Theodora - Transformed (2)
Theodora stared at that detestable face, pretending it meant nothing to her. His pomaded hair was neatly combed. The light brown strands, once the color of gold, had faded into a dull ashen tone. Familiar golden eyes met hers.
What should she say?
Theodora observed Maxim from a short distance. The sight was both painfully familiar and utterly foreign. She took a slow step forward.
Greet him. The man standing before me is truly a stranger.
She repeated the words to herself endlessly.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I am Theodora Benning, newly appointed as Commander.”
Theodora extended her hand. Maxim seemed not to understand her intention at first, but once he realized it was an offer to shake hands, his face flushed red. His hand settled over hers.
“I look forward to working with you, Vice Commander. Your name?”
Theodora glanced at the badge on his chest that marked him as Vice Commander and spoke. There had been no need to ask his name, yet she deliberately wanted to hear him introduce himself.
“...Maxim Apparte. I look forward to working with you as well.”
She was glad she had worn gloves. If she had felt the warmth of that hand directly, she would never have been able to maintain her blank expression.
Theodora looked at Maxim, who could not meet her eyes squarely. What was he thinking right now? Was he embarrassed? Because she had seen his demoted self?
After shaking his hand a couple of times, she quickly released it. Seeing his foolish face, a cold sneer rose inside her.
Theodora turned to the woman standing beside Maxim, who appeared to be his adjutant, and exchanged greetings with her as well.
“...I will guide you to the headquarters.”
Having regained his composure, Maxim’s voice had grown considerably calmer. Theodora turned her head and offered him a smile.
“Yes, I’d appreciate that.”
Following Maxim and Christine’s lead, Theodora began touring the knight order’s headquarters. The training grounds were spotlessly clean, contrary to the rumors she had heard about this den of incompetents. There were no traces of intense training, however.
Had he truly given up on becoming a knight and honing his swordsmanship, all while relying on an engagement that promised success and wealth?
Theodora gazed at Maxim’s back. His claim that he had become a knight solely for success was beginning to feel painfully true.
Maxim continued the tour. The moment Theodora stepped into the headquarters lobby, she had to suppress a sigh at the shabby interior. Though it had been cleaned thoroughly, worn-out facilities were visible everywhere. There was no scent of steel—only the smell of rotting wood.
Not a single knight remained behind to train or maintain equipment.
So this was the path to the success he so desperately wanted?
Theodora’s mood sank heavily. The man who had once declared he would grasp a sword and command the world was gone. All that remained was a pathetic man who had seized an easy, convenient path through a political marriage and abandoned the hilt of his blade.
She did not want to think of the person wandering this dilapidated building, having cast aside both his passion for the sword and his yearning for martial prowess, as the same swordsman she had once loved. She did not want to believe he was the same man who had changed her world and pulled her from a black abyss.
It was a miserable feeling. What made it even more miserable was that the one who should truly feel wretched seemed completely unaffected.
Following Maxim’s guidance, she inspected the Commander’s office, the second-floor corridors, the archives, and the Vice Commander’s office. Yet nothing truly registered in Theodora’s eyes.
“...That concludes the general layout of the Raven Knight Order headquarters… I understand you will be visiting again Monday morning.”
Maxim’s voice reached her. Theodora looked at his face. He had regained his composure. The sight made the north wind in her heart blow even colder.
“Yes. I plan to arrive a little earlier than the other members. I intend to begin the handover immediately.”
“Understood. I will make sure the handover procedures are completed within the weekend.”
Unwilling to voice her acknowledgment aloud, Theodora simply nodded. Maxim glanced around before adopting an attitude that suggested he wished to end the meeting.
“Then, thank you for your hard work…”
It was an impulse.
“Wait. I have something to discuss with the Vice Commander.”
Discuss? What was there to discuss, what was there to ask? Whether he had truly abandoned the path of the sword? How it felt to have thrown her away for an easy road and then fallen to the position of Vice Commander in this ruined knight order?
Theodora wanted to slap herself for failing to control her momentary emotions and blurting out those words. What did it matter? The man before her was already a complete stranger.
She dismissed the soldiers who were watching with cautious eyes. However, the woman who had remained glued to Maxim’s side—Christine—hesitated and did not leave the room. Realizing that her worried gaze was fixed on Maxim’s face, Theodora’s eyes grew even darker.
“You go on ahead. It’s the weekend tomorrow—you should rest.”
“...Yes, Vice Commander.”
Christine closed the door and left. Theodora glanced at the closed door before turning her eyes to Maxim, who was now looking out the window.
After a long moment, Maxim’s mouth opened.
“...It’s been a while, Theodora.”
It was a casual greeting. So Theodora responded in kind, as if it meant nothing.
“Yes. It has been a while, Maxim. Three years?”
Three years. To Theodora, it had been an endless stretch of time that wore away at her emotions. This man would never know how much pain she had endured.
Maxim nodded slowly.
“Three years. Yeah. It doesn’t feel that long, though.”
She wanted to demand whether he truly felt that way. But Theodora let him continue speaking.
“Why did you suddenly come to a place like this—a knight order full of incompetents?”
He at least seemed aware of his own situation.
“It was a decision made by the Central Knight Order.”
“Are they saying they’ll turn this order into something useful?”
His words carried a sneer. It probably wasn’t directed at her, but Theodora hated Maxim’s brazen attitude. Truly, no matter what circumstances he faced now, it no longer mattered to her.
The Maxim Apparte she had known was a different person from the man before her. She had no choice but to admit that every trace of the man she once knew had vanished.
“You’ve changed, Maxim.”
Perhaps he had sensed the intent behind her words. Maxim’s shoulders twitched briefly before he nodded.
“There is no one who doesn’t change. You know that, Theodora.”
Stop.
“Since three years ago, I—”
Stop.
“—have already changed.”
Theodora looked into Maxim’s eyes as he spoke. They were devoid of light, carefully concealing any emotion. Without realizing it, emotion seeped into her own voice.
“I see.”
Silence fell. Theodora asked as if in passing.
“Is your fiancée doing well?”
The seemingly casual question was riddled with fishbones that should never have been swallowed.
“She’s doing well. She comes and goes sometimes.”
Maxim swallowed those bones. Theodora closed her eyes. She needed to collect her emotions, even if only a little.
“...I see.”
Theodora informed Maxim about the knight order’s reforms. Once she had calmed her feelings, the conversation became much easier.
“There will be a selection test. Those who wish to give up… I have no intention of stopping them.”
Theodora spoke as if issuing a warning.
“That includes you, Vice Commander. If you wish to give up, the conversation will take a different turn…”
How nice it would be if Maxim simply declared he was giving up. Then she could end things cleanly, without leaving behind any expectations, regrets, or lingering attachments.
“No.”
Maxim shook his head.
“I will take the test.”
Theodora barely managed to keep her lips from twisting. He was insisting on taking the test even though there was no reason for him to do so. Or perhaps the condition of his engagement required him to remain a knight. In that case, Theodora thought she would truly become the most wretched creature alive.
==
On the day of the selection test, Theodora stood on the platform and watched the matches proceed one after another. Four matches had already concluded. The only remaining applicant was Maxim Apparte.
Theodora watched as Maxim sharpened his aura into something keen. It was a sensation she had not felt in a very long time. She did not want to call it longing. Yet the habit of her hand instinctively reaching for the hilt of her sword remained even after three years.
Should she clash with him directly?
With Maxim’s skill, he would pass easily no matter who faced him. Even if he had lost all his sword techniques to amnesia, his instincts alone would be enough to defeat every knight present.
Maxim’s sword was not something that could be belittled simply because it was entangled in emotion.
“I will personally face Vice Commander Maxim Apparte.”
Theodora spoke and slowly descended from the platform.
“Step forward.”
There was a separate reason Theodora wanted to face Maxim’s sword. When their blades crossed, she hoped from the very beginning that he would come at her with everything he had. She wanted him to draw out his aura and fight. She wanted them to pour out many things within the short grace period of fifteen minutes while maintaining their full strength.
It was the only opportunity Theodora could grant Maxim right now.
Back when they had been lovers, crossing swords with full power had always conveyed far more than words ever could.
This is the last time.
Theodora spoke to him silently in her heart. She desperately hoped he would recognize the unspoken message she had sent and come at her with everything he possessed. If he did, though she could never forgive him, she believed she could treat him as an emotionless stranger. She believed she could cut away the suspicion and hatred she harbored in her heart—along with that tiny spark of lingering attachment, smaller than the flame of a match.
“Lione, keep time.”
Theodora asked the new member.
“Yes, understood.”
Lione took his position as referee without complaint. A chilly wind blew past. Dust and dirt on the ground scraped across the training field floor. Across from Theodora stood Maxim, radiating a razor-sharp presence.
For a brief moment, she felt as if she had returned to three years ago. Memory was poison. Theodora remembered the combat stance of Maxim that she must have witnessed hundreds, thousands of times. She knew exactly when he would kick off the ground, when he would swing his sword. She had wanted only that information, yet she could not stop the byproducts of memory from rising along with it—the sensation of their blades clashing, the look in his eyes when they met hers, the scent of the air between them.
They kicked off the ground at the same instant and charged.
The gloomy sky began to shed its heavy body in fragments. Maxim did not reveal his full power from the start. Therefore, Theodora did not reveal hers either.
Clang!
Sword met sword. The shockwave scattered raindrops in every direction. Theodora pushed Maxim back and called his name.
“Maxim Apparte.”
“Yes.”
She wanted to tell him directly to use his full strength, but the words would not leave her mouth. Instead, she could only convey it indirectly.
“Even if you manage to endure for fifteen minutes in this match and remain as a member…”
Theodora took a short breath. Maxim’s gaze was obscured by the rain, making it hard to read.
“If I determine that your ability is unfit for the position of Vice Commander, I will immediately strip you of that title.”
Maxim closed his eyes as if savoring her words. His expression clearly showed he understood the true meaning hidden within them.
Theodora hoped he would no longer hesitate to give his all, and she charged forward first. Maxim’s sword danced. It did not reach the level of his prime, but it was still powerful and refined. For a while, Theodora said nothing and simply received his blade.
Since she had decided not to use techniques meant solely to kill, it could be considered full power without mana. Yet Theodora could not be satisfied. She had demanded he strike with the resolve to risk everything, but Maxim only swung his sword frantically without activating his mana.
She had wanted their true feelings to clash through their blades with full strength, but Maxim’s sword continued to hide his heart until the very end.
Clang!
Eventually, Theodora infused her sword with aura. Maxim was sent flying backward.
“...You’re not going to use it?”
“Huh?”
Maxim’s bewildered voice reached her. It was not too late even now. Though the remaining time was extremely short, if he revealed his full power even for that fleeting moment, Theodora was willing to respond in kind.
“Aura Blade.”
Maxim’s face went blank. He had understood the meaning of her words. But he never answered the question. He simply charged again with a blade that continued to conceal everything.
Theodora struck his sword aside. She never attacked him, only parried the blades that came swinging toward her.
“...Did you think rushing in like that would make me see something different?”
Did he think she would be satisfied with a half-hearted answer? Theodora spoke gently. Even as he listened, Maxim continued swinging his sword. Theodora blocked the attacks indifferently.
The pitch-black sky flashed. Thunder roared across the heavens. Theodora looked at Maxim, who stood a short distance away holding a sword that had become a complete mess. She withdrew the aura from her blade.
It was fortunate that the rain was pouring down. Maxim had not revealed his full power until the very end.
“In the end, you…”
Theodora did not finish the sentence. Lione’s voice rang out.
“Commander, time is up.”
Theodora twisted her lips. Then, in a frozen voice, she announced the result.
“Maxim Apparte, you have passed.”
She declared that the Vice Commander position could not be retained and that a new Vice Commander would be selected. Maxim was not looking at Theodora, and Theodora did not look at Maxim. The final opportunity crumbled away meaninglessly. The match-flame of lingering attachment left in her heart was soaked by the rain and extinguished.
Theodora wrapped up the proceedings and fled back to the main building as if escaping. She entered the Commander’s office, locked the door, and leaned against the window, feeling the cold glass. Then, finding her own situation so absurd, she let out a bitter laugh.
What on earth had she been hoping for?
Outside the Commander’s office, rain poured down madly. Theodora turned her eyes to look down. Through the window, she could see Maxim, and behind him, Christine. She watched as Christine approached Maxim and as he took the hand she offered.
Really… what had she been expecting?
Frozen tears slid down Theodora’s cheeks, falling together with the rain.