Theodora - Transformed (1)
Theodora Benning found it extraordinarily difficult to explain what Maxim Apparte had meant to her. Even Theodora herself had never fully realized just how deeply she had depended on him.
One thing, however, was certain: Maxim Apparte had saved and completely transformed every part of the being known as Theodora Benning. That single truth alone made it easy to guess that their eventual catastrophe would be nothing short of tragic.
I have a fiancée now.
Those were the last words Theodora heard from Maxim before they parted. His behavior had certainly been strange for the past several months. He deliberately reduced the time they spent together, avoided meeting her eyes during conversations, and gradually pulled back from physical affection.
Theodora had chosen to ignore those signals. She denied reality. She deliberately avoided the subject and clung to him with forced intimacy. But in the end, she could not stop Maxim.
He delivered the farewell after the graduation ceremony had ended.
“Why…?”
She tried to convince herself there had to be a reason, that Maxim must have something he couldn’t tell her. But the answer he gave was only one.
“From the beginning, I became a knight to succeed.”
Thanks to a good fiancée, he no longer needed to struggle. That was what Maxim said.
Theodora could not look straight at his expression. She lacked the courage to face it. If she saw that look, she felt something inside her would shatter beyond repair.
“…Then can’t you just come to me? I was joking back then, but you really could live as a son-in-law in our house. Our family isn’t some fallen house, and we have plenty of money.”
Theodora squeezed the words out. Had she cried? Probably. She must have been sobbing in the most wretched way.
“I’ll… I’ll try harder too. I’ll become a knight who can help you succeed.”
“…I’m sorry.”
It would have been better if he hadn’t said he was sorry.
Theodora could not even remember what she said or did next. She must have poured out words too cruel to imagine.
That day, instead of something inside Theodora breaking, it changed. The eyes once full of vitality turned icy and cold. Her gentle tone grew rigid. The smile gradually vanished from her face, leaving only occasional traces of cynicism.
People whispered that Theodora had returned to her old self.
The first place Theodora was assigned was harsh. It was in the north, covered in snow except during summer, and the snow-laden mountain valleys teemed with demonic beasts. It was one of the kingdom’s borderlands.
There, Theodora carved out achievements that could only be described as legendary. Or perhaps nightmarish. Rivers running with blood. Mountains built from corpses. Theodora slaughtered demonic beasts as if possessed by a ghost.
There were no such things as holidays. Theodora marched to the front lines without missing a single day and massacred the beasts. In just three years, she became the hero of the Kips region and earned the title of Sword Demon.
Her fame as the kingdom’s new rising star echoed across the entire continent. Even the remote border kingdom farthest from the continent’s center heard Theodora’s name.
The number of marriage proposals she received was as countless as the stars in the sky. It was harder to find a family that hadn’t brought up a marriage discussion than one that had. Yet Theodora paid none of those requests any attention.
When she declared she would take the sword as her only companion and live solely for it, the proposals abruptly ceased. The Benning family tried desperately to change her mind, but by then Theodora’s name had already surpassed the Benning legacy.
Theodora Benning of the Snow Country. That was the epithet given to the noble and solitary Theodora.
The news of her transfer came last spring.
“…The Raven Knight Order?”
“I don’t understand why they would appoint someone of your caliber as commander there, but here we are.”
The one who delivered the news to Theodora with a sigh was Rania Elgar, commander of the Snow Leopard Knight Order, which oversaw the Kips region. Her trademark was short-cropped red hair, and she absently stroked the eyepatch covering her left eye.
Theodora’s departure would cause a massive loss of fighting power for the Snow Leopard Knight Order. Still, Rania felt relieved at the thought of sending the girl—who had worked herself to the brink of danger—to the warmer royal capital.
With a voice mixed equally with regret and affection, Rania spoke.
“The royal family’s influence must have been strong. They’re trying to revive the Raven Knight Order.”
“Can I… refuse?”
Rania found Theodora’s question both admirable and heartbreaking. What must a person go through to change this much? Though Theodora never showed it in front of her, Rania had always pitied the girl.
“Since the royal family is involved, you already know—this is a direct personnel order from the center. There’s nothing even I can do about it. I’m sorry, Theodora.”
“What does the royal family want?”
Rania shrugged, then opened a drawer in her desk and rummaged through it. Soon, her hand emerged holding a stiff, luxurious envelope.
She flipped the envelope over and showed Theodora the wax seal that closed its flap. On the vivid red wax, a lion holding a sword in its mouth stared straight ahead. It was the royal family’s seal.
The glory of the Raven Knight Order was once the glory of the Empire. We hereby appoint Theodora Benning, Vice Commander of the renowned Snow Leopard Knight Order and known as the Sword Demon of Kips, to the position of Commander. We grant her full authority over its reconstruction and seek to achieve the Raven’s resurgence.
Rania offered a faint smile.
“They’re saying the entire organization will be overhauled. You can do it however you want. It seems they truly intend to give you a central role.”
“…But they also say not to expel any existing members who possess both will and skill.”
“If you replaced them all, it would be no different from creating an entirely new order.”
Rania rested her chin on her hand, gazing at the letter in Theodora’s grasp.
“They want to maintain at least the appearance of continuity.”
“…I see.”
Theodora fidgeted uneasily with the letter. Rania comforted her.
“It’s all right. Think of what an honor this is. You’ll be leading the reconstruction of an entire knight order and holding complete authority over the process.”
“Honor and power are not what I desire.”
“Don’t say that. Honor may be exhausting, but it isn’t merely a burden. And power can make life remarkably convenient.”
“For me, swinging a sword is enough.”
A shadow briefly crossed Theodora’s face. She clearly did not welcome the transfer.
“You worked too hard,” Rania said with a sigh. “You’ve done more than enough in the borderlands. Now serve comfortably in the capital. I don’t know if the work will actually be easy, but it should be better than here. Stay for a suitable time, fulfill your service, then leave the kingdom’s knight orders and return to your family. Live happily. You deserve that much.”
Theodora looked troubled.
“…I have no intention of returning to my family.”
“Then make a name for yourself in the capital. Don’t create reasons to go back to the border. You can do it.”
Rania handed Theodora the document containing her transfer orders. When Theodora hesitated to take it, Rania issued a gentle dismissal.
“Go rest for today, Vice Commander. And don’t sneak out for another subjugation mission.”
Even Theodora could not disobey Rania’s firm words. She left the commander’s office clutching the fluttering paper.
The royal capital.
Theodora stared at the document for a long time.
I never thought I would return to the capital in my lifetime.
Memories rose like bubbles in her mind. Theodora shook her head lightly, scattering them. But her eyes had already grown deeply sunken.
If I go to the capital, I will not go anywhere near the academy.
The memories of that person were both an immense salvation and a wound to Theodora. They were a sanctuary she could not touch and a purgatory she must never enter. No matter how many times she told herself to forget, those damned memories refused to leave her alone.
That touch. That voice. Those lips. That gaze. They tormented her day and night. Using that sorrow as fuel, she had endlessly burned herself in the demonic realm of the snow-covered mountains.
Three years had passed that way. She could not say she had recovered, but she had at least returned to something resembling a normal person’s life. Though the girl she used to be could no longer be found, no matter how hard one looked.
Let’s go.
Even in the capital, she could still swing her sword. For someone as empty as she had become, the only path left was to become an ascetic.
One week later, Theodora bid farewell to the north.
Rania Elgar, commander of the Snow Leopard Knight Order, was having a private moment with her former vice commander before the long journey. She gently stroked Theodora’s cheeks, which had turned slightly red from the cold. For three years, she had given her affection like that of an older sister.
“Take care of yourself. I’ll write, so make sure you reply.”
To hide her tears, Rania suddenly pulled Theodora into a tight embrace. From within her arms, Theodora murmured her answer.
“You must take care of yourself too, Commander.”
And so Theodora returned to the royal capital, without the slightest inkling of what would befall her.
===
It was a cursed day. The messenger thought so. Of all days, he had to run an errand for that idiot commander of the Raven Knight Order and deliver a letter to the kingdom’s most promising knight.
Of course, delivering a letter to the kingdom’s most promising knight could be considered an honor, but the knight who received it now wore an expression that was anything but pleased.
A chill filled the room. It was early summer, yet goosebumps of cold rose across the messenger’s body.
“…Are you certain you delivered it correctly?”
Her voice was like a blizzard. The messenger could not even dare to raise his head. He stood frozen in place.
The question had probably not even registered properly in his ears.
“I-I’m sorry… what did you s-say…?”
“I asked if this letter truly came from the Raven Knight Order.”
The messenger nodded frantically. Overwhelmed by her presence, he could not even imagine that the question Theodora had just thrown at him was strange.
“Y-yes! It’s certain! It’s certain! I received it directly from the commander only an hour ago at the Raven Knight Order headquarters!”
Even after hearing the messenger’s words, Theodora’s expression did not change, but the oppressive aura she emitted grew even stronger.
“H-hic!”
The messenger let out a small involuntary scream. Yet Theodora’s pressure pinned his feet to the floor, preventing him from moving.
The messenger swallowed dryly. She wasn’t going to cut him down, was she? His pupils trembled as if an earthquake had struck while he stared at the longsword hanging at Theodora’s side.
Theodora folded the letter in half and placed it on the nearby table. When she finally lifted her head, she seemed to notice for the first time that the messenger had not yet left the room.
“You may go. Thank you for your trouble.”
“Yes! Thank you!”
The messenger fled without looking back, opening the door in a hurry. He even forgot to close it behind him.
But whether the door was open or closed, such trivial matters no longer entered Theodora’s eyes.
“…Haa.”
A sigh escaped between her lips. She picked up the letter and read it again. She read it twice, three times, wondering if she had misread it. But the name of the vice commander written in the middle of the letter did not change.
Maxim Apparte.
The name of the person she thought she would never see again was written there plainly.
Theodora checked the clock. Less than thirty minutes remained until the appointed visit.
She rose from her seat and walked to the full-length mirror standing in the corner of the room.
“It’s fine.”
She had to maintain composure. Theodora fixed her expression. She must not waver. Repeating the words endlessly to herself, she straightened the collar of her Snow Leopard Knight Order’s gray uniform.
Beyond the open door, she sensed the presence of two soldiers who had arrived to escort her.
“Commander?”
Theodora stepped out of the room. The two soldiers took the lead and began guiding her. The streets of the royal capital passed by. Countless gazes clung to her and then fell away. But Theodora’s eyes and heart were not present in the same space as theirs.
The crowds gradually thinned. Before long, they turned onto the uphill path leading to the knight order’s headquarters.
Theodora fully opened her senses. She wanted to detect his presence before seeing Maxim’s face, to reduce her agitation. Her senses, honed in the snow mountains of Kips, soon captured him.
At that all-too-familiar sensation, both the urge to cry and hatred surged within Theodora at the same time.
It’s fine.
Theodora lied to herself. She sliced away every emotion and feeling as if cutting with a blade.
The slope gradually leveled out. A two-story building that served as the headquarters came into view. And standing in front of it, one figure entered her sight as well.
It was the moment Maxim Apparte appeared before Theodora for the first time in three years.