To the Butterfly With Broken Wings - 2
Kang Jin-hee.
Once a female friend I used to hang out with, and the first person who ever confessed to me.
And I turned that confession down.
I still don't know why.
Back then, accepting it never even crossed my mind.
I don't know the reason for that either.
I tried hard to dig for one, but the only answer that came back was her asking what was wrong with her.
If you look for it, the truth is there.
She hadn't gotten into Hankuk University the way Na-bi had, but among us she was the best student, she got plenty of confessions, and right now she was earning more money than I was.
And yet I had dumped a girl like that.
Looking back now I feel no regret and no lingering attachment, but when I think about that moment the question rises on its own.
What the hell was I thinking?
Well… maybe that was exactly how I ended up finding Na-bi.
The problem was that right now Noona was about to have a one-on-one conversation with Jin-hee in the café.
Couldn't I have stopped it? At first I tried.
But I couldn't.
She had said she would do it herself.
Fine.
Let's go back and see how things got to this point.
"So this is the place. Pretty big for a café. How many customers are they trying to take…"
"They said they built it this big because they only take the customers they want."
We arrived at the café run by seniors Su-hyeon and Baek-hee.
Waiting for us were the seniors themselves, working as baristas and pulling espresso shots.
"Welcome. …You actually came? The person next to you is the Na-bi you told us about, right? Welcome, guest."
"Y-yes… welc— I mean, hello."
"Then please take a seat. Other guests will be arriving as well."
After guiding us to a table, he began grinding coffee beans.
"That guest over there will probably have an adverse reaction to coffee."
"How did you…"
"I heard the story. And I know what you did, too. That hair, that shape… even if you don't want to know, you can't help knowing. I know that red hair far too well. But I also know perfectly well that it isn't your fault."
"How much do you…"
At Su-hyeon's words Na-bi flinched for a moment, but I immediately wrapped my arms around her.
"Senior! Stop it! Don't scare her with that blank face! What the hell are you doing?!"
But his expression never changed.
Had that deadpan face always been this terrifying?
"I had no intention of scaring anyone. I only wanted to confirm that she can't drink coffee. Honestly, I'd like to pluck even a single strand of that hair if I could."
Still not a single flicker of emotion on his face.
Whether for good or ill, this man never changed his expression.
The victim was clearly Noona.
"Don't. She's today's precious guest. Even if you do it, wait until she's stable. Understood?"
"…Understood."
Thankfully Baek-hee stepped in and stopped him.
After that his words dwindled; he focused solely on roasting the coffee.
"Sorry. The things that interest that guy just happen to be on the weird side."
"Ah, y-yes…"
Baek-hee immediately brought a cake out of the refrigerator.
It was an ice-cream cake.
"This should suit Na-bi's palate. Try it."
"I… I can't taste anything…"
"That's why I prepared it to match. Ah, Kang-to, you don't eat this. You'll regret it later. Instead, feed it to her by hand. That's what lovers do, right?"
"Ahaha… okay…"
I had no idea what kind of flavor would make her ban me from eating it, but the moment I put a spoonful into Noona's mouth her eyes flew wide open.
"C-cool… my mouth feels so chilly…"
"What does it taste like…"
"I don't know. But it's really cool and refreshing. Was there a flavor like this…?"
"Mint."
Baek-hee explained in her place.
"It's mint. Normally mint goes in as a supporting ingredient—apple mint or something—but mint alone can carry the flavor just fine."
"Ah… so that's why… my mouth feels so c-cool…"
Just in case, I tried a bite myself.
"Wha…?!"
…It tasted like toothpaste.
The coolness Noona was feeling flooded through my entire body.
She seemed to like it, though. Was mint really this chilling?
Ice cream is supposed to melt, yet every time it melted the coolness melted with it.
Summer was still a long way off.
"Well, I'm glad it looks tasty. Both of you. By the way… Na-bi. Do you remember me?"
"Uh, um… who are you?"
From her expression it looked like she both knew and didn't know.
But in the end…
"I really don't remember. I feel like I should, though."
She didn't know.
This was someone who had run neck-and-neck with Noona for top grades; I half expected the senior to look away if Noona claimed not to know her, but Baek-hee seemed fine with it.
"Well, can't be helped. …In that case I'll treat you as a guest here. When you come to the club I probably won't speak casually to you. Even if you enter as a first-year."
"Th-thank you."
"No need to thank me. It's only natural. But you already know it won't be easy."
She brought out mint tea.
"If you were looking for the worst possible food pairing, this would be it—but human relationships aren't like that, are they? The place where the worst pairings become the best pairings is the Youth Literature Club."
"Ah, yes…"
"So please take care of the Youth Literature Club members you'll meet today. I know meeting people is hard for you, but don't cling only to Kang-to, all right?"
"Y-yes…"
From that point on Noona quietly ate the ice-cream-scented mint cake I kept feeding her.
Once Jin-hee arrived she would definitely ask all sorts of questions about Noona.
Na-yeon had always been that kind of person, and if the Painter tried to photograph her for material I'd have to smack him upside the head to stop him.
…I thought things wouldn't be that busy, but this was going to be busy.
"Noona, listen."
"I already know roughly what you're going to say. You want me to stay calm no matter what happens, right?"
"Y-yeah."
The words were right, but the answer was different.
"No. I'll think about it if you're next to me."
"O-okay."
The request to stay beside her—that was what Noona needed.
So I decided to stay beside her.
After finishing the herbal tea and the ice-cream-scented herb cake, Noona waited for everyone.
"Honestly I wanted to go to the university club first. No—more precisely, I wanted to look around the campus."
"Why?"
"I thought if I walked around campus I'd understand more clearly. Some people will avoid me, some will look at me and think I'm weird. I'm going to avoid those people."
Avoiding them doesn't mean you can run away.
She must have known that, because she squeezed my hand tightly.
"Even when I was at Hankuk University I always ate alone. But now I don't have to eat alone. You're here—why would I eat alone?"
"But if we're not in the same department…"
"We're in the same club. Even if I don't get along well with those people, I can still be with you. I'm used to studying alone, used to eating alone. Other people's stares… I can just ignore them."
Apparently Noona had no intention of going into a night program or anything like that.
"I won't be able to go at the same time as you. But there's the club as a medium, and I can be with you, so I'm not afraid of being with anyone."
Noona was smiling, yet there was no sense of being alive in that smile.
Something was missing.
But I couldn't fill whatever was missing.
"So watch over me. Since you promised to take responsibility for me, I want you to watch over me. Of course there will be times you can't. But if you're by my side, I can endure a little loneliness."
I still didn't know what was missing from Noona.
Trying to find it was so hard I simply couldn't tell.
If only she had just been someone who got lonely easily, that would have been better.
Whenever I wondered what it could be, I felt how much I still lacked.
We had only known each other for five days.
Thinking that two of those days could fill the relationship was foolish of me.
So claiming I didn't lack anything would be a lie in its own right.
Maybe I was pouring water into a space that could never be filled.
I wanted to move slowly, yet it seemed Noona needed my existence far too much.
"So you won't stop me from going to university, right? In the second semester I'm definitely going. Tuition—if I can get a national scholarship I'll use that."
"…What major?"
"I… I'd like a major where I can see you a little earlier. Is there a good one?"
"I hadn't thought that far."
"What a waste. It would have been nice if you had. Then we could hold hands on the way home and things like that."
"…Hands."
A little.
Maybe I was hoping for that a little.
The image of walking home hand in hand—maybe I had wanted it.
I could picture it even now.
"So think about it before the second semester comes, Kang-to. Or else I'll just go take photos with you. I can take pictures too, you know."
"Speaking as someone actually in that department—photography majors have to go out on location. It's a battle of stamina."
"Really? Then that's perfect. Building stamina with Kang-to sounds good."
"I'm being serious."
Photography work required strength; it didn't suit Noona.
I was wondering where she should go instead when Noona, mid-bite of cake, looked over at me.
"Kang-to?"
"What is it, Noona?"
"Open your mouth."
With those words she shifted enough to make the table rock slightly, then planted her lips on mine.
"…Shouldn't we stop that?"
"It's fine… things like that can happen. This is a café, after all. That's what I'd like to say."
And the cake mixed inside our mouths, gathered by our tongues, and slipped past our lips.
A cool sensation coated my mouth.
The problem was this:
Outside the café window where we sat, Na-yeon and the rest of them were watching us with expressions that clearly said what the hell is that.
"Hey, Lee Kang-to!!!"
…For some reason Jin-hee's voice reached me before Na-yeon's.
I needed to pull my mouth away first, but Noona showed no intention of letting go, and only when Jin-hee stepped into the café did Noona finally withdraw her tongue.
A silver thread hung between us, and she had shown it to everyone.
Noona, why…?!