Chapter 33
Chapter 33
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 33
Chapter Title: Go
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“.........What?”
I doubted my own ears.
That night after midterms ended.
Until just before coming home, the day I'd spent with Oppa and Sea felt like a happy dream. It had been so blissful.
But the words that came from Mom's mouth as she waited for us at home woke me—no, all of us—from that dream.
...Did I hear that wrong?
Even though I'd heard similar words countless times before, this time more than ever, I desperately prayed that I'd misheard.
Maybe this was punishment for the past year being too happy?
Even if so, wasn't this too harsh? It didn't feel real at all.
Even with my eyes wide open, it felt like a nightmare.
My parents, watching my expression, looked equally pained, as if filled with regret.
—Please don't.
I beg you, say it's a joke. Even now, laugh and tell us it is.
We've been shocked enough already. Please...
“Where are you going...?”
The Oppa sitting beside me asked again, as if he couldn't believe it.
“...America. Mom's assignment and Dad's too—they've both been posted there. It'll probably be around the end of your summer break. The posts are a bit far apart, but we'll find a house somewhere in between so the whole family can live together...”
“H-how long...? How long do we have to stay there?”
Oppa urgently cut off Mom's calm explanation.
But neither Mom nor Dad said a word about it.
“At least three years..., maybe even longer.”
“Ha...”
Oppa let out a hollow laugh, as if it was absurd.
My face probably looked the same.
Three years. At least three years.
No way. No way. How could this happen...?
We've only just become happy...
“No way. I don't want to.”
“Jinhyuk...!”
“All this time...!”
Oppa continued in a voice thick with frustration.
“I've never once complained or whined about it. Neither has Yerim. Can't you just listen to us this one time...?”
“......”
I couldn't stay silent either and opened my mouth.
“I'm begging you too.... Can't you at least let me and Oppa stay here? We'll do our best to take care of ourselves...”
Once Oppa and I finished speaking, a heavy silence fell over the dining table where we sat facing our parents.
A moment later, Dad let out a long sigh and spoke.
“Jinhyuk, Yerim. Your mom and I know it well. Because we've moved around so much for work, you've had it really hard. We're always sorry about that. And we're truly grateful that Woojin and his sister have helped you become so much brighter. It feels like they've filled in the roles we couldn't, so we can never thank them enough.”
I hoped that would be the end of it.
But regrettably, Dad continued with a “but.”
“Not being able to visit home often like now and being completely gone are entirely different matters. In this crucial time for you both, we absolutely can't allow you to live alone. Do you think we want to leave you behind? We even considered paying relatives or Woojin's family to let you stay with them, but having you impose for years—not days or weeks—would be a burden on them too. And it wouldn't be good for you either. Absolutely not.”
The moment I lifted my head to protest, saying no, we could manage on our own.
I saw that Mom and Dad's gazes weren't sternly scolding us.
They were filled with guilt.
I couldn't bring myself to speak.
Hadn't they already thought of everything I was thinking right now?
“You're still... too young. You need an adult's care.”
Such a thing.
How could that be...? My world changed after meeting Woojin Oppa, so why...?
“...Just a little.”
...I no longer had the strength to stay seated, so as I started to speak, everyone's eyes turned to me.
“Just give us a little more time to think...”
“Yerim, this is...”
“Honey, let's stop here for tonight. The kids need time to process and think.”
“Sigh...”
Mom cut off Dad, who seemed about to scold me.
But in her warm tone, it was already clear that acceptance was inevitable.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
The chair scraped as I stood, but my legs gave out, and my body swayed.
It wasn't just my legs—my whole body felt drained, like I'd collapsed from exhaustion.
...I want to see Oppa.
Suppressing the nausea churning inside me, I stumbled into my room and collapsed onto the bed. Soon after, Oppa followed me in.
“Seo Yerim. Are you just going to sit there like this?”
“...What?”
“What do you mean, what? We're about to high-five those nosy parents and go, so we have to do something ourselves.”
“What can we do? They're so set on it...”
“Argh, this is driving me crazy. Hey! So what, we're just gonna say 'see ya' to Han Woojin and his sister? Disappear suddenly like we appeared out of nowhere one day?”
“......Oppa. Sorry, but can you leave me alone right now...?”
“What'll change if you think alone? You acted like you'd die without Han Woojin, but that's all it meant to you? No, could you even say goodbye to him in the first place?”
“Do you think I want to...?!!!”
For the first time ever, I raised my voice at Oppa, who was saying things I couldn't bear.
“Do you think I want to...? Oppa, do you know? The day I first met Woojin Oppa. It's only been a year, but his voice, his face, his height, his personality—everything's changed beyond recognition compared to back then. I'm sure I've changed too. We're all in that phase. Where yesterday's me is different from today's me.”
I could feel my voice trembling more and more.
I wanted to speak calmly.
But the more I spoke, the more emotions welled up, choking my throat.
“If even a single year brought this much change. In this precious time that might never come back, three years—no, it might not even be three. To ask Woojin Oppa to wait for some unknown number of years, just watching others while I envy them? I... can't do it. I could wait three years, or even longer, staring only at Woojin Oppa. But I don't want to put Oppa through that pain. I don't want to...”
That would be.
Nothing but shackles on each other.
...With no key to unlock them.
After spilling my pent-up frustration, a sharp ache hit my heart, and I bit my lip hard.
“...Then what? What are you gonna do? What if there's another girl by Han Woojin's side later? Think you can handle it then? You know it now, how much he likes you. Don't hesitate—just say it. Ask him to wait.”
At Oppa's words, a hot, bitter laugh escaped me without thinking.
“...Oppa. That's exactly it.”
“What is?”
“Because Woojin Oppa likes me that much. I like him just as much. No, I love him even more. I could never do something that hurts the Oppa I love...”
I tried to hold it back.
But the suppressed emotions leaked out, and my eyes burned hot.
“...I don't know. But if it were me, I'd want him to hold on.”
With that, Oppa scratched his head and left the room.
I collapsed onto the bed as I was.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
After that day, my days swung between heaven and hell.
At night, I'd resolve to tell Oppa about the study abroad tomorrow and sort out my feelings.
But come daytime, facing Oppa, I'd turn into the fool craving his love, as if I'd never made that promise.
After indulging in that sweetness like an addict, what returned was anger and self-loathing toward myself.
Unable to confess my feelings to the one I love, yet unable to let go.
That was me.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Even amid those repeating days, preparations for the move abroad progressed smoothly.
Passport, documents, and all.
It still didn't feel real.
Am I really going to leave Oppa's side like this?
I wished someone would tell me it was all a lie right now.
As if ignoring my desperate wish, reality crept closer and closer.
If I go, when will I be able to come back?
What will Oppa do when he finds out?
Even Oppa would be angry.
He might hate me for not telling him sooner.
Ah.
Just imagining it made my head throb and my chest ache so much I could barely breathe.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Summer break began.
What would have been an exciting summer break now felt like a countdown to D-day.
Last time, yet another last time.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow—every time I called Oppa, those words etched into my heart.
Today too, using “one last time” as an excuse, I messaged Oppa.
To save up money to gift him pajamas as a final present, and to show him my dolled-up self. ...So he wouldn't forget me.
That fitting model job I started with such feelings.
Brought the worst possible outcome.
What must Oppa have felt, introducing himself as my close Oppa in front of the staff?
Gazing at his back as he always stood in front of me, shielding me from their curious stares.
I realized how wrong it was.
I'd trapped us both in satisfaction with our current relationship, when I couldn't move forward any further.
Because I'd made him—the person I couldn't embrace—crave affection like a baby bird.
The one who cherished me most, the one I loved most.
I'd turned him into a coward who couldn't be honest in front of others.
...This wasn't what I wanted. I truly hoped Oppa would be happy.
How did it end up like this...? I don't know.
If I'd told Oppa right away that night after hearing from our parents, would things be different?
On the way home alone after showing my pathetic side to Oppa until the very end.
Wiping the endless tears with my sleeve, I pulled out my phone.
Tomorrow, meet Oppa and tell him everything.
I couldn't imagine what face he'd make or what he'd say—the one who always naturally popped into my mind—and it terrified me.
But the moment I turned on my phone, resolved to tell him now.
As if he'd seen through my heart, a message arrived.
[Woojin Oppa]
-Yerim, can we meet tomorrow?
My answer could only be one thing.
-Yes, let's meet tomorrow....