In the Kingdom of Qin (2)
Deep inside a palace built like a labyrinth, a richly dressed man who looked to be in his thirties was speaking with a prostrate servant.
“Does it truly match the records?”
“Yes, Your Majesty. It closely resembles the stories passed down since the great fire hundreds of years ago.”
“Hah... so the legend was true after all.”
Drrrrrk.
The kneeling man unrolled several silk scrolls. Each one depicted a woman — ancient paintings, faded with age, yet every face was strikingly alike.
They all carried an air reminiscent of Haneul.
“These scrolls have been kept by the family in which the tale was passed down.”
“Hah... can this be real?”
“And according to the rumors, the nation called Daehan has never held a coronation ceremony.”
Strictly speaking, Daehan had never held any such rite at all — so it wasn't a lie.
“That would mean over two thousand years...”
“Gah!”
The richly dressed man gasped as if his breath might stop.
“Somehow, we must uncover the secret of immortality!”
“But might that not invite trouble, Your Majesty?”
The minister was worried, and understandably so — this was the king of Daehan, the nation right next door. For the recently unified Qin, another war would be a crushing burden.
“Then we must find the secret even if it means killing her!”
“She has lived over two thousand years and arrived alone — provoking her would only make trouble where none existed...”
The king's greed might well bring ruin upon them all.
“For now, investigate discreetly.”
“Yes, Your Majesty...”
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Splash, splash.
“Wow~ this bathtub is huge!”
Who builds a bath this enormous out of wooden tubs? Is it because this is an imperial palace? It's incredibly lavish. That pillar looks like it's made of copper? Amazing. And it's decked out in gold everywhere. What's even the point?
Shaaah.
“Hehe, this is nice~”
They keep pouring hot water for me too. Lovely~
Plop.
“Hm? What's that?”
“Medicinal herbs, good for the body.”
Good for you, huh? Most herbal medicine tastes terrible, but why is that stuff all cloudy like that? Unsettling, honestly.
If it's poison, so what; if not, who cares — as long as the water's warm.
“Hmm? Is my bath finished?”
The water was cooling, and now they'd stopped changing it.
Stomp, stomp.
"!!"
“Wh-what are you doing?”
Why are men coming in? Is this a cultural difference? Even so, this is too much!
“I'm a woman bathing! Why would you bring men in here!”
“W-we're sorry!”
These Chinese people are seriously dense. I know it's the ancient era, but still — this crosses a line.
“Hey, somebody get over here! Give me clothes already, will you!”
Disgusting... these people are absolutely shameless.
“We apologize!”
“In our country, men don't wait on women in the bath — we certainly don't do it this way, so don't ever do this again!”
“Yes! Our apologies!”
But why are you splashing water on me now?
“I said stop it — why are you throwing water on me again?”
“Yes! It's to rinse you off before you dress.”
This country is genuinely bizarre.
“Now, we will take your measurements to tailor your clothes.”
“Fine...”
Making me clothes now, of all times? In an age of hand-sewn garments, how many years would that take?
Rumble, rumble.
What is that, forty people? Why do so many of them keep coming in? Do all of them make clothes? Well, if so, it'd be done quickly at least.
They each came in holding a cord. They looped the cords around my body to measure me, but each one took a single measurement and left. What an inefficient way to work.
But wait? This is a bit much? Why my head circumference? Why the size of my eyes? Even my finger length? No! All of that is fine, but why would you possibly need to measure from my navel down to below my groin?
“Haaah... honestly, I'd rather just wear my own clothes...”
This is exhausting. I just want to go home.
“Your clothes have arrived.”
“Hm? That was fast.”
“Then, if you'll excuse us.”
Rustle, rustle.
They do dress me, but it's just wrapping a single bolt of cloth around me and tying a sash? Then what was the point of all those body measurements?
Why would you measure every part of someone's body for clothes like this? Something about this is off.
“Your meal has arrived. Shall we bring it in?”
“Sure.”
Thud. Thud.
Why do they bring so much every time? Even an emperor wouldn't eat this much.
They've rounded up every bird and every beast that walks the earth? And for each one, they've made it braised, steamed, in soup, fried — and they've even put out raw dishes?
Half of it turns my stomach. What am I supposed to do with this? Pick through it myself?
Why do they serve grass completely raw, too?
“You eat very strangely here.”
“Er... is something not to your liking?”
“I'd chalk it up to being in another country, but your customs really are bizarre.”
“...”
Are you shutting your mouth because I insulted your own country?
“Ugh, I'm not in the mood. I won't eat.”
“Our apologies. Still, might you try a little?”
“You even set out raw food — it's thoroughly off-putting. No.”
Like I could eat any of this. And what is that worm-looking thing? One glance makes me want to throw up. Ugh, disgusting.
“Your king? Emperor? When do I meet him?”
“... You will address His Imperial Majesty properly.”
Oh? A little spine on this one? How dare you glare at me? Your hospitality is a complete mess.
“That's your problem, not mine. So — when is it?”
“I... could not say.”
What kind of nonsense is that?
“I was invited here. If you don't know, who does?”
“I truly wouldn't know...”
“Then ask someone who does, or bring them here.”
“... I will look into it.”
Seriously, someone needs to school this brat. Do I have to break out the cudgel?
“Go find out, quickly!”
“Yes.”
Should I just start a war and flip this whole country over? Nobody's coming, huh? Hmm. Well, I did come alone — if I simply vanished, wouldn't they all think a ghost took me?
Maybe I'll sleep on it first.
Zzzt. Beep. Beep beep.
“Hyaawn...”
What a strange bird they've brought. Even its cry is bizarre. This country and I really do not get along.
“Are you awake?”
“Yep.”
“Shall you take your morning bath?”
“No.”
“...I beg your pardon? Why not?”
Oh? Now this is interesting? Back home they'd have just dragged me off anyway, but here I can decline if I don't feel like it?
“Do I look dirty to you?”
“No.”
“Then get going.”
Bwahaha. This is fun. What are you going to do, bite your lip?
Shall I take a walk? Why did they build this place so sprawling, anyway? That great pillar in the center of the hall is made of copper...
How much copper would people have had to mine to make just that one thing? I wonder if it's hollow.
Doom—
Whoa! No way! It's solid? Should I quietly pilfer it on my way home? Nobody would notice if I pulled it out with telekinesis from far away.
But there's so little to do here. No one to even argue with.
“Breakfast has arrived. Shall we bring it in?”
“No.”
“...Pardon?”
Puhaha. This is the most fun of all! Rattling this brat. And who brings the food first and then asks if you want it? You ask before you bring it, obviously.
“What about the thing I told you to look into?”
“I... what was it...”
What? You never even intended to find out? You didn't even bother to remember it?
“I asked when I'd be speaking with your emperor.”
“That is, well...”
“Fine. Then until you find out, no one comes in — no food, no bath, nothing.”
“Y-yes!?”
What are you so shocked about? Look, I can put up with most things, but this kind of sly little testing? I can't stand it.
Being able to go without eating, bathing, or sleeping is such a blessing, truly.
“If you understand, get moving.”
“I... um...”
“What.”
You're probably just a low-level flunky, but no helping that. You'd better run to your superiors and tell them right away. I'm far more hot-headed than I look.
“I have done wrong! Please, forgive me!”
“No, no. All you have to do is what I tell you. If you invite a guest, shouldn't you arrange a time to meet them?”
"Hic..."
Crying won't save you. If the emperor didn't actually summon me, then this whole palace had better brace to have its pillars torn out by the roots.
Oh? Yes, let's rip out all those copper pillars! If I just turn them into wire, I might span the Pacific!
“You'd best hurry.”
“You will not be leaving this place!”
Huh? What's that supposed to mean? Have they given up? Why is she suddenly gritting her teeth and coming at me?
“Hm? Was it actually your emperor who summoned me?”
“This is a secret chamber of the imperial palace! Laced with talismans — you can never escape!”
I asked a question, got no answer, and instead I'm hearing the ravings of a ghost picking rice grains out of ash. As if anything here could be more uncanny than me.
“Then who summoned me?”
“The Taoists seeking the elixir of immortality!”
“Why?”
“Because you are a monster who has lived over two thousand years!”
Ah! Now I remember! Qin Shi Huang — this is that lunatic who was obsessed with finding the elixir of immortality, isn't it!
But wait? How do they know I've lived over two thousand years?
“How could a human live over two thousand years? You people have been scammed.”
“The legends passed down among the mountain tribes since ancient times! And the portraits painted by eyewitnesses! You look exactly like them!”
Hmm. So someone couldn't forget my beauty and left a portrait behind. The people who collected them are impressive too.
“And no poison or medicine has any effect on you — here you stand, hale and whole. That is the proof!”
Ah, so that's what that unpleasant white powder in my bath was.
“Hoo... so this wasn't a proper invitation, then? In that case, I don't suppose it matters when I leave.”
“Heheheh. More than five thousand soldiers surround this labyrinth!”
A million wouldn't be enough, honestly. How pathetic.
“Ah, this is so exhausting. Fine, off you go~”
“Oh! The Taoists' barrier holds its power! Ohohohoho!”
You lunatic. That's not what 'exhausting' meant.
“This very day shall be an auspicious one!”
“What are you planning now...”
“You shall share the Emperor's bed!”
Ugh, good grief. What number abduction-and-assault attempt is this for me now?
Oh? Wait — if I bide my time, I might actually get to see the emperor's face! I should ask him something. Why he'd go to all this deranged trouble, even at the risk of war.
“Fine, since you're worn out, go ahead — and bring the emperor here.”
“Heeheeheehee!”
Crazy men you can just beat up, but what are you supposed to do about crazy women?
Thud! Thud!
“Ha. Now what.”
They set censer-like things burning in all four corners as they leave, smoke billowing so thick I can barely see ahead.
More poison smoke, maybe? They're leaving in an awfully big hurry, too.
“You all work so hard, really.”
Phew... what a way to start the morning. They'll probably come at night, right? Might as well get some sleep.
“Your Majesty, she seems asleep. Take your place beside her.”
“Is that so?”
And of course, no sooner am I awake than she's whispering right beside me.
“Indeed. Such surpassing beauty!”
“I shall assist you, Your Majesty.”
“Very well!”
Does she have some kind of voyeur streak? Assist how, exactly?
"Ugh..."
“Gah!”
“Eek!”
Truly, I can't let this go on.
“Hey there, Shi Huangdi?”
“You demon! What sorcery is this!”
What sorcery — I'm just holding you in place with telekinesis, that's all.
“So you're the Shi Huangdi.”
“That I am! I am the Emperor of all the Central Plains — Shi Huangdi!”
“Why on earth did you summon me?”
“To learn the secrets of eternal life...”
Unbelievable. So that's why they lured the supreme ruler of a rival nation here. Good thing I came alone. Time to start pulling up pillars.
“I'm about to hand down some punishments. Everyone, out.”
“Khh... yes, Your Majesty!”
Even as she flees in a fluster the moment I release her, she snarls that at me — what exactly does she expect to happen? She's the one who'll be calling the soldiers in.
“You need a taste of discipline. You've picked up some very bad habits.”
Smack.
“Eek.”
Hm, a slap is too gentle? What should I hit her with? Do groin shots work on women too?
“Now, hold still? Or you'll get hurt.”
“Heh, heheh. You crone! Soon I'll strip that skin right off you!”
Excuse me, even if I've lived a long time, I'm far prettier and bouncier than you are?
One step back. Toes braced. And — full power!
Thwack. Crunch. Squelch.
“Nnggaaah.”
Huh? Something went in anyway? Huh? So it hurts for women too?
Crash.
She can barely breathe? The men at least thrashed around and fought back — is that spot a critical one for women too?