5. If Desires Could Be Castrated
5. If Desires Could Be Castrated
Just before the door closed, Kaho asked me from beyond it.
"So, when are you leaving?"
Conversations in this house always went down like this.
I gave a wry smile at Kaho's unchanging attitude, throwing cold words from beyond the door like she couldn't even be bothered to glance at my face.
"There's an early morning Filming nearby, so I had no choice but to come here. I'll vanish before dawn. Sorry for showing up without any notice."
I somehow steadied my choked-up throat and forced out the answer with effort, but no reply came back.
Just the sound of footsteps fading away and the door slamming shut with a neurotic bang.
...Still the same.
The suffocating vibe between me and Kaho, my room frozen in time like nothing had changed—everything was still exactly the same.
More than an adult's room, it was crammed with cutesy furniture straight out of a little girl's dream, and seeing it again left a bitter taste in my mouth.
It was clearly my room, used for over ten years, yet stepping inside always felt like intruding into someone else's house.
'...No, it is someone else's house.'
The study desk bought for Miyagi to use all the way through high school.
The adorable pink bed meant for a little girl like Miyagi.
The massive bookshelf stuffed with fairy tales and young adult novels.
Even the scattered shoujo mangas tucked in between.
All of it, prepared by Kaho even before Miyagi was born.
For her daughter, Miyagi—not for me.
So no wonder I could never get used to it, no matter how long I stayed. How could I call this my room when none of it was mine?
That's why I bolted from the house the second I turned adult.
Squeezed in among those tiny furnishings made for Miyagi, it felt like forcing myself into clothes two sizes too small—suffocating me half to death.
'...Should've just gone back to my place.'
A moment ago, I'd figured paying the late-night taxi surcharge was worse than crashing here, but now that I was actually in the place, regret hit hard.
'Feels like I unnecessarily got under Kaho's skin...'
...Too late for regrets now. Deciding to wash up quick and crash, I headed straight to the bathroom and scrubbed down.
Back in the room after washing, it was already pushing 2 a.m. Factoring in travel to the Filming site tomorrow morning, if I conked out right then, I could snag three hours.
So I had to sleep fast—eyes shut, mind cleared, or so I tried... but...
'...Can't sleep.'
My body was wrecked from stress, yet sleep wouldn't come, which was weird as hell. Normally, my head hit the pillow and I was out cold...
...Truth is, I knew exactly why sleep was dodging me.
Insomnia from stress was part of it, sure, but...
That nagging dull ache building in my lower belly? Yeah, that day was creeping up.
'Of all the damn times...'
Already pent-up from stress, now my period piling on top had my body heating up like a furnace. Usually, I'd drown the tension in sweets, but...
Right now, even peeking out the door felt like a spotlight waiting to happen. She'd probably crashed late because of me—I didn't wanna wake Kaho again.
But if this kept up, forget sleep; the Insomnia would tank tomorrow's schedule for sure. Last thing I needed was rumors I flaked after a company dinner...
'...Better knock this out quick and crash.'
After wrestling with it, I figured relieving the boiling urges beat screwing my day job. Sure, I knew I shouldn't be doing this in Kaho's house, but... she was asleep by now, and I'd be out at dawn—no harm, no foul, right?
Maybe lust had fried my brain. The second my head locked in on Masturbation, I flipped over, sprawling prone in my go-to pose.
Face smashed into the pillow, I nudged aside the sticky panties soaked with Arousal Fluid and slid my fingers gently up my parted Genitals.
Middle finger tip slick with Arousal Fluid, I gave the stiff Clitoris a light tok—, and bam—my hips bucked up, ass in the air without me even trying.
"Hng... Eut..."
Why prone for Masturbation? Pillow-muffle max volume control, duh. Minimal insurance against Kaho hearing.
My sessions took time, always.
Fingers wedged in the slit, rubbing... or slick digits teasing the Clitoris—that was my routine.
Insertion or going hard would speed it up, but... nope, never done it. Not once.
What if I nicked my hymen by accident? Couldn't face Kaho—or Miyagi. Didn't wanna scar Miyagi over some solo play.
"Huu... Ng..."
So yeah, it dragged on, but slow and minimal got the job done. Plenty to kill the lust.
Still, sometimes my whole setup felt straight-up pathetic. Can't even Masturbate right 'cause I'm scared of hurting this body.
No other outlets, either.
Blow my cash spree-style? Popular Actress splashing money = instant tabloid bait, no thanks.
Gorge on food? For an Actress whose fortune's in her figure, that's a cardinal sin.
Veg out all day? Hell, when was my last full rest day? Blank.
So my only self-stress-relief? Embarrassing as hell Masturbation... and get this—I had to tiptoe that too.
Date someone? I knew better than anyone a dating scandal would nuke everything.
The thought just piled on the self-loathing now.
When could I live free of this crap?
If only I could castrate these desires...
Then I wouldn't drown in this miserable pity party.
"Hut... Hn..."
Face-buried pillow going damp. Tears from feeling so damn pathetic? Or hot breath moisture?
Sensing Climax just a tease away, I sped up those slit-stroking fingers.
Pleasure zipping up my spine, ass hiked sky-high. Cat-stretch pose, vulgar as sin, Climax on deck.
'Just a bit... a little more...'
Fingers grinding back and forth, Arousal Fluid gushing from the twitching Vaginal opening—now trickling down my thighs.
Anyone peeking? Kid who pissed herself. Water from under my sky-ass flowed thighs-to-knees propping me up.
"Hak! Hauk...!"
Vision bleaching white.
That split-second before Climax hit.
"...So you do have some sexual desire, huh?"
"Ha, Et...?!"
Door I swore was shut creaks open slow, Kaho eyeing me like yesterday's trash.
Eyes lock—heart plummets like a stone—and I yanked the sprawled blanket over me in panic.
Blanket-shield up, I scrambled to the wall, clutching my jackhammer heart, peeking at Kaho—but shame glued my chin down.
Face half-blanket-blocked, dodging her stare, I stammered,
"Wha-wha-what's... up...?"
Why talk to me now?
Kaho, queen of ignore-mode, suddenly chats me up. While catching me mid-Masturbation.
Brain refusing to process. Shame had me on cry verge, but Kaho? Arms crossed, staring down cool as ice.
"...Must've been desperate. Never pegged you for pulling that in my house."
Snipe or straight? Tone gave zilch. Yeah, desperate enough for house-Masturbation...
Rock bottom. Face inferno, thoughts scrambled. What'd I do? Lust-win got me busted by Kaho?
Worst possible witness. Utter no-go zone.
Vulgar ass-up, slit-rub pose—no alibi. Pre-Climax peak...
"Ah, uh..."
Shame-tears blurring everything. Say something... but...
Words? MIA.
Head screaming torture, hips still quivering from pleasure echo—hated it.
"Huu..."
Shivering shame-fest, Kaho lets out a long sigh. That sound? Terror fuel—I clutched the blanket harder.
My one flimsy shield.
But nope—Kaho wasn't having it.
"Hand it over."
"Eh, Et?! N-No way! Ri-Right now I've got nothing on inside...!"
Sigh plus advance—Kaho snatched for the blanket. Situation? Batshit. I fought tooth-and-nail, but...
Couldn't muscle her now. Blanket ripped away, full Masturbation pose exposed to Kaho.
Knee-hung panties, Arousal Fluid-slick Genitals, sweat-sheened skin—all hers to see.
"Ha-Hate... Hate ittt..."
Shame dam breaks, tears explode.
Why this from Kaho?
Hate me that much? Humiliating me on purpose? Even hating me, this far?
Sobbing buckets, she finger-pokes my shoulder, easing me flat on the bed.
No fight in me—went down easy, curling fetal.
Last-ditch cover scramble, but Kaho smirks like I'm a clown, peering down.
"Now that's a face worth seeing."
"Hic, Hngk..."
What the hell's she on about?
My cry-face cheer her up?
Likes seeing me bawl?
No clue.
Kaho? Total enigma now.
Approaching post-Masturbate bust.
Yanking my cover-blanket.
Pinning me bed-flat sudden-like.
And...
"Mo-Mother...?! Th-That spot...!"
"Quiet."
Hand-sweeping my soaked Genitals.
And, eyeing the Arousal Fluid webbing her fingers.
"...Haven't Climaxed yet, have you? I'll help—come here."
What Kaho wants from me...
Hell if I know anymore. Nothing.