Monster Rookie of the Variety Scene (6): The Mudflat Monster
Kim Chan-uk gritted his teeth at the starting line, staring at Kim Doyun beside him.
What kind of nonsense is that.
Spouting incomprehensible drivel and giggling away with that airheaded flower-brained girl. Who does he think he is…!
He didn’t even know Chan-uk’s situation properly. The man could barely hold a proper conversation with the other members. On days when Chan-uk stayed in the dorm reading the script, it felt like sitting on a bed of thorns.
But.
…I guess I’m no different.
He knew. He knew that Kim Doyun was fighting tooth and nail, playing along with that airhead just to carve out his own screen time.
Back when I stayed quiet just to protect my image.
What kind of life Kim Doyun had lived, what brutal path he had walked to become an actor—Kim Chan-uk had never known, and never cared to ask.
Yet there was one truth he couldn’t deny.
I hate admitting it. But.
For someone who aspired to be an actor, failing to recognize Kim Doyun’s skill was simply impossible.
To possess that level of talent.
And yet remain a nobody all this time. That fact alone let him glimpse a fragment of who Kim Doyun truly was.
How is that even possible?
When Kim Chan-uk had first realized he possessed acting talent, he had been so ecstatic he didn’t know what to do with himself. He had burned with the need to show it to someone—anyone.
He had genuinely believed he had earned every role through his own ability.
But after watching Kim Doyun, everything changed.
To have that kind of acting prowess and still stay unknown. On top of that, Chan-uk had been the lead while Doyun played the supporting role.
Damn it…
He had realized his name value had outweighed his actual skill.
Even so, Kim Doyun never complained. He had turned down the lead role—an opportunity to shine even brighter—and moved only to create the best stage possible.
Pure, unadulterated passion for acting.
Still…
No. Precisely because of that. Kim Chan-uk dropped his stance at the starting line, coiling into the posture that would let him explode forward the fastest.
I won’t lose.
As an actor, he never wanted to lose again when it came to performance. He swore it.
He didn’t like the guy, but the acting he had witnessed that day had been the real thing.
Because his own brilliant talent and the passion he carried had looked utterly shabby in the face of Kim Doyun’s raw hunger.
He didn’t want to lose again. Even if this was a variety show, even if it was acting just like that guy said!
Beeeeeep!
The shrill blast of the whistle signaled the start. Kim Chan-uk drove forward with everything he had.
Faster than anyone, he would claim that flag with desperate hunger.
That was what he thought in the moment before—
Splat.
He face-planted straight into the mudflat in the most ridiculous pose imaginable.
“…”
For an instant, everyone fell silent.
Kim Doyun and that annoyingly cheerful airheaded flower-brained girl sprinted right past him.
“…I admit it.”
Kim Doyun passed by with an admiring thumbs-up, while the girl glanced back.
“Wow. You’re totally in love with the mudflat!”
She looked around at his surroundings and laughed.
Damn it…
Kim Chan-uk’s face burned.
This is humiliating.
He wanted to crawl into a mouse hole and disappear. Stop staring like it’s a spectacle and just keep running, damn it.
That was what Kim Chan-uk was thinking as he lay there.
I couldn’t stop admiring the full-body physical gag Kim Chan-uk had just delivered.
Whoa…
See? I knew he could do it if he tried!
I’d thought simply showing passionate determination to snatch the flag because he didn’t want to starve would be enough, but…
Who knew he’d dive in headfirst!
That was a masterclass. I’d learned something today.
But now wasn’t the time to be lost in admiration.
We have to win this game or we’ll starve!
At this rate we really would go hungry.
I should’ve listened to that noona who told me to eat a solid breakfast.
I’d skipped breakfast on purpose to show off my hungry spirit, and now my eyes were about to roll back in my head.
I absolutely could not lose.
With that thought, I scanned the area.
Kim Chan-uk looks like he’s back on his feet.
Now that he had the will to win, he’d be useful. As for Luina Bell…
Was she treating this like a spa? She was splashing around and clearly enjoying herself.
Yeah, let’s just leave her to it.
Good. Time to recall the situation.
In round one we had captured a total of four flags. The original members’ team had six.
Which meant we needed to secure at least six in round two.
There’s no way I can pull off a comeback by myself.
There was only one victory plan: show them that this muddy hell was my home turf!
With that in mind, I shouted at Kim Chan-uk.
“Chan-uk! Forget the flags. Your only job is to mark Kang Jae-dong hyung-nim!”
“What?”
“Let’s eat together!”
Kim Chan-uk nodded as if he understood.
“Okay.”
I turned toward Luina Bell, who was giggling merrily.
She was molding something with her hands.
“What’s that?”
“Tada! It’s Tofu MAN!”
Luina Bell proudly showed me the horrifying mud sculpture.
“Why am I the model!”
“Kyahaha. You should be grateful to receive love from this Luina Bell.”
She pointed toward the prankster Kim Geun-seok.
“Fine. Then go over there and throw mud at them. Looks like they want your affection too.”
“Really?”
Luina Bell’s eyes sparkled as she scooped up mud with both hands. She really was a crazy girl.
Good. Now everything depends on what I do.
While Kim Chan-uk and Luina Bell kept the other two occupied, I had my opening.
I would avoid the clumsy Lee Seung-woo and snatch every flag I could.
Kang Min-ju PD was laughing so hard she could barely breathe.
“Haha… these guys are killing me.”
At her reaction, the main writer smiled as well.
“I was worried Kim Chan-uk would protect his idol image, but he doesn’t seem to be that type at all.” “Right?”
Kang Min-ju wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded.
Not that type, huh.
She had forgotten. No matter how meticulously you designed the games, the most classic, almost clichéd laugh point was still king.
A physical gag.
The pure joy of watching a lofty character completely fall apart. Kim Chan-uk had delivered it without warning.
Kang Min-ju PD looked at Kim Doyun.
Was it intentional?
Physical gags might look easy, but timing was everything. A perfectly timed, unexpected body gag could make the entire audience clutch their stomachs.
And Kim Chan-uk’s spectacular face-plant had struck at exactly the right moment.
Kang Min-ju PD shook her head.
“I’m probably overthinking it.”
There was no way he could have planned something that precise. It had to be coincidence.
Right as she thought that, the main writer looked at her with a puzzled expression.
“What do you mean, PD-nim?” “Nothing. Just that Kim Chan-uk’s body-gag timing was perfect.”
It was then that a thought flashed through Kang Min-ju PD’s mind.
Kim Doyun was the one who had read the editing points so accurately before.
Could it be…
Just as she was about to reach a conclusion, the main writer kept nodding enthusiastically.
“Exactly! Acting, visuals, and now variety skills too? What are we supposed to do with him?”
The main writer wore the face of a girl in love. Kang Min-ju PD shook her head again.
“You’re a fan?” “Of course! He’s so handsome!” “Isn’t that favoritism? We have Kim Doyun as a male guest too, you know?”
At Kang Min-ju PD’s teasing, the main writer suddenly turned serious, as if remembering something.
“That’s right! I was going to talk about that. I started out as a fan of Kim Chan-uk, but…”
The main writer’s gaze drifted toward Kim Doyun.
“When I saw him in person, my eyes kept going to that rookie actor Doyun for some reason. The moment he arrived, he greeted every single staff member individually. When he heard we were short-handed, he even tried to help carry equipment.”
The main writer continued with the dreamy expression of a girl with a crush.
“And then Doyun said it looked heavy and offered to carry it for me instead!”
Kang Min-ju PD shook her head at the story.
“Ah, I see.” “Right?!”
The main writer looked like she was at a fan meeting. Kang Min-ju PD had to fight back laughter.
A fan, huh. Come to think of it, Director Lee did mention something like that.
That Kim Doyun kept gaining fans everywhere he went on set.
Kang Min-ju PD was nodding with a warm feeling when—
“Huh…?”
It was only for a brief second that she had looked away.
“What the— you’re blocking me?!” “I have to block you!”
“Aaaagh! What are you doing?! Don’t throw that!” “Kyahaha! This is fun!”
Kim Chan-uk was desperately clinging to Kang Jae-dong’s waist, while Luina Bell laughed brightly as she interfered with Kim Geun-seok.
“This… this is…” “PD-nim? PD-nim, what’s wrong?!”
Kang Min-ju PD, staring at the monitor, felt the hot blood of variety television surge through her veins for the first time in a long while. She shouted:
“…This is the best.”
She never imagined that casting those two would make their characters shine in exactly this way!
It was the moment she trembled with excitement.
Suddenly realizing something, Kang Min-ju PD shot up from her seat.
Kim Doyun. Where did Kim Doyun go?!
The instant she urgently turned to the monitor showing the entire mudflat—
“Ha… haha……”
A hollow laugh escaped her lips.
In the middle of the mudflat, where the original members’ feet were completely trapped in the mire, someone was lying perfectly flat against the mud.
With a bizarre yet flawless low crawl, he was sliding across the mudflat like a creature born to it.
“This is incredible.”
What filled Kang Min-ju PD’s eyes was Kim Doyun, racing toward the first flag faster than anyone else.