4. Reincarnation or Possession? (3)
4. Reincarnation or Possession? (3)
"Miyagi-yang, long time no see. Have you been well?"
A middle-aged man with a familiar face sat down next to me. The MBC Drama Bureau Chief, a die-hard fan of Kaho who was once called her exclusive PD.
And...
"...Of course, I've been doing great. How have you been lately, Bureau Chief-nim?"
"Bureau Chief-nim? Why so formal? I told you to call me Uncle at private gatherings!"
"Haha... A company dinner isn't exactly private..."
The man who, when I was three, suggested to Kaho that I appear on a Parenting Variety Show. Because of that, I couldn't really like him.
It wasn't his fault, but his suggestion was the trigger that ruined my relationship with Kaho.
Even if he wasn't directly involved, he was the one who set it all in motion, so it was hard to see the Bureau Chief in a good light.
Human emotions don't work the way we want them to, after all.
As I gave an awkward smile in response, the Bureau Chief noticed my empty glass and started pouring beer into it with a glug-glug.
I forgot to fill my glass with water to avoid drinking...
"You can't have an empty glass at a company dinner! Here, here! It's such a great occasion—let's have a drink with your uncle! Thanks to you, Miyagi, this drama's already buzzing with excitement!"
"Haha... Alright, just one drink then..."
A torrent of fuck this and fuck that exploded inside me, but I couldn't exactly curse out the Bureau Chief at a company dinner.
In my imagination, I yanked out what little hair he had left on his head as I took a swig of the beer.
...Maybe it's because it's been so long since I last had beer, but damn, it was sweet as hell.
'Is it because alcohol's hitting my body after so long that the buzz is rising so fast...'
I chugged some water to control the quickly rising intoxication, but this damn old Bureau Chief kept topping off my glass the moment it dipped even a little.
His affection toward his "niece"? I knew his favors came from that kind of fondness, so I couldn't bring myself to say anything...
But to outsiders, it'd look exactly like him using his power to harass a young actress.
'If he pulled this shit on any other actress, she'd report his ass... The fact he hasn't been reported yet means he only does it to me and Kaho...'
How many times did I down my glass while thinking that?
Thanks to the Bureau Chief constantly toasting, I had to empty my glass over and over, and by the time the dinner wrapped up, I was barely hanging on, clinging to the fraying edges of my consciousness.
"Sis, you okay?"
"Huh? Yeah... I'm fine... What time is it...?"
"Hmm... Just past midnight. Everyone else is heading to round two."
"...It's past midnight, and you're not going home? Is it okay for a minor to stick around at a company dinner...?"
"My house is nearby, so it's fine. How are you getting home, sis? Your Manager headed out earlier."
"Yeah... I sent him home... If I make him stay too late, his wife'll chew him out..."
When I came to, the last train had already left, and since I hadn't expected the dinner to drag on this long, I'd sent the Manager home first. He's got a family, so it was the right thing to do.
"Ah... My place is so far..."
Taking a taxi home would cost at least 20,000 yen. I didn't want to blow that much cash just on cab fare, so I clutched my pounding head and sank into thought.
"What about the Bureau Chief...? Maybe I can use his card to grab a taxi."
"He just took a taxi and left."
"Tch... He gets me this wasted and then bails alone in a cab...?"
Never calling that bastard "Uncle" again.
Given the situation, he'd probably reimburse a receipt if I asked... But was it the booze? The more I thought, the lazier everything felt.
Maybe crash at Shizuka's for the night...
"What're you worrying about? Isn't your Main House right nearby, sis?"
"It is, but..."
Staying at Shizuka's meant going to Kaho's house...
Which was the problem—the Main House was so damn close.
Even if I asked Shizuka here if I could crash at her place for one night, she'd definitely hit me with, "Your house is right there—why stay at mine?"
Answering that with a lie would be easy, but shallow lies get exposed fast. Plus, Shizuka's got a big mouth—she'd spread rumors in a heartbeat.
I didn't want to lie to Shizuka and start whispers that I was avoiding Kaho. Publicly, we're supposed to be a close mother-daughter duo, after all.
'No other options...'
I hauled myself up from my seat with effort and chugged some cold water to shake off the buzz. Only after the chill hit my body did my thoughts start turning faster.
"You're right—I'll go home and crash."
"Oh, uh... Can I walk you home, sis? You're wobbling from the drinks... Feels risky sending you alone..."
Seeing Shizuka fidget and trail off, I finally got why this kid hadn't gone home past midnight.
'Aha, she's been gunning for this from the start? No wonder she picked the dinner spot.'
This tomboy wants to use the chance to say hi to Kaho. Come to think of it, she said Kaho was the actress she admires most.
"Ka... You wanna say hi to Mom? Is that why you stuck around instead of going home?"
"Ah, no, well... I just thought maybe I could meet you once on a chance like this... I didn't even get to properly greet you last time..."
"Got it, so wipe your mouth first. You gonna greet your idol with meat grease all over it?"
I tapped my lips with my finger to point it out, and Shizuka's face flushed red as if she were drunk herself before she started scrubbing her mouth with a wet towel.
She scrubbed so hard the skin around her lips turned bright red, and she looked up at me with a super tense expression.
That gaze of hers, looking at Kaho through me—it was so pure and innocent.
"...Yeah, I'm so wasted I can barely walk. Wouldn't mind borrowing someone's shoulder?"
"Me! Me me me! I'll help!!!"
No way I could turn her down.
Not the fact that I hadn't been home since becoming an adult.
Not the fact that Kaho still despised me.
Not even the fact that my relationship with Kaho wasn't as rosy as she imagined.
That kid's pure, starry-eyed admiration made it all fade away.
Did I once look at Kaho with eyes like that?
If so, what kind of gaze do I have for Kaho now?
Do I hate her?
Or do I still love her?
I don't know.
I don't even know if I have the right to hate her or love her.
Because to her, I'm...
Just a loathsome monster.
A monster who still wants to be her daughter, nothing more.
"The kid who offered to help is the one stumbling? If you make me fall, you taking responsibility?"
"Ah, no, sis—you're just kinda heavy..."
"What?"
"Eek!"
Leaning on Shizuka's shoulder, we walked slowly until a familiar residential street came into view. A butcher shop would pop up soon, then a bent parking sign after the corner.
And atop the huge mansion right there was...
"...It's been a while."
Kaho's mansion—my Main House.
Hearing my mumble, Shizuka tilted her head and asked me.
"You too, sis?"
"...Been busy lately."
I pressed the top floor button in the elevator with a half-lie. As the familiar mechanical hum filled the air and I closed my eyes, a ding signaled we'd arrived.
The whole floor was one house, so stepping out put the intercom and front door right in front of us. Come to think of it, had I ever rung the bell to get in before?
Just pressing the doorbell of my own house, and my hands are shaking this much.
I took a short deep breath and pressed the dusty button that hadn't been touched in ages.
Ding-dong-
The chime announced my arrival.
After a brief silence, a click came from the intercom camera, followed by the sound of someone picking up the receiver inside.
Our eyes didn't meet, but Kaho must've checked who the unexpected midnight guest was through that lens. If I'd come alone... she probably wouldn't have opened up.
Luckily, spotting Shizuka with the intruder, the firmly shut door clicked and began to unlock.
It barely cracked open, but the achingly familiar, comforting scent wafting through the gap brushed my nose.
A nostalgic, desperate fragrance.
When could I ever breathe it in freely again?
Probably never, not even until I die.
Just inhaling it made me feel like a sinner, my heart squeezing tight.
"Ugh..."
As the door opened wider, the scent grew thicker, and the source of my guilt appeared.
Had she been sleeping? Kaho stood there in a pure white negligee, arms crossed, staring at me. Her first glance was pure pity, like she was looking at something pathetic.
Her deep purple-tinged eyes glared at me accusingly. Her slender fingers tapped her arm, radiating utter disgust.
But...
"W-Wakayama sunbaenim, hello! I'm Shi-Shizuka from last time! I got this chance to mee-"
Spotting Shizuka beside me, she immediately smiled warmly and shifted her gaze away. Only then did I feel like I could breathe, exhaling shortly.
"I-I watched Your Sea, your first drama, sunbaenim! Th-that's the work that made me dream of acting..."
Kaho looked incredibly gracious listening to Shizuka's ramble, but the irritation flickering at her fingertips hadn't faded.
Was it displeasure at Shizuka showing up out of the blue this late, or at me barging in suddenly?
The moment Shizuka's long, long speech finally ended, Kaho smiled softly and patted her junior's head.
"I see. I'm so happy that even a young kid like you admires me. I'd love to invite you in and chat, but..."
"Ah, no! Coming by so late was just to drop off my drunk sis! Ne-next time, I'll visit earlier!"
"Yes, your parents must be worried—head home now. And you..."
Her eyes, smiling pleasantly just a second ago, sharpened like a blade and pierced me. Just meeting that gaze felt like my heart was being shredded; I couldn't breathe.
"...Come in already. Your room's just as you left it."
"...Yes, thank you, Mo..."
The moment I nearly said "Mother," a wave of intense loathing hit from Kaho's gaze. Like she was saying not to call her that with that mouth.
Taking that disgust that seemed ready to burst into tears, I forced a smile, sent Shizuka off, and entered the house.
The house was the same.
Unchanged from when I left, exactly as I remembered.
Kaho was the same, too.
Still hating me, despising me.
Pretending to be unfazed, I took that hate just like always and went to my room.
Because in front of Kaho, expressing emotions is a sin in itself.
Just me showing feelings makes her think of Miyagi and suffer.
So, in front of Kaho, I always have to be an emotionless machine.
That way... Kaho won't get hurt as much.