Funeral (2)
"Is it a meme coin? That's why it's been going up lately."
"Nah, I'm not doing that. Stocks, sure—but crypto? Why bother."
"Hey, I do stocks! I trade stocks too! I'm just saying there's that side of things as well, you know?"
"Yeah, yeah. Hajin, do you trade stocks?"
"Huh? Oh, no… I don't have the money…"
The night Father went into the coffin.
When everyone else had gone home and only the men remained, the talk never strayed far from stocks or work. If the crowd had been younger, it might have been college or games. For the record, Hajin—the youngest uncle's son—was still in high school. Being stuck in the middle of all that already was pretty pitiful.
"Ji-chul."
"Yeah?"
I'd been watching from a distance on purpose when my sister came over, linked her arm through mine, and spoke.
"Can we sleep together again tonight?"
"Here…?"
As everyone knows, the chief mourners can sleep in the waiting room. For younger blood like us, sleeping outside was the unspoken rule—but ever since the encoffining, my sister had been using that room like she'd rented it out, so it wasn't strange that people might talk…
"A-yeong, are you sleeping there?"
"Ah… Mom, do you want to sleep here?"
"No, Mom's fine. I've got a blanket."
"……Okay."
Fortunately the funeral hall provided one set of bedding, so Mom had something to cover herself with. The uncles, of course, said they didn't need anything and just slept on the floor.
"You're going to sleep with your sister?"
"…Yeah. We'll sleep together."
"Alright. The departure's at two anyway, so get some good rest."
"Okay. Good night."
After the uncles finished their reminiscing, it was past one in the morning. It was time to sleep; everyone turned out the lights and lay down. Sharing a single blanket, I had to hold back as hard as I could against the scent of her skin rising in soft waves.
"Are your clothes uncomfortable?"
"I didn't bring pants. I took the top off, so it's fine."
"Mm…"
The room was wider than a bed, but with all the relatives' luggage piled up, it somehow felt even tighter. The closer we naturally drew, the more the piles of bags shoved us closer still whenever I tried to create distance. Add the stiff formal trousers on top of that, and it was incredibly stifling.
"Going to sleep right away?"
"Yeah. So many people came today—I'm exhausted."
"A lot of people, huh."
"Your friends were really shocked you weren't there."
"Sorry…"
That evening, my poor sister had been sniffling here all day long. Neither her friends nor the friends of mine who were close to her had been able to see her.
"Haa…"
"What?"
"These pants are killing me."
That characteristic formal-wear feeling of sweat gathering at the seat, the scratchy sensation. Even with the belt off, that part still pressed against me—it was thoroughly unpleasant.
"……Take them off!"
"What…?"
"So what? It's just the two of us."
"What are you talking about… What if someone comes in?"
"We're under the blanket anyway."
"……."
She had a point—taking them off would solve the problem. But still, I couldn't just strip my pants off in a place like this with so many people around.
"I'm just not taking them off."
"Why. You said they're uncomfortable."
"I'd rather stay uncomfortable."
"Honestly. Just take them off."
Of course, at this rate I really wouldn't be able to sleep, so I was planning to take them off. Once she fell asleep, that is.
"Good night."
"Yeah."
She didn't ask me to face her while we slept today. I'd been secretly hoping she would.
"……You asleep?"
"……."
This time I asked her. No response—she seemed to be out. Well, after crying that much, it would be strange if she weren't tired. I was just grateful she hadn't tried to kill herself.
Maybe I can take them off now.
I wriggled my fingers, undid the hook, and started easing the pants down little by little.
Finally, I can breathe…
Halfway off, cool air rose up and that truly unpleasant feeling began to fade. Honestly I wanted to ditch the underwear too, but I decided to hold the line there. I managed to get the pants down past my knees using only my legs. I even got the socks off with my big toes.
"……."
Once they were off, the cool air rising made sleep hard to come by. At times like this the best move is to keep your eyes open and zone out. Close them and you feel the strain in the closed muscles, the foreign sensation—better to just leave them open. With nothing to see, it's easier to focus. That was how I was supposed to fall asleep.
"…!"
My sister rolled toward me, and her knee touched my thigh. I flinched and looked over, but she didn't react at all.
Of all times to cling to me—scary as hell.
I carefully pulled my leg free and pushed her back with my hip. In case of any misunderstanding, I deliberately turned my back to her.
Maybe I should just put them back on…
The sticky discomfort was gone. In this state, putting the pants back on would actually put my mind at ease. But to put them back on I'd have to retrieve the crumpled pair from the floor. Lights off, I couldn't see, and the last thing I wanted was for her to wake up like this—so I couldn't move. In the end, hoping no weird misunderstandings would arise, I closed my eyes.
"Sseup…!"
Maybe because my breathing had been shallow. Like coming back from a blackout, I reflexively gulped a huge breath and my eyes flew open. My hand went automatically to my phone to check the time.
Relatives would be getting up soon. If anyone saw me like this, we might end up holding another funeral. Being underground maybe—even though it was time for the sun to rise, it was still quite dark. The spot beside me held only cool air now. Light leaking from inside suggested she was in the bathroom. Fortunately the pants weren't far; I found them and stood up.
"……."
Might as well air out the underwear while I'm at it. People call it morning wood, but the truth is every man wakes up with blood pooled down there. Sleep in an awkward position and you end up sweating a lot, so giving it a little air every now and then keeps things from getting sticky and gross.
"…!"
"What the hell?!"
The moment I pulled my underwear down, figuring no one would see—I locked eyes with my sister. I failed to yank them back up in time; they'd slipped past the waistband and were slightly exposed. I froze solid, unable to do a thing.
"…What are you doing. Pull them up already."
"……Sorry."
I pulled my underwear up like nothing had happened, but there was another problem. Even up, the erection wouldn't go down—it was still on full display for her.
"……Is that big?"
"What?"
"No… it was sticking out. I mean, are you on the bigger side."
"I don't know. Never tried."
"You're a virgin too?"
"Pretty much. By force of circumstance."
Whether she was trying to break the awkward atmosphere or had some other intention, I couldn't tell. Either way, the sight of her little brother hard and poking through his underwear had clearly given her a very novel experience.
"Can I see it again?"
"……."
Her serious face and voice. She stared at my crotch like she genuinely meant to look if I showed her. If we'd been at home, I might actually have stripped.
"Are you crazy?"
"Just kidding~"
Everyone got up and started the final meal. The funeral company staff only came through the second day, but they left the leftover rice so we could eat it. Thanks to that, among more than ten people, no one went hungry.
"We. Offer. Our. Condolences. For. The. Deceased."
In front of the tour bus headed to the crematorium. The uncles helped carry the coffin, and since there was no grandson, Hajin held the memorial portrait. My sister sat beside me and gripped my hand tight.
"This is really the end now…"
"Yeah."
Ever since we were little, my sister would fiddle with my hand, so I developed the habit of fiddling with anyone's hand I held. Now we fiddled with each other's, soothing the sorrow in our hearts.
"It suits you."
"The flowers on this skirt are really pretty, right?"
"Yeah."
Fortunately a size-up set of clothes had arrived that morning, so my sister could finally change into proper mourning dress. I'd secretly hoped I might catch a glimpse of something, but she was wrapped up so thoroughly I just gave up.
"Please get off~"
A crematorium that handles dozens of bodies a day. Through the glass, Father's coffin—where he slept—slid into the cremation machine. The powder of bone mixed with ash was scattered by the river behind the crematorium. I'd seen it several times, but this time was truly special. A truly special experience—and one I never wanted to have again.
Dad… goodbye.
And so our father, in his mid-fifties, left this world completely.
"Home…"
"Son, daughter. You both worked so hard."
Everything over, we came home. Just one person fewer, and the quality of the air we breathed was different—worse.
"……You too, Mom."
The one who'd suffered most wasn't me or my sister—it was Mom. On average men die earlier, they say, but still—this was the person she'd meant to spend her whole life with, and she'd had to send him off without any mental preparation. He wasn't even old enough to die yet.
"Going out again?"
"Yeah. Just need to swing by the office."
"Aren't you exhausted? Rest a little."
"I have a meeting tomorrow. Need to grab some materials."
"Okay."
Looking thoroughly worn out, Mom changed clothes with a blank expression and left. The saddest thing about this world is that no matter how much it hurts, you still have to do what needs doing. That's how I survive—how everyone survives.
"Sis, sleeping here tonight?"
"Yeah. I'll stay for a while."
"Mom's room?"
"No, yours."
"Why…? It's small."
"You don't want me to?"
"It's not that I don't want you…"
Talking, we naturally ended up in my room and closed the door. At the thought of finally getting out of this goddamn suit, I felt quietly pleased.
"Hoo…"
I peeled off the suit that reeked of incense mixed with my own smell—not a good combination—and took the pants off too.
"What?"
At that moment the door burst open. At home, unless guests were over, I always just wore trunk underwear even when my sister came in, so this time I didn't startle.
"Underwear again?"
"You've seen me in underwear plenty of times."
I just casually covered the stiffened part with my hand. An erection isn't something I can control.
"Get out. Let me change."
Underwear I hadn't changed in three days—I absolutely had to change it. I was already hard, and with her watching I couldn't take them off.
"…Aren't you going?"
"……."
Even when I made a show of stripping to get her to close the door, my sister showed no intention of shutting it. If anything, she stared at my lower half with eyes that seemed to be waiting for me to take them off.
"……Sis? Aren't you going to change?"
"Ah… aah. Right. I should change too."
So she wanted to watch her little brother change? Usually people don't want to see their younger brother's stuff, do they? Me, if she showed me, I'd be confident I could look all I wanted.
What's with her all of a sudden.
I got self-conscious for no reason and hurriedly pulled on clean underwear, then yanked pants on just as fast. Just like at the funeral hall, my dick was still pitching a tent. Wondering what the hell that crazy woman was thinking—and secretly hoping I might get a look too—I came out to the living room and casually glanced toward the inner room.
"What do you want for dinner?"
"Huh? Anything."
The timing was perfect. Black panties discarded on the floor, and around my sister's hips, small lace-trimmed white silk panties.
"What are you looking at."
"It's fine. We're home."
As if reading her mind, I couldn't take my eyes off her panties either—not even an inch. Conversation flowed as naturally as water, and those panties soon disappeared into dolphin shorts.