To the Butterfly with Broken Wings - 3
“Huh? What's the problem? There's no reason this shouldn't be allowed. If it's because this is a cafe, then the people who saw us are the ones in the wrong.”
“No, that's not it.”
The explosion of sound had come from Jin-hee's direction, of course. More than anything, she was demanding to know what the hell they thought they were doing — aimed straight at Na-bi — but Na-bi's eyes were already heavily unfocused.
In which direction?
The bad one.
“Is it wrong for someone who loves someone to kiss the one they love? At the very least, I love Kang-to.”
“Th-there's such a thing as cafe manners, you know?! And Kang-to! What the hell is this supposed to mean?! When did you even get a girlfr—”
“No, wait — just listen to me for a second. Ah, well...”
We'd already had sex. Could I really claim we weren't lovers after that?
Had Noona aimed for exactly that when she said “the person I love” — meaning lovers?
Then what was I supposed to answer?
No — why did it feel so natural that Noona and I really were that kind of couple?
The sense that I had been lying to myself all this time refused to leave my head no matter how hard I tried to push it away.
Could it be that I actually liked Noona? If so, since when?
Fine.
For now, I'd just match her.
“For now... she's right.”
“There's nothing good about taking that long to say something that deserves a beating, Kang-to.”
My head got smacked right then and there.
This time it was Na-yeon.
“This isn't your house. What the hell do you think you're doing in a public place? Ugh... Baek-hee sunbae, one strong espresso.”
“Sure. And you, Jin-hee?”
“An iced americano with a heavy shot of mint — this isn't right!”
Why isn't it right?
It could be.
I found myself thinking exactly that.
Since when had I started thinking this way?
“Since when?”
“Uh, even if you ask since when...”
“I said since when!”
I didn't know since when.
It was just that not even three days had passed since we met and things had already come to this.
So if she was asking since when...
“Maybe from the beginning.”
“You said it's only been three days since you met?! Hey, Na-yeon!”
“I-I don't know! Why are you grabbing my neck while you talk, you bastard!”
Of course Na-yeon couldn't know.
I couldn't know either. I had simply fallen in love all of a sudden.
Was that how I was supposed to explain it?
Just like that?
“Na-bi unnie, isn't this a bit too much?”
“Unnie... are we even close enough for you to call me that?”
“Noona?”
I had no idea why Noona was saying something like that to Jin-hee.
Even if she hadn't known about the Youth Literature Club, Noona had known Jin-hee at least a little.
No — she had to have known.
Jin-hee had been a sports special-admission student, after all. And her grades had been running near the top of the rankings.
On top of that, Noona had met her once.
“Noona, this kid Jin-hee is on the sports track, but they say she's ridiculously good at studying.”
“So you're Jin-hee. I heard about you first from the second-year underclassmen. I never thought I'd actually run into you like this. Looking at your grades, you're excellent in math and English, but a little weak in Korean. I'd love to teach you if I could, but...”
“I know. Sunbae, you're really busy, right?”
“Yeah. Preparing for Hankuk University is surprisingly hectic. I thought I just needed to prep for test scores, but I have to prepare for interviews too — basically everything. I'm sorry I can't help you as a sunbae. Instead, I've put together every past exam question for you.”
“Really?! Wait a second... these are organized all the way back to before sunbae even entered?! And even the calculation methods are perfect!”
“If you want to get into Hankuk University, you have to put in that much effort. ...Lee Kang-to, you should work hard like that too.”
“I think it's already too late for me.”
The one who had shared that conversation with sunbae was this very girl.
And now this girl had suddenly had her existence denied.
On top of that, the claim that we were dating would feel like a massive betrayal to her — toward me, and toward Noona.
“Sunbae, I seriously cannot understand what you're saying right now. It's not like you don't know me. About my personality — maybe you don't know about this guy. Why, why... why would sunbae, who only met him three days ago, why would you...”
“Because I like him. Is that not allowed? People can fall for each other in three days. If that's possible, then a relationship like this is only natural.”
“...But I — Kang-to... I've known him almost my whole life, and you...”
“I've known Kang-to all along too. Even if we were apart for two years.”
Noona's eyes had drifted somewhere else again. And the atmosphere was turning thoroughly ugly.
“There's no law that says I can't love Kang-to and Kang-to can't love me. No — even if there is, I love Kang-to, so...”
It was the first time I had ever felt something like killing intent in a person's voice.
Just as the entire atmosphere of the place froze solid, the sound of clapping rang out. At the same time came the sound of coffee and other drinks being set down.
“Please, everyone take a seat. Guests — this is a cafe, not a place for fighting.”
Su-hyeon sunbae had stopped them.
“If you're going to fight, at least go outside to do it. I will not tolerate any more of this. If you insist on fighting, I will pick the two of you up right now and throw you outside.”
Though, as always, the only way he could break it up was through that rough method.
“Yeah. This time Su-hyeon sunbae is right. Did we come here to fight? Sure, a major disaster just happened, but we gathered on purpose to get Na-bi noonim into university. We gathered to check how many people she can handle meeting.”
Na-yeon backed him up. Thanks to that, Jin-hee managed to swallow her anger, and Noona's eyes were returning to some degree of focus.
“That's right.”
Na-bi secretly tapped the back of my hand — as if asking me to hold it.
“Fine. Then let's just say it's my fault. Wouldn't that be better for everyone?”
“No, it's not Na-bi noonim's fault — ah, forget it. Fine... we'll go with that. Kissing in a public place was wrong, and Jin-hee, you don't get to pick a fight just because you saw it either. Of course I get why you're angry, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to blow up. Kang-to, you've got plenty to answer for, so just sit there and take it. ...For now, everyone sit down and talk.”
Once we were all seated, coffee and desserts arrived from Su-hyeon sunbae's hands.
But the tapping under the table had gotten worse than before.
“Alright, so this is basically a long-overdue reunion, and the problem here is that Na-bi noona pretended she'd never met Jin-hee before.”
“I'm not pretending.”
The trembling of her hand under the table was tapping mine with even greater intensity than earlier.
“I really don't remember. I'm sorry, but that isn't my fault either.”
A silent threat: if I didn't hold her hand, there was no telling what she might say next.
“If that's my fault...”
Don't hold it?
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1
Noona's trembling grew stronger with every second that passed. In the end, I took her hand.
The moment I held it, she let out a sigh of relief and continued.
“That is my fault. But even if I claimed I remembered something I don't, that would be a lie, wouldn't it? I don't want to fight over something like that. Because I truly don't remember. So Jin-hee — you can resent me. But what can't be helped can't be helped.”
“...Okay. If you don't remember, then there's nothing to be done. Anyway — you're going back to university? What happened with Hankuk University, sunbae?”
“I dropped out. There were various circumstances.”
Not everyone knew those circumstances.
Why Noona's hair was red. What kind of wounds that red hair carried.
If someone got curious, I...
Would have to stop them.
Or would it be better to share the story?
But would they understand?
When I first told everyone, they had all understood. Even Su-hyeon sunbae, who had tried to pull out strands of her hair, had probably asked for them to make something like an antidote.
But I had no idea how Jin-hee would react.
“Then what happened to that hair, sunbae? The hair I remember wasn't red — it was black.”
If Noona revealed the truth here, what was I supposed to do?
If Jin-hee mixed poison into her words, what then?
In the middle of that worry, the answer Noona gave was:
“It became like this because of an illness. Turns out there's a disease in the world that turns your hair red. You can find it strange, or pity me. Or... even hate me if you want.”
“W-what kind of thing are you saying?! Th-there's no way I'd say I hate unnie just because she's dating Kang-to or anything like that! Of course, the fact that you're dating after only three days is a bit surprising — that's true.”
It had been terrible.
But thankfully the person who answered simply moved past it without making a scene. The fear of what might have happened if she had answered wrong still lingered strangely close.
In the middle of that fear, I gripped Noona's hand tightly while drinking coffee with my other hand.
“Well, if we think about departments Na-bi noonim could attend now, there are quite a few. What do you want to do, Na-bi noonim?”
“Honestly, I haven't thought that far — which department I should go to, where I should attend. I don't really know either. I don't have a preferred major right now.”
“Where did you attend before, noonim?”
“Accounting and Analysis. But I wonder what meaning that has when I can't even calculate my own life.”
Noona's hand clenched tightly around mine. She seemed quite frightened by Na-yeon's question.
“Someone like me has no idea which department I should go to now.”
“...Based on what we've put together so far — afraid of meeting people, no idea about future work, but still wants to attend university — hmm, no good department comes to mind at all. I thought about recommending social welfare, but I have no sense of whether unnie could handle dealing with people well or not.”
“Then which department are you recommending?”
“Nothing particular comes to mind. Following this guy into the photography department might not be bad, or maybe going back into accounting could work. Unnie's smart, after all. And there's nothing wrong with studying accounting. Better than twisting your body around in physical education like me.”
“Yeah...”
It seemed the conversation with Jin-hee was also flowing peacefully enough.
Just as I was thinking that—
“But looking at what unnie is doing, the accounting department doesn't really suit her either. ...Seeing you holding hands in the middle of a meal, I can tell how much you're relying on this guy right now.”
“Pffft! What are you talking about all of a sudden?! Those two are suddenly holding hands?”
“You didn't know? Even if the hands aren't visible, it's been continuous — and it's Na-bi unnie's side doing the holding. PDA is all well and good, but this doesn't seem like the place for it at all. ...Unnie?”
Suddenly this girl had noticed that we were holding hands under the table.
Just as I was about to try some excuse, Na-bi pulled our joined hands up onto the tabletop and spoke.
“Yeah. That's right. Without Kang-to, I felt anxious. But...”
I couldn't tell how Noona's expression looked right then — but in Na-yeon's and Jin-hee's eyes, it clearly looked bad.
“Is that bad?”
If Na-yeon's face was one that made you wonder whether a human expression could sour that thoroughly, Jin-hee's was pure jealousy.
“I'm asking if that's bad.”
Noona was asking whether it was bad.
But the real issue didn't seem to be that at all, did it?