Once Again at the Hospital
“Jung-woo, is this the hospital?”
“Yeah, this is it. Let’s go in.”
“Are you still okay?”
“Don’t worry too much. I’m a lot better now.”
I’m standing at the main entrance of the hospital right now.
And right now, I’m walking into the hospital with Chae-yeon.
The hospital is a place I’ve visited often since the surgery, so it’s easy to brush off, but having Chae-yeon beside me makes the situation feel awkward even to me.
This is how it happened…
“Jung-woo, you remember today’s your hospital day, right?”
“Yeah, I remember. Are you free today, Mom?”
“Of course I’d make time for my son’s hospital visit. I’ve cleared my schedule.”
“I can go by myself now.”
“No. You collapsed from the pain last time, remember?”
Because of the trauma from the surgery, I can’t go to a big university hospital alone. Whenever I visit a large hospital, memories of how difficult things were right after the operation come flooding back, and sometimes it gets so bad I have trouble breathing and collapse.
Still, I’ve improved a lot compared to before.
There was a time when I couldn’t even step foot in a hospital by myself.
So going to the hospital with Mom has become routine. It’s not like I feel completely fine just because she’s with me, but at least there’s someone who can help if things get rough.
Today was no different. I was getting ready to head to the hospital with Mom when her phone rang. After taking the call, she said something urgent had come up at school that only she could handle.
In that awkward situation, Mom came up with a solution.
“Should I try calling Chae-yeon? You could just go with her.”
She was asking Chae-yeon for a sudden favor. The idea of calling Chae-yeon, who might not even be in Gwangju, felt ridiculous, so I said I’d go alone, but Mom strongly objected.
Chae-yeon answered Mom’s call and agreed to help without hesitation.
That’s how I ended up coming to the hospital with Chae-yeon. Having someone with me was reassuring, yet I couldn’t stop sighing the whole way.
Showing my weak side to someone who isn’t family is the last thing I want. And if that someone is Chae-yeon, it’s even worse.
“You were resting at home, and my mom made an unreasonable request. Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t have anything to do at home anyway. And your mom said she really needed the help.”
So it wasn’t just a casual ask, but a desperate one? I understand my mom worrying about her son, but still, this is a bit much.
It’ll be okay. Last time I came with Mom, nothing happened.
When Chae-yeon and I entered the hospital, we saw countless patients wandering around in hospital gowns with IV drips attached. See? Even looking at people like that doesn’t bother me. Today should go smoothly.
“This hospital is huge.”
“It’s a university hospital, so yeah. After the appointment, let’s grab something to eat.”
“Sure. What do you feel like?”
“Let’s eat whatever you want. I lose my appetite after hospital visits.”
“Hmm, pasta?”
“You really like pasta, huh. Mom gave me her card and told me to buy whatever you want, so we can use that.”
“Huh?! No, you don’t have to go that far.”
“She said since we called someone who was just resting at home, we should at least treat you to a meal.”
We sat together in the waiting room chairs outside the examination rooms. It was the first time I’d sat here with someone other than Mom, and it felt incredibly awkward.
“What do you usually talk about with the doctor?”
“Just… whether there’s anything wrong lately, if I’m managing things well. Stuff like that.”
“I thought you’d be getting tests or something, but I guess not.”
“I’m not at the stage where I need tests anymore. It’s just a quick checkup.”
“That means you’ve improved a lot. That’s a relief.”
Chae-yeon let out a sigh of relief as if it were her own matter. Come to think of it, this was the first time we’d talked about the surgery.
“You said you had three operations, right?”
“Yeah. The first one took ten hours. Then there was a thirty-minute follow-up because something went wrong. And the last one was a one-hour reconstruction surgery.”
“That must’ve been tough. I heard general anesthesia is really rough.”
“Well… a few days after the ten-hour surgery, these black clumps of phlegm started coming out of my throat.”
“Eww!! Didn’t that hurt?”
“Honestly, other parts of my body hurt more than that, so…”
“Ah, I see. You really went through a lot.”
“Yeah, it was pretty rough.”
While we were chatting and waiting for my turn, a nurse called my name.
“Should I come in with you?”
“It’s okay. Just wait here. I’ll be right out.”
Since the surgery was on my digestive system, I didn’t want Chae-yeon to hear the conversation in the exam room. If she heard that too, it would be like revealing every last one of my weaknesses.
“It’s been a while. How’s your body holding up?”
“Much better.”
“How many times a day are you going to the bathroom?”
“Seven? Sometimes up to ten.”
“That’s a big improvement. You used to go more than twenty times before.”
“Ugh, just thinking about back then still gives me chills.”
Since he’s been my primary doctor for three years, our conversation flows naturally. Though he’s technically my doctor, at this point he’s just a friendly neighborhood uncle.
“Are you exercising?”
“I go to the gym. I do an hour of survival exercise every day.”
“You should focus on lower-body workouts. That’ll help reduce how often you need the bathroom.”
“Ah, but lower body is my least favorite…”
“You can’t just skip it because you don’t like it. Did you come alone today? I don’t see your mom.”
“Something came up for her, so I came with a friend.”
“A friend? So you do have friends.”
“Professor, I have friends too. Why does everyone act so surprised when I say that?”
I’ve never told the professor I don’t have friends. How could he say something like that? Do I really look that much like a loner?
“Your face looks decent, but you still have a scary impression.”
“Professor, saying I look scary right to my face…”
“Try smiling more. It’ll improve your impression too.”
“Got it. Are we done now?”
“Yeah. See you next time.”
When I opened the exam room door and stepped out, Chae-yeon jumped up from her seat and rushed over to my side. Anyone watching would think I couldn’t even walk properly.
“Are we good to go?”
“Yeah. Let’s go eat.”
In a way, this could be considered a memory too. The hospital visit went without a hitch, and now all that’s left is to have some fun.
“Do you come to the hospital often?”
“No. About once every two months.”
“But why did your mom specifically ask me to come with you? That’s what I’m curious about.”
“It’s just overprotectiveness. I’m fine now.”
“What do you mean, ‘now’?”
“It’s nothing. Let’s go eat pasta. Might as well get steak while we’re at it.”
“Aren’t you using your mom’s card too freely?”
“She always told me that if I ever get the chance to spend someone else’s money, I should go all out.”
“Who said that?”
“My dad.”
“Well, in that case, it’s fair game.”
Of course, I’m not sure if that kind of talk is acceptable even within the family, but since Chae-yeon helped out this much, it should be fine.
“I wonder how hard it must be for those people over there. Being in the hospital isn’t easy.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Even if their bodies are getting better, their minds suffer.”
“Jung-woo, look at that person over there.”
I turned my gaze toward the patient Chae-yeon was pointing at. They were walking around with a blood bag for drawing blood and an IV drip that looked like milk. It was exactly how I looked right after my surgery. It felt like I was staring directly at my past self.
“They must’ve had major surgery. Were you like that too?”
Beep!!
A sudden, deafening noise. No one else reacts strangely. Is it only audible to me?
“…Hey. …woo!!”
I can’t hear Chae-yeon’s voice. The noise ringing in my ears is too loud.
“Jung-woo, it’s okay. Okay? It’ll all be resolved with time.”
“How long do I have to live like this? I just want to give up.”
“Jung-woo… I know how hard it is. So…”
“What do you know, Mom? No matter what I eat, I throw it all up, and even a little food means I’m in the bathroom all day. How could you possibly know how much it hurts?”
“Jung-woo, it’ll get better soon.”
“Everyone keeps saying the same thing to me. You have no idea how much I hate hearing that.”
“Right now, all I can say is that time will solve it. I’m sorry.”
“Everything will get better. Time will fix it. How long do I have to live like this!!”
Why all of a sudden…
I was fine just a moment ago. I just need to walk a little farther.
“J-Jung-woo!! What is this!! If it was this bad, you should’ve told your mom and dad!!”
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry, Dad.”
At the very least, I didn’t want Chae-yeon to see this.
I thought my unaffected appearance would let everything pass without incident.
Maybe that’s why I thought that.
The memories from back then keep flooding into my mind nonstop.
“Mom, have I done something so wrong in my life to deserve this?”
“Jung-woo.”
“I’ll think of the surgery as punishment for making you and Dad worry when I was little. Then what is this now?”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry your mom and dad couldn’t give birth to a healthy Jung-woo…”
The strength drained from my legs that had been supporting my body.
My vision gradually darkens.
“Jung-woo!!”