Shall We Create a Paradise Together?

The end-of-term party that ended in the worst possible way—with a public confession.

I don't really remember how I made it back, but Yun-a must have taken me home.

The next day, Yun-a and I went out just the two of us for the first time in a long while. We ate delicious food, sang our hearts out, and the arcade we visited for the first time turned out to be far more fun than I'd expected.

And through all of it, Je-cheol wasn't with us.

We kept hanging out just the two of us after that, and before we knew it, the day to vacate the dorms arrived.

The train I'd booked was almost due, so I had to leave the dorm behind with a heavy heart. Honestly, I didn't particularly want to go home—but it wasn't as if I had anywhere else to stay here.

"Well, I'm off. See you after summer break."

"Yeah... Wa Sol."

"Hm?"

"Let's room together again next semester."

I wanted to say yes.

But as sorry as I felt for Yun-a, that wish could never come true.

"Sorry. My GPA this term was under 3.0. I can't get into the dorms. I'll probably look for a place off-campus."

"Ah... okay. Then let's live nearby. I was thinking of getting a place next semester too."

A lie. She'd just asked to share a room again.

Normally I hated lies like that. But knowing how Yun-a felt made me weirdly happy. Not that I planned on accepting her offer, of course.

"Yun-a, you said it yourself. When you told your mom you were living in the dorms, she was really happy."

"..."

I knew her family's finances weren't great. Staying in the cheaper dorms would help more. I didn't want to burden her because of me.

"It's fine. Once we've rested over the summer, everything will get better. All of it."

With that, I said goodbye to Yun-a and went home.

Carrying an unfulfilled wish in my heart.

Summer passed faster than I expected.

Luckily Mom was so busy she barely came home, so I got to rest pretty comfortably. When I asked her about finding a place off-campus, she agreed right away.

Well, she was never the type to worry about spending money.

So I moved into my new place, and at last the second semester began.

Still a little anxious, I went all the way to Yun-a's dorm and walked to class with her.

It'll be fine now. It has to be fine.

Clinging to that belief, I stepped into the classroom.

And my faith was betrayed in the most spectacular way.

"Whoa, Je-cheol. That hair... damn."

"He was already good-looking, but love really changes a guy, huh?"

The first thing I saw the moment I walked in was a Je-cheol I didn't recognize.

The old Je-cheol had kept his distance from anything that looked like self-decoration—accessories, the works. He kept his hair neat and short, giving off an approachable vibe, at least on the surface.

But the Je-cheol standing there now...

His hair had a wave to it, like he'd gotten a perm. A silver piercing hung from one ear, and an expensive watch sat on his left wrist.

Anyone could see he'd become flashy and cool. To me, though... it was just overwhelming.

"Wa Sol... long time no see."

And there he was, smiling as he walked toward me.

Only then did I understand.

Nothing had ended. Nothing had gotten better since that end-of-term party.

"So you picked me again this semester?"

"Yes... Professor Yu Eun-yeong is just easier for me."

"Haa, easier, huh? Still, I'd rather you didn't keep showing up in the same classes."

"I'm sorry about that..."

I'd chosen Professor Yu Eun-yeong as my advisor again this term. Right ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠now, dealing with any man—student or professor—was hard, and the comfort I felt around her was one of the few things that could make me forget my current situation, even a little.

Professor Yu was sitting at her desk like always. The counseling atmosphere hadn't changed a bit from first semester... or so I thought, until I noticed one small oddity.

I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was missing from the desk.

My head wasn't sharp enough to figure out what.

"Come to think of it, you never showed up at the end-of-term party last time."

"I was tired..."

"It's good you didn't come. I didn't particularly want anyone seeing me like that either."

"Hmm. I more or less know what went down."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Kim Ju-hyeon filled me in roughly."

I'd always wondered what kind of relationship Professor Yu Eun-yeong and Senior Ju-hyeon had.

It felt casual yet walled-off at the same time. I hadn't wanted to know more about that person, so I'd left it alone—but now that it came up, it niggled at me.

Beep-beep-beep...

The sound of someone punching the office door lock behind me. The password was wrong; the door stayed shut.

"Haa..."

Professor Yu let out a long sigh and shook her head as if telling me to ignore it. I had no reason to open the door either, so I stayed put.

I just listened to whoever it was keep trying the lock, failing over and over.

"Tsk."

The sound of a tongue clicking from outside the door made me jump, but after that the person must have left—no more beeping.

"Professor, that was..."

"Ignore it. More importantly—have you eaten...?"

"No. I have plans a little later..."

"Right... then let's keep going with the counseling..."

Professor Yu tried to pretend the whole thing hadn't happened and continue, but the noise outside still clearly bothered her; she kept trailing off.

She scratched the back of her neck and sighed.

"Haa, sorry. I'm a bit worn out. Let's pick this up another time."

And just like that, today's counseling ended.

"Wa Sol~"

After counseling with Professor Yu, while I was looking for the person I was supposed to meet for dinner, a voice that made my skin crawl rang out. Ignore it.

Of course, ignoring him didn't mean I could actually escape this.

"Where are you going?"

"Senior Ju-hyeon... what is it?"

"Nothing. It's been a while. How about we grab a meal together?"

Even if it hadn't been a while, I still wouldn't want to eat with him...

"I'm sorry. I already have dinner plans."

"It's with Yun-a again, right? Let's make it three. Je-cheol's out of the picture, so there's an empty seat."

Not listening again. I hadn't said a single word about eating with Yun-a...

"Why am I out of the picture?"

Another voice cut in.

Uncomfortable, sure—but somehow familiar.

"Wa Sol, uh... hey."

During the first class today I'd been so unsettled by Je-cheol's change that I hadn't properly returned his greeting. Maybe that was why he was offering another awkward hello now. I answered with an equally awkward one of my own.

"Y-yeah... hey."

"We'll be going, then. Senior, please eat with someone else."

We?

Was he planning to come with me?

I wasn't even going to meet Yun-a... ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Why did everyone just decide things without listening to me?

"Let's all four eat together~"

"I don't want the person I like eating with someone like you."

...Ah. After seeing how Je-cheol had changed, even the faint hope that we could still be friends had died—and now hearing him say he liked me only made me sink deeper.

Well, it wasn't like I had many friends to begin with...

The two of them were arguing over whether to eat together or not with me ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠stuck in the middle.

I just wanted to run away right now...

"Haa, fine. I'll back off today. But... Wa Sol."

"...Yes?"

"You just had counseling with Professor Yu Eun-yeong, right?"

Why was he asking that?

I carefully nodded.

"Right... what did you talk about?"

"I don't think it's right to casually share counseling details..."

"Ah, so you talked about me?"

"No. That's—"

"Can you tell me?"

I really hadn't said a word about him. This man was impossible to talk to.

So irritating...

If only Yun-a were here right now.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Just asking."

"I don't think it's good to pry into counseling contents like that."

"Je-cheol, it's not just the look that changed—the person did too. You talk a lot more than before."

Uncomfortable.

People who didn't even care about me fighting over me right in front of my face.

"Wa Sol is precious to me."

"Same here. Wa Sol is precious to me too."

It made me sick... really...

Why talk about me while refusing to listen to me? Why did my feelings not matter at all...?

I was right here... and yet in this nauseating situation where it felt like I didn't exist, the only thing I could do was—

"I! ...I have no intention of dating either of you... Neither of you interests me! Please... just leave me alone."

It was closer to a sob than a plea.

The two of them heard me.

"...What?"

"Aaah~ so she finally said it."

Je-cheol looked thoroughly shocked; Senior Ju-hyeon brushed it off like he'd expected it all along.

I stood there on trembling legs and looked both of them straight in the face.

Je-cheol approached with a shaky voice.

"W-Wa Sol... was I too much? I'm sorry. I'll take it slower from now on. So... just give me a little time."

But I stepped back from him. The hurt on his face was plain, but at this point I didn't care.

"Stop... Je-cheol. You were a reliable friend. But I never wanted to see you as more than that."

"Just once. Can't you give me one chance? We... still don't know anything about each other..."

"If we don't know anything, why do you like me?"

"That's..."

I knew it was a mean question.

There were people who felt drawn to someone without knowing anything. Starting a love that way wasn't wrong.

I just wanted to reject Je-cheol somehow. Of course he didn't back down easily.

"Why... why not me?"

Honestly, it was hard to pin the reason down in a few words.

I just... found every man who approached me with ulterior motives overwhelming.

If I ever fell in love...

Yes—I was sure it would only be if I fell first. Someone who came close without paying me much attention, who seeped into me without my noticing, until one day I realized I'd fallen for them.

Someone like that.

I didn't think such a person existed, though.

"I... don't want to date anyone... I'm sorry."

In the end, unable to find a proper answer, I spoke a half-truth.

Je-cheol lowered his head at those words... then slowly moved away from me.

In contrast, Senior Ju-hyeon started walking toward me.

"You know, I really like Wa Sol's long hair."

I hate it. This hair... once I'm properly independent, I'm cutting it all off.

"I want to protect Wa Sol's fragile side."

I want to become stronger. More confident. If I ever have someone precious, I don't want to just lean on them—I want to stand beside them.

"And more than anything, that look in your eyes that says you don't want to be with me. I like it so much."

I couldn't understand it at all.

I didn't want to be with someone who hated me... or someone I hated.

I wanted to be with someone I found myself wanting to be with without even realizing it. Someone who wanted to be with me too. That was the kind of person I wanted beside me.

"See, Wa Sol. You should date me."

Absolutely not.

With this person... no matter what happened, I could never date him.

"Come on. Wa Sol. Together."

Ignore him. I didn't want to deal with him any longer.

I walked past Senior Ju-hyeon as he held out his hand and left the place.

For once, he didn't follow me.

A few days later, a strange rumor started reaching my ears.

That Senior Ju-hyeon and I had finally started dating.

The rumor began with someone who had happened to see the three of us that day.

That person spread the fragments they'd overheard, and little by little strange details got added on until it became a rumor that had nothing to do with the truth.

"Wa Sol~ congratulations!"

"Wow, what a perfect couple."

"I heard you're taking care of that hair because Senior said it suits you?"

"Poor Je-cheol..."

Because people believed the rumor as if it were obvious fact, my "relationship" with Senior Ju-hyeon became the truth. Even though none of it was true.

"No... it's not."

Of course I denied it.

But my classmates just nodded like they understood and started saying weird things.

"Oh right, Senior Ju-hyeon said so. Wa Sol feels guilty about dumping Je-cheol, so don't bring it up too much..."

"Really? Wa Sol's so kind..."

At some point every classmate around me started looking like Senior Ju-hyeon. That attitude of refusing to hear a word I said, as if only the truth they believed was real.

It was truly... chilling.

And the story returned to the present.

I was still nestled in Gachi's arms, and he asked me worriedly as I trembled a little.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Because I'm with you."

Memories that had been painful to recall.

Even while speaking them, I felt a sense of relief—probably because I was held by Gachi right now.

"What happened after that... is just a bunch of memories I don't really want to think about."

"Then you don't have to tell me."

Gachi, being considerate of me. Yeah, this was exactly why I liked him.

But I'd decided to tell him everything.

"It's fine. I can talk about it now."

The things that happened afterward were the kind of stuff any public couple would go through at least once.

Whenever there was a school event, people tried to pair me with Senior Ju-hyeon and subtly arrange for us to be alone together.

Because no one properly listened even when I said no, talking to people gradually became harder for me.

I started having an aversion to being among people at all.

Yun-a helped me through that... but seeing how hard it looked for her because of me made me feel terribly sorry.

Not wanting to burden her any ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠further, I started avoiding people.

And at some point I started rejecting school itself.

"Still, I managed to meet the attendance requirements, so I at least avoided F's, but..."

"I can't really call that lucky..."

"...Is a scholarship student like Gachi embarrassed to have a girlfriend with grades like mine?"

"Th-that's not it..."

"Pfft, I know. Just kidding."

Strange. I was talking about a bad past, yet here I was able to laugh.

I could stay sane even after saying it all.

Because I was with Gachi.

"After that, the only person who kept meeting me even when I was scared of people was Yun-a. She told me that once I stopped coming to school, a rumor started that I'd broken up with that guy. It was so ridiculous..."

"So that's why the atmosphere at the after-party was like that."

"...Yeah. Honestly those stares were really uncomfortable too."

The people at the freshman welcome party who thought I'd broken up with him.

There was a lot I wanted to say, but I didn't feel like saying any of it. I just didn't want to deal with them.

So I went to you.

For some reason, you were the one who didn't make me feel that rejection.

"That day... I was going to reassure Yun-a and leave. But talking with you turned out to be so fun that I stayed till the end."

"I'm glad. I didn't plan it, but if I could help you even a little."

"Yeah. So keep staying by my side."

"Of course."

Gachi pulled me in tighter.

But it was a soft, gentle strength that didn't make me uncomfortable or hurt.

Reassuring, warm, and heart-fluttering comfort.

It felt fresh all over again... I really did like Gachi.

"That's the end of the painful stuff, right?"

"Yeah. Nothing depressing happened after that. Well, of course not... Yun-a showed me a certain recruitment notice."

I still couldn't forget it. The thing that became the turning point that changed me.

It was the Utopia recruitment notice.

Yun-a said that if I couldn't talk to people face-to-face, I could practice slowly without showing my face, and half-forced me to apply.

"As you can see, I got accepted, so there was no time to be depressed."

"Were you that busy?"

"...Looking back, the trainee period was even harder than that time."

With my personality, just talking a lot was an ordeal from the start. Thomas unnie scolded me so much back then...

On top of that, originally we were supposed to debut within a year after the test streams, but then Vivi was recruited as an additional member and the timeline got pushed back. The longer trainee period was tough.

Not that I blame Vivi. All of us unanimously agreed to bring her in.

"Still, luckily I realized I had talent for games and gained some confidence, but there was still a lot going on so my personality was really dark."

The personality I have now was gradually built while working as a VTuber and spending time with the Utopia members.

I gained confidence, learned to speak my mind, and became able to embrace someone else.

More than anything.

"I really have nothing but gratitude for the Haras. I was able to change because there were Haras who cherished and liked someone like me."

"It shows. Both Eve and Kiri clearly love their viewers a lot."

...Eve again. If only that part wasn't there... no, this was just part of who Gachi was.

I like it... well, not exactly like that.

It's fine. Eventually I'll be Gachi's favorite!

"But thinking about it, it's amazing. Challenging yourself as a VTuber after something like that. It must have been really hard."

"The trainee period was tough, but it wasn't painful. And Eve had it even harder than me... no, just skip that part."

"...Okay."

He didn't ask again. Even though it was about Eve, so it must have been on his mind.

Heh, really... I'm glad it's Gachi.

Ah, seriously... I want to give him all of me soon.

I want to be with him forever.

The first person I ever came to like... no.

It's not just liking anymore. It's gotten deeper... maybe because I've been telling him more about myself.

The word for this feeling is... ah.

"Gachi."

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"...I love you too."

A "I love you" spoken with complete sincerity, not as a joke.

Strangely, thanks to that single word,

I didn't feel a single shred of anxiety anymore.

That day. When Yun-a showed me the Utopia recruitment notice.

I couldn't take my eyes off the biggest line written on it.

Looking at those words... I, who had cut myself off from everything... found myself wanting it without realizing.

So I took the challenge. Because I wanted to create a better reality than the one I had.

Those words.

I still can't forget them.