It's all my fault. Because I'm such a coward......"
What spilled from her lips was raw honesty. Her guilt tore at her chest, forcing her innermost thoughts to lacerate me mercilessly.
"Truth is, I like you. But I kept forcing my feelings on you. Without even knowing if you really liked me... I should've confessed first. Then this wouldn't have happened!"
A half-hearted confession, pushed by circumstance rather than resolve. It felt so cruel it made me nauseous, and Mary's body lurched wildly again.
"It's all meaningless now. I ruined everything! So if I just... if I just disappear...!!"
No. I couldn't lose Mary too. That single thought dominated my mind, propelling my body forward to yank her back from the brink.
And in my place, my body tilted downward. The floating sensation under footless void turned to descent.
"Ah."
Yes, saving her like that would do it. But as I plummeted, seeing her reach for me, I realized how arrogant that was.
"No, please......"
Facing her expression, I understood. With doom inevitable, no happy ending awaited us. To salvage the girl's shattered purity amid this tragedy...
The only way was to undo it all.
*****
-Thud!
The moment my body slammed into the floor after the foretold plunge snapped me awake, I shoved aside the desk I'd been slumped over and frantically scanned around.
A familiar sensation by now. Yes, another precognitive dream. Since the scenes I saw hadn't happened yet, I could still fix it.
The key was how far in advance this was. But my smartphone showed only a dozen minutes or so before the time I knew.
"Damn it!!"
I couldn't be late. Bursting from the classroom, I raced to the rooftop and barely caught the scene: Mary, having shoved Soeun against the loose railing, on the verge of emotionally overexerting herself.
"Mary, wait!!"
"What? Why are you......"
Her face showed only confusion—no despair from an unwitting sin yet. That meant there was still time to fix this.
Depending on what I said now to sway her heart.
"I have something to tell you. Let her go for now and hear me out first."
"Hear what?! What excuse are you trying now...!"
"Stop running away!"
She flinched, body trembling. Knowing I'd struck a nerve, I drove the point home.
After all, if we assigned blame, we all shared guilt.
"We've both been running all this time. Me too."
So now, we had to steel ourselves. No time to heal old wounds—I'd cauterize them shut if needed.
"So just this once... please, face it properly without running. Just once."
And to the girl who'd hidden her heart behind dishonesty...
I'd force a confession crueler than anything she'd done before. With resolve.