Chapter 34
Chapter 34
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 34
Chapter Title: Back
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On the way home alone.
I pondered, and pondered some more.
Starting from why this had happened, to why Yerim had said those words... As I wrestled with it endlessly in my head, one thought kept surfacing.
...What if I'd confessed to her sooner? Would this problem have even arisen?
My answer was 'no.'
Maybe my attitude hadn't given her the certainty she needed.
That might be why she'd said it.
"Ha..."
Some people exchange confessions eight times, while this coward can't even manage once. Realizing that was me brought a hollow laugh.
How do you even confess in the first place?
I pulled out my phone and searched 'how to confess to a girl.'
[Nothing to it. Ever heard of the suspension bridge effect? Whether girl or guy, save someone in a moment of danger, and they'll fall for you. Confess then... and the result is obvious. Classics work because they're classic.]
Oh... So, put Yerim in danger? I filed that away in my mind for now.
Once I decided to actually confess, just thinking about it made my heart pound from chest to head, like it might burst at the slightest touch.
How had I done this eight times before?
The guy I'd always thought was an idiot suddenly seemed like an impressive idiot.
Whether to confess or just hear her out, I needed to see Yerim first.
I texted her to meet tomorrow.
She must have been checking her phone, because the reply came right away: Got it.
...No sleep for me tonight.
It was going to be a long night.
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—Should I buy a single rose after all?
In the end, I didn't sleep a wink.
What to say during the confession, what clothes to wear, what expression to make, whether to hand over flowers...
How had I usually treated Yerim...?
One memory of her brought up ten more, and solving those led to a hundred. I couldn't sleep.
I put on the plain white shirt and beige pants she'd said suited me well and headed to our meeting spot.
The weather's annoyingly perfect...
My head's a mess like this, but the sky's bright and clear like it doesn't care, making me think pointless thoughts.
On a day like this, how happy would I be if you accepted my feelings?
Even with all those thoughts yesterday, I hadn't considered what came after she accepted. No, I couldn't.
My head was too full just getting that far.
As the meeting spot neared, my heart raced like there was an earthquake.
Heart, you bastard, calm down...!
My uselessly long legs quickly carried me there.
And there you were, as beautiful as ever, waiting for me.
"Why'd you come out so early?"
"Oppa did too..."
"I just, uh, ended up that way somehow."
"Me too..."
We exchanged silly words and chuckled. My heart, pounding like it would explode moments ago,
had calmed as if nothing happened.
"Did you get home okay yesterday?"
"......Yeah, I did."
"Good..."
Our usual conversations flowed endlessly.
But now, they cut off abruptly for some reason.
I racked my brain desperately for what to say.
What had I said to her before? What expression had I used?
No, had my breathing always been this loud?
Everything that came naturally before suddenly felt broken. I couldn't remember how.
As I creakily forced myself to look at her,
her eyes looked a bit swollen, like she'd cried all night.
—Get it together, Han Woojin.
Ha...
I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.
"Yerim."
"......Yes."
"The reason I called you today... is because there's something I want to tell you. Will you listen?"
I said it.
Finally.
I'd said it.
Ignoring my heart thundering so loud she might hear it, I finished. For some reason,
Yerim wore an expression like she was in pain,
impossible to tell if it was a smile or tears.
"......O,ppa."
"...Huh?"
"I... I also have... something to say... to you. Can I... go first?"
Each word came out labored from her lips,
and my heart raced for a different reason.
Why... why are you making that face right now?
"......What is it?"
Before I knew it, I was the one listening, not confessing.
Yerim took a deep breath,
her mouth opening slightly as if to speak, then closing, repeating for a moment.
Then she bowed her head deeply.
For a bit.
When she lifted it resolutely, her eyes brimmed with raindrops ready to burst,
cherry blossom petals dampened by rain looking at me
as her trembling lips spoke.
"Oppa... I'm... I'm going... to study abroad... in America..."
This is weird.
The weather was clear when I left home, so when did all this rain start falling?
Slowly.
One drop. Two drops.
Raindrops streamed endlessly down her cheeks.
".........You're kidding, right? A, a surprise?"
Yerim loves surprises, but this one's bad for the heart. She should hold back.
I laughed haha, watching her lips for a reaction, but
she just cast her eyes down apologetically, clutching her skirt hem. She didn't deny it.
...Don't do this. The joke's too much...
"Three years."
Her trembling voice finally formed words I hadn't expected.
"At least three years... before I come back..."
What a specific joke.
Cruelly so.
"So it could be even longer...?"
".........Yeah... that's right..."
Unbelievable, but I played along with her desperate joke.
"When? I mean, when are you going...? Next year? The year after?"
Yeah, if it's at least far off...
"......Hic, end of this month, before summer break ends..."
"......What?"
Stop it.
Isn't this enough? I wanted to shout,
but she bit her lip to hold back tears, raindrops streaming down her cheeks nonstop.
The cherry blossom scent blooming since we met today
seemed to convey her feelings now.
"...How long have you known? When did you find out about studying abroad...?"
"......After midterms, hic, the day exams ended..."
"Midterms... so about three months ago. Three months. Ha, three months..."
That's why she called me crying that night... It finally made sense.
If only she'd told me then.
Would things be different? Could I have prepared my heart? Then what changes? Han Woojin?
"...This is cruel."
Why of all days.
Why today? I feel like an idiot, excitedly imagining our future...
If only I could resent you.
I want to resent you fully.
But because I like you so much, I can't.
Even I think I'm pathetic,
so I could only act pathetically.
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"...This is cruel."
I'd hurt the person who always protected me, the one I love.
"S-sorry, hic, I'm sorry..."
Desperate to take him in with my eyes, I searched through my blurred vision, but
I was scared.
Scared it wouldn't be his usual kind voice,
scared his warm gaze that always looked at me wouldn't be there.
Despite doing nothing right,
deep down, I craved his affection, wishing he wouldn't hate me.
"You think telling me now means I'll say forget about a guy like me and go have fun? Or that I'll idiotically say I'll wait as long as it takes?"
I learned for the first time. Oppa had this cold voice.
And knowing I made him show it hurt so much.
"Hic, really, really sorry, hic, Oppa..."
"Never. Never forget me. When you eat, when you wash, when you sleep. Think of me anytime."
"Ugh, I will..."
"...Go like that. And come back to my side, no matter what."
Was I hearing wrong?
Did I twist his curse into what I wanted to hear? It was so unbelievable,
I frantically wiped my blurred vision with my sleeve, and only then
did I see the tears streaming down Oppa's cheeks.
"If you're really sorry to me."
"If your feelings truly match mine."
"If... you really, really love me."
Unlike my weak, cowardly self,
Oppa smiled slowly, painfully.
"Hold on tight. So I can't run anywhere, so I'm by your side forever. Very tightly."
"Then I won't resist at all. I'll let you catch me obediently."
Oppa grimaced in pain as he spoke, but looked at me and smiled with effort.
...Oppa, how can you do that?
From the first moment we met until now, Oppa has been a miracle to me.
I realized it anew.
I could never escape Oppa my whole life.
The one caught wasn't Oppa, but me.