The Funeral
"You like it when I do it like this?"
"Yeah. I like it… ah, there… further back."
The shaft of my cock was trapped in her slender hand, being worked over without mercy. Every time the edge of her clenched fist brushed against my balls, the sensation stacked higher, pushing me right to the edge of coming. She stuck out her tongue and licked the underside of the head, and that massive cock disappeared completely into her small mouth.
Her face bobbing up and down, the vulgar sight of my Noona sucking as hard as she could, drawing in every last bit of air—
Wait. Noona—
Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump!
The default alarm tone grew louder and louder until it finally dragged me awake.
Noona must have woken up too—we both stretched at the same time, and our hands bumped into each other.
"…You up?"
"Mm…?"
"Never mind."
She hadn't really woken up. Just reflexively moved at the sound, the way some people do—kill the alarm and drop right back into death-like sleep.
"Haa…."
I stretched from my neck down, then got out of bed. Since I probably wouldn't get a chance to wash properly starting today, I borrowed Noona's bathroom. Calling it a bathroom was generous—it was just the shower stall inside the toilet, but still.
So sleepy….
As for my first kiss—now that it had actually happened, I wasn't sure what I felt. Our lips had simply touched, nothing more. After that I'd been too scared to do anything else. But the sensation of those lips against mine had been like melting candy on my mouth, and the pounding in my chest had been the same jittery dread I'd felt at the shooting range, terrified a spent casing would fly off somewhere I'd never find it.
It was still sitting there, solid and real, inside my chest.
"Noona. Noona."
"Mm…?"
"I'm heading out first."
"Mm…."
Whether she actually understood or was still half-asleep, she mumbled and fumbled with my hand. I stroked her small fingers with my thumb, answering that tenderness in kind.
"Oh~ Ji-chul's here."
"Hello. Where's Mom?"
"She's changing in the back."
"Ah, okay."
When I arrived at the funeral hall, it wasn't just Mom—my uncles were there helping too. Condolences hadn't started yet, so aside from the office the place was quiet. Looking at a space that seemed three times the size of Noona's apartment and imagining it packed full of people made me dizzy just thinking about it.
It had been the same at Grandpa's funeral.
Same formal wear, but a completely different atmosphere hung over this place.
"…!"
Following the scent of incense inside, I found the portrait framed among countless flower arrangements. The only photo Dad had ever taken in a suit was sitting there.
"H-hng…!"
My legs gave out on their own and I turned away from the memorial altar. I'd held it together for days, and now—
God, this was so fucking embarrassing.
Everything I'd resented about Dad and everything I'd been grateful for came crashing over me like a tidal wave, and tears started blotting out my vision. You were supposed to see your son and daughter get married before you died, weren't you….
"Ji-chul…."
"Son……."
Mom and my eldest uncle rubbed my back, soothing me before I could break into full wailing.
"Ahem, hem!"
I sucked in a deep breath and washed my face, scrubbing the tears away. I didn't even smoke, but phlegm kept catching at the back of my throat, making it even harder to breathe. The only time I'd cried as an adult was when a soccer ball smashed into my face in the military and forced the tears out of me.
Noona's face had looked worse than what I saw in the mirror right now. If she saw Dad's portrait, she was going to cry for sure—a hundred percent.
"Hoo…."
"You haven't eaten, have you? Go on, eat something."
"Yeah. You're not eating, Mom?"
"Of course I am. I have to eat with my son."
Assorted kimchi, pan-fried meat patties, the inevitable yukgaejang, and the best item on the menu—boiled pork slices. With that same feeling of tears pooling on the bridge of my nose that Noona had had yesterday, I started in on breakfast.
"When's your sister coming?"
"Around twelve? I told her to come then."
"Good. You did well."
"Ji-chul. You need to put this on."
"Oh, right."
My uncle brought over the chief mourner's armband and handed it to me. I'd worn the single-stripe version a few times before, but this was my first time with the double stripe. The fact that I'd have to wear one of these again someday was deeply, deeply sad.
"The food here's good, right?"
"Yeah. It is."
It was surprisingly good, so I had a second bowl. Whether the point was to fill my stomach with tears and swallow them down together, I didn't know—but just eating made me feel a little comforted.
"……."
A little past ten, condolence guests started trickling in one by one. Mom knew them; I mostly didn't—Dad's people, then. Endless bows, handshakes, words of comfort. Maybe because I was checked out, I repeated the same motions over and over and it didn't feel hard at all.
And I realized Dad had lived a pretty good life. This many people showing up—he'd clearly done something right.
Time passed like that, and before I knew it it was lunch.
"Mom, I'm here~"
"You made it?"
I'd stood up from my chair to greet a guest and then realized it was Noona. She came straight over and pulled me into a hug.
"How are you holding up?"
"I'm fine. Doesn't feel like anything."
"You haven't eaten. Go eat with your little brother, hurry."
"Okay."
I'd been quietly anxious the whole time that Noona would look at Dad's portrait. So I stuck close to her on purpose, blocking the altar from view—pointless, since she was going to have to see it eventually.
In the end, Noona looked at the portrait sitting on the memorial altar.
"…Wow! The photo came out amazing!"
"Right? That's the only picture he ever took in a suit."
Surprisingly, Noona didn't cry. Even I'd shed tears, and here she was not only dry-eyed but actually happy about how good the photo looked. Mom played along, so at least the mood didn't turn completely solemn.
"Hurry and change. We laid something out for you inside."
"Okay."
Noona went in to change and then called for Mom.
"Mom's receiving guests right now."
"Ji-chul, can you tell her the clothes are too small?"
"Too small?"
"Yeah. My chest won't fit."
"Got it."
A guest arrived, so I naturally pulled Mom aside and brought it up.
"Noona says the clothes don't fit."
"Really? Hold on. Let me make a call."
"Is this the right place?"
"Yeah, this is it. They said number three."
In the middle of all the chaos, a couple of women who looked about Noona's age found our family section. Her friends, apparently.
"Hello…."
"Bow first. Bow."
One of them bowed; the other offered a flower and observed a moment of silence.
"We're A-young's friends… ah~ so you're the little brother?"
"Yes… hello."
"Is Young around?"
"Noona? Just a second."
What do I do. Our Noona showed up in a hoodie. And the clothes don't even fit, so she hasn't changed yet.
"Noona. Your friends are—"
"Kyah?!"
I shut the door immediately and stepped back out. Was this woman insane. Even if the clothes didn't fit, why was she standing there in just a bra.
"Is something wrong?"
"Ah—no. She's just changing."
"Ah, I see…."
"Please go ahead and eat. I'll send her out."
"Thank you~"
"Son. The mourning clothes aren't ready yet. They say they'll be here tomorrow?"
"They're not here? Okay."
With people talking all around, I knocked and put my mouth to the crack in the door.
"Mourning clothes come tomorrow. Your friends are here, so hurry up and come out."
I'd privately thought the lime-green color was completely wrong for a funeral. If I'd been the one handing those clothes over, how exactly had she planned to take them?
"……."
A moment later, Noona came out in the same clothes she'd arrived in. Completely inappropriate for a funeral, but there was nothing to be done about it.
"Ji-min~ You came? Thank you~~ Se-jin's here too?"
"……."
She scampered over so eagerly I was the one who felt embarrassed for her. How long could she keep that mask on?
I was deeply uneasy.
Day two.
The heavy atmosphere of the funeral continued without incident. The second day always drew more people than the first. In the middle of even more chaos than yesterday, three o'clock—the time for the encoffining—arrived before I knew it.
"Family members, it's time for the encoffining. Please follow me."
"……."
The expressions everyone had been forcing to stay bright darkened all at once. Me, Mom, and Noona too. The uncles and aunts following us to the encoffining didn't look good either.
It was a mercy Grandma and Grandpa had already passed. If they'd still been alive, the shock might have taken them too.
"Hoo…."
Connected as it was to the morgue, the encoffining room was cold enough to raise gooseflesh. The solemn atmosphere made it feel even colder.
"Yes… we will now proceed with the encoffining… that is…."
This wasn't someone who'd lived out their natural span—it was a sudden, untimely death—so even the funeral director pressed his lips tight shut.
"My apologies. We will proceed."
""……!""
Father's body was moved with careful hands. Mom was already sobbing, and Noona gripped my hand hard. The one small mercy was that aside from what looked like a fracture in the bone, all his limbs were intact.
A completely meaningless comfort, but still.
"Heuk…! Heueuk!!"
At last the cloth covering his face was lifted, and Dad's face came into view. A face so peaceful it barely felt like an accidental death. But the atmosphere in that room was anything but peaceful.
"Family members first… Father… as he departs… one last word…… please."
"Heueueuk…!"
Mom clung to Dad and wailed. The uncles and my aunt couldn't hide their tears either, and they went through every tissue in the encoffining room. Noona wrapped her arms around me and cried hard.
Only I bit down on my lip with reddened eyes, holding myself together so my posture wouldn't break. Noona's tears—the ones she'd been holding back this whole time—soaked through until my shirt went translucent.
"Go on… go somewhere good!"
"Leaving before your own mother…? You bastard…."
Eldest uncle was the first to speak. Normally you kept to the proper order at an encoffining out of respect, but this time no one cared about sequence—everyone crowded around Father and threw out a word. Noona and I never managed to say anything at all, right to the end.
Because it felt like we were going to cry ourselves to death.
"Oh… you're here?"
"Hello."
Late evening. These days both the people paying respects and the people receiving them were so exhausted that most funeral halls cut things off at ten. As the last guest of the night, Ji-young hyung—the man who had been going to become my brother-in-law—showed up.
"Why so late~ I've been waiting."
"I'm sorry. Work ran long…."
Mom's eyes were still red. She still thought Noona hadn't broken up with him, and she treated him warmly. Hyung seemed to know that too, and played along for now.
"……I'm sorry."
"Pardon? For what?"
"I don't know what I'm supposed to say…."
"……No. It's fine."
"Oh my, you're leaving without eating?"
"Yes… you should rest too, Mother. I've already eaten."
"I see…."
"Hyung."
I called out to him as he tried to leave after just paying his respects.
"Don't you want to see Noona…?"
"……Is she here?"
"She's not exactly in her right mind, but yeah."
"Then could I ask you to—"
"What are you doing here?"
The door to the chief mourners' room flew open, and Noona—her face a wreck—spoke in a cracked voice.
"Leave. I don't want to look at you."
"……Sorry."
"What do you think you're—!"
"Mom."
"……I'm sorry. I'll be going."
At Noona's ice-cold attitude, hyung's already dark expression went darker still. He left without another word, and Noona went back into the chief mourners' room.
"Noona broke up with him."
"…Really?"
It was clearly sad news. Whatever the circumstances, breaking up with the person you were about to marry—everyone should have been grieving that.
Maybe Dad dying had broken something in my head.
Watching Noona draw that hard, clean line only made me feel relieved.
"Yeah."
At a time when even grieving wasn't enough, I'd been so backed up with lust that I'd jerked off, and in the end I'd put my hands on her without her knowing. I thought I finally understood why.
Because one less rival for Noona was one less person standing in my way.